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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Chopper Read has died the Faceook stuff is already pouring in.
Do you know any criminals?Proper ones that have written books and that?
Alt, do you bother with that Halloween shit?
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 9:56, 198 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
I used to have a blog and I had 6 points on my driving licence at one point.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:01, Reply)
Hang, flog or send back?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:06, Reply)
You read it?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:41, Reply)
I know this one guy, right
that chopped off a drug dealer's head and had it mounted on his bedroom wall, mouth wide open, as a fuck trophy
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:03, Reply)
Piss off plod

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:08, Reply)
I've met loads of ex-offenders who'd committed serious crimes, as part of the charity work that I don't like to talk about.
Alt: for Micro yes. None of that trick or treat stuff though; that's just begging.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:08, Reply)
Found the £57k yet?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:09, Reply)
Yes.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:14, Reply)
Eh?
How can you lose £57K?

Bad bean investments?
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:23, Reply)
My ex is financially inept.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)
So it would seem
I ask the question again
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:25, Reply)
Or she was adept at squirrelling money away from a drunken husband she was intent on leaving

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:31, Reply)
I know AA through the internet
scourge of the North Wests Odeons he was.

alt: it's for children, the childish and americans
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:09, Reply)
So your wife is making you celebrate it for baby ape?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:11, Reply)
no of course not...although there is a massive bag of haribo somewhere in the house

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:12, Reply)
that's just for your van-based noncing and child murder, though.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:13, Reply)
it's all in the name of SCIENCE

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:17, Reply)
Not that have written books, no.
alt: only insofar as it's an excuse to go round the in-laws and drink beer.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:13, Reply)
I'm pretty sure only shit criminals write books
what with it tending to be becuase they've be caught.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:14, Reply)
Mr Nicd was amusing
Although probably 10% true. i think he skimmed over his ties with the security services though.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:18, Reply)
Jeffery Archer wrote his before he was caught.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)
Unfortunately

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:29, Reply)
There used to be this weird Irish guy that drank in my local
who took a bit of a shine to me. Bought me a set of tyres for my car a few years ago. Turns out he was wanted for murdering a chambermaid fifteen years agoin London, and is now languishing at her majesty's pleasure.

The same pub also offered up the guy who's in jail for Glittery (little boys and animals) and the one who's awaiting trial for Glittery (little girls).

I may need to fins a new juicer.

Alt: there's a lot of kids around our way who do the trick or treat thing, so we always make an effort to decorate the front door and hand out sweets, but otherwise no.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:26, Reply)
so weston is full of nonces, who would have ever guessed?!

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)
And murderers.
Don't forget the murderers,
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)
I can see hwy you like it so much...

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:29, Reply)
At least it's not Coventry...

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:31, Reply)
You might not have taken so long to find a job, if it was.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:32, Reply)
I'm happy to have waited so long
because the job I have now is awesome.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)
yeah, "waited"

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:44, Reply)
Westnoncesupermare

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)
Weston supernonce

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:29, Reply)
Sounds like a 70's band

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:29, Reply)
So does Gary Glitter.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)
I'll Gary Glitter you in a minute

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)
I will Glitter your Gary surely

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:59, Reply)
You could at least buy me a drink first

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:08, Reply)
Yay to Hallowe'en - it's a bit of fun.
Increasingly I like all these celebrations that seem to piss grumpy people off.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:38, Reply)
I hope a gang of youths beat you to a pulp and burn down your house as a "trick"

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:40, Reply)
Good old London.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:40, Reply)
it's a land of hope and opportunity

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)
As in "I hope that gang of schoolchildren don't take this opportunity to stab me"?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:44, Reply)
the only place I have ever been threatened with a knife was in Oxford

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:48, Reply)
The restaurants there look down on grown men in bibs using plastic spoons

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)
Only because a knife is less use than a chocolate teapot as a weapon in London these days.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)
I see you've played knifey-teapot before

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:07, Reply)
Me too!
Fighting children is great fun.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)
I thought you didn't have any kids?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:40, Reply)
none above ground

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:40, Reply)
This doesn't suck itself you know
*points*
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)
That's why it's so fun.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)
Moroccan topped hummus from Sainsburies is da BOMB

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 10:59, Reply)
Yurt prick

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:00, Reply)
this^

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:00, Reply)
BRING BACK THE PESTO TOPPED ONE
that was best of all teh houmouseseses.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:01, Reply)
You could always make your own?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:01, Reply)
I don't know if anyone makes a pink blender that is expensive enough, though,

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:04, Reply)
ha

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)
he has a damn good point

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)
It turns out
I couldn't be more wrong
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:08, Reply)
My mate just restored an antique one in shocking pink

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:10, Reply)
I like how the price depends on the colour

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:11, Reply)
i like how you sat there and clicked through all the different colours
gaylord focker
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:11, Reply)
I clicked between what it came up as and pink to confirm it was pink
and noticed the difference.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:18, Reply)
It's better than that.
All the coloured ones are the same price except the pink one, which is nearly £20 more.

It's like they saw her coming.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:18, Reply)
Actually, it's worse than that.
£20 from the pink one goes to breast cancer awareness, and the cunts have the brass balls to therefore put the price up by £25... fucking hell.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:25, Reply)
It's a small price to pay to help save tits.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:30, Reply)
I like breasts.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:33, Reply)
So do I! I have seen some real ones once, that didn't belong to a family member!

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:35, Reply)
Yeah
Big Dave
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:36, Reply)
NO REAL NAMES PLEASE

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:37, Reply)
that is actually quite cute
but i already have a stainless steel blender. woe.

can you have two blenders?
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:11, Reply)
Yes
Greggs Hat and bedshitter
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:12, Reply)
Oh, bLenders

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:12, Reply)
^TGGI.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:16, Reply)
errr... I think I've got, like, 4.
Well, variants of blender/food processor.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:16, Reply)
Houmice, surely?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:03, Reply)
Houmii.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:04, Reply)
Yes you!

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)
couldn't have been.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:07, Reply)
genius!

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:07, Reply)
I dont like to brag

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:10, Reply)
officelol

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:11, Reply)
It's topped with Moroccans?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:02, Reply)
they are miniced up first

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:07, Reply)
They only use gay ones?
Bloody islamic homophonbia.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:11, Reply)
They've banned words that sound the same?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:13, Reply)
Dr Seuss is fucked

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:16, Reply)
It's Queerping Sharia.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:19, Reply)
....top ten Star Wars ....

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:20, Reply)
Hmmm.....stay away from the lower exhaust port, you must...

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:24, Reply)
I just impacted on the surface

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:25, Reply)
IT'S A CRAP!

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:29, Reply)
*hand solos*

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:35, Reply)
So hummus got everyone talking again
fat middle class yurt pricks
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:26, Reply)
I was on pink Kitchen Aid blenders.
so "fat middle class bent yurt prick"

please.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:27, Reply)
but of course

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:30, Reply)
I don't have a blender, but I *do* have en electric whisk that I have used thrice.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:31, Reply)
your arsehole must be ruined

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:34, Reply)
All I can say is that it was *much* better the third time.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:35, Reply)
did you lick the whisk afterwards?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:36, Reply)
That's the best bit

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:37, Reply)
No idea who that is soz.
Is that from the film 'Chopper' that I also haven't seen?

alt. I don't go to Halloween parties or out dressed as a zombie anymore but I did enjoy.
I love the Hallowe'en spirit though. Been watching horrors every night this month and have some classics lined up for the Friday after with the other half.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:34, Reply)
Are your hearing aids working today?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:35, Reply)
I SAID, ARE YOUR HEARING AIDS WORKING TODAY?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:36, Reply)
It's true though
Bummers ARE deaf
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:38, Reply)
What?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:38, Reply)
tggi^

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:39, Reply)
*signs*

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:43, Reply)
I'm doing what with a koala?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:44, Reply)
*signs*

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:45, Reply)
lol

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:45, Reply)
Haha! yes. I brought spare batteries
Thanks for your concerns
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:41, Reply)
Also, lets not mention AIDs eh? touchy subject for those that ride the chutney train

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:36, Reply)
Put something on the end of it!!

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:41, Reply)
INORITE
His punctuation is fucking terrible.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:42, Reply)
wrap it up before you slap it up

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:44, Reply)
two black eyes means you had to tell her twice.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:45, Reply)
did Tim Westwood say this?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:45, Reply)
Only after he had 'dropped the bomb'

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:46, Reply)
Punch My Bride

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:46, Reply)
you could get some mates over and reenact "the human centipede" but cock to arse instead of mouth to arse

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:35, Reply)
'Daisy Chain'

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:36, Reply)
'pansy chain', surely?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:36, Reply)
Gaisy Train MORE LIKE!

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:37, Reply)
I think it's a 'thing'

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:37, Reply)
Funnily enough, despite being a boarder at a public school from age five to eighteen, Nakers claims never to have witnessed or experienced such things.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:44, Reply)
Must be a right ugly cunt

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:45, Reply)
no one wants to bum nakers : (

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:46, Reply)
I will matey, I'll sling one up anything.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:48, Reply)
how charming

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:50, Reply)
It's just what I *do*

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:52, Reply)
so, everything then
you must be like a walking STD clinic. shudder.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:53, Reply)
SYMPTOMLESS

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:54, Reply)
His biscuits were always dry

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:45, Reply)
hahahaha!
I love this
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:46, Reply)
genius.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:51, Reply)
7-18 AKSHULLY

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:46, Reply)
Ah those extra two years of your parents' love must have made all the difference.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:48, Reply)
roffle.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:50, Reply)
only commoners love their families

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:51, Reply)
I meant that it is probably the reason you are less bright than your peers.
Did they send your younger sibling earlier?
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:53, Reply)
nah she didn't bored till she was 13
girls private schools are a bit different in the ages that they start
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:55, Reply)
Someone start a new thread for fuck's sake.
No humous or lunch chat though.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:37, Reply)
No I done one already. That's it for a week for me. AND IT HAD EMOTICONS.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:38, Reply)
are you ona nonce hunt?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:39, Reply)
Not usually but I'll make an exception for you.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:39, Reply)
Gonna catch a big one

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:39, Reply)
With Anneka Rice

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:42, Reply)
STOP THE COCK
I'VE FOUND IT!
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:42, Reply)
she lives near me
she looks fucking rough
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:43, Reply)
That's why she got replaced by Annabel Croft
Who got replaced by Lara Croft
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:46, Reply)
whose tit's got replaced with beachballs

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:47, Reply)
I know a guy that killed a guy.
Well, I say I know him, he used to ride motorbikes with my dad and I have spoken to him 4 times.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:44, Reply)
^ MURDERER ^

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:45, Reply)

5.9.83.79/questions/offtopic/post2115127
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:46, Reply)
You know, despite what all these people say, I'm not a murderer,
Merely a killer.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:46, Reply)
A laydee killa amirite?!?!? #LADZ

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:47, Reply)
Nah, I killed a guy in a pub toilet,
That I wasn't in, or had been in for weeks.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:48, Reply)
I had heard this. That's why we haven't been for a beer or ever will.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:49, Reply)
I got bit out of my system. I'm cool now.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:50, Reply)
Yeah Yeah, just like the 'drinking problem' you're 'over'

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:51, Reply)
Why you hurt me like this?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:54, Reply)
I'm toughening you up for the real world.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:55, Reply)
U G L Y
You aint got no alibi
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:49, Reply)
*throws bottle of piss*

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:50, Reply)
I was there!

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:53, Reply)
I wasn't!
But I did witness Fiddy Cent getting the same treatment a couple of years later.
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:54, Reply)
did you leave a live wire hanging out of the wall?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:55, Reply)
^^ Lyrical Gangsta

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:46, Reply)
Excuse me
Mr Officer
(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:47, Reply)
Still love you like that?

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:47, Reply)
Once its healed, yes

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:48, Reply)
*electric whisks*

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:49, Reply)
lol2

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:49, Reply)
well, fuck you.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:47, Reply)
You snooze, you lose

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:49, Reply)
"Here Comes The ButtStuffer"

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:49, Reply)
He's the lyrical gangster.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:47, Reply)
INI KAMARRZE

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:48, Reply)

know a guy that
Well, I say I know him, he used to ride motorbikes with my dad and I have spoken to him 4 times.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:46, Reply)
:(

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:47, Reply)
I like your daily mail knife post up there

(, Wed 9 Oct 2013, 11:47, Reply)

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