New Years Resolutions

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 13:49, 146 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

None.
Perfection cannot be improved.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 13:50, Reply)

Apart from the pork pies

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 13:53, Reply)

I hope you die by drowning

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 13:55, Reply)

I resolve not to

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 13:56, Reply)

Someone needs to plug his hamster back in

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 13:57, Reply)

I don't think I've ever managed to keep one
so I don't bother anymore.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:00, Reply)

I've decided on good ones
Beat my time in the North Tyneside 10k
Beat my time in the Great North Run
Eat only tasty food
Complete raised beds to grow veggies
Start rebuilding greenhouse to grow more veggies
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:02, Reply)

no zero days
Get something done every day, even if it's just "load the dishwasher".
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:11, Reply)

Aim low to avoid disappointment.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:13, Reply)

Thats a good one
I've got loads done over these holidays. Chopped down two trees, cleared the base for the shed and levelled it all up, built a new wood shed and filled that with uncut logs and split another woodshed full of prepared wood

Also had MASSIVE FIRE
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:14, Reply)

are for cunts.
I *will* get fitter this year though.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:17, Reply)

i a
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:18, Reply)

Wall?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:18, Reply)

Yes.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:19, Reply)

Nah, I never really put on weight. No matter how much I stuff me beak.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:19, Reply)

^ fatty

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:20, Reply)

a i
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:24, Reply)

I like to put on a stone over Christmas
Its a sign of doing it right. I have a useful metabolism that means as soon as I stop drinking/eating shite then the weight falls off me again, much to the annoyance of Mrs Cow
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:21, Reply)

^
One day of no eating meant that I (probably) lost weight over Christmas.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:22, Reply)

I still have far too much cheese to eat

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:23, Reply)

I suspect you won't have this problem by Monday.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:29, Reply)

I suspect not
Still got some stilton and wensleydale to "tidy"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:31, Reply)

At least cheese keeps for ages
I might try and go a whole month without any cheese; I eat far too much of the stuff
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:35, Reply)

That's easy!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:36, Reply)

I'll give up cheese and you give up beer
Deal?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:37, Reply)

Deal. February though.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:38, Reply)

Shorter month
*taps nose*
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:42, Reply)

Shhhh!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:44, Reply)

I've started today
NO MORE CHEESE!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:49, Reply)

I've already failed.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:56, Reply)

I want to start jogging... It's the 'getting out of bed and doing it' part where I fail.
Maybe after Winter
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:23, Reply)

Fuck that
Just go out for a mile tonight
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:24, Reply)

I did run through Manc over the Christmas holidays to catch the bank and didn't die as much as I expected.
I do need some running trainers though. Or I'll have broken ankles.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:26, Reply)

You really do
and decent socks. You can get padded running socks which are REALLY comfy
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:28, Reply)

I keep thinking that, but it's hard where I live
Either I have to walk down to the river or into holland or Hyde park, or it's just running along roads with PEOPLE in the way. Much easier up here.

She says, heading off to the gym later, rather than running...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:31, Reply)

You over 25, yet?

( Kroney, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:26, Reply)

Over 25 what?
Not stone, yes age.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:29, Reply)

I used to be the same. Hit about 25/26 and everything changed.
If you're active you'll be alright, if not you're in for a rude awakening.
( Kroney, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:30, Reply)

Yeah I did start to notice a change but i've levelled off to a medium.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:34, Reply)

Drink more, smoke more, do less.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:18, Reply)

tggi

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:19, Reply)

TGGI
I have already had a few people tell me they are doing the dry January thing... I have told them they are pricks
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:19, Reply)

My mate is doing the opposite and drinking every day in January

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:20, Reply)

I hate people.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:21, Reply)

loads of people on my Facebook, begging for cancer money for the bandwagon lols.
Pricks.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:33, Reply)

Kill a child.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:21, Reply)

+nother

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:22, Reply)

I meant 'and get away with it, this time'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:23, Reply)

You need one of them Breaking Bad acid bins.
Now available from Amazon.com
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:25, Reply)

Just improve my general fitness, really.
Nothing special. This is partly driven by moving in with the missus later this year and her wanting a fucking piano shifted; I might like to play with my new niece/nephew when my sister in law gets her act together and drops it; my snakehips and sexy legs are slowly disappearing from view, which is an outright fucking tragedy.
( Kroney, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:25, Reply)

You getting a krunt?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:26, Reply)

Not quite.
If I don't act quickly, I'll be going up a waistband size, though.
( Kroney, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:28, Reply)

Get in there, Gaston.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:38, Reply)

Do a bit of exercise every day, even on non-gym days
Not waste time on cocks

Study for another qualification, possibly a masters in psychology or philosophy or classics
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:28, Reply)

You're turning lesbian?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:29, Reply)

No, just staying about from the bins.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:30, Reply)

Not those cocks
I do need a better cock filter in other areas of of life. Too trusting, me. That's the problem.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:33, Reply)

Just stoopid.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:38, Reply)

I think I lack the chip that most people have to spot a cunt at first instance
Inevitably I will say, "oh they're really nice", even when other people say they aren't. Then when they prove themselves to be a shit colleague/friend/human being, everyone else always says, "I knew it all along."

Or maybe they are all lying and I just need to do more of that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:42, Reply)

I'd say it was about 50/50.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:44, Reply)

Speaking of utter cunts
Have you got your phone back yet? We need to fix new year drinks with your boyfriend and your dwarf sex slave
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:47, Reply)

Yeah. Old number back on.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:48, Reply)

But which is that? I have 2...

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:49, Reply)

757

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:51, Reply)

I ain't ringing no plane, foo

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:52, Reply)

*proffers glass of milk*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:53, Reply)

Mr T.Extbook

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:54, Reply)

Right, I will text you and him. Next couple of weeks we will sort out something GOOD
Can always do it at mine if people are skint after Christmas
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:56, Reply)

Plenty of research for psychology on here.
I really enjoyed that. It's interesting. Go for psych.

It does make you look at everyone and everything with a raised eyebrow though.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:31, Reply)

One of my best friends is a criminal psychologist
She has the WORST taste in men ever. It really makes me wonder what they teach you!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:33, Reply)

Well if they aren't criminals, she's defenseless.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:36, Reply)

The current one should be
Every single day, I hope she will wake up and dump him
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:37, Reply)

+ on
It's always about the scat with you, isn't it?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:38, Reply)

You know I never have an issue with friends partners
unless they start keeping them captive and weedling out mates.

Or unless they are an utter cunt, with reason.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:40, Reply)

She met this one on a dating website about 3 years ago
Found out he was married after a few months. Yes, he'd put himself on a dating website. Then followed a 1 year break-up, when he kept promising he would leave his wife and child, but made up awful lies to delay it, like his dad having cancer (he didn't) or his son being in A and E (he wasn't).

12 months ago, she was happy with a nice guy, when this cunt slimed back into her life. Now he's left the wife, but he has a girlfriend. Only she's not the same, it's not as good... Urrrrgh so long story short, my friend dumped the nice guy for this pathologically lying cunt. I hate him!!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:44, Reply)

I bet he has a much bigger cock

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:46, Reply)

ha . I
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:48, Reply)

Sounds like a guaranteed fuck to me.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:46, Reply)

5.9.83.79/questions/offtopic/post2177032
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:49, Reply)

this^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:49, Reply)

If he went behind his wife's back, he will do it again.
Once you break that moral code it becomes easier.
Plus, the pathological liar thing is a bit shady.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:49, Reply)

Is she aware of your disdain?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:50, Reply)

I was fairly brutal about it
As was her other best mate. Unfortunately and inevitably, our relationships with her have suffered, but one day she will see the light. I just hope it's not too late.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:57, Reply)

You've done your bit. Just be there when he slips up and don't let her go back to it.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 15:01, Reply)

The problem is, he won't do it now, when she's all glam and they see each other at weekends and it's all high days and holidays
It'll be in ten year's time, when she's all knackered from kids and a job, and the novelty has worn off. I don't get how she can not see this. Plus he has no mates, which is never a good sign, and is a right whingey fuckwit
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:51, Reply)

Beware blokes without mates.
Never a good sign. See also women with only male friends. Means they can't socialise.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:53, Reply)

Very much this
Not only is it a bad sign that hardly anybody likes them or wants to spend time with them, it also means that they are most likely anti-social and will not want to go out with your mates or be happy if you go out a lot.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:55, Reply)

A friend of my missus had an ex-boyfriend add her as a friend on fb
Alarm bells rang when she noticed that she was his only friend on there.
A quick check revealed that he had set up a second account so that his wife wouldn't see/be seen.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:58, Reply)

Urgh
Cheating Fucktard.

My legal news update told me that the only thing going on over Christmas was a massive rocket in divorces because of cheaters getting caught out with phones/gifts etc
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 15:01, Reply)

I hate cheaters.
One strike and you're out with me.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 15:12, Reply)

But Jason honey, I can change...

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 15:14, Reply)

A yurt never changes its cheesecloth!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 15:15, Reply)

I dunno, he sounds alright.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:53, Reply)

We are never meeting him
So you'll never know!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:58, Reply)

:(
I'd like to meet him and give him a 'player five'
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:59, Reply)

I like the cut of his jib.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:59, Reply)

Sounds like a perfectly reasonable chap.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 15:01, Reply)

You never know. Maybe they will keep each other happy.
You never know what goes on behind closed doors.

Just keep glaring at him. Keep him in check.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:54, Reply)

Moore's law

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:33, Reply)

*attempts re-entry*

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:35, Reply)

*drops monocle*

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:36, Reply)

*wins world cup*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:37, Reply)

Better than Savile's Law.
Most disturbing TV show ever.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:38, Reply)

It's only on now and then, though.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:40, Reply)

For the day.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:41, Reply)

Oh very well played there sir

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:41, Reply)

I nearly forgot my favourite thing that I read on facebook yesterday.
I don't know this woman but this popped up in my news feed because one of my wife's friends commented on it and facebook is an indiscreet bitch:

"It may be a new year but reading everyone's updates about 2013 I realise I must be invisible. Friends past and present still enjoying times together when I saw new yr in with in my pjs with a cat!!! So I am spending New Year's Day feeling sad lonely invisible and depressed. Happy new year"
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:41, Reply)

Bloody attention whore

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:42, Reply)

She should post on here.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:44, Reply)

Rory would love her

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:45, Reply)

That's not fair, I'm glad he shared this
Cringier than Cringer the cat from He-Man reading the script of Love Actually
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:44, Reply)

NEEDS MORE CATS

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:42, Reply)

poor bgb

( Kroney, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:44, Reply)

She was my friend on there before she killed herself.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:47, Reply)

She dumped you? Haha

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:49, Reply)

No, she dumped the internet
Facebook likes to pretend that she still exists though.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:50, Reply)

I think she was visiting DG and Tourettes recently

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:52, Reply)

Nah she's dead.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:52, Reply)

sad times

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:53, Reply)

No, she definitely dumped you and only you
It's you
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:53, Reply)

Reading that status I can't imagine why people don't want to be her friend.
It's probably everybody else's fault.
( Kroney, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:52, Reply)

Sounds like a guaranteed fuck to me.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:45, Reply)

Already messaged her, mate.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:47, Reply)

Mmmmmm, desperate miserable cat lady.
2014 Winner of Most Likely to Tea Bag and Take It Up the Shitter.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:50, Reply)

hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:48, Reply)

Has anyone flounced over the New Year?
That's a fake Pookie, right?

You guys keep me young.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:53, Reply)

It's Rory/Doctor Frog the Name Stealer

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:53, Reply)

Yeah I kinda got that from the malice in the name.
He is Fake Doozer too?
I said this last year and got rebuffed!

Busy boy.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 14:56, Reply)

Yer
It doesn't need Sherlock to work it out - there/ only 5 people left posting, for a start.

Mmmm Sherlock. Watched that for the first time last night. Ordered box set this morning. And 3 new vibrators to keep up with it, Benedict Cumberbatch is hot as fuck.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 15:00, Reply)

im not rory

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 15:01, Reply)

Well, he is defo that fake Pookie.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 15:08, Reply)

deffo

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 15:17, Reply)

Lisp faced downs lookey-likey did you say?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 15:03, Reply)

I have terrible taste in men
We all know this
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 15:04, Reply)

Beats International's followup flopzzzzzzzz

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 15:06, Reply)

Oh no, no he is not :(
It looks like his face has melted.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 15:08, Reply)