I've never seen a 'Santa Claus Lane'
What have you never seen?

Alt: Who else thinks this whole 'man-flu' thing is an unwarranted sexist stigma that wouldn't be tolerated if the boot was on the other foot?

Altalt: Christmas cards. Who gives a fuck? If I'm not opening a card tentatively less piles of cash fall all over the place then it's not really worth the bother.
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:12, 186 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Manflu is just a cold nothing more. Stupid term really.
That's you off my Crimbo list then .
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:21, Reply)

all sorts
star wars, ET, mary poppins, wizard of oz...

alt: totally true. men make a right fuss. they should try having periods every month for a year, they'd soon realise they have it easy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:24, Reply)

Blobbing is hardly difficult.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:28, Reply)

Or voluntary.
They want to woman the fuck up.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:30, Reply)

when did you last try it???

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:30, Reply)

Don't have to.
The bane of my life is having to listen to it.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:32, Reply)

look love, you leave your perversions outside, ok?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:35, Reply)

It's just noise coming from your face isn't it?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:39, Reply)

how was i supposed to know that when you asked me for a drink
you meant a rainbow one
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:40, Reply)

*bokes*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:41, Reply)

blimey
your depths are pretty deep, so if I've plumbed them, that's rather worrying
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:44, Reply)

I'll plumb your depths in a minute, young lady

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:46, Reply)

about time too

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:47, Reply)

*plumbses*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:48, Reply)

We have to shave .more than they blob.
Simples.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:32, Reply)

oh really?
and that covers your legs, armpits and private parts, does it?

oh really? just the comparatively tiny area of your face that you can leave for days if you want to?

YEAH, THAT'S THE SAME.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:35, Reply)

Yup.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:35, Reply)

not everyone has balls like yours
so smooth that ian Watkins begs you for cock gazzes
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:36, Reply)

LEAVE IAN WATKINS ALONE.
YOU'RE KILLING HIM!!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:38, Reply)

alright pink snooker balls

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:39, Reply)

It's only a gayyyyme so

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:42, Reply)

Lol shaven haven.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:38, Reply)

both genders get a shit deal
and we made a society which makes it worse.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:36, Reply)

yeah but skanky men had a lot more to do with making society
after all, they were allowed to run it for 2,000 years...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:39, Reply)

Still do.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:40, Reply)

AND THAT IS WHY WE ARE ALL FUCKED :(

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:41, Reply)

and always will

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:55, Reply)

no, gay men have it easy
heteros have the unfortunate duty to obey the Commander-In-Pants and share their lives with the opposite sex who do nothing but whinge and whine about their god given duties in life
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:39, Reply)

YEAH!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:41, Reply)

It is totally sexist bollocks.
PMT, however, is an actual thing. Women's hormones do go absolutely all over the place and they become totally irrational.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:56, Reply)

alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:26, Reply)

fuck off

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:40, Reply)

FUCK OFF

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:40, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2174818
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:50, Reply)

i been, done, seen about everything
when I see an elephant fly
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:32, Reply)

I never never seen a unicorn bumming a squirrel
Alt:
I dont "do" ill but I'm inclined to agree. Women complain more about illnesses

AltAlt:
Dont really give a fuck
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:42, Reply)

women talk about minor ailments like thay are terminal illnesses.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:51, Reply)

See monthly moaning for reference

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:52, Reply)

And they wear hospital visits and doctors visits
like a badge of honour.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:54, Reply)

this sounds like you are complaining about nurses' uniforms

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:15, Reply)

Mrs Cow pops pills like they are going out of fashion

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:19, Reply)

men make more sweeping generalisations

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:09, Reply)

Women all say that

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:21, Reply)

bloo bloo bloo
Why am I stuck at work!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:50, Reply)

Because you took three weeks off in September & used all your remaining holiday entitlement up.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:52, Reply)

Oh yeah.
It's still unfair.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:53, Reply)

Don't think I'll bother with work this arvo

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:51, Reply)

I don't have to do too much but just being stuck here is tedious.
I am in tomorrow and Friday too.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 13:53, Reply)

^ this ^
well, i'm fucking off to the lakes tomorrow IF THE STUPID TRAINS ARE RUNNING
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:14, Reply)

they may not if the wind and rain carries on like this

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:24, Reply)

i know
and then i'll have to drive

in a tiny low slung sports car

that doesn't fit one suitcase, never mind my two (one is full of presents). fuuuuuck.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:38, Reply)

So far today I've had a shave, a haircut, 3 coffees and watch Expendables 2

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:16, Reply)

I've had a wank, two coffees & a bacon sandwich.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:21, Reply)

+ in the cafeteria

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:22, Reply)

I've had a full English, a train journey and a sleep.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:23, Reply)

WHEN DID YOU HAVE A FULL ENGLISH???

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:24, Reply)

WHEN I WAS WAITING FOR THE TRAIN

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:25, Reply)

^doing it right^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:26, Reply)

There was black pudding too which I ate even though I don't really like it.
POW!
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:28, Reply)

curse you!
I could have eaten that for you
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:32, Reply)

It was a big bit too, soz.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:36, Reply)

If I'm in the mood then its lovely

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:33, Reply)

It rarely seems to taste of much to me.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:37, Reply)

It is really nice in mash

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:38, Reply)

you put congealed animal blood... into mashed potato??

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:49, Reply)

humph
I fancied a bit of pasta salad for breakfast. fuck it, it's Christmas. so I went into one of the deli bars near my office. she refused, saying that "lunch items weren't ready until 10.30". I pointed out that the shop was totally empty (it's a bloody ghost town around here) and all the items I wanted were ALREADY OUT ON DISPLAY. she insisted she couldn't do it because the meat wasn't ready yet.

so I stormed off and emailed a complaint about her. got a response apologising and saying they had grilled her about it. HAPPY CHRISTMAS, BITCH.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:28, Reply)

Who the fuck wants pasta salad for brekkie?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:29, Reply)

Vegetarians mate, nuff said.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:30, Reply)

well, normally nobody
including me. but we didn't have any dinner last night, and I just... fancied it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:30, Reply)

cravings
...run, froggles
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:33, Reply)

Maybe it's Jesus

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:36, Reply)

i thought he just 'touched' her

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:38, Reply)

He moves in mysterious ways

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:40, Reply)

:((

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:38, Reply)

Blobbing^

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:38, Reply)

me? or rory?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:42, Reply)

Both, you pair of silly bitches.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:43, Reply)

They've already started cancelling trains down your way.
And there is a landslip on the Hastings line.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:27, Reply)

Delayed the 10:66 service
It was a right battle getting into work
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:28, Reply)

I don't care as I'm at home with the heating turned up to max and the telly on. I'm also wearing shorts.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:29, Reply)

Don't forget the Haribo.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:31, Reply)

They're long gone :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:32, Reply)

I just got given a bottle of cognac.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:33, Reply)

That's lunch sorted then

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:35, Reply)

See just below and to the left.
But perhaps dinner is.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:36, Reply)

You down with VSOP?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:35, Reply)

It's a Grand Champagne Premier Cru VSOP.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:36, Reply)

nice

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:38, Reply)

There's enough of it to get the Chrissie Pud going like the Fire of London.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:40, Reply)

That sounds like a waste

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:42, Reply)

supermarket own-brand brandy for cooking

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:45, Reply)

Indeed

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:46, Reply)

If you won't drink it
Don't cook with it.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:48, Reply)

The pud is really nice if you give a good go
with the brandy. Then lashings of custard!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:47, Reply)

I'm normally too full to eat Christmas pud

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:48, Reply)

I've got goose and ham
so I don't fancy my chances tbh.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:50, Reply)

Turkey and not yet decided on pork, beef or MOAR ham

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:54, Reply)

this sounds really really rude
sorry
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:51, Reply)

You've got custard all over your face

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:51, Reply)

bollock custard.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:52, Reply)

You've got bollock custard all over.......

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:59, Reply)

I've had a haircut, a ham roll, a wank, a turkey sarnie and gut full of coffees.
Sporters, are you on holiday in Windowsill Bay this week?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:23, Reply)

I am indeed from today
Off to take the kids to the Santa train in the morning then the panto on the afternoon
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:25, Reply)

o s
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:29, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:34, Reply)

i thought it was
a shave and a hair cut, two bits
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:23, Reply)

It was
I am now clean shaven with shorter hair
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:25, Reply)

POIDH

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:29, Reply)

Fuck no
I look like a corpse
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:32, Reply)

i shall be stalking fb later
although admittedly to see pics of the world's bentest dog
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:33, Reply)

I really wouldn't bother

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:34, Reply)

he's purdy
I like him
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:36, Reply)

Oh, the dog is, aye
I've just taken a "selfie" and I look fucked
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:39, Reply)

You never showed me his queer dog!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:39, Reply)

BEHOLD!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:41, Reply)

SEXY!!!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:42, Reply)

he looks like the king in dogtanian

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:43, Reply)

haha!
He is booked for a haircut next week, the little shite
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:44, Reply)

Women are lucky
their feeble bodies could never survive man-flu.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:15, Reply)

I'll just leave this here for Swipe
i.imgur.com/Y5tfXWq.png
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:15, Reply)

hahahahahaha!
Needs MOAR roundabout
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:17, Reply)

I AM NOT FUCKING GINGER

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:24, Reply)

Innit 'quality street'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:26, Reply)

Are you saying swipe is the orange one left at the bottom of the tin?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:27, Reply)

The purple one.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:31, Reply)

No purple ones left in our house

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:40, Reply)

I honestly hadn't even noticed she was ginger
it was purely the goat being called Chompy. But now it's 1000 times better.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:29, Reply)

+ than his "technique"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:29, Reply)

I've never seen a man eat his own head.
Alt: it's a fucking cold and man flu is the terminology of a twat that I may have been guilty of at some point.
Altalt: cards is bullshit.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:25, Reply)

like birthday cards, eh?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:26, Reply)

Yes. Like them too.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Dec 2013, 14:26, Reply)