Just sticking a quick one in here cos we've got a one way ticket to Minception here and i dont think anyones got the stones to handle that
When was the last time you did something that required 'stones'? Was everyone else in the Cheshire Cheese laughing at your balloon hat at the last baysh but you stuck it out cos you were with yer baysh buds and you were owning it?

Alt: i went to bed early last night and watched some thing with people from new zealand that was like shortland street mixed with fluffen buffy or avengers or some shizz. it were alrite. What have you just started that has potential?

Altalt: a bare ladies shoulder sometimes gives me the major horn. what non-pornographic type shizz gives you the major horn?
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:19, 186 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

eh this isn't a monty thread, what's going on

( Theoban What of it, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:22, Reply)

QUICK SPIN YOUR LITTLE TOP THE OBAN!

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:23, Reply)

It's a dreidel fucko

( Theoban What of it, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)

Typical Jew

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)

i don like pastries

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)

ah go on, just a little steak slice, get it in ye

( Theoban What of it, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:26, Reply)

Oh man
I'm hungry now
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:31, Reply)

I hear Greggs offers a wide range of pastried and warm dough products
Also their staff are so low in social status they HAVE to call you sir.
( Theoban What of it, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:36, Reply)

I may have me a steak bake at lunchtime

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:39, Reply)

Can you send some over?
Ireland doesn't have Greggs
imagine that
a land without Greggs
( Theoban What of it, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:39, Reply)

a promised land

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:40, Reply)

people over here don't even know the joys of a freshly microwaved sausage roll
or the joy of being rogered by a man in a greggs uniform behind the bins next to yesterday's pork pies
( Theoban What of it, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)

A swipe-wipe if you will

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)

I'm wondering whether I have the stones (and whether its a good idea) to invest in some royal mail shares
alt: Homeland season 3

altalt: I'll take a the other shoulder
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:23, Reply)

MONTY THREAD OR GTFO

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)

it had to be done doc
you flucks have to stop chugging on minces glass dick eventually, cold turkey holmes
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:27, Reply)

I CAN DO THIS

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:29, Reply)

Told my boss we had to ignore customer procedure, as it was failing at their end, and making us look like fools (basically, email head office, asking can this club have more than 3000 cards?)
Problem being that this customer is one of our biggest, and sticklers for changing anything. Managed to convince the manager in question, we dispatched the ridiculous number of delayed orders, everyone was happy. It later turned out that the reason the procedure was failing is because our contact at the head office had actually left, and no-one was checking their emails. Bastards.

Alt: Agents of SHIELD, The Blacklist and Orange Is The New Black. AOS is likely to be the worst, but it's fun enough.

AltAlt: Hearing a good singer, due to one ex, all good singers are now more attractive to me.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:27, Reply)

I'm not sure I understand any of that.
'Cept maybe the bit about you fancying blokes who can sing
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:29, Reply)

Shit customer has shit procedures, which fail and make us look shit
I argue to ignore them, turns out the cunt responsible for the procedure has fucked off.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:31, Reply)

OH NO!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:31, Reply)

Nope, you've lost me again.
I can sing a bit, do you want to touch me?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:32, Reply)

No, only female singers give me the horn.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:33, Reply)

OH NO!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:33, Reply)

What about Bruce Hornsby?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)

I don't play with trains.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:37, Reply)

OH NO!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:38, Reply)

OO

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:38, Reply)

+CH
x 2
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:40, Reply)

RIP ChoCho

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:41, Reply)

OH NO!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:30, Reply)

Where is your wedding at?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:31, Reply)

"The North"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Thanks for narrowing it down

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)

Holmfirth, just North of the Peak District

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:36, Reply)

haha!
Near Upperthong! Never fucking heard of it. South of the M62 = South
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:38, Reply)

Christ Nakers, that's nearer to me than to sporters
And it's not near me at all.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:05, Reply)

it's still fucking far north :(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:05, Reply)

It is proper whippet and flat cap country

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)

Chasing off some gyppo thieving scrappy cunts making a massive noise at 7am on a Sunday
Alt:
Just started watching Homeland - it is rather good

AltAlt:
Decolletage
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:30, Reply)

first series of homeland was the best...
alt alt, so basically you mean tits, stop trying to posh it up
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:58, Reply)

alt alt
Feet. Cute little feet with painted toenails. In open toed heels.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:32, Reply)

just when you thought this dude couldn't get any weirder

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:33, Reply)

plus we KNOW he is talking about his own feet

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:33, Reply)

little?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)

eew

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)

um, liking feet is pretty vanilla

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)

It is to ÜBER PERVERTS

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:35, Reply)

nah, it's really tame

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:38, Reply)

Feet are disgusting. Women I know have horrible claws and talons.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:39, Reply)

that is because you are an inbred Kent weirdo

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)

Kent skirt have hooves and/or trotters.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)

I can see why you spend so much time in the pub chasing it

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:45, Reply)

That's mostly down to my drink problem.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:46, Reply)

I bet he's tried painting his hamster's claws.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)

yeah
painting them BROWN
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:35, Reply)

Alt alt: nice fresh citrusy aftershave on a man's manly neck and jawbone (no weedy lynx spraying types may apply)

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)

citrusy cologne is only appropriate in spring and summer

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:37, Reply)

Autumn/Winter requires something with woody or leathery notes.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:38, Reply)

precisely
Today I am wearing Givenchy Gentleman. When it gets colder I'll wear Cerrutti Si and Comme Des Garcons.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:40, Reply)

a paper bag for your head would be cheaper and more effective at pulling "chicks"

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:41, Reply)

Givenchy Gentleman is a classic fragrance.
If Joop gets you wet then maybe you should throw yourself under another bus.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)

aftershave alone does not get me wet, as you so delightfully put it
otherwise I could never go in selfridges. it has to be on the right neck and jawbone!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:46, Reply)

I bet you slide off your seat when a man wearing Davidoff walks past.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:47, Reply)

I do quite like cool water

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:49, Reply)

oh dear

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)

this post makes my nose wrinkle
musty old man is not a good smell
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:40, Reply)

CK One for me

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:40, Reply)

I love ck one
we could share that AND our revels!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:41, Reply)

*whispers*
I think I'm in here lads
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:43, Reply)

#LAD

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:44, Reply)

tggi^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:44, Reply)

welcome to 1996

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:41, Reply)

Meh
I like the smell
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)

typical Northern troglodyte

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:46, Reply)

Thats me

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:48, Reply)

AltAlt: a pierced belly button on a nice tanned flat stomach.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:36, Reply)

Welcome to 1997

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:37, Reply)

Betraying his common roots here
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2071323
I bet he likes a nice classy tattoo of a butterfly on a shoulder and all
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:39, Reply)

is that the last time he had a flat stomach/could see his own cock underneath it?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:39, Reply)

Yes.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)

hi!
I ent tanned though, is that a dealbreaker?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:38, Reply)

I never knew men got their belly buttons pierced
I was 100% sure it was only girls...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:39, Reply)

I think benders and bisexualists do it too.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:40, Reply)

bisexual = pervert
it's not a disease like gayness it's a choice to be a fanny lover bummer
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)

I honestly thought they were all 'ill'. How can I have been so wrong?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:44, Reply)

I think it's more greedy than perverted

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:45, Reply)

Greed's Hat.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:46, Reply)

well now you know eh

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:41, Reply)

never in my lifetime...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)

I got to travel to an unfamiliar town in a couple of days AND cross it all by me lonesome, no-one to hold me hand, no mummy, gonna be TOTES scary
alt: started a uni course at the weekend. MAYBE BE GOOD? Maybe be bad

altalt: wimmin with funny coloured hair. Like if they've dyed it bright green.
( Theoban What of it, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:36, Reply)

what are you studying?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:39, Reply)

Politics, Philosophy and Economics
YEAH I KNOW RIGHT WISHY WASHY USELESS BORING DEGREE
I'm mainly doing it cos I think it'll be interesting and I'm bored out of me head most of the time.
( Theoban What of it, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:40, Reply)

Also even though I'm in Ireland, it's with the OU so it's GOOD OLD PROPER ENGERLISH POLITICS, LIKE GOD INTENDED

( Theoban What of it, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:44, Reply)

There is a "fun sized" milky way on this desk...not sure if I should eat it or not

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:53, Reply)

i dont see how just enough to chocolate to make you want a decent amount of chocolate can be considered fun

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:04, Reply)

Alt: Orphan Black.
Not really watching anything else on TV but I liked the first episode of that. Also Supernatural comes back tonight but I can't watch until Thursday because of an essay I have to do.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 10:59, Reply)

I'm sure Madonna could help

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:01, Reply)

A miracle?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:01, Reply)

well she likes to collect black orphans innit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:03, Reply)

Perhaps one of them can write this essay for me

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)

I dunno if examiners can read Bongo Bongo language

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:09, Reply)

I think I might go to the Cheshire Cheese next week.
Do you have to wear a balloon hat?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:02, Reply)

what are you blithering on about?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:03, Reply)

Did you read the question?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:05, Reply)

not really...what's a cheshire cheese?
aside from a dairy product
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:07, Reply)

It's a public house in the city in which you live.
Not far from your new job.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:08, Reply)

LETS MEET!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:09, Reply)

That'll impress my boss!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:13, Reply)

That you are friends with a high flying londoner that works until 6pm and sometimes beyond will reflect well on you. mark my words

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:16, Reply)

he's not friends with me!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:18, Reply)

people like tangles don't have friends
they have spiritual connections
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:20, Reply)

You have a positive aura, I think we're in tune with one another

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:21, Reply)

Watch out, he'll be trying to re-align your chakras next

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:22, Reply)

Oh it's tangles
ta
( Theoban What of it, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:21, Reply)

I'm guessing in the last week someone made a hilarious Berty Wooster/Yurty Wooster pun
and tangles lolled so much he changed his name
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:25, Reply)

I just thought we'd gained another toff
I don't click on profiles like, too busy jetsetting etc
( Theoban What of it, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:25, Reply)

Nah, it's all plebs in here apart from me and Monty

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:27, Reply)

Er HELLOOOOOOO!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:28, Reply)

Your from Cheshire...the Essex of the North

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:33, Reply)

Oh sweetie you DO put on such airs!
Never forget you were born in a coal mine on the poorest evening of the year
( Theoban What of it, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:36, Reply)

And Monty does rather let your side down by being so poor

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:29, Reply)

And bomber by being bomber*
*who I hear was once ape
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:32, Reply)

being poor is the pinnacle of toffness, that way you avoid all the ugliness of money

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:32, Reply)

Royalty never carries money dahling

( Theoban What of it, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:34, Reply)

im only going on pictorial, anecdotal, and what some counts on the street said evidence,
is it for a baysh?
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:05, Reply)

wheres my invite?

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)

WELL??!!??

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)

It's not a baysh, I'm down that way for work.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)

will you still be able to leave at 4pm?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:08, Reply)

Earlier - the meeting finishes at 3.30

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:10, Reply)

Thank god for that eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:11, Reply)

I like big fat arses. Is that ok for altalt?
Fancy a job at the EDL? Tommy Robinson has resigned.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:22, Reply)

+ hairy men's shitty

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:23, Reply)

Nottingham needs a new sheriff

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:27, Reply)

I cant remember last time I had to make a decision with my stones.
My life is far too laid back for all that shit.

I will try to get a B4ysh in next year at some point. reckon it could be a laugh.

alt. I suppose Agents of SHIELD but it's a bit meh.

altalt. I like a cute smile on a pretty face.
You got a reeeeeeal pretty face...
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:28, Reply)

Just remember what has been seen, cannot be unseen

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:34, Reply)

I DUN SEEN Jay

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:35, Reply)

You've met OT's resident chutney ferret?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:35, Reply)

No
I decided to follow him on Twitter

on Twitter
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:36, Reply)

@chutters

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:38, Reply)

#buttmonkey

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:39, Reply)

Did you? Who be you?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:41, Reply)

I shall gaz you

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:42, Reply)

@nurthurnbovine

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:43, Reply)

@haddawayandshite

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:45, Reply)

I feel like I've missed out in not choosing this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:45, Reply)

You paint a pretty picture

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:40, Reply)

i infuse the paint with my own blood and feces, then fling the paint at a large canvas in my New York loft apartment with an industrial service lift and token girl in one of my old shirts lying on the unmade bed

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:43, Reply)

Some people pay good money for that
Throw in a dirty nappy and the world is your oyster
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:44, Reply)

Oh man, think of all those nappies I've thrown away!
money dopwn the drain
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:48, Reply)

Glasses can make an attractive woman more attractive.
They can't rescue the looks of someone who's ugly to start with.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:43, Reply)

Kate Silverton

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:44, Reply)

Better with.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:49, Reply)

Indeed

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:50, Reply)

You can't polish a turd but you can roll it in glitter

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 8 Oct 2013, 11:45, Reply)