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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Alright cock jockeys?
I am dying of a cold. What are you dying of?

Alt: did I ever tell you about the tregorny tree fayre?
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 7:59, 165 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
hi monty
I'm dying for a poo.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 8:03, Reply)
I've done one already, thanks for asking

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 8:06, Reply)
Can't be Monty, he killed himself.
No-one on here ever deletes an account then comes back.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:20, Reply)
Soz everyone, I fell asleep

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 8:43, Reply)
Well don't start shit threads.

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 8:51, Reply)
where the hell is everyone?!

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 8:57, Reply)
Leeds train station

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:01, Reply)
oooh is it the first day today?

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:02, Reply)
yep

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:02, Reply)
I hope you don't get bullied for being the new boy

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:03, Reply)
it's alright, the MD and I both went to the same private school.

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:07, Reply)
Were you his fag?

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:08, Reply)
we didn't have fags at my schools
You're thinking of Repton style establishments.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:09, Reply)
Daisy chain club?

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:12, Reply)
rugger and hockey

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:19, Reply)
Bit gay

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:21, Reply)
nah m8, coed innit

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:21, Reply)
STRIKETHROUGH NIGGER AND HONKEY!!!!!

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:21, Reply)
Edgy

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:21, Reply)
good luck
I hope they like you just as much as we all do...
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:06, Reply)
yer I'm this much of a prick irl
Alright
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:07, Reply)
I doubt his colleagues will turn up

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:10, Reply)
they'll have heard the slap slap slap of a pair of clown feet approaching, and legged it

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:12, Reply)
Cancer.
Alt: Is Tregorny anywhere near Treworgey?
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:03, Reply)
Yer

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:12, Reply)
No - do tell us - it sounds fascinating.
All rustic and real, because it's spelt "fayre" instead of "fair".

Like those pubs - you can guarantee it's original if it's called Ye Olde.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:07, Reply)
I need more sleep.

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:09, Reply)
so..... many......... strikethroughs
imma go with "cock" in the first instance
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:10, Reply)
May I be the first this week to say
You're a fucking idiot.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:11, Reply)
i don't think you thought my joke through properly
it works on many levels. eg, you have a tiny cock, so you need more cock. and you are a raving bender, so you need more cock.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:11, Reply)
So - two levels, then.
Ah'm oot.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:12, Reply)
he also needs more protein in his diet, so...

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:12, Reply)
So ... he should eat some eggs?

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:14, Reply)
or some more chicken
and as they tend to kill the male chickens for food, that would be........ go on, you can do it..........
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:18, Reply)
Gallucide?

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:19, Reply)
I did see through your attempt at a 'joke'.
You fucking idiot.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:12, Reply)
you love me SO MUCH

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:13, Reply)
I met Windy Pig yesterday. Top chap.

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:14, Reply)
berk says he's lovely
i'm seeing lusty for lunch today too. love that girl, she's a star.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:19, Reply)
I think he was terrified when he met berk

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:22, Reply)
Nah, Berk's alright.

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:41, Reply)
Doesn't look good, admittedly.
You going about your daily business and some chick you've never met before comes up to you in your place of work and asks if you're that guy off the internet.

I understand he clamed down when he realised he wasn't imminently going to be a stabbing victim, though.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:42, Reply)
She'd only reach his knee

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:45, Reply)
She is, what is referred to in certain social circles as,
a "spinner".
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:50, Reply)
hahahahahaha!

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:53, Reply)
I was dying over the weekend
Proper sweating/cold shiver job all Saturday night

Alt:
Nope
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:40, Reply)
Bastille are fucking shit. I fucking hate them.

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:43, Reply)
Time for another storming?

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:44, Reply)
*eats cake*

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:45, Reply)
^ fat cunt ^

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:46, Reply)
tggi^
Due to illness this weekend I've lost 5lb though
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:46, Reply)
It's been a long time since a completely un-distinctive, boring, middle of the road background pop band
got this far up my nose.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:45, Reply)
Genuinely never heard of them

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:46, Reply)
You probably have the good sense not to put Radio 1 on during your drive to work.
I am not nearly so clever.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:48, Reply)
Is Radio 1 still going?

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:49, Reply)
It is. They even let Northerners play records on there using their actual native accents.
It's gone to the dogs.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:50, Reply)
There appears to be a disproportionate amount of presenters from the Greater Manchester area on 6 Music
That said, they seem to have forced Laverne through some elocution lessons to make at least some of what she says intelligible.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:00, Reply)
*rubs thighs*

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:03, Reply)
She looks like a frog.

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:06, Reply)
so, one of your lot then

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:07, Reply)
I always preferred Marie Du Santiago
She was alright for a fat lass
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:10, Reply)
I used to see the ginger bloke around all the time
He is a bent as a nine pound note
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:12, Reply)
He's Laverne's brother ain't he?

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:17, Reply)
I do not know

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:26, Reply)
That Grimshaw cunt makes me want to kill children
It was bad enough before he turned up
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:50, Reply)
I don't mind him so much.
I didn't mind Moyles either, really.

Given that I'm not really interested in talk radio, nor the discography of Wet Wet Wet, nor adverts, I really have little choice in radio station.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:52, Reply)
Radio 5 for me

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:53, Reply)
I don't like sport.

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:53, Reply)
The drivetime/breakfast shows aren't sport

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:54, Reply)
Radio 4
Today programme is the way forward.

I also have that as my alarm for the morning at 6 which means I always wake up to the phrase.

Welcome to Today
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:56, Reply)
I see Radio 5 the same way that I regarded Channel Five when it was launched:
There's nothing wrong with the four we have, let's leave it at that.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:56, Reply)
After this statement you are dead to me
Moyles was a cunt of the highest order (a tax dodging cunt too)
and Grimshaws only redeeming feature is he is not Moyles
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:53, Reply)
See before that too:
Zoe Ball

*shakes head*
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:54, Reply)
fucking grim

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:55, Reply)
Zoe Ball would get it from me. Right up the dung funnel.
^ Banter ^
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:56, Reply)
#trueladz

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:57, Reply)
I'd rather fuck her dad.
In fact, I'd rather her dad fuck me.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:57, Reply)
Think of a bummer

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:58, Reply)
Liking dung funnel but not Zoe Ball
At all
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:58, Reply)
I like Zoe Ball then.
But not now.

Fatboy Cook lols
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:03, Reply)
Not for me
She looks like a bloke with tits
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:04, Reply)
That's what I like about her.

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:14, Reply)
They just don't bother me.
In fact cuntishness often makes me laugh.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:55, Reply)
I am sorry who said that
must be a corpse or sutin
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:56, Reply)
^ This
The kids don't seem to be down with me any more
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:48, Reply)

be go
with on
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:57, Reply)
I blame Nik Kershaw

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:58, Reply)
*narrows eyes*
Well played sir, well played
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 9:59, Reply)
i am dying of a heart attack after the kitchen quotes, they're like fucking telephone numbers
i don't think that the outstanding ones from smallbones and poggenpohl are going to be any cheaper, somehow. and my sister-in-law is nagging me to get rid of the pink smeg and have a built-in American one. gah.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:13, Reply)
I paid about 13K for my last kitchen and that was small

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:15, Reply)
this is exactly what frog says
granted mine is a fairly big room, with high ceilings that mean an extra row of cupboards, but half of it is the dining area, so they're not fitting out the entire thing. which makes it an average sized kitchen. robbing fuckers.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:18, Reply)
Is this from that twit that came round when I was there?

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:21, Reply)
poor man! i think he's sweet
deluded but sweet
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:24, Reply)
He WILL have given you a ludicrous price because you are a fucking idiot.

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:25, Reply)
I'd certainly charge extra for that.

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:32, Reply)
She's a salesman's dream, what those of us who have worked in sales call a 'mug'.

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:34, Reply)
that's because i smile sweetly and hand him over to my dad
who has been known to make grown men cry when he "negotiates".
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:35, Reply)
Mrs Cow has these negotiation SKILLZ

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:35, Reply)
when my parents had the garden redesigned, my mother had to leave the room
I inherited her softasshite, not my dad's hardass, sadly.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:36, Reply)
My first raised bed in the garden is now complete
Off into town to buy seeds to plant now. Kids want those purple carrots
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:39, Reply)
YEW TREE!

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:40, Reply)
Nakers and Bartleby just pricked up their ears

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:40, Reply)
Is that how she negotiated you into marriage and two calves?

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:37, Reply)
Probably

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:38, Reply)
It's because you say stupid things and indicate that they have to do next to nothing to make a sale.
It prolongs the process and getting 'daddy' to 'negotiate' more than likely will not result in the lowest price you could have achieved by being open in the first place.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:39, Reply)
IT'S CALLED BEING POLITE
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WOULD KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THIS.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:41, Reply)
YEAH WHAT WOULD I KNOW I ONLY SOLD KITCHENS FOR 3 YEARS

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:42, Reply)
Polite does not equal cheaper

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:44, Reply)
he lets the door slam in my face and then farts in it :(

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:48, Reply)
I used to be one of them.
Now it's very rare anyone gets an upsell out of me.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:35, Reply)
Solid wood unit/granite is expensive

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:26, Reply)
i definitely want solid wood and granite
and I definitely want decent appliances.

but they should still give them to me for free. or something.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:34, Reply)
problem sovled... Value Price
www.tescokitchens.com/latest-kitchen-offers.html?gclid=CKHexajE5LwCFcuWtAodokoAEg
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:17, Reply)
dear god no!
someone recommended howdens, but it seems that those buggers only sell to the trade.

i am not rough trade, whatever you might have heard.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:24, Reply)
Howdens do cheap, OK and expensive ranges
My current kitchen is from there (cheap one until extension is done)
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:25, Reply)
I'd be tempted to try and fit it myself.
I've never done one before, but given that I successfully plugged in a washing machine the other weekend, I'm pretty sure these hands are capable of anything.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:28, Reply)
Kitchen fitting is basically big Lego
Its the electrics/plumbing that are the fuck on
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:31, Reply)
Nah, that's Duplo you're thinking of.

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:33, Reply)
Everything is awesome

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:38, Reply)
mr b3th is accomplished at electrics and plumbing, to his credit.
Over the past 15 years I've helped him do so many repairs, I'd feel relatively confident having a go at some jobs myself.

Also, morning.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:34, Reply)
I am an artist.
Mere plumbing holds no fear for me. Electrics, though, those I'm terrified of.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:35, Reply)
and rightly so
Get Windy to help
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:37, Reply)
I find the problems arise when you start mixing the two.

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:38, Reply)
this must be why the moron who had my flat before me, and who specialised in bodged DIY,
decided that the perfect place to put the dishwasher was IN FRONT OF the electric meter. when I had the rewiring done when I bought it, it took the electrician bloody ages to find it. he couldn't get over the stupidity.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:40, Reply)
I'm fine with the theory behind it.
I understand it. I know how it flows and what current and ampage and wattage all mean. I understand why American appliances in British sockets just pop and why British appliances in American sockets burn the house down.

When it actually comes to sticking my hand in there, though. No.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:43, Reply)
so do magnet
"purely" "essential" and "totally" or something.

or "top", "middle" and "bottom" as I like to call them. rip Barrymore.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:35, Reply)
awightattheback

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:38, Reply)
i used to think he was quite hot
back when he was young and straight, and I was about 12
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:40, Reply)
Christ, and I thought I had shit taste in men...

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:41, Reply)
If you see a painted sign at the side of the road....

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:41, Reply)
No. Never.

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:04, Reply)
Tiredness. Too much booze and crap food over the weekend.
I did go for a nice walk yesterday.
Is it not Friday yet?

Good luck Doozey.

Alt. Sounds shit
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:50, Reply)
Fuck that shit, how's the garden?!?!??!??!?!??!??!

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:51, Reply)
Yeah its been strimmed to grass roots level by two Irish gypsies fresh of the boat. Jobs a good un.
I still need to clear it all.
They offered me a jet wash of the concrete for £100 but it's nowt a broom and a bit bleach cant fix.
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:58, Reply)
\o/

(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:00, Reply)
Morning Jay
Start a new thread please
(, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 10:51, Reply)

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