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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Afternoon twats, I've burnt my 1 direction tshirt, what have you destroyed recently? ym doesn't count.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:00, 199 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
I DESTROYED MY CAMPING FAX STOVE AND PLASTIC PLATE I WONT BE TREATED LIKE THIS ANYMORE

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:02, Reply)
Only for camping frog, only for camping.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:05, Reply)
I broke a large porcelain bowl.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:05, Reply)
Massive dump?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:07, Reply)
Nope.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:10, Reply)
Trap 2

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:06, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2292617
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:07, Reply)
Dunno what that is, sos cowman.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:08, Reply)
The shitter

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:14, Reply)

♫ .♥.•* ★¨`*•♫.•´*.¸.•´♥ ♫
☀ Your ☀ Dad ☀ ☀
♫ .♥.•* ☀¨`*•♫.•´*.¸☀.•´♥
┊ ┊┊ ┊☀┊ ┊ ┊┊ ☀ه
ه┊ ☀ ┊ ┊ ི♥ྀ
☀ ┊┊ ☀ه
ه┊ ☀

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:09, Reply)
Alright Gayjasum, how's tings mon?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:10, Reply)
Good good. Busy innit.
Why are there 2 dr troll/frog/ whatevs?
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:20, Reply)
Didn't know there were mate.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:23, Reply)
Dr Frog and Dr Troll are two separate people Jay

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:24, Reply)
^^original frog

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:27, Reply)

frog GANGSTA
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:28, Reply)
I know but it's confusing trying to differentiate peoples sock accounts when you have a bit time off from 'ere

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:46, Reply)
wait, what
why did you have a 1direction t-shirt???????????????
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:10, Reply)
#thatswhatmakeshimbeautiful

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:12, Reply)
He has a one direction shirt for plastic surgery and a personality transplant?
Not bad for £20!
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:14, Reply)
Same reason Afghans have american flags.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:13, Reply)
To show support and appreciation for their liberation?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:14, Reply)
Yes.
Although it gets a little chilly in the evening, so they usually have to burn the nearest flammable object to keep warm. It's terrible how these events are mis-interpreted.
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:15, Reply)
Good job the 'mericans don't get all worked up about the 'sanctity' of their flag whilst out there protecting our freedom

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:16, Reply)
Innit, at least they're not known to over react.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:18, Reply)


()__
||**Z__
||**|**=Z____
||**|**=|====|
||==|**=|====| #BURNTHEFLAG
||""|===|====|
|| `"""|====|
|| `""""`

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:23, Reply)
It's just a bit of fucking rag, people. Jeeeeesus.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:20, Reply)
That's it, France is getting bombed!

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:33, Reply)
How will we be able to tell?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:37, Reply)
It'll look eiffel

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:38, Reply)
Well that'll be just perepherique.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:40, Reply)
because he doesn't know he's beautiful?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:14, Reply)
convo topic with underage kids

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:20, Reply)
Oracle databases.
On accident, again.
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:11, Reply)
Apparently the opinions of the father of one member of a shit pop group doing something that anyone his age would (and indeed should)
is front page news.

MAGNETO WAS RIGHT
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:14, Reply)
Best bong ever

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:15, Reply)
officechuckle

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:22, Reply)
The silly bint who burnt her ticket was wearing Stones tshirt. Didn't they do some spliff once or something?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:20, Reply)
Yeah, but they didn't inhale.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:24, Reply)
Oh yeah.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:27, Reply)
my fucking foetid anus

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:17, Reply)
i HAVE DRUNK ALL OF THE COFFEE AND NOW I CAN SMELL CORNERS AND SEE RADIO WAVES

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:20, Reply)
And post asciis?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:20, Reply)
YES
__________...----..____..-'``-..___
,'. ```--.._
: ``._
| -- ``.
| -.- -. - -. `.
: __ -- . \
`._____________ ( `. -.- -- - . ` \
`-----------------\ \_.--------..__..--.._ `. `. :
`--' SSt `-._ . |
`.` |
\` |
\ |
/ \`.
/ _\-'
/_,'
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:25, Reply)
NO

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:25, Reply)
#goggleprick

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:26, Reply)


/\ _ _ _ _ /\
|/\| | | | | | (_) |/\|
| |__ ___ _ __ | |_ ___ _ __ __ _ ___| |_ _ ___
| '_ \ / _ \ '_ \| __| / __| '_ \ / _` / __| __| |/ __|
| |_) | __/ | | | |_ \__ \ |_) | (_| \__ \ |_| | (__
|_.__/ \___|_| |_|\__| |___/ .__/ \__,_|___/\__|_|\___|
| |
|_|

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:27, Reply)

/\ _ _ _ _ /\ |/\| | | | | | (_) |/\| | |__ ___ _ __ | |_ ___ _ __ __ _ ___| |_ _ ___ | '_ \ / _ \ '_ \| __| / __| '_ \ / _` / __| __| |/ __| | |_) | __/ | | | |_ \__ \ |_) | (_| \__ \ |_| | (__ |_.__/ \___|_| |_|\__| |___/ .__/ \__,_|___/\__|_|\___| | | |_|
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:28, Reply)
bollocks

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:28, Reply)
hahahaha

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:29, Reply)


/\ _ _ _ /\
|/\| (_) | | | ||/\|
__ _ _ _ __ __ _ ___ _ __ | |___ ____ _| |_
/ _` | | '_ \ / _` |/ _ \ '__| | __\ \ /\ / / _` | __|
| (_| | | | | | (_| | __/ | | |_ \ V V / (_| | |_
\__, |_|_| |_|\__, |\___|_| \__| \_/\_/ \__,_|\__|
__/ | __/ |
|___/ |___/

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:29, Reply)
clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:32, Reply)
4REAL

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:33, Reply)
it's the budgie's favourite song

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:37, Reply)
You need to play it some less shit music.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:39, Reply)
I do like you Munsta.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:39, Reply)
it only likes cheesy happy stuff
it likes olly murs ffs
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:40, Reply)


(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:43, Reply)
Timmy Mallard?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:44, Reply)

Timmy Millet would've been soooo much better.
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:46, Reply)
Let's play Millet's Millet!

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:47, Reply)
You are right

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:49, Reply)
IT IS A SHIT SONG

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:39, Reply)
shut the fuck up

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:34, Reply)
clap along if you know what happiness is to you

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:37, Reply)
Pharrel being slaughtered halal style by paper cuts.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:51, Reply)
^^noisy orgasm

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:29, Reply)
Alright Woodstock?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:29, Reply)
haha

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:34, Reply)
wtf is that meant to be?
a windsock?
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:33, Reply)




sperm whale
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:35, Reply)
i wasn't far wrong then

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:36, Reply)


__________...----..____..-'``-..___
,'. ```--.._
: ``._
| -- ``.
| -.- -. - -. `.
: __ -- . \
`._____________ ( `. -.- -- - . ` \
`-----------------\ \_.--------..__..--.._ `. `. :
`--' `-._ . |
`.` |
WHY DID YOU CRUSH ME NAKERS? \` |
\ |
/ \`.
/ _\-'
/_,'

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:39, Reply)
i'll crush lemmy given half a chance

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:40, Reply)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:41, Reply)


(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:46, Reply)
ACK MAKE IT STOP MAK E IT STOP MAKE IT STOP

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:50, Reply)
I might start texting this image to you every time you annoy me.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:05, Reply)
Is it the result of Dozer's colonoscopy?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:06, Reply)
oh lol

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:40, Reply)
Nakers is a bowl of petunias?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:42, Reply)
*ring ring*
"Hello?"
"Hello, my name is Salesy McBullshitter, I'd like to speak to whoever it is that handles your internal recruiting."
"Hello, Mr McBullshitter, we're one of the largest recruitment companies in the world. Which one of our 1700 UK recruitment staff would most suit your needs?"
*click* *brrrrrr*
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:31, Reply)
He rang me earlier, I think

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:34, Reply)
It's fun being in a company this size.
Another favourite is

"Can I ask who provides your printers and supplies?"
"Xerox"
"No, I mean who supplies them to you."
"Xerox"
*click*
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:36, Reply)
SUPPLIES!

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:36, Reply)
I dunno, you'll have to speak to someone in procurements.
"Can you put me through to someone in procurements"
"No... as far as I'm concerned this stuff just appears"
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:39, Reply)
One of them got really fucking shitty with me once, started having a go at me and telling me he'd complain to my boss.
I said "Sure thing, mate, but I'm still not giving you his contact details."
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:41, Reply)
My mate just spoke to a chugger in Sunderland
Oxfam collecting for water stuff in Africa. With a bucket. In the rain

She walks up to him, shaking the bucket. He just looks up until she does, then says "Keep up the good work" and walks off
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:43, Reply)
I used to get calls from media agencies trying to sell me advertising space. One used to call every Thursday.
Eventually I told them to fuck off & put the phone down. They immediately phoned my boss, who told them to fuck off & also put the phone down.

They still called back the following week.
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:43, Reply)
One of these twats has been calling twice a day for a week.
Every single time I pick up, tell her that no, she can't speak to him and to email the enquiries address. Every time she says "That's ok, I'll email him directly" we say goodbye.

12 times so far, each time the same conversation. Each time she pretends we haven't had it before.
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:46, Reply)
Have you considered putting on different voices

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:00, Reply)
Gid moaning?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:05, Reply)
*hears a shit*

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:11, Reply)
or just telling her to fuck off.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:05, Reply)
I am surprised he hasnt surrendered to her charms

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:10, Reply)
I used to like telling them that they were out of the office, but offering them a mobile number.
This would generally be for a sex worker, obtained from the local free press.
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:12, Reply)
With a name like that he really chose the wrong profession, didn't he

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:35, Reply)
Should have been a firefighter, or sutin

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:36, Reply)
hahahaha!
Proper officelol
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:36, Reply)

        _           _
(`-`;-"```"-;`-`)
\.' './
/ \
; 0 0 ;
/| = = |\ a prostate
; \ '._Y_.' / ;
; `-._ \|/ _.-' ;
; `"""` ;
; `""-. .-""` ;
/; '--._ \ / _.-- ;\
: `. `/|| ||\` .' :
'. '-._ _.-' .'
(((-'` `"""""` `'-)))

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:44, Reply)
I love+
r
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:44, Reply)
-r?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:45, Reply)
MA

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:45, Reply)
hm?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:47, Reply)
ninja cunt

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:48, Reply)
Fucking slow ninja

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:48, Reply)
or are you saying she doesn't believe?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:47, Reply)
This, though.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:49, Reply)
Harry Enfield on the right?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:49, Reply)
Does a bit.
I was thinking of Peter Mannion from the thick of it.
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:51, Reply)
Cameron makes an excellent fat cunt.
I should probably suggest it to him.
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:50, Reply)
I think you should.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 15:52, Reply)
Two hours from holibobs.
I've an empty mailbox and my out of office is ready to go. I'm going to go hide in the bogs until home time.
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:05, Reply)
Where are you going?
I've decided a 4 day week is far too long so I've taken tomorrow off
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:07, Reply)
He is going to the bogs. Can't you fucking read

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:11, Reply)
No

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:12, Reply)
I might hide in the bogs too. Ours, not his.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:14, Reply)
I have seriously considered taking a nap on the shitter before.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:16, Reply)
Both yesterday and today I have been dangerously close to falling asleep at my desk.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:16, Reply)
All this week I have been the same

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:19, Reply)
Lazy geordie fucker :p

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:22, Reply)
Lazy Mackem fucker

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:23, Reply)
although Mrs Cow is a Geordie so I suppose its true

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:24, Reply)
Lazy generic Northeast coast pedantic fucker. Fancy swapping jobs? A chimp coyld do mine mostly.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:29, Reply)
I watch Casualty and Holby so I think I'm qualified

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:37, Reply)
Good lad.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:56, Reply)
Must be something in the air.
I've been groggy all week.

It can't have anything to do with me going to the pub every night last week and not always eating my tea.
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:26, Reply)
Years ago I had to work on a Saturday and I'd been out all night and was still pissed.
I set the alarm on my phone alarm to go off every 5 minutes and micro-slept the morning away.
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:26, Reply)
I once put a shift in the bookies at 10am after stopping drinking around half-eight that morning.
I did have two black coffees and a sausage mc muffin to sober me up beforehand though.
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:31, Reply)
Did it work?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:36, Reply)
Well, nobody said anything.
Although I have a recollection of struggling to walk a straight line through the shop.

The not saying anything may have had something to do with my colleague being preoccupied about his pregnant missus being past her due date.

It was also my penultimate shift.
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:47, Reply)
"the bogs"

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:11, Reply)
Good lad. Surgery is doing 7 days now, so my hours are all over the place. Sundaybastard mornings ftw.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:13, Reply)
Sunday mornings should be dedicated to prostate exams.
Between those and working, you could be REALLY pissing god off!
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:15, Reply)
I may browse gaydar too,ticket to hull :))

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:21, Reply)
Especially if you did whilst giving a prostate exam.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:23, Reply)
Hands free

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:25, Reply)
Latex lols.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:30, Reply)
+r

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:26, Reply)
Why do you suppose it is that medical receptionists are so fucking rude?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:39, Reply)
Because they spend most of their time dealing with spastics who've tried to get an appointment for a cold.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:51, Reply)
Dealing with abusive drunks from 7am may get a polite, severe response.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:54, Reply)
The same reasons that you are such a prick to people who call the IT "help" desk?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:52, Reply)
tggi

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:52, Reply)
yeah, FROM YOUR MUM!!!!

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:55, Reply)
I only get prickish in response to prickishness.
I've had these menopausal old hatchets treat me like a five year old half-witted cunt right out of the gate.
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 17:06, Reply)
Ours are lovely. Calls are randomly monitored for rudeness, cuntishness etc.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:52, Reply)
this must be the only surgery in the country where this si true

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:54, Reply)
Sorry, true, We wouldn't put up with with it.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:55, Reply)
Whatever, mate.
They're lovely to you, yeah. You're employing them.
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 17:07, Reply)
I have been at my desk since eight thirty and working since 7:30, with no lunch break
I'm gonna get train cans
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:53, Reply)
Isn't being at work for a whole day terrible?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:55, Reply)
yep
i've totes been werking super hard
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:55, Reply)
I do those hours everyday because I'm some sort of cunt.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:56, Reply)
You're eighth best here at the moment. You're slipping darling xx

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:58, Reply)
do one you mug

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 17:02, Reply)
Are you terribly inefficient?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 16:59, Reply)
start at half seven dont I

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 17:01, Reply)
Feverishly wanking that is.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 17:04, Reply)
yeah over your mum

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 17:05, Reply)
and wife

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 17:06, Reply)
and kid

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 17:06, Reply)
orly?

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 17:07, Reply)
nah the kids ugly and retarded

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 17:09, Reply)
Ypu've missed the dog out.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 17:07, Reply)
The invoice is in the post.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 17:06, Reply)
Yeah but you leave at 4, so you do normal length day

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 17:20, Reply)
not always :(

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 18:03, Reply)
I've been fed up most of the day.
I'm going to the pub.
(, Thu 29 May 2014, 17:02, Reply)
I'm thete at six ten, can't wait.

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 17:05, Reply)
That's a Sham

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 17:06, Reply)
Harry!

(, Thu 29 May 2014, 17:08, Reply)

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