Medical dramas
After having to help after an accident on Saturday, I'd like to know if you are all budding nurses/doctors and what help you've given when people are injured. Windy Pig need not apply as he causes the medical drama

Alt:
Good weekend?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:27, 112 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

I'm glad you helped, good work mate. First aid should be part of the national curriculum imho.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:29, Reply)

Definitely,
Also knowing when to move people and when to leave them is a good idea.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:33, Reply)

this^
Woman was trying to move but there was a nurse in attendance who held her head still
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:40, Reply)

Thats a really good idea

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:42, Reply)

I have them now and then.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:47, Reply)

*elaborate extrapolation of your post to suggest that you want to have sex with school children*

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:53, Reply)

^

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:59, Reply)

I was involved in my own accident yesterday, when i broke my finger playing cricket.
Which gives you some indication of my answer to your Alt. However I did manage to score 35 before I did it.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:31, Reply)

Which finger?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:31, Reply)

Ring finger on the right hand.
Typing is tricky and writing is a fucking shambles.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:34, Reply)

+ and i'll let you know how the wanking goes later.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:38, Reply)

Good lad.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:40, Reply)

ow!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:41, Reply)

I did loads of medical help when working on pubs.
Alcohol is a true healer.

Although, in all seriousness I did help a guy that got hit by a car outside the pub. He wasn't badly hurt, but pretty shaken.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:31, Reply)

People falling over or fights?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:42, Reply)

Both.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:50, Reply)

I like to go straight for the malpractice
Alt: Yup
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:31, Reply)

I have completed several first aid courses - didn't tell my present employers as I'd be co-opted as a first-aider
I have helped out when someone accidentally shot themselves on a range - gunshot wounds are messier than hollywood portrays them

Alt: Weekend was great but busy - moving most of my crap to the new flat.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:34, Reply)

Gs wounds are fuckers. Treated several when with msf, and London hospitals.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:37, Reply)

shot themselves on a range?
darwin was right
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:37, Reply)

That actually is quite difficult.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:40, Reply)

They need to turn the gun the other way round

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:41, Reply)

Or aim at their foot.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:46, Reply)

That all species are subject to a gradual process by which biological traits become either more or less common in a population as a function of the effect of inherited traits on the differential reproductive success of organisms interacting with their
environment?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:43, Reply)

urgh urgh pleather jackets and rollies urgh

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:55, Reply)

is this a transcript of your solo sextape?

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:04, Reply)

hahahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:04, Reply)

one night with YM

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:04, Reply)

This was back in the days when people could still own handguns
Holster drill, didn't put the safety catch on and caught the trigger when reholstering. Shot himself in the butt.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:51, Reply)

Arsehole with two arseholes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:06, Reply)

i'm far too squeamish to be much use
and i failed to grab the drunk who fell on the tube tracks in front of me the other night, although i tried my hardest. but i helped him when they hauled him up, miraculously not electrocuted.

the people who helped me when i tripped and knocked myself out on fleet street were outstanding and extremely kind. especially the two girls who waited with me for over an hour for the bicycle paramedic and then the ambulance and the man who donated his 9 pack of andrex for me to use as a pillow.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:36, Reply)

5.9.83.79/questions/offtopic/post2294444
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:44, Reply)

Woah, check ma quads!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:44, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:45, Reply)

I pointed and laughed when I saw a little girl get her fingers trapped in a car door.
Does that count?
( Peej, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:45, Reply)

It's well lol when kids hurt themselves

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:46, Reply)

You must really love your kids.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:48, Reply)

Last year my brother in law reported that, while chilling with a beer in his garden one sunny afternoon, he heard a sudden scream, and on enquiring what was wrong received the reply
"My pet wasp STUNG me!"
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:54, Reply)

I am currently planning my own liver transplant.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:49, Reply)

Good luck!

( Peej, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:52, Reply)

who the fuck is going to donate a liver to you?
i bet you couldn't find anyone to donate a turd to you
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:56, Reply)

Don't pick on me today please, I am ill.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:57, Reply)

You need to add watership down to every post, to ward off evil spirits.

( Muns, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:58, Reply)

You're fucking at shit at being a problem drinker.
Too tiny to be a physical threat when all drunk and angry, too fucking lightweight to knock back a few shandies without spending all the next day whining about having a headache.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:19, Reply)

I think the medical terminology for this is "beer mouse"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:28, Reply)

He can have half of mine just to prove you wrong

( Peej, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:00, Reply)

lucky he's not asking for a brain transplant then

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:04, Reply)

ima call ZING

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:04, Reply)

I'm a good nurse when Mrs Vagabond's ill.
The rest of the world can get tae fuck.

Alt: I watched Top Gun for the first time. Dear Christ - I'd heard about it being really gay and homoerotic, but I always assumed people were over-exaggerating. And it's shit - really shit. Even by the standards of the day. Awful film.

I also watched Robocop for the first time. That were good.

No - I dint watch much cinema as a kid - my dad didn't believe in it and my school only had a couple of tellies, the viewing on which were dominated by the big kids.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:51, Reply)

Top Gun is absolute gash
Mainly because they tried to pass off Northrop F-5s (US aircraft) as MiGs (Soviet aircraft).

/ExtremeGeekBlog
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:01, Reply)

Excellent geeking here.
WWII is more my field - I recently overheard a someone refer to a Westland Lysander as "cargo plane" which rather upset me.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:06, Reply)

For a *very* small amount of cargo.....

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:20, Reply)

Well quite.
It was far more of a transit plane for injecting spies/parachutists into an area or for unique well-targeted bombings.

Cargo is like ... Lancasters, Wellingtons and shiz, inner.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:28, Reply)

Yer
the Lysander was very STOL so could land in a field, many stories of being landed/taken off in distances substantially shorter than the designers ever intended....
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:31, Reply)

I seem to remember something about them being able to fly at 40mph or something? But that can't be right - they couldn't maintain airspeed velocity at that.
Laden or unladen. But yeah - landing and taking off from a field = very useful.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:34, Reply)

I can see your neckbeards

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:36, Reply)

Touch it.
It's silky-smooth.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:55, Reply)

The original Robocop or the new one?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:03, Reply)

Original.
I've been advised that the Director's Cut is even better.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:05, Reply)

I love the original

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:05, Reply)

Yer - it's still pretty gritty for what it is.
Also I like how it's a little bit funny.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:07, Reply)

*buys that for a dollar*
The hand shooting scene is one of the few things I cannot watch. See also Blade Runner when Harrison Ford's fingers get broken
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:09, Reply)

What surprised me was the other robot - the first version - Ed 9000 or whatever.
The models were fine, but the photography was awful - considering it was about 10 years after Star Wars and that.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:17, Reply)

They did only have 20 seconds to comply though

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:27, Reply)

I thought it was 15 seconds.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:28, Reply)

Diagnosis murder is shite.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:54, Reply)

Get tae fack!
Its great!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:04, Reply)

Basic first aid is important.
Knowing when to stand back and just get professionals in is equally important, I managed to stop someone from putting some poor sod into the recovery position last summer, which was good as it turned out that he had a broken neck.

Remember kids, crowd surf at your own risk!
( Muns, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:54, Reply)

I used to be in St Johns Ambulance
Nowadays I just laugh if old people fall over.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 10:59, Reply)

Is St Johns Ambulance a euphemism?

( Muns, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:00, Reply)

mbulance rse
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:03, Reply)

"ambulance" is gay slang for anus

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:04, Reply)

i think we may have shattered the subtlety of his post

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:05, Reply)

This may be true
I'm too tired for "clever". Gay dog was ill all night on Saturday so 1.5 hours sleep for me.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:06, Reply)

oh no, what was wrong with him?
swallow a condom?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:07, Reply)

Fuck knows
He puked all over my stairs
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:09, Reply)

You should have tied him to the door and put a ball-gag in his mouth.
Gays like that sort of thing.
( Muns, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:10, Reply)

hahahaha!
officegiggles
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:10, Reply)

officegiggles?
gayer than your own dog, here!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:44, Reply)

Only if he coquettishly places his hand over his mouth while doing it
or snorts spunk out of his nose.
( Muns, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:47, Reply)

Time for that final trip to the vet

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:07, Reply)

Vets have a cure for gay?

( Muns, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:13, Reply)

Yes, ECT

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:17, Reply)

I was actually in St Johns ambulance, you fuckers.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:10, Reply)

+ Ian

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:22, Reply)

Pray the gay away Jay, Pray the gay away.

( Peej, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:27, Reply)

Brian Cant's new motivational video series never caught on

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:30, Reply)

Ah, as in...
"You should've seen that ambulance, it left a massive skid mark at the junction!"
( Muns, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:07, Reply)

officelol

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:08, Reply)

Fucks sake
Which cunt books a meeting for 12-1? And sends the invites round at 11:15?

CUNT
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 11:38, Reply)

Don't go.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:16, Reply)

Can't stop now.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:25, Reply)

WHERE IS EVERYONE TODAY?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:29, Reply)

Kidnapping Lemmy

( Muns, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:31, Reply)

Reporting to the news how they got molested off Savile, if the news is anything to go by.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:34, Reply)

Planning my funeral.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:36, Reply)

Don't bother - it's not like anyone's going to attend.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:38, Reply)

I dunno
it's the best way to make sure someone's definitely gone.
( Muns, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:43, Reply)

I find cutting off their head is more reliable.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:45, Reply)

Why stop there?
Remove a few vital organs and hollow out the skull, you could have an awesome ventriloquist doll.
( Muns, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:50, Reply)

ventriloquist sex
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:52, Reply)

You've got me wondering whether ventriloquists fake their sex-dolls orgasms now.

( Muns, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:53, Reply)

Not posting because this comment
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2294453

isn't on the popular page and I can only assume that this is because you're all stupid cunts with dicks on your heads.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:42, Reply)

nobody likes tangles

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:44, Reply)

Frog likes me, so SHUT UP

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:50, Reply)

YEAH!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:52, Reply)

^^cunt^^

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 13:07, Reply)

^cycling ave catwring helicooter camping fax cbeese prick^

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 13:10, Reply)

hahaha!
Class
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 13:11, Reply)

^^shit socks damaged biscuits

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 13:15, Reply)

^w0r5e @ spe!!!ngg th@nn nakebhksape^

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 13:17, Reply)

He's the best one here.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 2 Jun 2014, 13:07, Reply)