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(

rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)

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Thunderbolts and lightning
Very, very fright'ning.

Actually it's just been ordinary rain here, but I hear the south had a bit of flash and bang last night.

How are we all this morning?

(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 8:38, 183 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Meep...galileo
started raining around 1ish when I went to bed. I'm very well thanks K2k6, how is your good self?

Edit I'm a spakka for not noticing Queen there
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 8:56, Reply)

sticky
It stopped raining up here in manc a while ago and the heat came back, so it's incredibly humid. Plus the aircon in my office appears to be one elderly asthmatic blowing into a tube.
(

DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 8:56, Reply)

It's very humid here too
but it's breezy so at least the fog's cleared.

I need to go and fix the button on my jeans. It detached itself a while back and I fixed it temporarily with an R-clip on the back of the button. But more robust repairs are required now!

@Becky - I deliberately made it an obvious reference :)
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 9:03, Reply)

magnifico-o-o-o-o-o...
I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me.

Weather here is 5/8 cloud cover, gentle breeze and overall lovely! Still shirt sleeves anyway...
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 9:09, Reply)

*hangs head in shame*
but it's early still...plenty more time to make an arse of myself before the day is out ,)

Off to work now
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 9:10, Reply)

urinating with rain here and mercifully cool
working (that's right working) in my bathroom last night was unpleasantly warm.

been hammering down with rain most of the night but no thunder and lightning as far as I can tell. disappointing!
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 9:11, Reply)

See you later Becky
Enjoy your hedgehogs!

I really need to do some work today.

*glums*
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 9:15, Reply)

He's just a poor boy from a poor family...
Ning all.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 9:17, Reply)

Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Morning! Cloudy, with a cool wind on the south coast. No doubt it will be back to being too warm earlier on, but at the moment it's just right.
(

Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 9:23, Reply)

I fixed my button
with the aid of a large rubber washer!

Nothing really matters to me...
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 9:24, Reply)

Toooooo meeeeeeeeee
Was rather large raindrops hammering my new conservatory last night I must admit
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 9:26, Reply)

Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
Morning all

Tis misty moisty here today. I feel the need for virtual sunshine

*virtually beams*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 9:58, Reply)

(s)he will not let me go!
beams *sunshine* at HLT
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:01, Reply)

So you think you can love me and leave me to di-i-i-ee?
Oh, baby, it's grey and windy baby, that was the summer, that was the summer that wa-a-as!

Ningles all! I'm going bowling tonight! Stupid work, getting between me and super happy fun time!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:02, Reply)

Screeches to a halt...
is it just me, or is anyone getting Waynes World vibes here?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:07, Reply)

Bismillah NO
*headbangs*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:12, Reply)

I'm just about
to do the head banging bit and play air guitar!

Morning all who've recently appeared.

*sends beam of virtual sunshine*

Edit - ach, I've been beaten to the head banging by HLT!

(As opposed to beaten around the head by HLT, which wouldn't be nice at all.)
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:13, Reply)

Ooh, ooh
I wonder if I could get away with putting Queen on the cafe sound system?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:15, Reply)

I reckon you could.
Everyone likes BoRap. It's the law.
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:17, Reply)

^What DiT said
Queen is universally liked. Even old biddies who come in for their morning coffee will soon be singing and clapping along to We Will Rock You.

*is amused by mental image*
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:20, Reply)

Hello everybody.
I myself cannot stand that song. I'm not that much of a fan of Queen to be honest, some of their stuff is OK.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:23, Reply)

am frightened by image of old biddies headbanging
So Freddie can stay in the car, where he belongs.

@k2k6 - I am not beating you about the head. why would you think that? I'm so nice!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:25, Reply)

Old biddies headbanging = stroke
Ouch. Lots of stroked out crumbles lying on the floor in your cafe, it'd look like a scene in the OAP version of Reservoir Dogs
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:30, Reply)

*headbangs*
Morning folks.

I had another forage into the vast stash of booze left from Saturday's house party so have my fourth consecutive hangover.
How's everyone else?
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:30, Reply)

*strokes kitten*
*eats cake*
*types "woo yay"*
*hugs*
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:32, Reply)

@Ed
*cleans coffee from keyboard*

I might put Freddie on tomorrow, because tomorrow is Saga-coach-party day!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:34, Reply)

Mornin', BK
Big up yo'self. Get a bacon sarnie, that'll see you right.

And morning to you too, spaks!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:34, Reply)

@HLT
I didn't mean that you were banging me round the head, it's just that when I read what I'd written it looked a bit odd! I know you're nice really.

How was the beach, by the way?

And good morning to you Herr Dok, spakka and BK.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:34, Reply)

@HLT
Glad that the image made you laugh / splutter / splurf (conscious that this isn't a verb, more an onomatopaeic word...)
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:35, Reply)

.
Having a thunderstorm here. Not so frightening. Still, the humidity here's a monstosity.

Favourite Queen lyric:

"Big woman, you made a big man outta me"
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:37, Reply)

Shizzle DiT!
I have just partaken of a bacon and sausage sarnie and going to make a cuppa so I'll be fine soon.

Morning K2k6!
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:38, Reply)

@ Ed
It just tickled my funnybone!

edit@Ed - I am SO glad you wrote splurf and not spluf. otherwise...

@k2k6 - no beach, since I got to the coast and was confronted by a wall of fog and doom. so I turned round and went back home where it was all sunny and hot and nice.

so for your information, I am sand-free.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:44, Reply)

OK
So can anyone guess what my first message in this thread refers to?

@BK: Hope the hangover clears away soon.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:46, Reply)

The wall of fog and doom
hung around here all day yesterday, except for an hour at lunchtime, which happily coincided with the time I was out and about.

Damn that cold North Sea (which as Billy Connolly said, is actually the Arctic Ocean using a different name)!

Edit @Spakka - have you got yourself a kitten that likes cake? Or is it just that you've got a job or something?
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:47, Reply)

@ spakka
you're just getting all the usual crap out of the way so we can talk about other things?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:53, Reply)

Oh come now
The beach on the fog is great, some of my best childhood memories are of BBQs on the beach at Tentsmuir (Kinshaldy Beach) in the fog and the rain. Actually in every kind of weather really.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:54, Reply)

A mate and I
once made some pyrotechnics with stuff we had lying around in the lab, and took them all down to Kinshaldy beach to set light to them.

We did this because we were unlikely to be able to set fire to anything, and also unlikely to be seen should our results be more spectacular than expected.

In the event, all of our attempts were singularly unimpressive, because the glue we'd used as a binder used a chlorinated solvent and nothing would burn very well :(

My skills in that department have however improved since then.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 10:58, Reply)

It was
the opposite of what CHCB said here.

BTW: This week's QOTW is just up my street. Was going to spend the day applying to London-based jobs but will probably be spending the day catching up with the QOTW instead.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:01, Reply)

@HLT
Glad that your funnybone was tickled, if nothing else ... :)
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:02, Reply)

I've just been broken
having a chat with a guy at work about the 'alternative' uses for toothpaste and other things, I mentioed Creme De Menthe. and somebody else asked if it really was good for cleaning your teeth. I responded with 'Yes and it gets you drunk at the same time.'

Cue much ROFLMAO. There were tears and everything!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:04, Reply)

FFS, spakka!
That's a little obscure. You'd have to be a student of b3tology to know that!

*doffs hat*
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:05, Reply)

You should've
MFOTFABL (if I've got that right). It's the done thing!

EDIT: Cripes, Spaks, that is about as obscure as they come!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:06, Reply)

Ah the first steps
in explosives, so much fun.

I never knew anybody who dug up a UXB there, despite all the signs telling you to watch out for them.

@DiT Morning, I must have missed that one what does it stand for?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:08, Reply)

that is pretty obscure
I read the original when it happened and still didn't get it!

nice to meet you on Saturday Spakka! hope you had a good time
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:09, Reply)

I think it's...
Moved Foot On The Floor A Bit Laughing. It came from when someone pointed out that LOL is just a laugh.
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:14, Reply)

Cool
I'll have to try and remember that with my aging old brain.

What shall I lose to fit it in though?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:19, Reply)

@Dok
Well, you don't really need to know how to do sums and stuff. We've got calculators for that.

Also, toothpaste is ace at getting rid of spots. Apparently.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:21, Reply)

^And 'love bites' too...
Or so I've heard. This in no way reflects the panic I felt returning to my girlfriend in 1999 after 2 weeks in Zante.

Not at all.
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:30, Reply)

Not quite a student of b3tology - more of a b3tadict.
Read it while accessing t'internet on t'trip. Just kinda stuck in my mind.

Anyway, I'll probably be replying to old threads so may post a link in this chat-thread if I come up with interesting responses that are worthy of reviving the thread.

@Vipros:
I did indeed. May mention it in more detail sometime. Nice meeting you too. YOU ROCKED!!!
BTW: The original was CHCB making fun of what she thinks usually goes on in these chat threads.

EDIT: @DiT: Zante? That sounds like a brand of toothpaste.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:32, Reply)

I've been in my office for half an hour
and I'm only just now bothering to wade in to the thread. What's wrong with me?
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:33, Reply)

Ok, so I'll forget for to do sums
and carry a calculator.

Now my pockets are getting really full.

EDIT Morning Clendrix. Why has it taken you so long?

Edit 2 Spots you say? Can't say I'm bothered by them.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:41, Reply)

Not sure.
Am worried about self.
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:43, Reply)

Hi clendrix
You're suffering from what's commonly known as a productivity spree.

As for me, I'm suffering from an unread b3ta overload.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:44, Reply)

@Spakka
Zante - Zakynthos, one of the Greek islands.

Ning Clendrix!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:44, Reply)

'lo clendrix
Not like you to be so late!

Take 100 lines - "I must spend more time on b3ta and not let real work get in the way".
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:46, Reply)

@DIT
Immagine using an entire greek island to brush your teeth with! This would surely involve finding a sticking-out rock and rubbing your teeth against it.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:48, Reply)

Aah, but that's just it
I haven't been working. I have been: arsing around with my ipod; skyping a friend; drinking coffee; checking (non-work) e-mails.

However, at least I'm here now. I've missed you all terribly in the few hours I've been away.
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:50, Reply)

Argh! *gips*
I don't want to rub my teeth on a rock! Just watching that teeth/kerb bit on American History X makes me want to throw up!

Doesn't 'skyping' sound much sexier than it is? Then again, we don't know what you were talking about...
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:52, Reply)

@ spakka
Ow, ow owwww!!!!

Stopppit!

You've made my gums bleed involuntarily!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:53, Reply)

Speaking of rock for brushing teeth reminds me
You know that Gaviscon stuff that's supposed to relieve heartburn? They advertise it as being nicer than tablets because it doesn't taste chalky.

I tried some once. It's horrible gloopy stuff, and tastes pretty awful. I actually much prefer the chalky taste, and (because I have an idea of the chemistry going on) I know Rennies are doing some good!

Wouldn't brush my teeth with them though.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 11:57, Reply)

Erm,
I was skyping about The Sisters of Mercy.
Not cool or sexy, I'm afraid.

It's very humid today. My hair is the curliest it's ever been. I might have to go home sick.
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:00, Reply)

@clendrix
Alternatively you could try this experiment from this week's QOTW!
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:09, Reply)

clendrix
Nowt wrong with the Sisters of Mercy. Even if Andrew Eldritch is a midget...
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:11, Reply)

I could!
Perhaps I should let my hair grow bigger and use it for smuggling purposes!

@DG - I've only had a vinyl version of Floodland for years and therefore haven't listened to it for as long as I can remember. But last night, I downloaded it onto my ipod. Now I'm 15 again.
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:11, Reply)

Clendrix
Who are what are you going to smuggle?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:13, Reply)

@Dok
Coloured pencils, obviously.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:17, Reply)

Ooh, smuggling hair!
You could move to cornwall and live a life of import/export crime!

On an unrelated note, has anyone tried Cuil? It's a bit rubbish, I think.
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:17, Reply)

nah
frozen chickens FTW!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:23, Reply)

Back home to to Cornwall
to become a wrecker, luring ships to their doom and concealing the spoils in my huge hair.

Dok, the most exciting thing I can smuggle out of here is myself, and I can't work out the logistics of hiding in my own hair unless it grows very, very bigly in the next few hours.
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:23, Reply)

And, I'm.....back in the room
*ninja hugs to hlt and clendrix*
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:28, Reply)

@HLT
Why would you want to smuggle frozen chickens? They'd defrost, surely.

@Clendrix - I now have this mental (in all senses of the word) image of a huge mass of curly hair with feet, walking out of an office.

"Oh, that's just clendrix - she's growing her hair!"

:)
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:32, Reply)

Afros FTW
I've been told that having curly hair shows you're a free-thinker.

BTW: I used to have an Afro myself. Once my hair goes beyond a certain length, it curls.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:32, Reply)

It's BK
our hugging, flexible friend. How's your never-ending hangover?

edit: K2k6 - I'll look like Captain Caveman!
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:33, Reply)

I'm ok now clendrix thanks
*flex*
Yup, all working.

Got my young lady friend across this weekend again, so I shall be wining and dining like a good 'un. I'm quite a happy bunny:)
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:36, Reply)

@K2k6
Dunno...

*shuffles feet about on floor*

OK, what about kittens and cake then?

that would be fun!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:37, Reply)

Captain Caveman FTW!
I can't remember anything about that cartoon except for the blood curdling yell he used to make when shouting his name. But I do remember watching it.

@HLT - just noticed your sig line. So in answer to your request...

(link is pretty gross)

Edit - yes. Kitten smuggling would be good.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:37, Reply)

Re logistics of smuggling self in hair:
There's a painting by John Lennon (IIRC) of someone bending right round and climbing into a set of steps that leads into his head. Just did a quick Google and couldn't find it.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:39, Reply)

@clendrix
Back home to Cornwall, I didn't know you were Cornish, you don't have an accent. For your hair, you could always try one of those patented hair growth formula, but I can't vouch for any of them as I don't need them cough, cough

Hehehe I'll be down there from Sat for 2 weeks. Woo and Yay.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:39, Reply)

At the Exeter bash
we were discussing an experiment some of my friends performed at Uni. Here's the writeup.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:41, Reply)

I am indeed Cornish!
Dydh da to you!

Despite spending a great many years there, I didn't get the accent - musta been due to my cockney mum and tottenham dad.

I hope you have a great time there on your hols!
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:42, Reply)

@k2k6
eeeewwwwww!!!!!!!!

*cries*

*has nightmare*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:46, Reply)

Right
That would explain the lack of accent. Me I've been down here in London for the last 30 years, and you would think that from my accent would you?

EDIT HLT, why are you having a nightmare?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:47, Reply)

*sobs*
because k2k6 did a linky to a nasty picture!

*sobs again*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:49, Reply)

Sorry HLT
Didn't mean to make you cry.

Is this better?

(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:49, Reply)

ooh, a kitty!
*is soothed*

You bad boy you. going about frightening people!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:52, Reply)

I'm off down town
for a bit now to obtain stuff in retail outlets in exchange for some paper stuff I carry in my wallet. Shopping, I believe it's called.

I may frighten some small children for fun.

(actually, if they're from Dundee, they'll have seen worse things than me!)
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:54, Reply)

I am bored today.
Entertain me, B3tans! *claps hands*
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:04, Reply)

*dances a jig for DiT*
*flings legs*
*hands on hips*
*a jump to the left*
*a step to the right*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:07, Reply)

DiT
There are some nice trees outside my window. Come over here and we can climb them and play with the squirrels.
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:08, Reply)

Squirrels
We get loads round about the smoking shelters at our work.
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:10, Reply)

Good use of the Time Warp there, Ethelred.
*applauds*

Where are you, Clendrix? I want to climb trees! I like my job, but by Crikey Borough High Street is shit.
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:12, Reply)

@BK - what, smoking?

@DiT - Bloomsbury! And very lovely it is too. You should come up here one day when you can get a bit longer for lunch and have a pint with Wookie and me.
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:13, Reply)

Bloomsbury? Rilly?
I'm going to Bloomsbury this very evening.
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:15, Reply)

See HLT
the nice man gave you a picture of a lovely kitteh, what a nice man he is.

@K2k6 I'm from Dundee and I don't know whatt you mean. cough cough cough
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:15, Reply)

DiT
How delightful! Are you coming up to get cultured in something?

Edit: Erm, that wasn't supposed to be rude and imply that you're not already cultured!
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:16, Reply)

Well...
If you count Bowling as culture, then yes. My best mate got engaged last week so we're having surprise drinks for him and his mrs!

Of course I'm cultured - I studied the theatre, luvvie!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:19, Reply)

Aha!
Bloomsbury Bowling FTW! That's my kind of culture.
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:19, Reply)

Really?
I had you down as a night at the opera kind of gal. Sophisticated, like.
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:21, Reply)

Oh yes, dahling
that's perfectly correct. But one is always happy to hitch up one's gown and spend an evening throwing balls around.
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:24, Reply)

100!
*makes a note to defo hang out with Clendrix sometime*
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:26, Reply)

@DiT
Yes you should, she is the most lovely B3tan I've met.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:31, Reply)

DiT
I shall hold you to that! You can't wiggle out of every planned meeting, you know!

Dok - OK, so you haven't met many, but that's a lovely thing to say. I'm ahead of Wookie - weyhey!
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:32, Reply)

I don't wriggle...
I drop out at the last minute, maintaining an enigmatic air!

You'll all be so disappointed when you do meet the real me!

Anyway, I am 100% in for August 23rd!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:36, Reply)

OK you got me
I've only met three. But I'm hoping to increase that number at the August bash, if I can go!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:37, Reply)

DiT
Well, I won't be there for that...but are you still coming to the 8th Bash?
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:41, Reply)

@Herr Dok
You may be from Dundee but you had the sense to escape!

Actually, I'm slagging it off unfairly. It's actually pretty decent these days, although as with all cities, some of its citizens still leave something to be desired!

The whole city centre seems to be sold out of the antihistamines I wanted though.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:42, Reply)

@K2k6
Yup I got out, and just in time from what my friends there tell me.

Well the last time I was in Dundee it was still a bit of a shit hole, but then again that was about 7 years ago so things may have changed.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:49, Reply)

I plan to...
:)
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:53, Reply)

Dundee Cake
I'm not so keen on.
Meringues though...

DiT - hurrah!
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 13:53, Reply)

I'm not a fan
of meringues. I find them a bit dry and crumbly for my liking.

Fudge doughnuts, on the other hand...

Or jelly tots. Oops, wasn't going to mention them again.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:03, Reply)

I like a meringue...
But they pale in comparison to the mighty PROFITEROLE!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:08, Reply)

Well,
meringues by themselves are a bit dry, yes (although if you make 'em properly, they shouldn't be crumbly and should be like toffee in the middle). Cream and fruit, that's the way to go.

Stop it, cos now I want some Jelly Tots (and no, not for that!).

Edit: Thanks to DiT's capitalisation, I now have visions of a gigantic chocolate eclair lumbering down Borough High Street.
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:09, Reply)

A thought about the August 23 bash
Does anyone think we should arrange a pre-bash about two or three days before the big-un? This is to give people who are coming from far and wide the opportunity for a 'quieter' bash where they get a chance to meet more people.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:12, Reply)

Al
If that happens, I'm moving to Borough (not a decision to make lightly!).
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:14, Reply)

Oh fudge
doughnuts FTW, meringues great, and jelly tots are just the queen of sweets.

And for out and out Pie goodness Wallaces Pies and bridies win hands down. I get them sent to me every couple of months.

Dundee cake doesn't come from Dundee, it was first made in Perth.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:19, Reply)

Al!
Can I stick your jelly tots on?
Can I?
Can I?
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:21, Reply)

@Dok
Wallace's pehs are indeed the business, but my favourite bridies are made by Fleming's of Arbroath. Especially the steak and onion ones.

I'm now worrying about the GIGANTAPROFITEROLE.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:25, Reply)

No need to worry, K2k6!
GIGANTAPROFITEROLE will be a goodly and generous confection, covering the people that follow it in its creamy chocolatey goodness!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:26, Reply)

GIGANTAPROFITEROLE?
I hope it's not going to be anything like GIGANTACOCK.

'covering the people that follow it in its creamy chocolatey goodness'
but, it looks like it will be
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:31, Reply)

So long
as it's not dressed up as Hitler!
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:39, Reply)

Board sig updated.
*waits for goodness*
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:40, Reply)

Al,
you say that like it's a bad thing!
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:44, Reply)

Hello peeps
I'd like to dedicate this morning / afternoons chat to Donna, the nice lady at the UPS store who found my passport and went out of her way to get it back to me. I left the fucker on the counter and walked out, with 3 days to go before I leave. I've not slept, spent all night on the phone to the foreign office, the embassy and the police.

I'm ashamed to admit when she handed it over, I threw my arms round her neck and burst into tears.

I am, officially, a stupid stupid bitch.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:49, Reply)

Oh noes
I think my head's going aspolde now!

GIGANTAPROFITEROLE dress as Hitler, very bad and probably wouldn't taste good.

GIGANTACOCK could not use GIGANTAPROFITEROLE as a sex toy, GIGANTAPROFITEROLE would kick GIGANTACOCKs arse!

EDIT Hi Rakky, glad you've got your passport back, it just goes to show that there are other nice people in the world.

EDIT again I have just found out that there is a cooking impliment called a Spurtle
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:49, Reply)

Herr DL
Damn straight. Though the chappie at the foreign office was pretty nice to me, despite giving me the "well, you'll never get a replacement in time for your flight" spiel.

Fuck, I think I might fall over with relief.

*has a little lie down on cold bathroom floor*

EDIT: ooh sorry for wandering into GIGANTIASSORTEDPASTRY thread without so much as an offer of my sticky buns...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:53, Reply)

Me
I've got GIGANTIB3TABACKLOG to deal with!

@Rakky: Glad it worked out OK. Don't feel ashamed for showing your sign of appreciation.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:55, Reply)

Rakky
If I had gone to as much trouble as the UPS woman and had received a thank you such as yours, I would be delighted!

Spak, you're not really going back through everything you've missed while you've been away, are you? B3ta addict that I am, even I can see there are probably better things to do with your time!
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:59, Reply)

Afternoon Rakky
Are your buns sticky because of the hot weather?

*cringes at poor attempt at humour*

@Dok Minge - My gran used to refer to a spurtle as a 'theel' (sp), which is probably some old Scots word for it.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:00, Reply)

'Noon Rakky!
And yay for returned Passport!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:03, Reply)

'noon DiT, K2K6
I'm also ashamed to admit i only noticed it was missing when I decided I wanted wine at 9pm last night and couldnt find it for ID. My wallet was stolen not long ago so I had no drivers licence.

All is well.

And K2K6, that is indeed the reason I has the sticky. That and cleaning my kitchen floor in anticipation of moving out.

:)
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:08, Reply)

Is it really that bad in America for ID?
I've never had a beer over there, so wouldn't know. I thought, though, when a 40 year old guy said that he'd been IDd for a lager, that he was joking.

"Are you 18?"
"No, I'm 54."

(I know it's 21 in the USA, but I'm quoting Bottom...)

EDIT: I hope you got your vino in the end!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:12, Reply)

@clendrix
I'm not going through everything. I just find that this week's QOTW is right up my alley and is going to make some interesting reading and hope to reply to some posts before they become stale. The only thing I'm interested in the chat-threads is to do with thoughts on the bashes. Am not even going to read the other parts of the old chat threads. I also have a few gazzes to send.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:14, Reply)

It depends where you are
I've had beer a plenty and not been asked for ID, i've gone to my local liquor store and been ID-ed, on a second occasion the guy just put "1985" as my birthdate.

The there was one memorable occasion in LA where they wouldnt take my passport as ID as it didn;t have my height and weight on it. Go figure. You can find the full transcript on The "Barred" QOTW best of page. :)

I didn't get wine in the end, but may well make up for it this evening.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:15, Reply)

As I've said here before
I was ID'd in San Diego when buying beer - when I was 35. And what's more, the prat behind the bar wouldn't accept my passport as ID. WTF - it's the best form of ID I have as a Brit.

His manager soon sorted out the problem though.

Edit - why the fuck would your passport have your height and weight on it? Ten years ago I was much heavier than I am now. A lot can happen during the life of a passport.

*lowers tone*

I suppose maximum cock length is fairly invariant, but that would only cover half the population and may be a bit difficult to check.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:16, Reply)

Maximum cock length
and minimum acceptable cock length.

There. All covered.
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:20, Reply)

Hmm.
Soon they'll be asking for retina scans.

"Pint of your best* American Beer, please."
"Could you place your eye on the reader, sir?"

*As Eric Idle once said "American Beer is like making love in a rowing boat. It's fucking close to water."
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:21, Reply)

K2K6
and we're back to the concept of scale bars again. Hell, anyone can take a carefully lit shot of their cock and proclaim it to be 14 inches long.

Well, not anyone. I couldn't. But I don't have a camera.

Oh, hang on, I meant I don't have a cock.

*whistles*
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:23, Reply)

Afternoon
Afternoon everyone. Its lovely and sunny here today in Dublin, but I'm stuck @ work for another hour n a half... Losing the will to work... (Well faff, cos I've already stopped actual work for the day)
How is everyone else this fine day?
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:26, Reply)

Er, yes, Rakky
I suppose were I to be in the habit of taking photos of my cock, as a scientist, I would need to set a ruler next to it, for the sake of accuracy.

Would NIST/NPL traceability be taking it a bit far? :)

Edit - afternoon, Kirst.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:29, Reply)

K2K6
Sorry I've just got myself sidetracked by the idea of NIST having the atomic clock, they could also have an atomic cock... Accurate to one, erm, atom's length.

And I just narrowly averted disaster by putting atomic cock by accident into google and realising just before i hit search...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:32, Reply)

Al
Ideal and minimum acceptable are not necessarily the same length.

Hello Wee Kirst! While away your working day here with us. We've done sod all.*

*might just be me
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:33, Reply)

Talking of cocks...
In the pub the other night, my friend (a lady) was telling me about a date she'd been on.

"...and then," she said "he sent me... this."

She showed me her 'phone. He had, after one date, sent her a picture of his nob. He'd written "I wanted 2 show u this" above it.

However, it was not in a state of, ahem, tumescence. It was nestled in his palm like a dead bird.

So my question is, why send a girl a picture of your flaccid willy after only one date? In fact, why send a picture of your willy at all?
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:34, Reply)

.
Ha ha ha! Thanks! Its too nice to work, but since I'm stuck in the office, I might as well drink copious amounts of tea, and read B3TA :)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:38, Reply)

Yes boys,
why? This has happened to me before. It was a little disconcerting - I wasn't sure how to react.
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:39, Reply)

DiT
"nestled in his palm like a dead bird..."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

I once picked up a friend's phone in the days when camera phones were all new fangled and shiny and was scrolling through the photos until her husband grabbed it off me and shouted "For the love of god woman, there are photos of my cock on there..."

Since time immemorial, where there are cameras, there will be photos of cock. And where there is the technology to share them with others...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:39, Reply)

I'd be interested to know
how much MMS traffic is cock-based these days. But I'd guess that flaccid ones would account for only a small proportion of that.

And clendrix, I would imagine the hoped-for reaction to a girl receiving a cock-pic is reciprocation, with pictures of lady-bits.

*still chuckling at Rakky's atomic cock*
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:42, Reply)

If I had a pound for every time someone
sent me a picture of their cock.
I'd have £7.
(

wanderlust, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:43, Reply)

.
@rakky: Was Google safe-search turned on at the time?

@weekirst23: Welcome. You're amongst likeminded people here.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:47, Reply)

Cock pictures
Once, (back in the day when you could have a phone/sim card that didn't accept mms messages,) after a date, a guy sent a picture of his willy to my flatmate so she could show it to me instead... lovely...

@spakka -Thanks! Am delighted to see everyone is so welcoming here :)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:48, Reply)

@K2k6
Oh right, yes, that seems sensible.
However, I think it best for everyone if my bits were not documented globally on various items of gadgetry.
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:48, Reply)

@wanderlust
Was that 7 cocks, or 7 messages from the same bloke?

Or a combination thereof?

(question is for academic reasons only)
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:53, Reply)

Ah, weekirst, that *is* romance...
what did we do before mobile phones? Send a polaroid in the post? Or did we just get it out in the pub and go "there y'are love, whaddya think of that?"

I have never ever sent a person a picture of my unmentionables. I am beginning to feel that I'm missing out...

EDIT: It's not even as if it's a photographic thing... Yeuch!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:53, Reply)

Atomic cocks?
Kiss my atomic ass!

EDIT: @Dit: You're not the only one.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:55, Reply)

Everyone!
Gaz DiT with your number!
Sit back and wait for cock.
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:55, Reply)

I am intrigued
as to why people are so horrified by the idea of pictures of their bits being in general circulation. Unless yours is spectacularly distinctive and widely publicised, what are the chances of someone recognising it? If you're particularly worried you could try changing the, um, hairstyle or adding a false nose.

As far as I know there are no images of the wookieewang knocking about, but I wouldn't be that fussed if there were.

Afternoon all.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:56, Reply)

Wookie
My concern is for others, not for me.

Hello, btw!

Al: attention is diverted from your cock by your perfectly spherical head.
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:57, Reply)

missing out?
I'm not so certain theres anything to miss out on... Whilst I've yet to indulge in that particular joy of mordern technology, I would have the constant fear... Surely you'd just be waiting for pictures of your unmentionables to appear on some kind of public forum

just cos other people wouldn't know they were were mine. I would know. And then there would be the shame....
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:59, Reply)

@k2k6
It's more if I'm honest.
I don't understand it really, but men just love sending me pictures of their willies.
I don't ask them to do it!
Maybe I've just a cock lovers face?

@al, cheers for that, I'll put the pound under my mattress with the others.
(

wanderlust, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:01, Reply)

Oi, Clendrix!
What are you, my cock-picture pimp? :)
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:04, Reply)

Sorry DiT,
I think I was just getting over-excited.

*hangs head in shame*
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:05, Reply)

Awe, no head-hanging here!
You can be my pimp if you want. I'm a very high class type of gigolo though.

_{and I haven't had any gazzes}
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:11, Reply)

Human genitals
are not exactly photogenic, as DiT said. But that's not really the point. It's for fun, and tittilatory* purposes. It's not like the pictures are going to be printed out and hung on the wall.

Or I'd certainly hope not.

*may be a new word.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:14, Reply)

I'm a pimp!
My client is a high-class, tight-wearing, profiterole-eating devilishly good-looking ho.
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:19, Reply)

Genitals photo's
Unfortunately I've got the highly critical eye of a woman. If I wouldn't want to look at pictures of my own bits, I have no reason to think that anyone else would feel any less repulsed! Ha ha ha! I think its just the idea that they would be in some way... recorded!
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:19, Reply)

*poses*
'Allo treacle... You lookin' for a good time?

(I was once offered "suck and a fuck for a fiver" in Leeds by a toothless crack addict. I ran away.)
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:24, Reply)

@al
I don't get it, I don't think I look that filth-ridden!
(

wanderlust, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:27, Reply)

But surely
you wouldn't send unsolicited pictures of your turgid (or otherwise) generative member to a girl? If you have something going on with her then that's maybe a different story, but 'cold calling'?

Even if you do think she does have a cock-lover's face.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:37, Reply)

@al
Do you think it's the modern day equivalent of clubbing me over the back of the head and dragging me back to their cave?
I also think K2k6 had it right when they're hoping for something in return.
The only time I've ever exposed my lady bits are usually an accident...Running for the bus, running for the tube, well just running in general really.
(

wanderlust, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:40, Reply)

If having a "cock lovers face" was an invitation to nob pictures...
Then this person must get a picture every 2.3 seconds.

EDIT: *organises a b3ta sports day*
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:42, Reply)

As far as I know, she does.
*signs up for the sitting outside the pub having a fag event*

Edit - to clarify, she went to school down the road from me with a bunch of my mates from primary school. I'm told she was always somewhat... indiscriminate.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:44, Reply)

Signs up
for the takeaway speed-dialling event.
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:46, Reply)

I strongly suspect...
that I've had her. If that's the case, I'd better get myself checked out.

EDIT: Maybe that's why the prostitution has dried up for me...
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:46, Reply)

Right
I'm off. I'm gonna grab some dinner and then I'm meeting some bloke I know and then I'm watching BATMAN! Yay! Might even have time for beer!

*exciteds*

See y'all tomorrow!
(

thealternativefact, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:56, Reply)

Afternoon all
It's doing that sunny thing again here after raining lots earlier on.

All well?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:57, Reply)

Later, Clendrix!
Enjoy the filum. words you will use to describe it:

'fucking' and 'awesome'.

And good afternoon, PoD! Are you fine and dandy?
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:59, Reply)

bye bye clendrix
ello PoD. We've just been talking about cocks...
Looks like you missed all the fun!
(

wanderlust, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 17:00, Reply)

I am fine and quite possibly dandy Mr Devil
And how the devil are you?

*chortles at bad joke type things*

My boss seemed to be in a rather bad mood today though, which wasn't fun.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 17:01, Reply)

I'm well thank you!
Going bowling and will most likely make a prat of myself!

My boss is in a funny mood too. Probably because he offered to put down a deposit on a car for me if I hit my targets by Christmas - and I'm nearly there already! Ha!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 17:03, Reply)

whoot whoot
Work is finished! Yay! Have a good evening folks!
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 17:04, Reply)

You must be doing something right then DiT
I don't think I have got any praise at work at all in quite a long time. And I have no targets.

And I spilled cold coffee down my front today.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 17:14, Reply)

Really?
I hate that. Although, this is the first job I've ever had where praise is forthcoming, it is quite hard to get used to.

Thankfully, my target is to increase readership of our news, so it's not that bad, really.

*praises PoD*
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 17:19, Reply)

Yay, I likes teh praises
My job really does make me quite sad. And it makes my wrists very sore.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 17:21, Reply)

What on earth do you do??
Right then folks, I'm going to bust a groove. See ya later!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 17:48, Reply)

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