It's all real now.
Just been sent the estate agents info pack thing for my flat, they've made it look brilliant. Then I noticed the shameless stretching of the images, my old Electric Head Funk poster looks almost square when it most certainly isn't. The sly old dogs.

Are you a sly old dog? YM mum is. Well, she's not that sly, I suppose, but I stand by the rest of it. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

kill me now
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:25, 104 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

This could be the time for an Electric Head Funk reunion!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:27, Reply)

Our bassist used to fall asleep during our own gigs and the drummer now has hepatitis.
I think perhaps I won't get in touch after all.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:28, Reply)

Estate agents in "fradulent misrepresentation shocker" ?
I don't know about you, Monts, but that's fair caught me by suprise. Such honest upstanding folks, in general, I find.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:27, Reply)

It's a shock, I can't lie.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:28, Reply)

Still, as long as you get a BOSS load of money for it
fuck'em.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:29, Reply)

Gash
If people are too stupid to do their own inspections, surveys and research, they deserve a butterless anal shafting
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:34, Reply)

I don't think that's quite the same as we are talking about
This is "deliberately faking photos to make a place look bigger"

You might as well use a photo of an entirely different property if you think that kind of shit is acceptable.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:36, Reply)

Everyone exaggerates a bit
You try and find a property on the foxtons website that doesn't claim to be south facing. It's like they think the whole of London faces south.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:43, Reply)

"everybody" is not the same as "Foxtons"
"Foxtons" is the same as "Shower of total cunts who actually managed the holy grail of impossibiltiy of making other estate agents look good by comparison"

though.

You're right, but there's a difference between verbal exaggeration and doctoring pictures.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:45, Reply)

Isn't it similar to dyeing your hair brunette from ginger, then posting picks on Facebook to show that you're not ginger?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:04, Reply)

Hmm. I don't know.
Perhaps there should be a study of this.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:25, Reply)

Surely everyone gets their own solicitor to do the searches
and gets a survey done (not that they are worth the paper they're written on).
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:36, Reply)

Not that kind of search, although yes that too
I jus meant a quick google. It's not difficult to find comparables to make sure you are not being totally ripped off
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:38, Reply)

What's the craic then? Did they value it for what you thought?
I may have missed some information.
Chin up. This is the start of a new beginning and will be what you make it.

Waxon Waxoff.

Im not sly. Pretty honest.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:28, Reply)

Yeah 300k - and if they get less than 290k they get a lower commission.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:29, Reply)

How much commission does an estate agent get?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:31, Reply)

Standard rate with these jokers is 2.25%
I got them to agree to 1.5% which is prolly what they expect to get anyway - going down to 1.25% if they get less than 290k.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:32, Reply)

1-2% is standard on a resi sale
So 10 times what your mum makes on a Friday night
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:33, Reply)

It's fixed cost up here
it's almost communist. You'd be heartbroken.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:34, Reply)

I can see the point in a percentage commision
but at the same time, it's ridiculous if you're selling a million pound house compared with a £100K house you don't do ten times as much work.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:35, Reply)

I suspect some kind of fair medium would lie in between the two approaches.
Although I kind of think that selling "a house" is the same amount of work no matter how much the fucker sells for, really.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:37, Reply)

I would say that the more money the buyer has, the more of a total ball ache they are, based on my experience

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:40, Reply)

I would say that you are a total ball ache. Because nobody would ever want to have sex with you. So their balls would ache.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:43, Reply)

That's not what your wife said
When she begged me to ram that broomstick right up there "because al's cock is like being fingered by a thumb"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:49, Reply)

I'm not sure about this
Thumbs are thicker than fingers, so that's good, but fingers are longer, so that's not as good.

On average I'm assuming the Swipe actually likes my cock.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:55, Reply)

I don't think "having to sell to cunts" justifies charging more money.
We can't increase student fees if they turn out to be a ballache.

In any case aren't you working for the seller not the buyer?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:43, Reply)

She works for whoever is tucking the fiver into her pants
fiver into her pants 50p into her pint glass
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:47, Reply)

It could come with an orgasm and a helium balloon tied to it
It'd still be in Scotland
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:36, Reply)

I'm pointing out that you'd hate it
why are you trying to convince yourself that it'd be good?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:37, Reply)

No dearest darling
I am saying zero fucks given because Scotland x
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:39, Reply)

That's good then!
New beginnings.

Once you're living on that barge it will be plain sailing!!!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:32, Reply)

sail drown
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:34, Reply)

marchioness lols

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:55, Reply)

terrible bullying of chompy

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:13, Reply)

When you are kicking lusty out onto the street then?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:30, Reply)

oh Al.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Sorry monty :(
I just wanted to make sure Gonz was walking past with a spare happy meal when it happened.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:34, Reply)

The word 'happy' in 'happy meal' is redundant.... you can't be upset at a McDonalds.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:44, Reply)

I am upset every time I have eaten a McDonalds or a KFC that it's not as nice as the pictures and my memory make me think it should be.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:48, Reply)

Did you use the sweet'n'sour sauce? You need the sweet'n'sour sauce.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:51, Reply)

What do you think of the new sainsburies in cockfosters? I'm dead impressed, OneStop is gonna be in trooouuuuuble.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:51, Reply)

What? Where?
Is it near the Greek place?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:52, Reply)

It's next door the butchers.
Parking is still a bitch, but I cab it down there anyway.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:55, Reply)

Oh is it a Sainsburys, I thought it was going to be a Tesco.
That's fucking ridiculous, there is a massive Sainsburys less than a mile away.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:00, Reply)

You reckon it'll sell pretty quick?
The market seems to be picking up, Northwards anyway.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:31, Reply)

London prices are the highest they have ever been, and my area even more so.
It's fucking lovely round there now, when I moved in it was well dodgy.

:o(((((((((((((((((((((((((((
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:33, Reply)

You moving in makes it less dodgy?
404 error, does not compute.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:35, Reply)

Is it on the internet yet?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:35, Reply)

Nope I have to sign off the info pack - and sign off the agreement with the agents.
I might go back to them and say I've been given a better deal re the %, now they've done the photography etc they won't want to walk away.

/HARDBALLLLLLLLL
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:38, Reply)

I should have had you with me when I bought my new car.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:40, Reply)

We ended up with 0.75%
jus' sayin'
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:43, Reply)

there's a very similar looking place on Zoopla

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:47, Reply)

Is Nakers having some sort of breakdown on qotw?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:41, Reply)

eh?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:42, Reply)

Yes, great isn't it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:42, Reply)

oh dear

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:43, Reply)

Of course, but I'll be sorry to see him stepped.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:44, Reply)

Can we please popular page his comment about "Now you own it shitpants"

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:46, Reply)

Sod it, i've clicked them all

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:48, Reply)

I stuck one on for sale last year, at 112,000,
next door has just gone for 127,750, so it's definitely picking up. This is the North though, prices are more sensible though. Trying to get service charges down, they are a bit much for the fuck all they actually do.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 10:42, Reply)

It's OK Monty
I'm here now!
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:08, Reply)

Thank God.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:08, Reply)

Ah you took you time
Struggled with the hills today on your hipster fixie eh?
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:12, Reply)

Nah I'm going to a wedding today so I didn't cycle in

( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:18, Reply)

Well that really got this thread moving

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:15, Reply)

I know rite!

( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:19, Reply)

wow a decent BBC link
www.bbc.co.uk/food/0/23794962
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:12, Reply)

I need to renovate my greenhouse to get some tomato, peppers, chillies and herbs growing

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:24, Reply)

I thought you was already on that?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:25, Reply)

Not yet

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:44, Reply)

My father in law has a feild he has turned in to a massive allotment
He spends hours down there growing veg and then just gives it all away. Shame. He won't let me go down there and shoot rabbits either.
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:25, Reply)

:(

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:26, Reply)

colon open bracket?

( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:27, Reply)

Thanks for the offer but I'll pass

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:28, Reply)

Your loss

( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:28, Reply)

Bit slow on here today PJ
what time are you off to the wedding?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:29, Reply)

Not until 6.30
Its a marriage at the venue deal so get the boring part over with and then get wrecked.

But I have a lot to do so need to get home promptly
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:30, Reply)

Be a dear and start a good thread please

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:31, Reply)

I started a shit one instead

( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:42, Reply)

Operation Newthread

( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:42, Reply)

You know what's sly? MY BUMHOLE!!! HAHAHAHA
I saw Despicable Me 2 and Monsters University
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:42, Reply)