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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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what should they bring back? hanging? flogging? noel edmonds house party?
alt: i have outed rory as the homeless man with a lab. and got called a "fucking twat" for my pains. when did your brains/charity work last go unnoticed?

altalt: are you anal or OCD about anything?
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:50, 224 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
My Bonnie.
Alt: You fucking twat.
Altalt: It's not being 'anally retentive' or having an 'OCD', it's called doing it the 'correct' way
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:52, Reply)
this^

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:55, Reply)
Damn right

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:57, Reply)
Slavery.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:54, Reply)
Yugo+

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:55, Reply)
Decent punishment in schools
Kids just take the fucking piss these days

Alt:
Brains - every day at work
Charity Work - Great North Run

AltAlt:
Ensuring my kids ALWAYS say please and thank you. I will not have rude children
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:54, Reply)
you should probably move South

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:57, Reply)
To get them into having a faux Jamaican accents?
Ya Get Meh?
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:01, Reply)
that's certainly how I speak

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)
safe

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)
This. Very much so.
Kids are all full of their 'rights', without being aware of the corresponding 'responsibilities'.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:58, Reply)

their rights Bartleby's spunk
responsibilities diseases
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:05, Reply)
I don't like to talk about my charity work.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:55, Reply)
chicken vol au vents
alt: I am deeply unappreciated in my own time, really the sooner I die the better

altalt: OCD ent even a real thing it's just people being mental
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:58, Reply)
i am so un-OCD it's untrue
apart from one thing - all volume controls have to be on an odd number.

well ok that and the not sharing food thing. but that's just good hygiene.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:59, Reply)
Probably best you don't scratch that surface
There's no doubt a whole world of crazy in there.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:01, Reply)
"it goes up to 11, see?"

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:01, Reply)
Wrong! They should be EVEN numbers, everyone knows that.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:02, Reply)
i did actually once date a guy who had to have them on even numbers
it didn't last long
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:03, Reply)
Odd numbers are untidy.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:04, Reply)
it's from playing "he/she loves me, he/she loves me not"
odd numbers, you win.

even numbers, foreveralone.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:08, Reply)
bitches be trippin

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:09, Reply)
Depends if they are at the top of the scale or not
On my amp 15 is at 12 o'clock on the dial, so looks right.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:08, Reply)
this i totally get

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:09, Reply)
^ mentally ill

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:08, Reply)
^gay prick

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:10, Reply)
Shouldn't be on more than 2/3 of full anyway or you risk clipping and speaker damage
unless it's a really quiet recording.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)
Great tip, I didn't know this, I mean its not like i have a
HND IN MUSIC TECHNOLOGY, DISTINCTION DONCHAKNOW, OR ANYTHING.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:09, Reply)
So you know where stuff plugs in, then?

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:13, Reply)
Yeah, and how to press 'record' AND rewinding shit. COR!

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:14, Reply)
Rewinding? You can remember TAPES?

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:16, Reply)
Yes, some of my finest work was recorded 'reel to reel'
*likes to move it etc*
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:18, Reply)
This may be of interest then
www.theregister.co.uk/2013/10/10/history_of_magnetic_tape_part_three/
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:25, Reply)
There's my commute reading for the day - cheers! I like that kinda thing.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:27, Reply)
It's a good site now and then for that kind of stuff.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:29, Reply)
Bookmarked

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:31, Reply)
You might like this as well:
www.amazon.co.uk/Perfecting-Sound-Forever-Story-Recorded/dp/1847081401
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:30, Reply)
I think I've read that!

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:32, Reply)
I thought it was well good.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:33, Reply)
I'm sure I have it at home, but with a different cover. I shall check later.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:43, Reply)
Or, y'know, you could have bought an amplifier with a suitable power rating to use with your speakers.
i.e. amp much higher than the speakers. That way you avoid clipping and speaker damage, as the sound distorts before the speakers are damaged and you know you've hit the limit.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:41, Reply)
This is true
but most packaged systems aren't like that, so break.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:51, Reply)
true enough
but it's still scary how many "high end" hifi experts/shops will tell you that your speaker rating should exceed that of your amp.

electronics fail 101.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:57, Reply)
That's so they can sell you more expensive speakers.....
anyhow a decent amp should trip out if it clips.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:05, Reply)
THIS
Don't people know ANYTHING????
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:13, Reply)
I knew you were normal underneath all the weird shit you come out with.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:14, Reply)
Oh, now steady on.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:15, Reply)
NOnonononononon, they have to end in '5' or '0'.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:13, Reply)
that's tombola tickets
silly gonz
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:14, Reply)
Hahaha
I like this.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:23, Reply)
I don't get this. I don't think i've been to a tombola before.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:29, Reply)
Ending in a 2 or 8 is best, truss bruv, try it.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:15, Reply)
Nah, has to be 3 or 7, primes innit.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:18, Reply)
They are the worst ones! You know NUTTIN

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:19, Reply)
Nah', thats servings of food.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:30, Reply)
My volume control doesn't have numbers on it.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:18, Reply)
I can't see anyone disputing your second point in the alt.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:00, Reply)
mother might...

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:04, Reply)
Yet there seems to be an element of doubt...

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:08, Reply)
mother can be very cruel

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:11, Reply)
Vol au vents are a deeply under-rated foodstuff

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:02, Reply)
they would be nice stuffed with goats cheese and fresh chilli
or blue cheese and spinach and pine nuts

fuck chicken or tuna
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:03, Reply)
I always like the prawn ones

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:04, Reply)
or mushrooms

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:04, Reply)
i love mushrooms
but creamy mushrooms in pastry is a bit bland. maybe we add your mushrooms to my blue cheese and fresh chilli. THEN there's a party.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:08, Reply)
I'm in
but only on the vol au vent front
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:10, Reply)
I love eating mushrooms directly from the frying pan, it's my favourite.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:13, Reply)
however are you so single?

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:14, Reply)
i really dunno cos people tell me i'm lovely quite alot HAKSHULLY

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:17, Reply)
your mum doesn't count

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:35, Reply)
Yeah, she loses track after the fifteenth trick of the day

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:36, Reply)
My mum's dead....no wait that's you!

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:42, Reply)
DELETION!

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:57, Reply)
SHOCKING!

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:58, Reply)
Y?

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:58, Reply)
rory set the irish mafia on me :(

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:59, Reply)
S'ok I will repost it down there where you can't ruin my fun.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:59, Reply)
IT'S THE LAW
NO FACTOIDS ABOUT RORY THE HOMELESS.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:05, Reply)
HE POSTED IT NOT ME I WAS JUST 'SAMPLING'

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:06, Reply)
Common sense.
And Chelsea Girl.

AltAlt: If I'm going round a supermarket or shop, I can't just flit from one area to another and back again. I have to do all the aisles in order. It really flids me out if I get dragged 'sideways'.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:01, Reply)
Here they come now
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ad4O-pFehRs
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:03, Reply)
the beat
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9R-yyVNb4DI

alt: charity work? Fuck off

Altalt: I AM OBSESSED WITH ANUSES
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)
lol
rondejeremy.com/
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:27, Reply)
"One eyed spirit" company....lol

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:33, Reply)
Yeah, he didn't need to shout as the page opened.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:34, Reply)
Gladiatorial combat with real weapons, blood etc.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:28, Reply)
Bring back smoking in pubs BUT, before I get flamed...
...Have designated smoking bars, well ventilated with air-curtains to protect the staff etc. I no longer smoke but I have friends who do and they have to go to the 'leper colony' outside to smoke.
Alt: All the time
Altalt: Not really, I get a bit narked when people won't change their guitar strings even though they look like toxic waste and sound like fence wire.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:34, Reply)
Yeah lets force pubs that are already struggling to make ends meet give up space and invest in expensive technology so people that stink don't have to go outside

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:39, Reply)
I can smell MORE people since the smoking ban.
Even as a smoker I can see the positives, but the frequent smell of fart an bo isn't necessarily one of them.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:20, Reply)
No to the smoking thing.
We griped, we moved on, we're possibly healthier for it.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:49, Reply)
I'd bring back Bert.
Alternatively, spankyhanky.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:38, Reply)
has he left?
Does pooflake still post?
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:40, Reply)
left ages ago
Legless has me on 2.0, Pooflake called me an 'ugly cunt', which was well lol coming from him.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:42, Reply)
it's like the elephant man insulting Simon Weston

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:43, Reply)
innit bruv

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:45, Reply)
cruel but accurate

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:45, Reply)
fuck off you fat psycho cunt
Chompy gave you a facial.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:46, Reply)
here's an idea, right
just a little idea...

POST SOMETHING ORIGINAL, EH?
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:47, Reply)
it's sampling, not stealing

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:48, Reply)
ir?

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:48, Reply)
Possibly the death penalty.
Or prison's should be like prison. People aren't scared to commit crimes these days. Not surprising when they have flat screen telly's and PS3's in the cells.

Also, The Crystal Maze. Not with that Ed Tudor Pole bloke, I think he's dead anyway so problem solved.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:48, Reply)
Oh Jason...

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:50, Reply)
Haha! :)
Hook, line and sinker.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:50, Reply)
you hooked dozer too!

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:52, Reply)
:)
There is a hint of truth. I do believe we need a harsher justice system.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:56, Reply)
why?
if removal of freedom doesn't do it, whether you are being forced to smash rocks 12 hours a day won't either.

People don't stop being criminals because of "fear of prison". Most criminals don't think they will be caught.

Rehabilitation, chut dawg. that's where it's at.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:00, Reply)
Only the stupid ones get caught.....

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:02, Reply)
but at least they might do something useful whilst in prison if they were smashing rocks
they should use repeat offenders for testing on, rather than animals. nothing bad, like drugs, just cosmetics. a nice stint of having to mince around the exercise yard in cherry red lipstick and matching twinkling nails should be a nice treat for some, punishment for others...
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:04, Reply)
If you want to wear make up
it should be tested on something you love, not that you despise. I'm all for shoving stuff in the eyes of bunnies. Make it kittens or puppies, even better. Or ducklings. You want that look, suffer some guilt for it.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:06, Reply)
i only want to look better because MEN and SOCIETY

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:07, Reply)
No, you want to wear paint because WOMEN and COSMO.
Straight men usually don't give a fuck, and by "society" you mean "what your shrivelled-ovary overlord harridans tell you to do"
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:11, Reply)
Also, I'm about to go and teach so I can't stay around for this
but why should they do something useful? Vast precentages of humanity do nothing "useful" in their day to day lives. Why should prisoners be made to do it?
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:09, Reply)
I'm being pretty useless right now

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:10, Reply)
maybe you're right
let's just harvest their organs instead?
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:13, Reply)
Isn't that down to more the individuals psyche?
(watch us wreck the mike)

I would certainly be deterred from committing a crime again if I was in a bleak cell on a day to day basis.

Rehab is for quitters.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:08, Reply)
yeah but (I assume) you wouldn't do the crime in the first place
so you're not really a relevant example.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:09, Reply)
yeah but it's not just a deterant is it, it's so the public/victims feel they have got justice
50/50 sentencing, 50% pain and humiliation 50% rehabilitation.

Simple
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:28, Reply)
harsher how?
Severing limbs?

Death penalty?
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:07, Reply)
make them listen to one of your dj sets?
actually that was uncalledfor, i'm sure your sets are good. you seem to know your oats there, if nowhere else.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:07, Reply)
I'd make them read your script.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:14, Reply)
they'd love it
got rave reviews from a TOP LONDON COMEDIAN ACTUALLY, so there!
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:16, Reply)
Jim Davidson isn't exactly what you can call 'TOP', soz.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:17, Reply)
Michael McIntyre is about as funny as radiotherapy, soz

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:23, Reply)
^TGGI

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:29, Reply)
you should deffo post an extract

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:28, Reply)
She'll only DELETE it

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:30, Reply)
yes
shortly after i send this baby deer into that pit of wolves and snakes
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:34, Reply)
Depends on the crime, innit.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:08, Reply)
indecent homosexual sex acts

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:33, Reply)
DEATH!!!

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:36, Reply)
death by Aids

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:37, Reply)
*Shakes head*
reckless kids.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:39, Reply)
Also: genocide.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:50, Reply)
you tabloid tit
Prisons are horrible.

There aren't flat screens or PS3s in cells.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:50, Reply)
You need to catch up on your Daily Mail reading, you CHUMP.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:52, Reply)
you need to die

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:52, Reply)
Are you okay hun? That was an exceedingly poor quality retort, even for you.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:55, Reply)
soz m8
Swipe's bullying has really got me down :'(
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:03, Reply)
Don't let it get you all upset man, she's just jealous of your handsome face.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:04, Reply)
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
he looks like a downs at the vinegars
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:06, Reply)
It's a strong look.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:08, Reply)
you look like a rusty spastic with a massive nose, desperately waddling from one disastrous relationship to the next
The hooray Henrietta hippo, if you will.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:12, Reply)
You 'would' though? Right?

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:15, Reply)
this is his idea of flirting
it's why he's not had sex since he jammed it in a watermelon at age 14
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:16, Reply)
wouldnae touch it wi yours

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:18, Reply)
I couldn't tell if you did, mine don't work.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:20, Reply)
we know

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:27, Reply)
My previous boss had OCD she used to throw wobblies if the shared kitchen had mugs out of line.
It was well lol.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:17, Reply)
There is no way I would exploit this for my own personal amusement.
None what so ever.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:19, Reply)
That hidden camera bit got to me on Noel's House party.
Cameras in the mid-90's were fucking massive and would've needed to be connected to an outside-broadcast van.

Plus nobody was ever having a shit or one off the wrist.

I'm calling bollocks.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:18, Reply)
maybe you're the only disgusting person who does those disgusting things

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:22, Reply)
Yes, I am the only person on the british isles who defecates.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:23, Reply)
sounds legit

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:24, Reply)
That would make Gormo the bedshitter

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:27, Reply)
interesting

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:28, Reply)
They need to bring back those 70's tits from the carry on movies
you know the ones, they were big and pointy and stuck out sideways.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:22, Reply)
+ enormous muffs

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:23, Reply)
so barbara windsor then?

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:24, Reply)
God, she is awful

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:26, Reply)
She's no Hattie Jacques.

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:28, Reply)
To be honest I wasn't really thinking like that
I just wanted to suggest something a bit more light hearted than electrocuting spastics like Texas does. Nakers wouldn't stand a chance.
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:32, Reply)
we'd all miss him though

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:33, Reply)
One to bring back for Monty
They may be nuts over on /links, but one of them has turned up this:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_lI4c7Qano
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:34, Reply)
Gadzooks!

(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:40, Reply)

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