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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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tell us about the worst sex you ever hadwhy was it so bad?
alt: how much alcohol do you drink a week?
altalt: afternoon snack? i have chickpeas, but am too full after falafel salad for lunch.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:19,
201 replies,
latest was 11 years ago)
err...some drunk one night stand I supposealt: Too much undoubtably
altalt: black coffee
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:20,
Reply)
not sure I can remember details, but I'm sure it was disappointing and awkward for all parties (
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:23,
Reply)
hangover AND shamefaced smalltalkDid she go out for a walk to give you the chance to leave the flat and retain some dignity?
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:25, Reply)
on several different occasionsbut least she was an adult and we were in a flat and not the park eh?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:27,
Reply)
too drunkmissed and hit a bumhole
fell out of bed
pushing toothpaste back into the tube
shat myself
gagged in fetid minge
asked to be fisted
snogged after vomiting
ordered pizza
take you pick
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:31,
Reply)
I've luckily never had really terrible sex.I've had some pretty boring, going-through-the-motions sex with the ex, but even that wasn't awful.
I have been the victim of some kissing that what so unbelievably atrocious that it put me off the idea of sex entirely, however.
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Kroney, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:21,
Reply)
hey hey heygonz has had enough bashing today, alright?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:22,
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she was 14, I was 15.She had no idea about hand jobs, she couldn't get me in, we were outside in a park somewhere.
So she gave me a gobjob instead.
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:23, Reply)
yesshe couldn't get you in, even with your tiny little wotsitcock, because she was a CHILD.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:25,
Reply)
Tell it to your mates on the nonce wing.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:32,
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Probably when I lost my virginity. Afterwards, in a tentative nod to being cool I asked 'How was it for you?' or words to that effect, and she replied 'Fine. It's just nothing new' Slag.
Alt: Some.
Altalt: I ain't had nuffink today :(
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:23,
Reply)
happy birthday darlingi bought you a hooker.
for an hour.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:25,
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something something frightening/lightning something(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:35,
Reply)
Met her in a pub in Kensington, shocked by how fat she wasShe called me gay to a homeless man.
But we had a relative laugh, she'd helped me with the eviction chatted for like an hour and a half.
Had a few drinks, thought ahh fuck it lets go back to hers.
Went back to hers, had a pizza apparently (I have no idea) I was freaked out by the fridge content. Can't remember exactly but I think it was a single tomato and like 40 bottles of water.
Both stayed in the spare room. had depressing sex
I smoked on her balcony as far as I remember I put the fags in the ashtray but who knows.
Went for lunch the next day.
Went to euston.
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Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:25,
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this is lies from start to finishi fucking hate tomatoes.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:26,
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pizzagate date was doomed from the start(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:27,
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I hope one day I have a perfect date like this.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:31,
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i hear he's single now, so it's a distinct possibility(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:34,
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I find it hilarious that *you* got dumped.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:36,
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er, i think noti wouldn't have gone there again for all the tea in china
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:40,
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Well, I keep my ear to the ground. And that ain't what I'm hearing.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:41,
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you don't want to believe everything you hear(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:43,
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I heard you have all the tea in china stuffed in the flat Daddy bought you.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:44,
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drunk upstairs at a friends party when I was 16Someone burst in with a camera and took a picture. Also we were hella drunk on white lightning so it wasn't going very well.
alt: I drink the normal weekly average for a human male. I just save it up for one evening instead of spreading it over the week
altalt: NO EATING IN THE AFTERNOON
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Theoban What of it, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:28,
Reply)
It became apparent that she had died at some point during proceedingsI still finished off though. It's what she would've wanted.
Alt: Less than Battered.
Altalt: What's wrong with three square meals a day?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:32,
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I am so fuckingt bored I'm gonna go and do a pooI dunt even need to
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:35,
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Pulled some student lass in the club that was on "Bouncers" Back to her gaff, proper grotty. Few cans then off to bed. Undressed her - proper grey knickers and a fuck to match. GRIM
Walk of shame to college next day, only to notice I had purple hands from her hair dye.
Alt:
Not nearly enough
AltAlt:
Dairy Milk Marvellous Creations bar
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:34,
Reply)
altalt: oh man that stuffs the tits! theres two types tho yeah?(
Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:38,
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YES!it's impossible to choose which, so you end up buying both, and then feeding other people in your team. although my boss hates the popping candy one, he says the jellies feel like raisins
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:38,
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I think they have three nowI have the popping candy/jelly bean/smartie one
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:39,
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Mate of mine indulged with a young ladyfriend of ours at a partyShe was *ahem* up on blocks at the time. He came out into the garden afterwards, clapped his arm around another friend and asked for a fag.
Left a massive bloody handprint on the shoulder of this guy's Tshirt.
Textbook red hand gang.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:38,
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If you're not prepared to end up with a cock looking like it's been dipped in a butcher's dustbin, lokersyou don't deserve to be allowed sex.
The hand thing was a bit much though.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:46,
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I've had some pretty shit sex on speedwhich just went on so long we got bored. Other than that, I guess just run of the mill bad sex. Just lying there, demanding the lights off, that kind of shit.
alt: Not nearly enough.
Altalt: No as I'm off to hospital again.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:36,
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Nothing.I have phototherapy twice a week. This is one of the days.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:39,
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They flash a light in his eyes or summat(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:40,
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Weather balloon over Venus(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:40,
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Hight intensity UVB therapy.basically a very badass vertical sunbed.
I have psoriasis on my legs, it treats that.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:41,
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i can't believe you think anyone is going to fall for thisyou're just looking to keep up that FABULOUS tan to go with the pink socks
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:42,
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As you well knowI end up with a stupid farmers tan because I have to wear a Tshirt and a pillowcase over my head to
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:44,
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wellthis doesn't make our relationship sound at all dodgy, sweetie.
good job.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:45,
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something something Tshirt in the pub something something.it's been a fucking long day.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:47,
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Does Joanne Whalley perform this therapy?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:45,
Reply)
Who is she?(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:47,
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no.there are a couple of fit nurses though. Although obviously I look all of the sexual in just a tshirt and a pillowcase over my head and a sports sock over my cock.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:51,
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hahahaha!Red Hot Chili Badger
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:53,
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I've never had sex :((
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:38,
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Once I got a semi when some bird texted me some filth.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:38,
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this is as close as you've really been to sex, isn't it?(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:39,
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I dunno. I'm just gonna google 'sex' to see exactly what you're talking about.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:40,
Reply)
Oh THAT!Nah, never done it. Looks well rank.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:42,
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YM, obv.Can't be arsed making something up for Deidre, so
www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/mans-penis-amputated-after-viagra-overdose-8835146.html
alt: average amount for a week, but usually crammed into Friday and Saturday night.
talking of which, for sportscow-our local co-op has Peroni 660ml bottles 2 for £4 at the mo
altalt: cookieeeeessssss
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:39, Reply)
I drank fucking shitloads last weekIt was great
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:40,
Reply)
I was having a wank & my missus got in the way. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:46,
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Her clopper snapped your foetid man muck out of the air like a sexy flytrap(
Theoban What of it, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:50,
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Currently 2 bottles of wine a day, because I am a fucking self pitying pricklordI shall cease this nonsense soon, I hope.
Altalt: snacks are for quitters
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:46,
Reply)
Approximately 140 units of alcohol a week.Around 7 times the recommended limit.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:58,
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How many units are in a bottle of wine?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:01,
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I take 1 as a valid answerTherefore about 10
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:07,
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I have never ever had a bottle of wine that I could get 10 glasses fromAbout 4 would be max
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:19, Reply)
I don't drink on a day-to-day basisso I don't feel bad about the occasional heavy night out.
altalt: Soup as a standard, or something savoury in general.
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:51,
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:53,
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I've graduated up tangledI don't eat crisps anymore :(
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:56,
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oh manthat doritos picture you once sent me was a work of art. i lol'd a LOT.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:58,
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I remember that!I suggest a submission to the Tate Modern.
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:04,
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Like I saidthe Tate Modern
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:27,
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Only a tiny bit How's your daughter?
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:44,
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she was kidnapped my somali pirateshow could you bring that up on here... for shame
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:54, Reply)
You didn't eat them before.Do you sniff soup instead then?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:58,
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One tiny sipand then I drink my tears
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:03,
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A couple of beers a nightand the very occasional heavy hitter. Can't cope with them any more!
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:54, Reply)
27!I've never had bad sex because I've been involved.
*finger guns*
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:03, Reply)
But that sounds like GREAT sex(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:01,
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DrinkThe missus and I drink a fairly impressive amount at weekends, but I tend to avoid booze during the week. I did a alcohol consumption questionnaire at the doctor's when I registered, which was scored out of 40, with 8 being "borderline heavy drinker with a danger of developing drink related problems".
Which is, of course, exactly what I scored. Goddamn nanny state.
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Kroney, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:15,
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Badger once posted a very convincing and sciencey sounding reason why it was ok to drink loads more than the recommended limit and that was good enough for me.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:18,
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the very fact that such reasons could exist is good enough for me(
Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:21,
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It's the same as any other substance, really.If you're liable to have bad reactions or get addictions to it, then you will. If you're not, you won't. You have to commit to some pretty serious, socially unacceptable levels of drinking to get to cirrhosis. As in George Best or Ollie Reid. If you're at that level everybody will know you're an alcoholic, you won't have to take some gay NHS quiz that was written by a no-hoper drone to find out.
As far as I'm concerned, as long as you're not reaching for the vodka before you have breakfast, you're probably OK.
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Kroney, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:21,
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the no-hoper drones don't write the quizzesthey just analyse the results and put them in a spreadsheet
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:22,
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It's a great sign that despite him not even being here anymoreyou STILL can't let it go. Doing a great job of showing how little you care.
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Kroney, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:28,
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you were the one having the go here... i just highlighted it...(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:28,
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I nearly always have breakfast first.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:24,
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Yeah, gives you a foundation.You just get hammered too quick on an empty stomach and then your boss will find out.
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Kroney, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:25,
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the guy that came up with the recommended limitsaid they pretty much plucked the figure out of the air, essentially everyone is different, so while you might be able to drink 80 unit per week with no damage if stunned did so he would be onto his last working limb and so on
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:22, Reply)
How can chickpeas be made palatable?I'd like to eat more of this sort of thing but they're fucking awful eaten as is
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drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:25,
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Chana masala + bhaturas(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:26,
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chickpeas are amazingmash them up as houmous, make them into a chilli, dry roast them... get the garbanzo beans that i get from holland and barrett, in 3 different flavours, eat like crisps/peanuts but 88 cals a packet!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:32,
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when ure a thin silvery maid thinking Mrs Patel that comes round to wipe your arse and open the door of your bath is your sonyou'll think back fondly on the days you forewent a jumbo tub of salt and vinegar pringles for a pack of dry shit from the pet store
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Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:36,
Reply)
place chickpeas in bowlcook steak
eat steak
whilst chewing flick chickpeas into YMs minge
???
profit
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Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:33,
Reply)
Just met Dan, he wasn't as cool as Carrington.
Tent sex was the worst sex.
Alt, not a lot but I do have the occasional weekend where I fill the fridge with budweiser.
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:31, Reply)
words wont do justice to such an epic tale ill put my artistic skillz to the test ifn i can be botheredalt: i don drink on a school nightbut i do tend to need a skinfull to make a dent at the weekend, so yeah a bit
altalt: yes please. altho you only get two little squares in those packs. can you still get the lonbger packs with about six in them?
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Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:31,
Reply)
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