Time for a version or two about other B3tans
Swipe stood in front of her extra wide mirror, next to her reinforced bed, tugging forlornly at her ginger hair. No matter how much she spent or which hairdressers she went to, nobody could help her truly disguise her true rustiness.

She then struggled to fit in to her size 20 work suit whilst reciting the phrases she was learning at her elocution lessons to subdue her northern accent. Then walked in to her kitchen, reached for another Krispy Kreme and checked her diary:

Tuesday evening: liposuction (she hoped they’d got a more powerful hoover this time, surely it wasn’t her fault that the engines had burned out on three Dysons last month?)

Wednesday night:
Nothing. Hopefully Tesco’s would have an offer on their extra-large pizzas, that way she could stave off the loneliness for another night on the sofa watching Emmerdale.

Thursday night: Drinks with Greggs Hat. Oh how she loved him! Oh how she loved his wallet! Such a shame that try as she might, she couldn’t turn him straight, despite his partial blindness & lack of a sense of smell.

She drowned herself in the latest Superdrug special offer perfume in an attempt to hide her body odour and then jumped in her car to drive to her conveyancing job in Leyton. She remembered that she must phone Daddy and ask for some more money, after all that stomach stapling operation was going to cost at least £10k.

To be continued…
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:42, 79 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

3....2....1....DEAD

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:44, Reply)

Oh my.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:46, Reply)

LUDICROUS SPEED NOW MR SULU!!!!
/starwars
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:01, Reply)

Now you know what trouble you got into last time you did this...

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:46, Reply)

you've put a lot of effort into this, little man...

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:48, Reply)

Yeah, pick on the one with a Masters in writing.

( Kroney, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:49, Reply)

+ FROM OXFORD

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:49, Reply)

+ Brookes.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:49, Reply)

going to be one of those days innit?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:51, Reply)

I always enjoy people's barely-repressed lust being expressed via schoolyard level teasing for everyone to see.

( Kroney, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:53, Reply)

*pulls hair and runs away*

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:56, Reply)

Do you think Battered has a chance now that he has no ties?
I mean, think about it, 'Swipe gets to play mummy without baring the pain of childbirth, she could be a proper good step-mum I think, lots of practice with the neeces and nethews. Her friends are starting to be that age too. He could keep her in the lifestyle she's accustomed too, and know that she's not gold digging because she's alright finanically before they've gotten on.

I think it would be awquard at first, but it could possibly work. They'll probably tell each other it's 'ironic' or 'wouldnt it be so wroooong if....', but they'll get used to it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:59, Reply)

the problem is
that my vagina would rather turn itself inside out than go near his weeny weiner, gonz
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:06, Reply)

What, you mean currently it all hangs out down round your knees?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:06, Reply)

no
that's my tits
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:07, Reply)

I'd rather cut my cock off than go anywhere near your smelly garage.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:07, Reply)

This constant denial really isn't fooling anybody, you know.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:18, Reply)

You can build on this though, many relationships start off a lot worst.
Start off with a glory hole and see where you end up.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:18, Reply)

They do go to great lengths to cover up the sordid affair they have been having.
Now that he's a free man I reckon he should just come clean and tell the class.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:10, Reply)

Possibly.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:59, Reply)

What the fuck is this shit?

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:58, Reply)

That is one moving yarn

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:58, Reply)

so, knitting then?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:59, Reply)

That was a pearl of a joke
Sorry, that's the best I could do. I don't know that many knitting terms.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:07, Reply)

Well it had me in stitches.
Don't get the needle ffs. I can see a pattern forming, here.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:09, Reply)

What's wrong with me?
I can't think of a single pun. Woolly? Can we work that in somewhere? I can't get the word Crochet out of my head.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:10, Reply)

He was the white one in Miami Vice wasnt he?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:17, Reply)

That's the one

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:19, Reply)

Always pretending to hurt the one he lusts after.
Just book a Premier Inn already
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:00, Reply)

Premier Inn?
Classy mate, classy.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:05, Reply)

He has previous form in this area

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:08, Reply)

That was Chompy, not me.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:09, Reply)

door handles too high?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:18, Reply)

Many apologies
It should of course have been Travelodge, not Premier Inn.

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2004368#post2004385
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:24, Reply)

I like premier inns, better than most chain hotels I've had to stay in for work.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 14:08, Reply)

Her rustiness.
Brilliant. The ex is a "strawberry blonde", no you're fucking not, you're ginger. The first time I saw her minge, I had a little lol.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:04, Reply)

funny
that's exactly what she said about your cock...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:06, Reply)

You must admit,
ginger pubes are amusing.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:12, Reply)

Roberta Flack's X-ratedzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:07, Reply)

What is kroneys real name?
Tim?
Bob?

Someone tell me
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:11, Reply)

Why do you want to be in my cunt bin?

( Kroney, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:13, Reply)

And rue the day he used the diminutive?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:15, Reply)

Pierre

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:13, Reply)

He has a knighthood & goes by
Sir Render.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:14, Reply)

heh

( Kroney, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:15, Reply)

oh v good

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:15, Reply)

or his real name, Hans Upp

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:36, Reply)

nice

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:44, Reply)

Gaston

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:14, Reply)

Alright Windy Pig.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:17, Reply)

sebastian

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:25, Reply)

Swipe and Battered sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:20, Reply)

You'd best lock all your bedroom doors.
Heat, booze and intense sexual tension won't be good for your linen.
( Kroney, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:21, Reply)

I'm imagining an orangutan snogging a chihuahua in an old oak tree

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:22, Reply)

hahaha

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:23, Reply)

*ties a ribbon*

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:24, Reply)

*around my neck*

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:25, Reply)

genuine officelol
click
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:25, Reply)

making the chihuahua go down
on its massive, freshly floured, gingery folds.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:25, Reply)

* boke *

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:26, Reply)

I thought more this
fc03.deviantart.net/fs10/i/2006/088/8/7/Ren_and_Stimpy_colored_by_Lolzards.jpg
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:29, Reply)

nice

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:43, Reply)