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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Ex update, she’s texted me about meeting up
My moral compass is working over time.
Should I
A: just politely say fuck off, you DON’T OWN IT ANYMORE, SHITPANTS
B: Meet up and listen then say “well you done fucked up by dumping me and breaking my heart” live with the decisions that you have made
C: Meet up and share a good cup of coffee and talk about what has happened in our life’s since we last met
D: Tell my wife about the contact I’ve been having with the Ex
E: Just turn up and skip in a circle laughing manically then run off
F:
please add your own suggestion
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:44,
282 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
Do not meet her.
Tell your wife.
Swipe's recommendation of a divorce solicitor has worked well for me so far, let me know if you end up needing details.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:45,
Reply)
and look where that got you
So you say option D
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:47,
Reply)
A & D.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:49,
Reply)
I'm not going to sleep with her Batt's
HONEST
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:50,
Reply)
Why put yourself in the way of temptation by meeting up?
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:52,
Reply)
Wise words
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:55,
Reply)
He's either got no intention of meeting her and is just posting to see what reaction he gets, or he's bored with his wife.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:58,
Reply)
I wish, that this was just bullshit
Honestly I do
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:02,
Reply)
To be honest
because we all need a little ego boost every now and then
I'm stuck in the same old routine
I feel like old age is approaching to quickly
I still have feelings for the woman I first fell in love with
and she has one of the best bodies on a woman I have ever seen
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:59,
Reply)
You're a bored housewife?
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:02,
Reply)
I want to break free
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:03,
Reply)
Get the fuckin' Hoover out, then.
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:09,
Reply)
innit doe
You never get over your first love.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:04,
Reply)
I did.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:05,
Reply)
jeez, how old were you?
Proper first head over heels reciprocal love never leaves you.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:07,
Reply)
Sadly this.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:08,
Reply)
I was 27.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:08,
Reply)
However I only did at the age of 35, when I met my (soon to be ex) wife.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:09,
Reply)
27?
Jesus, were you a Chompyesque twentysomething virgin or sutin?
27?
27?
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:13,
Reply)
No, more that with hindsight I didn't truly love the women I had had relationships with before that
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:14,
Reply)
autistivirgin
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:16,
Reply)
HEY
HE HAD WIKIPEDIA
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:31,
Reply)
romantic love is a lot like religion;
if you're exposed to it at a young age, you'll believe in it - but if you're not, you will never be a true believer
(
The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:09,
Reply)
Only with the help of a trampoline.
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:08,
Reply)
We all have feelings one way or the other for ex's, especially when we've been the one to be dumped.
But a mid life crisis affair and risking everything you have right now aren't worth it.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:07,
Reply)
they are though.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:08,
Reply)
Not if you get caught
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:09,
Reply)
As much as I want you to do E
I'd go with D, perhaps with a smattering of A.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:50,
Reply)
This is why you are a PHD holder
FANKS
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:52,
Reply)
I know I don't really know you, but it looks like you're heading for trouble, so I would nip it in the bud. SRS BSNS.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:55,
Reply)
B & Q.
Buy two bits of 2 x 4 and two bricks..
Pick up 2 x 4's and batter your head repeatedly. Put them down.
Pick up bricks and batter your head repeatedly. Put them down.
Repeat until you see sense.
You utter fuckwit.
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:56,
Reply)
nice sig
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:01,
Reply)
Yeah, ta. I've had three, two from you. I'm grateful.
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:03,
Reply)
C
Then give her the stinky finger.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:58,
Reply)
or maybe a Shocker
You know, two in the goo, one in the poo.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:00,
Reply)
This isn't really helping PD
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:03,
Reply)
Two in the goo.
One in the poo.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:05,
Reply)
The fact you don't know the answer already does not bode well.
If you don't at least include D all bets are off, secrets = lies.
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:58,
Reply)
I have missed all this HH,
But you have never complained about your wife when I've been around, so go for a coffee, catch up and after telling her all the awesome stories about you and your wife together, it'll be clear to everyone she done ducked up by leaving you, cos you're a good guy.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:58,
Reply)
Also. Tell your wife you moron.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 4 Sep 2013, 21:59,
Reply)
How the fuck can I explain it now?
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:01,
Reply)
Cleveland Steamer.
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:04,
Reply)
This produced an audible laugh.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:08,
Reply)
I would never cheat on my wife Weepee
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:00,
Reply)
I believe that.
So either don't bother with the ex, or go, just to remind yourself how great the wife is.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:07,
Reply)
I have to have contact with the Ex for about 6 months
whilst this is going through, only good to be polite during the process?
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:10,
Reply)
What's going through?
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:11,
Reply)
a 6.2 Mill contract, low margin for us only about 3.5%
but it's a foot in the door
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:13,
Reply)
Stay professional. You love your wife.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:17,
Reply)
Errrrrrrmmmmmmmm...........yes.....yes I do
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:25,
Reply)
You've already decided on some level what you're going to do
so why am I looking at your beakering?
(
Kroney, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:03,
Reply)
Alright krone,
Let HH have his moment, he just wants some advice.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:08,
Reply)
No he doesn't, he wants people to tell him what he's already decided to do
I strongly doubt he's got any intention of listening to any advice, at all.
If other people tell you something's OK, it's easier to do it, innit.
(
Kroney, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:13,
Reply)
Yeah, I know.
I just kinda know where he's coming from as there is a girl out there that might tempt me from the lady pig.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:14,
Reply)
You know it's only Rory in a wig
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:15,
Reply)
He's so dreamy
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:16,
Reply)
A real prince
Oh no wait, that's reggie
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:23,
Reply)
Kroney I thought you had time for me
Didn't I set you up in the best seafront hotel in Britain?
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:12,
Reply)
People that know me will tell you that I'm very black and white.
I don't have any patience for bullshit. All these people are telling you no, but it'll be the person who says yes that you'll listen to, so why even bother pretending to ask for advice?
(
Kroney, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:16,
Reply)
I wouldn't say you were black and white
Ugly and smelly. I'd say that.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:20,
Reply)
I'm black and white
and you're red all over.
(
Kroney, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:22,
Reply)
I will never cheat on my wife
this is not about sleeping with someone, it's about meeting up with an Ex
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:25,
Reply)
+ sleeping with them.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:26,
Reply)
I never said it was about sleeping with her.
You brought that up, just now.
(
Kroney, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:27,
Reply)
There are many more ways to cheat on someone than by sleeping with someone else
It's about more than sex.
Not that I am saying you are doing that!
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:30,
Reply)
Do not meet her.
Do not tell your wife. It will make something out of nothing.
Do not pass go.
Do not collect £100
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:03,
Reply)
Account deletion and suicide.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:03,
Reply)
What do you think you would gain by meeting up with her?
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:03,
Reply)
A lazy lob-on.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:04,
Reply)
:(
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:06,
Reply)
CLOSURE?
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:05,
Reply)
Of her legs round your head?
Followed by your wife's scissors round your genitals.
Upfront from the start, or not at all.
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:07,
Reply)
What closure do you need?
Put it to bed (not her).
NO!!!
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:08,
Reply)
Isn't it enough closure that you got over it and met someone else?
Fuggedaboudit
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:11,
Reply)
^this^
Frog you know your OATs
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:20,
Reply)
If only I could sort my own life out :(
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:23,
Reply)
I have a craving for onion bhajis. Don't know if I can be arsed to make some at this time of night.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:08,
Reply)
Get! Some! In!
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:12,
Reply)
Order the cunts
Wait for the cunts
Eat the cunts
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:14,
Reply)
When I moved in to my place a couple of months ago, I made a promise to myself not to eat takeaways and to only cook at home.
So far I have stuck to this. It's cheaper, more interesting, less lazy and healthier (albeit bhajis aren't healthy regardless).
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:16,
Reply)
Ok
Then go online and look at the calories and fat in a bhagi
Then be smug that you didn't eat one
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:18,
Reply)
How do you think your kids would feel if they knew?
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:10,
Reply)
Oooh! Oooh! ME SIR! I know.
LESS MOLESTED!
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:11,
Reply)
Is the right answer.
Ten points.
Your bonus question for 20 points; will HH end up divorced before me?
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:13,
Reply)
Unlikely. He already works 6 days a week, I can't imagine he is planning on the expense.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:17,
Reply)
He may not have any choice in the matter.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:19,
Reply)
He might string it out for a few month just to be sure he isn't trading in damaged goods.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:23,
Reply)
What would you want your wife to do if she were in this situation?
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:13,
Reply)
Oooh. Good question.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:14,
Reply)
His answer to my question is his answer to his own question
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:15,
Reply)
Tell the person in all honesty that the time has passed and move on
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:15,
Reply)
And what would you want her (as in your wife) to tell you?
Look at your communications with the ex. Would you let your wife read them?
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:16,
Reply)
arrrrgggghhhhhhhh
Your not making it easy
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:23,
Reply)
That's your answer
If you wouldn't let her see them, they are not entirely innocent, and that means this bitch is trouble!
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:26,
Reply)
Ding ding.
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:17,
Reply)
Suggest a threesome?
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:15,
Reply)
Clearly this is the real answer
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:16,
Reply)
Someone had to say it.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:17,
Reply)
And jeff did
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:18,
Reply)
Just one MARRnute too late.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:20,
Reply)
Really?
All the memes on here and you pick on poor old marrsy?
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:22,
Reply)
Yeah. It's late and I did some acceptable punning earlier.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:24,
Reply)
Because I made the effort to set the scene.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:22,
Reply)
I don't have your expert knowledge of erotic fiction, l will give you that.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:24,
Reply)
Speaking as an average bloke, I expect his answer to be along the lines of....
'Well, ideally, I'd like the wife to start kissing her tenderly, I'm just watching. She removed her top revealing her ample breasts before stroking her soft skin'
You get the idea.
At some point, HH will stop watching, join in, and get a happy finish.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:16,
Reply)
You and frog
Separated at birth
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:17,
Reply)
Spawned from the same seed you reckon?
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:17,
Reply)
Kneedeep
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:19,
Reply)
Seed? No
Chicken's egg hatched underneath a toad and raised on snake blood, maybe.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:19,
Reply)
To late for that
*reaches for cleenex*
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:18,
Reply)
I can't stress this enough:
Two in the goo, one in the poo.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:14,
Reply)
Ha ha.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:15,
Reply)
Shocker!
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:19,
Reply)
Enough about your hamsters already
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:15,
Reply)
Hahaha
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:17,
Reply)
We need Rory here to dispense some quality advice.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:19,
Reply)
His little fists will be mashing the keyboard in rage when he realises he's missed out
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:21,
Reply)
He would be the Moral direction I need
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:21,
Reply)
Himjim's onesie direction more like
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:24,
Reply)
Don't
Just don't.
(
Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:20,
Reply)
Is this because I won't get overtime pay?
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:21,
Reply)
No it's because you'll have work overtime for the rest of your life just to afford the payments to your ex-wife.
Stop being a cunt.
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:24,
Reply)
Phudds have faith in my resolve
I'm not tiered with the wife that I have already
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:28,
Reply)
Now I want welsh rarebit.
However I have no bread in the house.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:22,
Reply)
Whole foods does an amazing lazy welsh rarebit spread
I fucking love whole foods. If only you could go in there without spending £100 a pop
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:24,
Reply)
Whole Foods is overpriced for what it is.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:26,
Reply)
It's expensive
But it's a lot of stuff yo can't get anywhere else. And the rent on that high st ken store must be crippling.
I'll have another bash at my place in October and get some cheeses etc from there, fucking awesome
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:27,
Reply)
I shall look forward to that and bring some cheese from an excellent place in Queens Park.
Maybe some port as well if you're nice to me.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:30,
Reply)
Where did I say you were invited, doughnut boy??!
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:33,
Reply)
I made an assumption, based on you previously posting how nice a guest I was last time.
:(
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:34,
Reply)
The pasty has sealed your fate
You can stand under the balconies and watch
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:35,
Reply)
*sobs*
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:36,
Reply)
*proffers sliced Carrot*
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:38,
Reply)
At least I was accurate enough to make it a vegetarian pasty.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:37,
Reply)
We might throw you down a crumb of gorgonzola piccante for that
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:39,
Reply)
I'd prefer docelatte.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:41,
Reply)
WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU INSULTED ME
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:43,
Reply)
You mean you love fucking whole foods.
Turnips, probably.
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:27,
Reply)
I think you may be confusing me with your own wizened anus, my sweet
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:28,
Reply)
Your face, my arse, darling?
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:30,
Reply)
Something something hair and poo
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:33,
Reply)
And that's your legal advice?
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:35,
Reply)
It's more than my clients get
That'll be £750 plus vat please
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:39,
Reply)
+ disbursements.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:39,
Reply)
In this case that would just be wifi
He can have that for free
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:43,
Reply)
I'm so grateful, Ma'am.
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:47,
Reply)
Doughnuts more like. By the wheelbarrow full.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:31,
Reply)
Or a cheese & onion pasty the size of a Mark III Cortina.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:33,
Reply)
Four door with a large bore exhaust.
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:39,
Reply)
the fact that you're mulling it over is bad enough.
I still say, meet her, give her a shocker, pass the contract to a colleague, never see dat ho again yo.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:22,
Reply)
Would she let you do anal on her?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:23,
Reply)
she lets everybody else, so why not?
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:24,
Reply)
^ asking the right question here ^
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:24,
Reply)
I need all the facts before I can make a desicion
Like is hh's wife a massive midlands battle axe with a face like a hippos anus and gash like a burst badger
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:27,
Reply)
Yes, yes she is.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:29,
Reply)
Genuine sofa lol.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:30,
Reply)
From previous post, she has spat out at least one kid.
So I'd imagine she had a gash like Nikki Lauder's ears.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:32,
Reply)
HA HA HA
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:33,
Reply)
Yes! Massive lols
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:43,
Reply)
I didn't realise you met her
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:34,
Reply)
Wait, the ex or the wife?
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:26,
Reply)
Grace
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:26,
Reply)
ALL FUCKING THREE AT THE SAME TIME
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:27,
Reply)
WE HAD A DEAL!!!!
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:27,
Reply)
Yes but you haven't put out yet!
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:28,
Reply)
nearly there
I just need some extra cruel material.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:29,
Reply)
No shortage of THAT
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:31,
Reply)
then hit me up, babydoll
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:35,
Reply)
I don't need to
It's all around you
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:38,
Reply)
specifics yo
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:39,
Reply)
Dozer told me that the hamster keeps his jizz in its cheek pockets to dine on during the day.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:30,
Reply)
Like two salty lychees
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:31,
Reply)
To both of you
Urrrrrrgh
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:32,
Reply)
Maybe I should text her that
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:26,
Reply)
That would certainly bring things to a head
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:28,
Reply)
ESP if the answer is yes
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:28,
Reply)
So would you?
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:29,
Reply)
Would Swipe fuck your ex in the Gary.....
I'm going to nail my colours to the mast here and say 'yes'.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:31,
Reply)
You'd be wrong
I'm vanilla not chocolate
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:32,
Reply)
So you'd rather dine out of her yeast infected clunge.
God. You sicken me.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:32,
Reply)
And I'd suckle the chewy curds from her rancid teats
What of it?
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:34,
Reply)
BUMHOLE
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:37,
Reply)
He is so vanilla
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:36,
Reply)
Unlike Mrs HH tit-jizz
Which makes UHT milk seem like the considered choice.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:37,
Reply)
Go web go
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:39,
Reply)
This is so confusing
Maybe I should get GONZ to meet her
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:32,
Reply)
He's busy in MK these days isn't he?
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:34,
Reply)
Heh.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:35,
Reply)
Pole dancing for Cho-cho?
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:35,
Reply)
Good lord what an image
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:37,
Reply)
Could be worse
At least he aint cooking anything
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:40,
Reply)
What, as a thank you???
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:42,
Reply)
As a Christmas present
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:45,
Reply)
Nothing says thoughtful and generous and grateful in quite the same way
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:46,
Reply)
I assume he orderd in and got them to pay
Then had shit sex with them
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:47,
Reply)
How very controlling
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:54,
Reply)
I think we need pics of both wifey and mistress to assist in solving this puzzle.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:29,
Reply)
I'm gonna need bumhole pictures
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:30,
Reply)
yeah, like she needs her Mortgage paid
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:31,
Reply)
From which angle THIS IS IMPORTANT?
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:30,
Reply)
Front, rear and 'crab' posture please.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:31,
Reply)
Bumhole
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:31,
Reply)
Yes Dear, we get it.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:32,
Reply)
BUMHOLE
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:33,
Reply)
I'm starting to sense what the key word here might be.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:35,
Reply)
I'm hoping mini-ape learns it by mistake
I'd LOL at the thought of him being embarrassed in front of the barnes yummy mummies
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:36,
Reply)
Micro said the word 'wanker' about 4-5 times a few weeks ago. I have since moderated my language when driving with her in the car.
Seems to have worked so far.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:38,
Reply)
I managed to amend my small nephew hearing and copying me calling someone a 'whore' to 'horse'.
I was pleased and relieved.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:40,
Reply)
Maybe don't take him on your late night drives eh?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:41,
Reply)
But they love kerb crawling with Uncle Frog!
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:43,
Reply)
This is wrong on about 137 different levels
Well done
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:44,
Reply)
It's not true though.
They hate it, and keep going on about doing 'normal things',whatever that means. Kids eh?
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:47,
Reply)
Uncle frog sounds like a yewtree code name
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55,
Reply)
Can you guess who I am yet?
*wobble wobble*
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:57,
Reply)
Bert!!!!!
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:58,
Reply)
Close enough.
Although even I am grimacing at 'Uncle Frog', think I won't unveil this new comedy character in public. I will stick with being David.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:00,
Reply)
I thought your name was Steve?
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:02,
Reply)
Nope.
Although I'm on the hospital files twice. Once as David, once as Dane.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:05,
Reply)
I was quite concerned as she really enjoyed shouting it out.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:41,
Reply)
She was trying to say Daddy. Speak to your ex.
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:42,
Reply)
HA!
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:44,
Reply)
She does like the word "fanny" quite a lot
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:39,
Reply)
I cocked up on holiday
Thought it would be funny to show my younger brother "dick in a box". YouTube wasn't working on the dodgy Cornish wifi, so. Googled it, but nothing.
The next day at dinner. 7 year old nephew says to me solemnly, "auntie swipe, someone did a BAD thing on daddy's iPad".... Shiiiiiiiiit!!! I fed him a line about how predictive text can make things go wrong, but the kid ain't stupid. Hope he doesn't tell my older brother!!
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:41,
Reply)
Play them some anti nowhere league
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:44,
Reply)
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me...
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:45,
Reply)
I even sucked an old man's cock
Will be Swipola's epitaph.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:46,
Reply)
Are you still banging on about this?
I thought we'd decided what you should do
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2065034
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:46,
Reply)
^ TGGI ^
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:48,
Reply)
Yeah, that's all sorted.
Luckily we're verging on FOOD CHAT for a change.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:48,
Reply)
Cool gaz me when the internet breakdown starts, yeah?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:52,
Reply)
Yep. Soon hopefully.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55,
Reply)
I think you're potentially fucked already.
How will you justify to your wife, your secretive behaviour and when can you find an appropriate moment to fess up?
You already retro screwin here if only in yo head so admit it and at least be honest with yourself. If you can't then how is she ever gonna trust you?
Not judging here, you seem a decent, if conquest obsessed kind of a bloke.
So A. But send a text saying in innocent wording that to maintain contact would be inappropriate and save the text.
If you do actually love your wife put some fucking effort in. If you're happy to cut her to the quick then do it quick.
Love Claire.
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:48,
Reply)
Well you lot haven’t been of much help
I’m going to make my own option F: AND THAT IS ALL I HAVE TO SAY ON THAT SUBJECT
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:49,
Reply)
Well that was a waste of time wasn't it!?!?
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:50,
Reply)
Not really, I have made up my mind
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:52,
Reply)
What was the question again?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:53,
Reply)
What's for lunch?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:54,
Reply)
BUMHOLE
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55,
Reply)
Lols
NOW YOU OWN IT
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:56,
Reply)
Imma shout BUMHOLE a lot tomorrow
It has amused me
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:57,
Reply)
Weekend plans?
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55,
Reply)
Alright?
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:56,
Reply)
Yeah ungrateful bastard.
It's just like being on a crap forum this.
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:57,
Reply)
F: BUMHOLE
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:51,
Reply)
YOU UNGRATEFUL CUNT.
FUCK YOU.
I'm going to find out who your wife is and tell her that you've already cheated.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:52,
Reply)
This ex probably only wants to find out how fat and bald he's become anyway
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:54,
Reply)
Not very on both counts
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:56,
Reply)
Of course, she could be fat and bald herself by now.
How long since you last saw her?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:03,
Reply)
Or have you already checked out her holiday snaps on facebook and that's why you're having this dilemma?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:04,
Reply)
She thinks he's turned into al?
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:56,
Reply)
ken fit?
Goan an' just fucken, ken, dae whitivir ye wur goantae dae in i furst place like, ken? Fitivir way ye spin the fucker yir no gonnae listen tae a bunch ay fucken loons oan the fucken internet, ur ye?
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:53,
Reply)
Interpreter here. Cheap rates.
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55,
Reply)
aye fitlike en?
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55,
Reply)
Please. Speak. Slowly.
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:58,
Reply)
dinnae ken aboot at like
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:00,
Reply)
We (your advisors) may not be offering
the best advice.
Fit like?
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:00,
Reply)
aye, foo ye daein like?
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:01,
Reply)
Good God, not another N'easter, surely?
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:05,
Reply)
Gormo's fae the 'deen an' a.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:06,
Reply)
Aye?
I'll be sure to say....something. Maybe.
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:07,
Reply)
Fae the capital actually.
Albeit a rough part of Gorgie.
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:08,
Reply)
I have family in Edinburgh
Corstorphine.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:09,
Reply)
I dinnae, they all moved and/or died
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:11,
Reply)
awright eh
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:14,
Reply)
Well advised, obviously.
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:19,
Reply)
Nae the zoo, surely?
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:14,
Reply)
Points deduction.
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:13,
Reply)
Pakis go home
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55,
Reply)
Are you quite alright?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55,
Reply)
quite alright thanks.
Chicks dig the melodious Caledonian strains of a beautiful voice.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:56,
Reply)
They really do not
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:58,
Reply)
they very much do
It's such a poetic and lyrical dialect.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:59,
Reply)
Ye *slurrobs an howks* fuckin' darlin'.
I ken yer Scots, like, it's the *gobs* reid heid.
Sook on this.
(
Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:03,
Reply)
rippin' the heid
Is a marvellous euphemism.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:05,
Reply)
Right well I'm going to bed
There had best be some good suggestions for F: when I get back
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:55,
Reply)
Who with though?
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:56,
Reply)
Hahaha
You're on form tonight, frogmeister
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:58,
Reply)
Write her this text (I'm assuming names)
Hey Chardoney, I'm glad we're back in touch! I would love to meet up with you but I haven't broached the subject of working and seeing an ex with the wife. So rain check until I get a chance to talk to her?
p.s. I'll be trying to arrange a threesome if that's ok with you, sex life is a little "vanilla" at the mo, I'm assuming you're cool with this let me know x
p.p.s the threesome will involve a lot of anal... that I will receive ;)
p.p.p.s Also I read on the internet that I can only cum in her face not yours, it's some sort of etiquette, soz x
(
PsychoChomp, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:57,
Reply)
Ok this wins
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 22:59,
Reply)
I've started a new thread.
Not that I expect many of you to post in it, your mum is probably telling you off already for being up this late.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 23:02,
Reply)
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