Alright citizens of B3ta?
How's your week been?

Have a gander at these "hilarious" posters with one star Amazon reviews!
usvsth3m.com/post/72428667243/amazon-one-star-reviews-made-into-posters-that-will

alt. Weekend plans? Any of you doing that "Dry January" shite?
Quiet one for me really. Dublin in 2 weeks.

AltAlt. When was the last time you got fined and what for?
I aint been since I was a teenage chav skipping fare on the Metro. Good boy, I am.

As you were.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 11:54, 114 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Frog's on the Toy Story poster!

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 11:58, Reply)

Good spot

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:00, Reply)

I am reely happi I maid it on teh postor!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:00, Reply)

So far, shit
Alt:
Weekend plans currently involved "fuck all"

AltAlt:
I forgot my pass for the Metro and got fined but with a year pass you get three strikes before a fine so it was cancelled
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:00, Reply)

Howay Sporters, What's up pet?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:05, Reply)

I am going to guess at
some nerd based server thing.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:07, Reply)

this^
Work is getting fucking annoying at the moment
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:09, Reply)

Just go in there with a baseball bat.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:10, Reply)

I may pop into town for one

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:12, Reply)

Well, at least you can be sure of finding a Sports Direct open somewhere.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:14, Reply)

i get this football related joke!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:19, Reply)

Why do all IT people hate their jobs
Its almost as if the crippling social illness that lead them to IT in the first place makes them unsuitable for employment in general.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:15, Reply)

I got a fine of £65 this week for illegal parking
on a Sunday outside my office. I was only picking up Xmas pressies!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:03, Reply)

You've done your Christmas shopping early!

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:04, Reply)

Aye some lass at work got a £70 for parking in a disabled space.
Her defense was it was after 6pm.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:05, Reply)

She should have dribbled on her shoes
and claimed she was the spaz
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:07, Reply)

workth for me

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:21, Reply)

I have had a great week so far.
Alt: I'm having February off booze. This weekend I am continuing celebrating being older again with a family meal and an evening in the local with some friends (none of you are invited)on Saturday, and doing something else on Sunday.
Altalt: Parking ticket probs :(
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:03, Reply)

I don't think I drink enough to qualify a dry month.
I just hate how preachy people are about it on social media, when all they are doing is jumping on a bandwagon.

Your not drinking wont cure cancer bbz...

(not directing that at you, amphibian)
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:08, Reply)

I'm only doing it as an experiment to lose a little bit of weight innit, not because I think I drink too much or to be healthy or whatever

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:10, Reply)

I've been keeping to my morning exercise regime. Quite proud of that.
March is jogging month.
Got a wedding in June to be a bit thinner for.

I eat quite healthily anyway, so that's fine.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:12, Reply)

^ fatty

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:28, Reply)

Been a good week, I've done nothing but pig out and snooze
Wife and daughter back on Saturday, so it's back to wearing underwear and flushing the bog. It was good fun while it lasted. Work on Monday. Tomorrow will be spent cleaning the house up.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:04, Reply)

TGGI
Men have an ability to slob that no woman can match.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:09, Reply)

That's why we're the best mate

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:10, Reply)

Why do men feel the need to wear no clothes when they are alone?
I do this too. I may be a closet nudist!

Women always have some sort of gown on, even when sat crying into a tub of ice cream.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:09, Reply)

So we can s ratch easier.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:11, Reply)

Because it's more comfortable, that's how God intended us to be until Eve ate that apple and made us all feel ashamed of our natural forms yeah?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:12, Reply)

Wimmin.
Me and the other half feel no shame in slobbing about.

Man on man is where it's at. Plus weed.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:13, Reply)

Urgh
You like getting wee'd on... I knew your lot were all deviants
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:16, Reply)

As a doctor, I must inform you weed and bumming is bad for your health.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:16, Reply)

As another doctor, I'm prepared to offer a second opion on this.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:18, Reply)

Yeah, well your surgery has a hole drilled in the womens bogs, by you.
I'll stick to what I know, thanks...

Plus, that hand written "certificate" you have on your desk looks a bit sus.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:21, Reply)

Makes for more spontaneous masturbation.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:18, Reply)

Week's been OK so far - I'm expecting next week to be manic
Alt: The plan is - there is no plan. Not doing the 'dry January' although I did it for many years.

Altalt: Speeding. Because of a cockup by the CPS about 300 people were ALL summoned to the court on the same day at the same time (must've been copy/paste or mailmerge for everyone's summons!) I complained to the Magistrates and was given leave to claim my expenses as I'd had to drive quite a way and spend all day at the court. They fined me £180. I claimed £250 - and they paid it. Still gave me three points - they'll be off the licence in 2 months.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:07, Reply)

My weeks has been average
alt: Dunno, outdoor season hasn't restarted so probably take minibadger swimming or sutin.

altalt: Parking ticket probably. Some parts of the residents parking system around us are fucked. Last speeding fine was five years ago now. Other than that, don't think I've ever been fined. Oh, years ago I got a penalty fare in London not long after they introduced them as there was no ticket office at the interchange between underground and rail at Finsbury Park and I needed a travelcard extension. THRILLING STORY, BRO.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:16, Reply)

Also, taking a month of booze as some sort of pretend detox
is retarded. Sorry, but it just is.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:19, Reply)

gives your liver a rest though, eh?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:20, Reply)

I am sure I will be corrected
but your liver will recover (assuming no scarring from extreme abuse) in around 3-5 days
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:24, Reply)

Yes,
And your liver is pretty much the only thing you have that's capable of fairly rapid regeneration. But if you are drinking enough that the damage to your liver is a bigger problem than the other damage you are doing to your body, a month off's not going to cut it. Your liver will heal a bit, you'll get back on the booze and fuck it again.

All taking a month off proves is that you can actually stop drinking. The health benefits will be ruined when you get back on it, hard, a month later. See also: starvation diets.

If you want to prove you can stop drinking, take a day or two off a week. Or, accept it's all a load of shit and something has to kill you, and drink as much as you want.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:26, Reply)

I only read the last six words of that.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:27, Reply)

So did I, and I wrote it.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:29, Reply)

i didn't read any of it

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:30, Reply)

I only drink on a weekend, really.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:28, Reply)

Fucking hell
does that mean I have actually got something (pretty much) right on the internet.

My week is full of WIN
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:28, Reply)

That deserves a drink!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:32, Reply)

Also, a mate of mine's just about to bring a regen med facility online in Birmingham
which is primarily hepatology based, so we're probably all saved. YAY.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:29, Reply)

has anybody ever described you as 'fairly pompous'?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:29, Reply)

no, usually just as "a cunt"
You asked a question. what with the question mark. I answered it, what with it being something I know a little bit about. I fail to see what's in the slightest bit pompous about that, chap.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:31, Reply)

Also, have I just been called pompous by Dozer?
fucking hell, there just aren't enough kilospoons on the irony scale.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:33, Reply)

^ upset and fairly pompous

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:34, Reply)

This means I win, yeah? that's how the internet works, right?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:35, Reply)

^ still upset

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:39, Reply)

shut up, you're not even my real dad.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 13:47, Reply)

whilst this is a good scientific explanation
it fails, in the usual way of virginal scientists (my sweet), to see the bigger picture. usually people do dry January because they're sick and tired and penniless after indulging over Christmas. it's time to regroup financially, feel a bit healthier, rest and relax and get back into the working year...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:40, Reply)

Nah. it's because they're pricks.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:41, Reply)

I'm afraid tangles here has hit the nail on the head.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 13:47, Reply)

Is this your medical opinion
If so I am going with it.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:21, Reply)

I'm not medically qualified
only biologically. It's still bollocks.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:23, Reply)

I know I was just going to use it as an excuse
Any of these abstinence diets (unless you are on the point of organ failure) are pointless
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:24, Reply)

*thunderous wankfad fives*

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:26, Reply)

If you're a heavy drinker then it's best to cut down gradually, a sudden halt can be dangerous. Only applicable to long term
Heavy boozers. Moderate boozers, packing in booze for a month will be of very little benefit.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:25, Reply)

Are you reading this, Battered?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:28, Reply)

Poor Amy :(

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:29, Reply)

oh man
I just posted in a dead thread.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:16, Reply)

I can't win em all, Dozer.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:22, Reply)

also, an outstanding week so far

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:16, Reply)

But you are old tomorrow :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:20, Reply)

don't care
I just got a 210 quid refund on my kitchen floor, even though I'm perfectly happy with it.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:21, Reply)

Coolio, I got £100 tip this week

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:22, Reply)

nice work

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:23, Reply)

I'm glad I share my Birthday month with 2 of B3ta's most influential.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:23, Reply)

we don't care

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:24, Reply)

Gotta be the 10th or lower to be in with the cool gang Jason
EDITED FOR SPAZZERY
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:27, Reply)

oi!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:28, Reply)

shhh i done it now bruv

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:28, Reply)

phew!
The OT dnb crew livin' it large in 2014!

Time for a reload!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:30, Reply)

...
Yeah, I don't want to be part of any of this.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:41, Reply)

which is fine, you weren't invited

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:46, Reply)

Ah well.
I'm cool in all other aspects so I can live with not being the coolest on here.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:30, Reply)

you are very far from cool

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:30, Reply)

I am funny and popular. These are facts.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:42, Reply)

you are vacuous and thick
And your life is riddled with stereotypes.

You also have ridiculously knee jerk views on whatever is trending on Twitter or plastered all over the red tips.

Also, yeah, I'll agree with 'funny' in that you're a figure of fun.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:46, Reply)

...'plastered all over the red tips.'
Fnaaar
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:48, Reply)

YOUR life is riddled with elitist views and a smattering of egotistical self worth.
So, you know, swings and roundabaouts.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:59, Reply)

^ upset

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 13:07, Reply)

the only cool bit of you is your little bald head and that's only speaking temperature-wise

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:31, Reply)

trance was never cool
Neither was bumming, being thick, following Big Brother or working in a 'customer contact hub'.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:33, Reply)

i'm quite looking forward to you being extra mean tomorrow

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:34, Reply)

I am going to be extra fluffeh to everyone.
Except for Bent Jase.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:37, Reply)

Give it to me with both barrels, bitch.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:42, Reply)

Rob's shite new site never loads properly for me.
Alt: Four birthdays to celebrate.
Altalt: Parking fine a couple of years ago.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:24, Reply)

4 separate piss ups?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:30, Reply)

Two piss ups, one children's party, one family lunch.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:35, Reply)

It's nice that they tell you your parking is OK, isn't it?
Just a pity they charge you for it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:34, Reply)

I tried contesting it, Stratford-on-Avon district council said: no.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:36, Reply)

I thought about that pun
but then decided it was too dreadful even for me
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:37, Reply)

I have the house to myself this weekend.
Monters visit on Friday.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:43, Reply)

Tell him to come back!
I mean, what is he doing with all his non B3ta time?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:58, Reply)