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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Seafood is shit
alt: apart from fish fingers and taramasala

altalt: Vote Mayor Monty McCheese&Chive
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:49, 250 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
Seafood is lovely you swipewrong

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:52, Reply)
incorrect it's tastes and smells awful and has a shit texture, and annoying bones

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:53, Reply)
Crap fish is like that
Try a proper tuna steak
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:53, Reply)
all fish stinks

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:54, Reply)
So is you are face

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:56, Reply)
You are mum is smells awful and has a shit texture, and annoying bones

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:54, Reply)
lols for you are mum

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:54, Reply)
I vaguely remember quite liking sardines on toast
But yeah, fish is well shit unless coated in breadcrumbs.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:52, Reply)
do you not eat fish cos of you vegtarianism?

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:52, Reply)
It was the perfect excuse to never eat my mother's awful Fisherman's Hotpot ever again
*shudders*
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:53, Reply)
Most unpleasant euphemism of the day

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:56, Reply)
Pescatarians eat fish, vegetarians do not

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:59, Reply)
I would have gotten away with it if it wasnt for them

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:03, Reply)
Technically I am an ovo-lacto vegetarian.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:03, Reply)
I use them for making soup

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:05, Reply)
me too, we could be brothers or sutin

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:08, Reply)
hahaha
poor tangles
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:15, Reply)
Scallops?
Mussels?
Shark?
Swordfish?
Octopus?
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:52, Reply)
*shakes head slowly*

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:53, Reply)

Scallops? maybe
Mussels? - deffo not
Shark? - illegal prick
Swordfish? - like that's a real thing
Octopus? - HAVE YOU FUCKING SEEN THEM WHY WOULD YOU TRY AN EAT ONE!
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:54, Reply)
prawns?

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:55, Reply)
not a fish

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:55, Reply)
Neither are most of the others I mentioned

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:56, Reply)
I was about to post a similarly pedantic post about mussels
Then I realised the thread is about seafood, not fish.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:57, Reply)
swordFISH
clues in the name dumbarse
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:01, Reply)
MOST
The clue is in the word MOST
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:02, Reply)
I think Nakers has had a stroke

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:03, Reply)
I think he's operating above his normal level

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:04, Reply)
Which is sadly just one rung below 'full retard'

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:13, Reply)
EVIDENCE:
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2286651
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:04, Reply)
i had a stroke thinking about you are mum

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:05, Reply)
Well if I was boffing Swipey I'd be looking for inspiration elsewhere as well.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:08, Reply)
you are mum is my inspiration

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:08, Reply)
Your boffing swipe?

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:09, Reply)
Fucking hell I've caught Nakkers.
I will ninja...
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:12, Reply)
as i don't do old and scottish
it's not something you need to worry about, really
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:18, Reply)
Massive sadface right here.
But incidentally, my current GF (if I'm not mistaken) is younger than you. And less fat and ginger.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:23, Reply)
Worse eyesight though

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:24, Reply)
Precisely how I like them.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:25, Reply)
yes yes, i'm sure only supermodels are lining up to boff billy connolly 2

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:24, Reply)
Billy Connolly? Is that the sum total of your knowledge of porridgewogland?

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:26, Reply)
no, it's how i picture you
all grey and angry and shouty
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:26, Reply)
And
youtu.be/n327ncoU_ZU
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:30, Reply)
Well 1 out of 3 is pretty good by your standards.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:30, Reply)
and ugly

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:31, Reply)
OK then
Well 1 out of 3 is pretty good by your ugly standards?
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:39, Reply)
Nearly pointless

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:31, Reply)
That ain't bread...

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:40, Reply)
Neither are scallops mussels or octopus but you answered them you fickle bastard.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:57, Reply)
MARRginally too late there.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:58, Reply)
Neither are scallops. mussels or octopus, you helmet.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:57, Reply)
meh

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:58, Reply)
Moules marinière, perhaps.
Never eaten any of the others.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:55, Reply)
All of these please.
Also:

Langoustines, mackeral (particularly barbequed), fresh sardines, crab, lobster, seabass, cockles, trout, sole, plaice and turbot.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:56, Reply)
langostines are prawns for pricks

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:59, Reply)
tggi^

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:00, Reply)
I was buttraped for a langoustines in champagne sauce dish in Rome a few years ago
It was about £50 but worth every penny
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:59, Reply)
I like Rome
It's a bit grubby though.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:11, Reply)
Rome was fucking wonderful
I got more culture in a day than that time in the clinic after a night with you are mum
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:18, Reply)
The only fish I like to eat is angler fish

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:53, Reply)
Nice and light

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:53, Reply)
i have an angry fish tattoo

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:55, Reply)

fish tattoo bottom
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:56, Reply)
Pix plz

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:58, Reply)
Fish n' chips is nice.
So is prawns and langoustines an ting.

And squid, if done nice.

And octopus - again - needs to be done nice.

And crab.

Alt: I saw that Jacob Rees-Mogg on Have I Got News For You last night - he was absolutely terrifying - he just needs the little moustache and the book of names.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:55, Reply)
Rees-Mogg agreement
He clearly had no idea what was going on at all
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:57, Reply)
I mean .. his joke about candles ... fair enough - self-effacing humour can be funny, but wow.
He really was ... terrifying. In his look, his manner, and his hideously unquestioning sincerity.

"You don't HAVE to obey orders!"

"I LIKE orders!"
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:00, Reply)
He looked and sounded like Mr Logic from Viz

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:05, Reply)
Yes!

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:06, Reply)
Yes - this.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:07, Reply)
he's hilaroius

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:58, Reply)
Like me, only funny.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:00, Reply)
I like crab sticks xx

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:59, Reply)
Me too

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:00, Reply)
+ flavoured
lets keep thinsg legal alright?
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:00, Reply)
Technically a seafood stick hth xx

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:00, Reply)
that's my cock after a night at you are mum

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:01, Reply)
Sounds like a terrible nightclub

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:03, Reply)
I hope she cooks you lamb unlike you are horrible wife

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:04, Reply)
Nakers please seek urgent medical assistance
I suspect you've had a stroke.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:06, Reply)
That's you are mum after a night at my cock

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:07, Reply)
I'm glad you've cleared that up for me.
Which is EXACTLY what I said to the pharmacist after I got a dose from YM.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:10, Reply)
frog is a spastic and I get the blame :(

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:11, Reply)
YOUR A SPASTIC

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:13, Reply)
I'll keep you are mum about it

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:13, Reply)
that is you are problem not mine

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:15, Reply)
I'm just an escape goat :(

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:16, Reply)
hahahahaha!

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:17, Reply)
That's because of your lack of abillyty

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:19, Reply)
Damned with fainting praise

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:20, Reply)
Surimi!

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:10, Reply)
No iPhone chat

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:32, Reply)
aka your nan's fingers

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:19, Reply)

your you are
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:19, Reply)
I like fish.
I like you.
Let's not fight.
I might have a poo.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:03, Reply)
You're both sick and wrong
The girlfriend has made me some fucking excellent fish pies this week, although eating king prawn fresh out of the oven is not a good idea.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:03, Reply)
Why not?

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:04, Reply)
Oven make things hot

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:05, Reply)
Are prawns supposed to be cold?
I must have been doing it wrong
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:05, Reply)
:(
I even typed less (fewer?) words.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:05, Reply)
Fewer
Slower
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:16, Reply)
Daft Punks later work was inspired by Ape

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:19, Reply)
I was honestly expecting this from Jay

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:20, Reply)
ouch

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:22, Reply)
Sore arse?

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:25, Reply)
Megasaurus

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:30, Reply)
Oven hot.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:05, Reply)
Hot prawn good

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:07, Reply)
Burn mouth bad

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:08, Reply)
Like YM blow first

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:08, Reply)
Best Tonto joke
"Buffalo. Come."

"How can you tell?"

"Ear stuck to ground."
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:10, Reply)
My mate got "Tonto's saddlebags" into the Profanisaurus

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:10, Reply)
I've just read all of this in a kind of caveman voice

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:12, Reply)
I think T was indeed TJ

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:12, Reply)
+ hooker

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:17, Reply)
You still owe me that £50

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:22, Reply)
They retain heat really fucking well.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:06, Reply)
that why I have installed them in my loft as crust -instal-acean

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:12, Reply)
Act FAST

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:13, Reply)
yor a bige bel. Tiem to stoppe, yor bin runneing Longe enof

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:16, Reply)
Well cooked freshly caught fish is nom
Badly cooked old rubbery crap is an abomination. (most octopus for a start).

Not keen on oysters and the like, if I want to eat stuff with the texture of phlegm I'll hoik my own dockers oyster, ta. Fresh crab on the other hand is delicious.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:05, Reply)
12 in, 13 out.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:11, Reply)
Speedy cunt

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:12, Reply)
Fucking get in!

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:14, Reply)
I've only had cooked oysters in a Chinese restuarant in Manchester
They were nice

12in13outlols
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:11, Reply)
You must be doing it wrong.
Oooh. McDonalds *should* put chives in their cheese.
and meat in their burgers
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:09, Reply)
I had the winner of Rupaul's Drag Race spoilt by the internet today.
What have you had spoilt
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:11, Reply)
Was it a bloke who should know better?

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:12, Reply)
who/what/why is Rupaul's Drag Race?

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:13, Reply)
Sounds like some hideous gay party game.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:15, Reply)
america's next top model for drag queens
at a guess
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:20, Reply)
WHAT ABOUT SCAMPI FRIES?

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:28, Reply)
SCAMPI FLAVOURED WHAT?

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:29, Reply)
Seafood can be great
Some of it is awful (cockles, whelks etc) some is awesome (most fish) some is excellent even though it really shouldn't be (Razor clams - food of the gods).
But that's not what I came to talk about. We have a new laureate in our midst - the man who wrote the description of a poo which has caused me more mirth today than I've had all week - I give you 'A putrid, malevolent bum-Kraken'. Pure gold right there.
Take a bow Richard McBeef
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:39, Reply)
IF U LUV HIM SO MUCH Y DNT U MARY HIM GAYLORD

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:46, Reply)
Ha ha ha

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:48, Reply)
Oh Nakers, I used to like you.
And I'm voting Windy Pig for mod, soz.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:48, Reply)
No way
I love windle, but let's not turn this into some tedious car enthusiasts forum.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:50, Reply)
I WILL VOTE ACCORDING TO MY POLITICAL CONSCIENCE THANK YOU VERY MUCH

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:53, Reply)
Tedious cars FTW!

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:53, Reply)
No way, I had a Tedious GT Estate back in 1997 as a company car, never again.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:54, Reply)
The Tedious Bastard Turbo was alright though, if a bit laggy.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:55, Reply)
Should have got the GTE. It used a supercharger not a turbo so you didn't get lag. Might get one once the kids have grown up and I don't need such a big car.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:58, Reply)
YOU EAT SONG BIRDS DROWED IN BRANDY YOUR OPINION IS INVALID

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:52, Reply)
Drowed?

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:55, Reply)
Someone's been watching Hannibal

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:55, Reply)
nope, i saw the film many years ago, not seen the TV program

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:55, Reply)
Get yourself a copy of this if you don't have it:
www.amazon.co.uk/Larousse-Gastronomique-Hamlyn/dp/0600620425
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:56, Reply)
i may add it toi my christmas list

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:59, Reply)
I have that

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:00, Reply)
One of the best gifts I have ever been given.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:01, Reply)
Why is it so difficult to find a decent hifi cabinet, eh?
Answer me that.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:58, Reply)
Because you should just put it on the floor?

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:59, Reply)
because only prog rock listening long haired beardy twats wearing waistcoats and stone washed jeans still use "hi-fi"?

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:00, Reply)
I'm sure you could find something in 1990, probably in 'black ash'

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:01, Reply)
bit racist
tinyurl.com/nplq7gc
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:02, Reply)
I need something to put the turntable on.
This is srs bsns. Otherwise I'm going to have to put it on the floor, or a shelf, or something. Like a chump.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:03, Reply)
just get all your LP converted to MP3 then get an ipod dock

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:04, Reply)
If I wanted to do that, I could have not restored my grandfather's old turntable!
Oh man, you could have saved me so much time :(
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:08, Reply)
idiot^
old stuff is shit, eg your mum
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:14, Reply)
Clipping, Nakers.
That's the problem with MP3. Clipping.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:15, Reply)
eh?

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:15, Reply)
Clipping.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:16, Reply)
It tears bits out of his newspaper and keeps them

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:17, Reply)
Suspend it from the ceiling using M10 threaded bar, will give you something to put the disco lights on too

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:04, Reply)
Well how would I reach up to put a record on?
I don't think you people are really trying to help at all.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:10, Reply)
Frisbee.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:13, Reply)
Build one you limp wristed Mary.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:10, Reply)
It might come to that.
Which would be a pain. I really can't be bothered.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:10, Reply)
isn't that waht you wanted to do for a living?>

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:15, Reply)
Carpentry?
No, not really.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:16, Reply)
i dunno, installing tvs or summit

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:16, Reply)
Sure, but this would be carpentry.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:17, Reply)
Yeah, he did mention this once
Only he called it something like bespoke AV systems or some shit
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:17, Reply)
i heard he is a bespoke TV

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:19, Reply)
Try local charity shop that does furniture
If they don't have an actual hifi cabinet they may well have something solid (ie not chipboard) you can convert easy enough.
I had an old wardrobe full of shelves for mine, hid it away nicely.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:14, Reply)
I wanted something glass fronting as the mrs has a habit of flailing and falling over.
I suppose I could take the drill to a display cabinet of some sort, but it'd have to be pretty deep.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:17, Reply)
nothing like filling your house with large sheets of glass when you have a quadrospazzed misses

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:18, Reply)
Just got to get myself written into her will :)

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:20, Reply)
Solid wood kitchen cabinet 600x600 would do it
with glass door.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:19, Reply)
this looks good
might get my dad one for fathers day

www.notonthehighstreet.com/thesteakonthestonecompany/product/the-steakstones-steak-plate
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:02, Reply)
But still nothing for poor old Dave :(

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:03, Reply)
you need to goive her the children she so desperately wants first

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:03, Reply)
Why doesn't she just hire a cleaner and get a boob job/ lipo like everyone else?

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:06, Reply)
haha just because you've ruined your life twice...

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:06, Reply)
not true, they are the light of my life

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:07, Reply)
When they aren't shitting on you or climbing into your bed at 6am

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:09, Reply)
meh, bigest one is toilet trained so no poo there, and baby poo isn't too offensive
Also they never climb in our bed at 6am as they aren't allowed.

Discipline Al, that's the problem with you lefties, you're just too soft
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:13, Reply)
A good hard cunt touch soon sorts them out

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:13, Reply)
nearly got you this
www.notonthehighstreet.com/nameyourball/product/personalised-cricket-ball

then i realised it would just end up at mine, annoying me...
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:06, Reply)
I see.

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:09, Reply)
pfft
Name your ball

Destroyer and Punisher
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:10, Reply)
Get yourself down jewsons for a paving slab and some 2 by 4

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:03, Reply)
"sharing" food, lol.
This slate fad is not relevant to my interests.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:12, Reply)
£100 present for Fathers Day?!
Fuck, when is it?
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:13, Reply)
You're getting a shit £1 trinket, badly wrapped at school.
Deal with it.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:14, Reply)
i bet he gets a "world's greatest dad" mug from Clinton's Cards

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:16, Reply)
I got a t shirt last year with cookie monster on it

(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:21, Reply)
My old man harped on about it being a celebration invented by card companies.
Then had a sulk when I got him fuck all.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:40, Reply)
you should see what he's bought himself and thinks my brothers and i are paying for
some stupid golf watch that tracks his balls. i think NOT. that is NOT how presents work.
(, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:30, Reply)

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