What joy!
Monday morning, and my return to work sees a shitload of irritating stuff to tackle. Perhaps you are more joyous about the week ahead - how so?

I woke at 2, at 3, at 4 and at 5 - and finally at 6 when I received a text from Stunned poster who very kindly wanted me to know that he was sat on a beach in a State park in California, drinking tequila and beer, which was very kind of him.

Alt: When have you last wished a sudden and violent death on a close friend or relative?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:13, 177 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Alt: at 6.10 this morning when I also received that message from Stunned.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:17, Reply)

You'll be getting one at around ten to say 'you'rrrre my besht mate, you are'
And then a call at 4Am from CHIPS to say that they've found him asleep in a puddle of piss in the puddle of the motorway.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:18, Reply)

Ha ha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:19, Reply)

hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:36, Reply)

I was vey close to it this morning when the wife said 'can you get Stepson up and out to school this morning?'
After I've been working all bloody weekend and she hasn't.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:17, Reply)

Yeap. I got the same text.
I called him a cunt in my reply.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:23, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2112759
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:23, Reply)

fingers crossed.
Stunned pointing out he only has two more weeks of holiday to go irked.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:25, Reply)

He'll be dead in three days.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:27, Reply)

A sudden and violent death on my brother was frequently wished for when I was younger.
Daylight savings started yesterday. I am sleep wrong. I don't like it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:48, Reply)

Actually, a more recent wish for this was directed towards a prac demonstrator, who was the most condescending, sexist, arrogant prick I've ever had the misfortune to have "Teach" me.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:49, Reply)

This thread is looking like a 'doozy'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:51, Reply)

Better than your hair though.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:53, Reply)

It's not looking good these days

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:00, Reply)

Neither is mine.
There is a resolute silver hair in my fringe that WILL NOT GO AWAY no matter how many times I pull it out.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:01, Reply)

fr m
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:09, Reply)

I wasn't going to share that one.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:12, Reply)

Morning Poppet
Not seen you round these parts recently. Hows tricks?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:13, Reply)

Busy with exams. I'm currently finishing up my last ever paper for my degree. Tomorrow will be spent proofreading before I submit it and two others.
Good though. Loving the thrill of being so close to achieving a huge goal.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:17, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:19, Reply)

yeah. have these papers to submit, and then an exam next Thursday, and then the last one on the friday after that.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:36, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4YpqRPLIWc

a/c
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:01, Reply)

imma gonna read it again later Mince
with a glass of gay sherry in my flippen smirkin jacket
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:54, Reply)

Anything has got to be an improvement on last week's poor efforts.
Is Nakers back this week and all?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:55, Reply)

Yeah, pretty joyous
I'm playing a gig tomorrow night, trying out some new material.
Then I think I'm going to go and see Devon Sproule on Friday night.

Alt: Very few of my close friends are cunts, so I dunno.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:55, Reply)

What do you play again Tangles?

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:57, Reply)

With the current stuff, mainly banjo or harmonium
Tomorrow night I shall also play a guitar and a ukulele.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:59, Reply)

Fucking jealous. I miss music.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:02, Reply)

Not his you don't, trust me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:04, Reply)

You're more of a Mumford and Sons kind of guy, ain'tcha?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:05, Reply)

what's wrong with mumford and sons?

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:10, Reply)

What's wrong with 'the trust fund Wurzels'?
Look I am much too busy to answer this in detail so you're going to have to live with 'they're shit'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:12, Reply)

I'll have to respectfully disagree and suggest that instead, perhaps, you're the one who is shit.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:14, Reply)

What do you play?
And what is preventing you from playing?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:04, Reply)

Used to play clarinet and sax, and did singing for about 5 years.
I still sing, but only in the shower and car now. I don't play clarinet or sax because a)no space for them where I've been living in the last three years, and b) no time.

Also, my hands blew off when I opened the letterbox yesterday.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:11, Reply)

I could never get the hang of guitar though. Fingers just didn't work that way.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:13, Reply)

Nope, this week is going to be worse than last week.
Fucking customers.

Alt: Not for a while now.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 8:56, Reply)

Well, I have to say Monty, you've *really* got this week off to a cracking start with such a tremendous thread.
Well done.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:01, Reply)

My kid gave me a jar of chimichurri 'she' made me for my birthday.
It's fucking top notch but now I *really* reek of garlic.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:08, Reply)

I have emailed my ex this morning to say I want to extend the amount days a week that micro stays overnight with me.
I am not expecting a positive response.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:12, Reply)

I just received a free Smokey Joe BBQ with an RRP of a whole £49!
On review of the logistics of taking said barbecue home to my seaside residence using public transport, I now don't have a free barbecue. CSB.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:01, Reply)

The phrase 'ungrateful cunt' springs to mind.

As does another: 'gay prick'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:05, Reply)

I gave it to a customer in the end, so ACTUALLY IM PRETTY FUCKING GENEROUS
i am a gay prick though
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:06, Reply)

Morning Monty. Good weekend?
Dunno about death but I'm not abig fan of close family.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:14, Reply)

I am boxing in my stairs at the moment
This is not a euphamism

Alt:
I wish sudden violent death on a great number of people on the metro to work most days
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:17, Reply)

How will you get to your upper floors?
Or is this a Fritzl/Ariel Castro arrangement?
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:19, Reply)

*nods*
The original owners took out most of the panelling and replaced it with some shit wrought iron thing. I'm putting the panelling back in again
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:25, Reply)

STAIR CHAT
I need to replace a spindle on mine since I got pissed and fell down the stairs smashing through 100 years of fine carpentry with my enormous drunken bulk.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:27, Reply)

Excellent work

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:28, Reply)

*bows*

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:29, Reply)

I so wish I had a gif to visualise this.
All I can picture is the hulk falling over.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:41, Reply)

That but shorter, fatter and less green.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:48, Reply)

freaking awesome.
nice effort.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:48, Reply)

why is there no footage of this? why?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:50, Reply)

Unusually, I didn't have my 'camcorder' strapped to my head.
That's why.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:52, Reply)

well that's a giant failure, isn't it?

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:56, Reply)

I put it in the same file of regret as the time I did a 'classic' legs in air, fall on arse, mega slip on icy front path.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:57, Reply)

ahhhh icy paths.
I remember falling on my arse on those. A lot.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:00, Reply)

I have done some high class falling over in my time.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:03, Reply)

so have I.
I fell up the steps here at uni the other day. Just about face planted into the concrete landing. was very elegant.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:05, Reply)

It's a week like any other
stuff to do, people to see, that sort of thing.
I managed to get tangled in someone's headphones as I squeezed my way off the tube this morning, just about managed to get them untangled and tossed back in before the doors closed. It was a real thrill-ride, I can tell you, Paul Ross gave it four stars.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:23, Reply)

Just to make you feel better
I had the best night's sleep I've had in months, and I feel quite chipper this morning.

Alt: I'm far too nice for that.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:32, Reply)

I didn't get a message from Stunned
He's off my Christmas card list for good the prick.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:44, Reply)

You should be glad you weren't disturbed at such an unreasonable hour.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:49, Reply)

Maybe!
It was a struggle to get up this morning anyway.

Good weekend?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:54, Reply)

Pretty quiet. How about you?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:59, Reply)

Very much the same
Much needed. How's Micro?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:23, Reply)

i got that text too! he must die.

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:47, Reply)

Morning Monday people

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:48, Reply)

\o/
Is b3ta running like a Down's child for everyone, or just me?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:54, Reply)

My whole PC has been running slowly for the last few days

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:55, Reply)

Fine! I'll say it then!
MORNING
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:55, Reply)

Alright DF
Recovered yet...?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:55, Reply)

I think so, just about. You alright?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:56, Reply)

Yeah, Friday was a bit of a struggle
I won't lie. Saturday was nice though!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:22, Reply)

I can't remember being at work on Friday but evidence suggests I *must* have been.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:37, Reply)

Sup Snoop froggy frog?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:56, Reply)

You ain't been here much, and that makes me sad.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:58, Reply)

I don't really get the chance during the day, I'm spending the day *working* from home

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:59, Reply)

I don't know how you expect to maintain this relationship if we never spend any time together.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:02, Reply)

Well I'm going for a better job later this week hopefuly that will restore my fuck about on the internet
for most off the working day rights
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:05, Reply)

I shall hope for the best, job wise for you, and that you have the opportunity to restore the serious lack of circular skipping on here.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:09, Reply)

Damn straight

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:10, Reply)

The angst laden cry of a spurned Darth ^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:26, Reply)

Where is that cunt anyway?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:37, Reply)

Not in a good place*
*Norwich
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)

My week is shaping up to be 78.9% cunt
and not in a good way. Sick of fielding press enquiries right now.

Although, it would appear I have upset one of Gonz's friends on facebook by pointing out that those that took the Bible at face value as truth were "mentalists". My only regret there is that i've unfairly compared those suffering from mental illness with delusional religious nuts.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:59, Reply)

Gonz has friends?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:04, Reply)

I dunno
she got very upset and kept deleting
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:06, Reply)

Religious people are all a bit daft.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:20, Reply)

I have no particular problem with religious people. They can be lovely and very sensible
I do however have a problem with people who take 2000 year old stories as the truth, and more so, as a truth which should specifically guide how they live their lives.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:26, Reply)

I believe George and Ira Gershwin put it best
when they said:

It ain't necessarily so
It ain't necessarily so
The things that you liable
To read in the Bible
It ain't necessarily so
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:45, Reply)

I had to go along to a "dedication" on saturday.
I couldn't help but feel that every single person in the church was a fucking idiot.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:56, Reply)

Oh dear
b3ta doesn't appear to open on my work computer.
Have I been rumbled?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:00, Reply)

Sporty is having issues with it today and all
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2112845
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:02, Reply)

I hope that's all it is.
Seems to work fine one my phone though.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:05, Reply)

I find posting from the mobile a pain so I don't bother

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:06, Reply)

Get your coat. And run.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:19, Reply)

Morning. Weekend was good.
Actually, I was mildly annoyed at Ladypig waking me up at 4am because "her stomach hurt". Took me half an hour to persuade her to go to the loo, 5 minutes later "I feel fine now"
Stupid women don't know the power of a good dump.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:18, Reply)

this^
A good shit is a thing of wonder
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:21, Reply)

Aint you supposed to be going to an interview today?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:21, Reply)

that was it
he is going to be a scat film maker
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)

Sup B-dog, hows tricks?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:26, Reply)

Word double H
Life is in general pretty decent, I see that you haven't been found hanging from a bridge over the M6 as yet, getting the old job front sorted?
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)

I got something straight away, but it's just a filler until the right position comes along
I'm going to meet the MD of a sectional building manufacturer, but that will mean going back on the road again, truth be told I'm not sure if I want to go back to doing 15 hour days
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:31, Reply)

Good shit mate

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:52, Reply)

Done it.
It was at 9.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:37, Reply)

and?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:38, Reply)

It's done

( Theoban What of it, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:46, Reply)

I need to know if they made an offer
This is important
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:46, Reply)

I guess they took one look at his bright ginger barnet
and said " nope we don't have a place for a fucking Ronald in this company"
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:53, Reply)

They put me forward to a second interview with the boss guy.
Although it's a contract with PHS, who I am only aware of through the fact they supplied sanitary bins for most of the pubs I worked in.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Oct 2013, 11:05, Reply)

an hour on the phone getting some dippy wench to change her password only to realise
the she had successfully done so on the first of fifty gajillion attempts but was too fucking thick or click happy to realise so kept putting in her old password and I've got a bad case of chilli shits brewing and people are speaking too loudly and fuck monday all over its fat fucking cunt face.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Me weekend was mainly spent trundling between pubs. I feel most awful, but it wa sgood
I didn't sleep well last night either

This week's a short one, but has the potential to be crap. All day training on Wed - one of the goals is 'For attendees to feel informed, aligned, empowered, and refreshed'. Hideous. Thursday I'm in the pub all day so that's something.

alt: I don't wish death on me family much, until I go back and spend more than a day around them. Then I want them all gone.
( Theoban What of it, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 10:35, Reply)