Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Fuck it, joke threadWhat's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEE
Alt: Best flavour crisps?
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:22,
120 replies,
latest was 11 years ago)
The rarest bird of prey is the Chesney HawkThere is believed to be only one
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:26,
Reply)
What's the difference between a scouser and a jet engineA jet engine stops whining when it gets to Spain.
Alt: Plain - has to be Walkers though.
(, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:30, Reply)
Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone? He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:31,
Reply)
I make sweet potato ones with salt and paprika onJust peel strips off and dry them slowly in the oven
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:36,
Reply)
Especially for you mateWhat's Steven Gerrard's favourite fielding position in cricket?
Slip!
(, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:32, Reply)
How can you tell when Forest are losing?It's five past three.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:36,
Reply)
How can you tell if a football was made in Norwich?It's going down
(, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:38, Reply)
AyeOnly upside I get to see Forest beaten in the flesh without travelling 120 miles next season
(, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:48, Reply)
What do you get if you cross a Hillsborough survivor and a holocaust victim?
A sense of perspective
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:41,
Reply)
What was the best thing about the Hillsborough anniversary?The scousers shut the fuck up about it for two whole minutes!
(, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:43, Reply)
I'm a Hillsborough survivor, if you can find a holocaust victim we can do live action joke makingWhat else is there to do on a Thursday
(, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:50, Reply)
Were you one of the drunken thugs that dorced their way in causing the cruch and injuring some of our brave policemen?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:56,
Reply)
Well when I say survivorI was sort of at the entirely opposite end of the ground, struggling to understand why there were people jumping out of the stands to stop Forest taking a corner.
But for the sake of my "hardman of b3ta" rep, yes I was.
(, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:58, Reply)
I know nothing about kickball - however, a joke from my home townWhat's blue and slides down tables?
Coventry City
(, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:42, Reply)
For someone who 'knows nothing', you seem to be awfully bitter towards the scouse...(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:44,
Reply)
It's not about the kickballIt's about the scousers.
The difference between a Cow and a tragedy?
A scouser couldn't milk a cow for twenty five years
(, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:45, Reply)
what do cows eat for breakfast?mooooooosli
alt: well, it depends. for hooning off a packet at work, salt and vinegar pop chips (90 cals, bargain). for dipping, ready salted or cracked black pepper. for nostalgia, beef monster munch dipped in pesto topped houmous (don't know it til you've tried it, i've proved MANY people wrong with that combo). for random but delicious, goats cheese and sweet chilli jam.
* in the absence of giant salted pretzels and caramelised onion houmous
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:34,
Reply)
how is dipping monster munch in pesto and houmus nostaligic?How fucking posh were you growing up?
(, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:35, Reply)
well ok the crisps are nostalgicthe pesto topped houmous was just a later genius edition.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:44,
Reply)
i dunno about the best, but the worst are cheese and onionFACT
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:36,
Reply)
I like a cheese and onion crisp(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:38,
Reply)
I'd never choose themb3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2195473
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:39,
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i'm inclined to agreebut it's a sign of growing up. as a kid, you eschew the ready salted ones. liking ready salted crisps is a sign of being an adult.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:44,
Reply)
I'm home today as I'm working nights, I've got a photo of the big one sleeping on the little one.
https://flic.kr/p/nxcnQT
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 8 May 2014, 11:02,
Reply)
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwi want to stroke them!!!!!!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:03,
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I'm gonna take a nap with them in a bit. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 8 May 2014, 11:09,
Reply)
What's an Arabs favourite crisps?Sultan Sheikh
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:36,
Reply)
This thread is a joke.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:37,
Reply)
What do you call a Pakistani informant?Wasim
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:39,
Reply)
This campaign seems to be disseminating to the massesWe went for lunch at my parents' at the weekend and there on the cheeseboard was some cheese with chives in it.
Was fucking horrible, mind.
#chivealive
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:46,
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I spent quite a long time sending comments to the BBC live feed of the tube strikes finishing each one with #chivealiveBut none got posted :(
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 8 May 2014, 10:48,
Reply)
BAN ON HOMOSEXUALITY 'IS NOT SOCIAL COMMENTARY' SHOCKERwww.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-27321200
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drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:09,
Reply)
What amuses me most about this articleis that the bloke campaigning for computerised same-sex marriage isn't doing so for the sake of equality or standing up for what he believes, he just wants the "exclusive content".
Priorities eh.
(, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:22, Reply)
Bet he's not even a real gay, just one of those pretend ones(
drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:31,
Reply)
A genuine blog about chives & everything chive related.chivetalk.blogspot.co.uk/2007/08/these-are-days-of-our-chives.html
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:10,
Reply)
Joey Essex is promoting apprenticeships at a Gateshead college.Unfortunately not a joke.
That cunt can't even spell apprenticeship.
Im doing 2 intensive days of live dialler training before I'm on my own from Monday!! Help!
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:12,
Reply)
The Fuck is live dialler? (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 8 May 2014, 11:12,
Reply)
a dialling system for the sales team instead of manual.But Im testing it out live with a trainer for 2 days.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:14,
Reply)
Speed dial? Is it the 90s in your office?
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 8 May 2014, 11:15,
Reply)
It dials he numbers for him so he can concentrate his head dobber on not poking his stomach.(, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:14, Reply)
I dont like lamb and mint crispsThey always put too much mint on them
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:15,
Reply)
'Joey Essex is promoting apprenticeships at a Gateshead college'Where did you get this nugget Jaysum?
(, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:16, Reply)
My God. It's at the stadium of Light. More morons.(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:20,
Reply)
The worst thing about this is I know you nicked it from Ps*ch*ch*mps facebook(
Peej, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:13,
Reply)
I'm not friends with him on there, I stole it from Reddit(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:20,
Reply)
Where did this tradition of "Ch*mpy" etc begin?Have we finally found a term too offensive even for us?
(, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:25, Reply)
I think it's based on the premise that all flouncers never fully leaveThey just spend their days reading these pages, never commenting.
In removing a letter from a name you remove the post from any vanity searches.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:28,
Reply)
That makes a lot of sensebut I like my idea more.
Why did he leave? I thought he was hardwired into the joint.
(, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:29, Reply)
He went outside for a cigarette & never came back. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:30,
Reply)
Him and swipe had a major falling outand then his woman left him because of a financial impropriety and the fact that someone else was balls deep in her stripper fanny.
(, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:31, Reply)
ours is not to question whywe just rejoice. rejoice at the freedom.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:34,
Reply)
Who was your favourite in Dad's Army?I liked Chive Dunn.
Im not a fan of this proposed remake fillum.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:22,
Reply)
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2268591
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:29,
Reply)
Geldof has finally turned his attention to the important things in lifeI hope Chive Bunny is booked to play Chive Aid.
(, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:26, Reply)
'Do they know it's Chivemas at all?'(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:29,
Reply)
just booked tickets to a "slider decider" - a fancy burger competition at a nice pub, where different chefs from different burger companies thrash it outyou pay a £15 entry fee, then you get to eat all the burgers. frog is going to have to eat a LOT of burgers to make up for me, unless they are also doing veggie burgers.
they better be doing veggie burgers. anyway, they should have called it "burger off". a much better title.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:35,
Reply)
They're not doing veggie burgers, you know that.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:42,
Reply)
I will need to eat alot of burger in the lead up so i can make fair and informed decisions when i am judging(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:43,
Reply)
Where does Tom Daley chop up members of the onion family? On a chiving board.
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Muns, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:37,
Reply)
"Probably the best site in the world"thechive.com/
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 8 May 2014, 11:40,
Reply)
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