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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Ex update, she’s texted me about meeting up
My moral compass is working over time.
Should I

A: just politely say fuck off, you DON’T OWN IT ANYMORE, SHITPANTS
B: Meet up and listen then say “well you done fucked up by dumping me and breaking my heart” live with the decisions that you have made
C: Meet up and share a good cup of coffee and talk about what has happened in our life’s since we last met
D: Tell my wife about the contact I’ve been having with the Ex
E: Just turn up and skip in a circle laughing manically then run off
F: please add your own suggestion
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:44, 282 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Do not meet her.
Tell your wife.

Swipe's recommendation of a divorce solicitor has worked well for me so far, let me know if you end up needing details.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:45, Reply)
and look where that got you
So you say option D
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:47, Reply)
A & D.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:49, Reply)
I'm not going to sleep with her Batt's
HONEST
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:50, Reply)
Why put yourself in the way of temptation by meeting up?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:52, Reply)
Wise words

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:55, Reply)
He's either got no intention of meeting her and is just posting to see what reaction he gets, or he's bored with his wife.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:58, Reply)
I wish, that this was just bullshit
Honestly I do
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:02, Reply)
To be honest
because we all need a little ego boost every now and then
I'm stuck in the same old routine
I feel like old age is approaching to quickly
I still have feelings for the woman I first fell in love with
and she has one of the best bodies on a woman I have ever seen
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:59, Reply)
You're a bored housewife?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:02, Reply)
I want to break free

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:03, Reply)

Get the fuckin' Hoover out, then.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:09, Reply)
innit doe
You never get over your first love.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:04, Reply)
I did.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:05, Reply)
jeez, how old were you?
Proper first head over heels reciprocal love never leaves you.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:07, Reply)
Sadly this.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:08, Reply)
I was 27.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:08, Reply)
However I only did at the age of 35, when I met my (soon to be ex) wife.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:09, Reply)
27?
Jesus, were you a Chompyesque twentysomething virgin or sutin?

27? 27?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:13, Reply)
No, more that with hindsight I didn't truly love the women I had had relationships with before that

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:14, Reply)
autistivirgin

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:16, Reply)
HEY
HE HAD WIKIPEDIA
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:31, Reply)
romantic love is a lot like religion;
if you're exposed to it at a young age, you'll believe in it - but if you're not, you will never be a true believer
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:09, Reply)

Only with the help of a trampoline.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:08, Reply)
We all have feelings one way or the other for ex's, especially when we've been the one to be dumped.
But a mid life crisis affair and risking everything you have right now aren't worth it.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:07, Reply)
they are though.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:08, Reply)
Not if you get caught

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:09, Reply)
As much as I want you to do E
I'd go with D, perhaps with a smattering of A.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:50, Reply)
This is why you are a PHD holder
FANKS
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:52, Reply)
I know I don't really know you, but it looks like you're heading for trouble, so I would nip it in the bud. SRS BSNS.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:55, Reply)

B & Q.

Buy two bits of 2 x 4 and two bricks..

Pick up 2 x 4's and batter your head repeatedly. Put them down.

Pick up bricks and batter your head repeatedly. Put them down.

Repeat until you see sense.

You utter fuckwit.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:56, Reply)
nice sig

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:01, Reply)

Yeah, ta. I've had three, two from you. I'm grateful.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:03, Reply)
C
Then give her the stinky finger.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:58, Reply)
or maybe a Shocker
You know, two in the goo, one in the poo.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:00, Reply)
This isn't really helping PD

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:03, Reply)
Two in the goo.
One in the poo.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:05, Reply)
The fact you don't know the answer already does not bode well.
If you don't at least include D all bets are off, secrets = lies.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:58, Reply)
I have missed all this HH,
But you have never complained about your wife when I've been around, so go for a coffee, catch up and after telling her all the awesome stories about you and your wife together, it'll be clear to everyone she done ducked up by leaving you, cos you're a good guy.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:58, Reply)
Also. Tell your wife you moron.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:59, Reply)
How the fuck can I explain it now?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:01, Reply)

Cleveland Steamer.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:04, Reply)
This produced an audible laugh.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:08, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2073174
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:59, Reply)
I would never cheat on my wife Weepee

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:00, Reply)
I believe that.
So either don't bother with the ex, or go, just to remind yourself how great the wife is.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:07, Reply)
I have to have contact with the Ex for about 6 months
whilst this is going through, only good to be polite during the process?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:10, Reply)
What's going through?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:11, Reply)
a 6.2 Mill contract, low margin for us only about 3.5%
but it's a foot in the door
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:13, Reply)
Stay professional. You love your wife.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:17, Reply)
Errrrrrrmmmmmmmm...........yes.....yes I do

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:25, Reply)
You've already decided on some level what you're going to do
so why am I looking at your beakering?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:03, Reply)
Alright krone,
Let HH have his moment, he just wants some advice.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:08, Reply)
No he doesn't, he wants people to tell him what he's already decided to do
I strongly doubt he's got any intention of listening to any advice, at all.

If other people tell you something's OK, it's easier to do it, innit.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:13, Reply)
Yeah, I know.
I just kinda know where he's coming from as there is a girl out there that might tempt me from the lady pig.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:14, Reply)
You know it's only Rory in a wig

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:15, Reply)
He's so dreamy

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:16, Reply)
A real prince
Oh no wait, that's reggie
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:23, Reply)
Kroney I thought you had time for me
Didn't I set you up in the best seafront hotel in Britain?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:12, Reply)
People that know me will tell you that I'm very black and white.
I don't have any patience for bullshit. All these people are telling you no, but it'll be the person who says yes that you'll listen to, so why even bother pretending to ask for advice?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:16, Reply)
I wouldn't say you were black and white
Ugly and smelly. I'd say that.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:20, Reply)
I'm black and white
and you're red all over.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:22, Reply)
I will never cheat on my wife
this is not about sleeping with someone, it's about meeting up with an Ex
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:25, Reply)
+ sleeping with them.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:26, Reply)
I never said it was about sleeping with her.
You brought that up, just now.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:27, Reply)
There are many more ways to cheat on someone than by sleeping with someone else
It's about more than sex.

Not that I am saying you are doing that!
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:30, Reply)
Do not meet her.
Do not tell your wife. It will make something out of nothing.

Do not pass go.
Do not collect £100
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:03, Reply)
Account deletion and suicide.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:03, Reply)
What do you think you would gain by meeting up with her?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:03, Reply)
A lazy lob-on.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:04, Reply)
:(

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:06, Reply)
CLOSURE?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:05, Reply)
Of her legs round your head?
Followed by your wife's scissors round your genitals.

Upfront from the start, or not at all.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:07, Reply)
What closure do you need?
Put it to bed (not her).

NO!!!
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:08, Reply)
Isn't it enough closure that you got over it and met someone else?
Fuggedaboudit
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:11, Reply)
^this^
Frog you know your OATs
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:20, Reply)
If only I could sort my own life out :(

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:23, Reply)
I have a craving for onion bhajis. Don't know if I can be arsed to make some at this time of night.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:08, Reply)

Get! Some! In!
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:12, Reply)
Order the cunts
Wait for the cunts

Eat the cunts
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:14, Reply)
When I moved in to my place a couple of months ago, I made a promise to myself not to eat takeaways and to only cook at home.
So far I have stuck to this. It's cheaper, more interesting, less lazy and healthier (albeit bhajis aren't healthy regardless).
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:16, Reply)
Ok
Then go online and look at the calories and fat in a bhagi

Then be smug that you didn't eat one
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:18, Reply)
How do you think your kids would feel if they knew?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:10, Reply)
Oooh! Oooh! ME SIR! I know.
LESS MOLESTED!
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:11, Reply)
Is the right answer.
Ten points.

Your bonus question for 20 points; will HH end up divorced before me?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:13, Reply)
Unlikely. He already works 6 days a week, I can't imagine he is planning on the expense.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:17, Reply)
He may not have any choice in the matter.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:19, Reply)
He might string it out for a few month just to be sure he isn't trading in damaged goods.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:23, Reply)
What would you want your wife to do if she were in this situation?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:13, Reply)
Oooh. Good question.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:14, Reply)
His answer to my question is his answer to his own question

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:15, Reply)
Tell the person in all honesty that the time has passed and move on

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:15, Reply)
And what would you want her (as in your wife) to tell you?
Look at your communications with the ex. Would you let your wife read them?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:16, Reply)
arrrrgggghhhhhhhh
Your not making it easy
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:23, Reply)
That's your answer
If you wouldn't let her see them, they are not entirely innocent, and that means this bitch is trouble!
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:26, Reply)

Ding ding.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:17, Reply)
Suggest a threesome?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:15, Reply)
Clearly this is the real answer

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:16, Reply)
Someone had to say it.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:17, Reply)
And jeff did

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:18, Reply)
Just one MARRnute too late.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:20, Reply)
Really?
All the memes on here and you pick on poor old marrsy?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:22, Reply)
Yeah. It's late and I did some acceptable punning earlier.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:24, Reply)
Because I made the effort to set the scene.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:22, Reply)
I don't have your expert knowledge of erotic fiction, l will give you that.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:24, Reply)
Speaking as an average bloke, I expect his answer to be along the lines of....
'Well, ideally, I'd like the wife to start kissing her tenderly, I'm just watching. She removed her top revealing her ample breasts before stroking her soft skin'

You get the idea.

At some point, HH will stop watching, join in, and get a happy finish.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:16, Reply)
You and frog
Separated at birth
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:17, Reply)
Spawned from the same seed you reckon?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:17, Reply)

Kneedeep
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:19, Reply)
Seed? No
Chicken's egg hatched underneath a toad and raised on snake blood, maybe.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:19, Reply)
To late for that
*reaches for cleenex*
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:18, Reply)
I can't stress this enough:
Two in the goo, one in the poo.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:14, Reply)
Ha ha.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:15, Reply)
Shocker!

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:19, Reply)
Enough about your hamsters already

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:15, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:17, Reply)
We need Rory here to dispense some quality advice.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:19, Reply)
His little fists will be mashing the keyboard in rage when he realises he's missed out

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:21, Reply)
He would be the Moral direction I need

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:21, Reply)
Himjim's onesie direction more like

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:24, Reply)
Don't
Just don't.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:20, Reply)
Is this because I won't get overtime pay?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:21, Reply)

No it's because you'll have work overtime for the rest of your life just to afford the payments to your ex-wife.
Stop being a cunt.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:24, Reply)
Phudds have faith in my resolve
I'm not tiered with the wife that I have already
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:28, Reply)
Now I want welsh rarebit.
However I have no bread in the house.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:22, Reply)
Whole foods does an amazing lazy welsh rarebit spread
I fucking love whole foods. If only you could go in there without spending £100 a pop
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:24, Reply)
Whole Foods is overpriced for what it is.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:26, Reply)
It's expensive
But it's a lot of stuff yo can't get anywhere else. And the rent on that high st ken store must be crippling.

I'll have another bash at my place in October and get some cheeses etc from there, fucking awesome
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:27, Reply)
I shall look forward to that and bring some cheese from an excellent place in Queens Park.
Maybe some port as well if you're nice to me.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:30, Reply)
Where did I say you were invited, doughnut boy??!

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:33, Reply)
I made an assumption, based on you previously posting how nice a guest I was last time.
:(
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:34, Reply)
The pasty has sealed your fate
You can stand under the balconies and watch
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:35, Reply)
*sobs*

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:36, Reply)
*proffers sliced Carrot*

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:38, Reply)
At least I was accurate enough to make it a vegetarian pasty.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:37, Reply)
We might throw you down a crumb of gorgonzola piccante for that

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:39, Reply)
I'd prefer docelatte.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:41, Reply)
WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU INSULTED ME

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:43, Reply)

You mean you love fucking whole foods.
Turnips, probably.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:27, Reply)
I think you may be confusing me with your own wizened anus, my sweet

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:28, Reply)

Your face, my arse, darling?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:30, Reply)
Something something hair and poo

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:33, Reply)

And that's your legal advice?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:35, Reply)
It's more than my clients get
That'll be £750 plus vat please
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:39, Reply)
+ disbursements.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:39, Reply)
In this case that would just be wifi
He can have that for free
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:43, Reply)

I'm so grateful, Ma'am.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:47, Reply)
Doughnuts more like. By the wheelbarrow full.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:31, Reply)
Or a cheese & onion pasty the size of a Mark III Cortina.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:33, Reply)

Four door with a large bore exhaust.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:39, Reply)
the fact that you're mulling it over is bad enough.
I still say, meet her, give her a shocker, pass the contract to a colleague, never see dat ho again yo.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:22, Reply)
Would she let you do anal on her?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:23, Reply)
she lets everybody else, so why not?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:24, Reply)
^ asking the right question here ^

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:24, Reply)
I need all the facts before I can make a desicion
Like is hh's wife a massive midlands battle axe with a face like a hippos anus and gash like a burst badger
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:27, Reply)
Yes, yes she is.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:29, Reply)
Genuine sofa lol.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:30, Reply)
From previous post, she has spat out at least one kid.
So I'd imagine she had a gash like Nikki Lauder's ears.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:32, Reply)
HA HA HA

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:33, Reply)
Yes! Massive lols

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:43, Reply)
I didn't realise you met her

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:34, Reply)

Wait, the ex or the wife?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:26, Reply)
Grace

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:26, Reply)
ALL FUCKING THREE AT THE SAME TIME

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:27, Reply)
WE HAD A DEAL!!!!

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:27, Reply)
Yes but you haven't put out yet!

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:28, Reply)
nearly there
I just need some extra cruel material.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:29, Reply)
No shortage of THAT

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:31, Reply)
then hit me up, babydoll

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:35, Reply)
I don't need to
It's all around you
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:38, Reply)
specifics yo

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:39, Reply)
Dozer told me that the hamster keeps his jizz in its cheek pockets to dine on during the day.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:30, Reply)
Like two salty lychees

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:31, Reply)
To both of you
Urrrrrrgh
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:32, Reply)
Maybe I should text her that

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:26, Reply)
That would certainly bring things to a head

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:28, Reply)
ESP if the answer is yes

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:28, Reply)
So would you?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:29, Reply)
Would Swipe fuck your ex in the Gary.....
I'm going to nail my colours to the mast here and say 'yes'.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:31, Reply)
You'd be wrong
I'm vanilla not chocolate
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:32, Reply)
So you'd rather dine out of her yeast infected clunge.
God. You sicken me.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:32, Reply)
And I'd suckle the chewy curds from her rancid teats
What of it?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:34, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2073345
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:36, Reply)
BUMHOLE

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:37, Reply)
He is so vanilla

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:36, Reply)
Unlike Mrs HH tit-jizz
Which makes UHT milk seem like the considered choice.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:37, Reply)
Go web go

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:39, Reply)
This is so confusing
Maybe I should get GONZ to meet her
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:32, Reply)
He's busy in MK these days isn't he?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:34, Reply)
Heh.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:35, Reply)
Pole dancing for Cho-cho?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:35, Reply)
Good lord what an image

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:37, Reply)
Could be worse
At least he aint cooking anything
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:40, Reply)
What, as a thank you???

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:42, Reply)
As a Christmas present

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:45, Reply)
Nothing says thoughtful and generous and grateful in quite the same way

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:46, Reply)
I assume he orderd in and got them to pay





Then had shit sex with them
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:47, Reply)
How very controlling

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:54, Reply)
I think we need pics of both wifey and mistress to assist in solving this puzzle.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:29, Reply)
I'm gonna need bumhole pictures

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:30, Reply)
yeah, like she needs her Mortgage paid

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:31, Reply)
From which angle THIS IS IMPORTANT?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:30, Reply)
Front, rear and 'crab' posture please.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:31, Reply)
Bumhole

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:31, Reply)
Yes Dear, we get it.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:32, Reply)
BUMHOLE

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:33, Reply)
I'm starting to sense what the key word here might be.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:35, Reply)
I'm hoping mini-ape learns it by mistake
I'd LOL at the thought of him being embarrassed in front of the barnes yummy mummies
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:36, Reply)
Micro said the word 'wanker' about 4-5 times a few weeks ago. I have since moderated my language when driving with her in the car.
Seems to have worked so far.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:38, Reply)
I managed to amend my small nephew hearing and copying me calling someone a 'whore' to 'horse'.
I was pleased and relieved.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:40, Reply)
Maybe don't take him on your late night drives eh?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:41, Reply)
But they love kerb crawling with Uncle Frog!

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:43, Reply)
This is wrong on about 137 different levels
Well done
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:44, Reply)
It's not true though.
They hate it, and keep going on about doing 'normal things',whatever that means. Kids eh?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:47, Reply)
Uncle frog sounds like a yewtree code name

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55, Reply)
Can you guess who I am yet?
*wobble wobble*
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:57, Reply)
Bert!!!!!

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:58, Reply)
Close enough.
Although even I am grimacing at 'Uncle Frog', think I won't unveil this new comedy character in public. I will stick with being David.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:00, Reply)
I thought your name was Steve?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:02, Reply)
Nope.
Although I'm on the hospital files twice. Once as David, once as Dane.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:05, Reply)
I was quite concerned as she really enjoyed shouting it out.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:41, Reply)

She was trying to say Daddy. Speak to your ex.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:42, Reply)
HA!

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:44, Reply)
She does like the word "fanny" quite a lot

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:39, Reply)
I cocked up on holiday
Thought it would be funny to show my younger brother "dick in a box". YouTube wasn't working on the dodgy Cornish wifi, so. Googled it, but nothing.

The next day at dinner. 7 year old nephew says to me solemnly, "auntie swipe, someone did a BAD thing on daddy's iPad".... Shiiiiiiiiit!!! I fed him a line about how predictive text can make things go wrong, but the kid ain't stupid. Hope he doesn't tell my older brother!!
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:41, Reply)
Play them some anti nowhere league

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:44, Reply)
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me...

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:45, Reply)
I even sucked an old man's cock
Will be Swipola's epitaph.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:46, Reply)
Are you still banging on about this?
I thought we'd decided what you should do
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2065034
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:46, Reply)
^ TGGI ^

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:48, Reply)
Yeah, that's all sorted.
Luckily we're verging on FOOD CHAT for a change.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:48, Reply)
Cool gaz me when the internet breakdown starts, yeah?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:52, Reply)
Yep. Soon hopefully.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55, Reply)
I think you're potentially fucked already.
How will you justify to your wife, your secretive behaviour and when can you find an appropriate moment to fess up?
You already retro screwin here if only in yo head so admit it and at least be honest with yourself. If you can't then how is she ever gonna trust you?
Not judging here, you seem a decent, if conquest obsessed kind of a bloke.
So A. But send a text saying in innocent wording that to maintain contact would be inappropriate and save the text.
If you do actually love your wife put some fucking effort in. If you're happy to cut her to the quick then do it quick.
Love Claire.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:48, Reply)
Well you lot haven’t been of much help
I’m going to make my own option F: AND THAT IS ALL I HAVE TO SAY ON THAT SUBJECT
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:49, Reply)
Well that was a waste of time wasn't it!?!?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:50, Reply)
Not really, I have made up my mind

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:52, Reply)
What was the question again?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:53, Reply)
What's for lunch?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:54, Reply)
BUMHOLE

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55, Reply)
Lols
NOW YOU OWN IT
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:56, Reply)
Imma shout BUMHOLE a lot tomorrow
It has amused me
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:57, Reply)
Weekend plans?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55, Reply)
Alright?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:56, Reply)
Yeah ungrateful bastard.
It's just like being on a crap forum this.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:57, Reply)
F: BUMHOLE

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:51, Reply)
YOU UNGRATEFUL CUNT.
FUCK YOU.

I'm going to find out who your wife is and tell her that you've already cheated.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:52, Reply)
This ex probably only wants to find out how fat and bald he's become anyway

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:54, Reply)
Not very on both counts

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:56, Reply)
Of course, she could be fat and bald herself by now.
How long since you last saw her?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:03, Reply)
Or have you already checked out her holiday snaps on facebook and that's why you're having this dilemma?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:04, Reply)
She thinks he's turned into al?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:56, Reply)
ken fit?
Goan an' just fucken, ken, dae whitivir ye wur goantae dae in i furst place like, ken? Fitivir way ye spin the fucker yir no gonnae listen tae a bunch ay fucken loons oan the fucken internet, ur ye?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:53, Reply)

Interpreter here. Cheap rates.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55, Reply)
aye fitlike en?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55, Reply)

Please. Speak. Slowly.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:58, Reply)
dinnae ken aboot at like

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:00, Reply)
We (your advisors) may not be offering
the best advice.
Fit like?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:00, Reply)
aye, foo ye daein like?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:01, Reply)

Good God, not another N'easter, surely?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:05, Reply)
Gormo's fae the 'deen an' a.

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:06, Reply)

Aye?
I'll be sure to say....something. Maybe.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:07, Reply)
Fae the capital actually.
Albeit a rough part of Gorgie.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:08, Reply)
I have family in Edinburgh
Corstorphine.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:09, Reply)
I dinnae, they all moved and/or died

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:11, Reply)
awright eh

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:14, Reply)

Well advised, obviously.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:19, Reply)

Nae the zoo, surely?
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:14, Reply)

Points deduction.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:13, Reply)
Pakis go home

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55, Reply)
Are you quite alright?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55, Reply)
quite alright thanks.
Chicks dig the melodious Caledonian strains of a beautiful voice.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:56, Reply)
They really do not

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:58, Reply)
they very much do
It's such a poetic and lyrical dialect.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:59, Reply)

Ye *slurrobs an howks* fuckin' darlin'.
I ken yer Scots, like, it's the *gobs* reid heid.
Sook on this.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:03, Reply)
rippin' the heid
Is a marvellous euphemism.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:05, Reply)
Right well I'm going to bed
There had best be some good suggestions for F: when I get back
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55, Reply)
Who with though?

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:56, Reply)
Hahaha
You're on form tonight, frogmeister
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:58, Reply)
Write her this text (I'm assuming names)
Hey Chardoney, I'm glad we're back in touch! I would love to meet up with you but I haven't broached the subject of working and seeing an ex with the wife. So rain check until I get a chance to talk to her?
p.s. I'll be trying to arrange a threesome if that's ok with you, sex life is a little "vanilla" at the mo, I'm assuming you're cool with this let me know x
p.p.s the threesome will involve a lot of anal... that I will receive ;)
p.p.p.s Also I read on the internet that I can only cum in her face not yours, it's some sort of etiquette, soz x
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:57, Reply)
Ok this wins

(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:59, Reply)
I've started a new thread.
Not that I expect many of you to post in it, your mum is probably telling you off already for being up this late.
(, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:02, Reply)

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