Yesterday I managed to lay 25m of turf in my garden
Tonight I'll be adding an extension onto my wood store. I managed to get the turf for £1 a roll \o/

Tell me more interesting tales of your bargains please

Alt:
Are you a handy person?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:23, 172 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

I bought a 60" plasma TV of a guy in a pub for £5
alt. I do all my own bike repairs does that count?
( Peej, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:26, Reply)

Sounds legit

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:55, Reply)

I purchased my new BIKE at £270 less than the RRP!!!
Alt: Yes, yes I am. I can do DIY, and I am good at fighting.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:27, Reply)

I also used the promotional code 'BROOKS' to get FREE 24hr delivery!!!! (Usual price £14.99)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:48, Reply)

How good at fighting, thinking we should have a literal B3ta BASH

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:17, Reply)

£1 a roll
where from?
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:29, Reply)

poundland

( Peej, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:31, Reply)

B&Q actually
It had been there a few days but its all fine.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:43, Reply)

I will have to check it out
cheers
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:44, Reply)

B&Q turf is pretty damn good. Although, laying turf in July is really not the done thing.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:16, Reply)

its ok as long as you keep it well watered for the first few weeks

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:48, Reply)

Prefer September and October. Big difference between well watered and over watered plus in a hot spell
the neighbours all think you are a cunt for wasting water on a bloody new lawn. Or I am too sensitive.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 11:00, Reply)

Yeah you are
Its greener already after last nights watering
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 11:05, Reply)

I'm not sure there is much interest to be had in a tale about paying a slightly lower price than expected for something, but let's see how it goes eh
Alt: No
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:32, Reply)

You sure you haven't covered your garden
In green shit-tickets?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:32, Reply)

I'll check tonight

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:44, Reply)

I'm good at bargaining - I like to use cash to do so.
I am, however, shit at DIY - to the point of questioning my sexuality. I once nearly killed my missus when the shelves I'd put up fell down.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:33, Reply)

Better luck next time

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:45, Reply)

Bought a broken lamp at Chiswick fair a few weeks ago.
solid wood, some type of walnut I think. It's a lovely pattern, Google tells me it might be burr walnut. Two quid. At some point the bulb attachment had given up the ghost. It was all smashed up. A fiver in B&Q, a few minutes' work and a new bulb later and I have a lovely new lamp.

alt: Absolutely. As handy as they come.
( Kroney, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:33, Reply)

Cool thread Sporters, Its going well so far.

( Peej, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:42, Reply)

I watched Bargain Hunt once.
alt. Not really, but I'll have a good go.

MORNING!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:43, Reply)

I once bought some dining and bedroom furniture and got £50 off as I collected them rather than getting them delivered


alt: as handy as Rolf at a swimming meet
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:43, Reply)

Joinery, plumbing, tiling; fine.
Electics, plastering; not a chance.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:45, Reply)

Oh and something about your missus extending MY wood store etc.

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:46, Reply)

turf cable

i bought a miniature hanging basket made of raffia for the budgie to (i) think is going to kill him and cower like a wuss (ii) ignore with icy suspicion (iii) sidle up to (iv) fall in love with (v) rip up and destroy. it was an amazon "add on", so only £2 rather than the RRP of £5.

it's great when you buy people gifts that they appreciate.

alt: fuck no. get a man in......... the answer to everything.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:47, Reply)

I imagine you calling "Lightbulb Exchange" every time one pops

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:54, Reply)

ALMOST
i use these guys: www.homewizards.co.uk/
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:59, Reply)

I used my celebrity status to try to negotiate a discount on some furniture

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:48, Reply)

No doubt McBeef will be namedropping you later

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:51, Reply)

keyword being try

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:52, Reply)

The place is run by a Jew and some crybaby with his hair in a gay bun.
Maybe if I get my missus to speak to him, he'll feel so intimidated that he'll offer a reduced price.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:54, Reply)

Getting a discount off a Jew?
You've more chance of me fucking a woman.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:57, Reply)

Just turn them over

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:58, Reply)

Why do you have to turn Jews over?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:05, Reply)

So they cook evenly on both sides

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:22, Reply)

FREE bottle of prosecco!
#birthdaytreats
( Kroney, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:49, Reply)

ha

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:52, Reply)

I don't do DIY as I am a cack handed oaf.
I recently got a claim for AUD50m and not the AUD280m we were being sued for.

I win.

Alt: No but I am a bit handsy.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:52, Reply)

The burrito has raised it's ugly turtle'a head and exacted a TERRIBLE revenge


*wimper*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:55, Reply)

er
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:56, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2322026#post2322032
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:58, Reply)

Pie and red wine is causing rumbunctuous chuffage in the sportspant department

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:56, Reply)

why? why? why must men talk about their shits? any minute now, battered will be along to tell us about his spicy non-christmas log
i went to see an excellent feminist comedienne last night. that's 2 in 2 weeks (saw caitlin moran last week). I MIGHT TURN ALL FEMINIST.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:58, Reply)

Moran has probably the most annoying face in the media

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:59, Reply)

as if
what about rupert murdoch? or davina mccall? or vanessa feltz? or howard from the halifax adverts?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:05, Reply)

Caitlin Moran is not a comedian.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:00, Reply)

Well duh, she's female

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:01, Reply)

this formed a good part of the routine
"men assume women aren't funny." and then a diatribe about the coarse meshes of the male brain/sense of humour.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:03, Reply)

I bet it was hilarious

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:04, Reply)

it was very clever
sometimes funny, sometimes very disturbing, in a kind of, "fuck you're right, that's totally fucked up," kind of a way.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:04, Reply)

And she has a new book out.
I bet you bought it.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:06, Reply)

caitlin moran?
that was the point of the talk. it was a book promotion tour. and the ticket price included a signed copy of the book. which i have now read. it was quite good.

but horrifically embarrassing reading about sex with 10 inch cocks and masturbating with a hairbrush on a very crowded tube. i spent a lot of time reading with the book only open about 10mm.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:08, Reply)

Men are definitely the more mentally fucked of the sexes

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:06, Reply)

Yeah because it's okay for women to be sexist.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:05, Reply)

thousands of years of payback
true feminism is about equality. but that bit's not funny.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:06, Reply)

Is it bollocks, bitches want equality up to the point they need a fucking lightbulb replacing.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:07, Reply)

They should make white people sit at the back of buses because PAYBACK

( Kroney, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:09, Reply)

i can think of at least 2 bulbs that have blown at the half-flat AND HAVEN'T YET BEEN REPLACED

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:09, Reply)

Buy some bulbs then, since I bought you the last eighteen (18) that I then replaced for you.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:12, Reply)

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BUY

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:13, Reply)

UH-OH!!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:14, Reply)

FEMINISM IN ACTION - NOT!!!!!
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:14, Reply)

you might get to see some feminism in action later
when lemmy and i lock you OUT.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:21, Reply)

Punish me if you must, but please don't take my boy!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:24, Reply)

boy girl
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:26, Reply)

those little halogen lights?
They are dreadful.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:14, Reply)

They all break as you take them out

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:15, Reply)

And they look shit

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:21, Reply)

Candles were good enough for my granddad and they are good enough for me

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:15, Reply)

Piece of piss to replace, though
A dog could do it.
( Kroney, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:16, Reply)

I just had to replace 6 of those fuckers

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:16, Reply)

dreadful many feet up in the air and cannot be reached by me on a stepladder, the cunts
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:20, Reply)

Get the LED versions
cost a lot more, but last many times longer and use a tenth of the electric.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:24, Reply)

two words
shappi khorsandi

or

Arabella Weir
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:03, Reply)

Brilliantly nwa a bitch iz a bitch has come on shuffle

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:12, Reply)

Betraying the feminist cause a little there by calling her a comedienne

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:02, Reply)

not really
that would be, "i didn't really listen, because she was quite hot, but not hot enough."
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:03, Reply)

It was farts, not shits

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:11, Reply)

Maybe ask mrs cow to have a little wash next time

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:59, Reply)

*japaneseflaglols*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:57, Reply)

Is the dot on the nap flag painted on with blood and misery?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 9:58, Reply)

Yes. Brought on by too much wasabi.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:00, Reply)

there was a fairly lol picture recently of a canteen
with a big bowl of wasabi, and a sign saying, "NOTE: THIS IS NOT GUACAMOLE". presumably a few people made that mistake. oof.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:10, Reply)

Its in Cars 2

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:12, Reply)

I saw a guy eat an entire grape sized piece, he'd never had Japanese before
He was 50 and almost had a heart attack
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:14, Reply)

I also had a bowel movement this morning.
It passed without incident. I hope this is of some comfort to you.
( Kroney, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:00, Reply)

I have the day off and am drinking coffee in the sunshine listening to Motörhead
I hope this is of some comfort to you while you're resetting passwords all day

Xx
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:02, Reply)

sunshine?
wtf?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:04, Reply)

Its where the huge hydrogen ball in the sky
emits radiation that warms the planet
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:07, Reply)

Haha fair play.
Got a telephone interview today, you'll be marginally bothered to hear.
( Kroney, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:04, Reply)

Good stuff
I only harass because I care
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:05, Reply)

+ don't
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:07, Reply)

I had a rather loose affair.
lid. box. racing. pigeons.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:01, Reply)

AVALAAAAANCHE

( Kroney, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:07, Reply)

You better run for the hills.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:09, Reply)

YeeeEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:19, Reply)

"A small Alpine village was wiped away in the deluge. Reports are coming in of multiple casualties"

( Kroney, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:21, Reply)

Like someone dropped a box of shoes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:12, Reply)

Hahahaha.
If my arse stings after, say, a burrito. Does that mean my anus has a sense of taste?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:16, Reply)

Maybe

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:18, Reply)

I'm going for a shit in a minute.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:25, Reply)

I've just got back from one.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:26, Reply)

classic banter

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:28, Reply)

Very tempted to buy this
www.ebuyer.com/616877-hp-proliant-microserver-g7-n54l-1p-4gb-u-non-hot-plug-sata-150w-ps-744900-421

Throw a couple of hdd's in it, raid them and make a media pc/nas/other shit.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:27, Reply)

Thats the plan for me once the extension is sorted.
Sonos the fuck out of the place, NAS box out of the way
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:29, Reply)

I don't really need multiroom at the minute, but if I did, I'd probably knock up a pikey sonos with a couple of raspberry pi's.
XBMC can do all that shit.

My lease is up at the end of august so should really save for deposits etc. Might pull the trigger on the proliant (cases to accommodate multiple hard drives are about £70 themselves) and get the rest of the bits later.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:32, Reply)

I'm making red velvet woopie pies

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:37, Reply)

The world's largest whoopie pie was created in South Portland, Maine on March 26, 2011, weighing in at 1,062 pounds.[6] Pieces of the giant whoopie pie were sold and the money was used to send Maine-made whoopie pies to soldiers serving overseas.[6] The previous record holder, from Pennsylvania, weighed 200 pounds.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:40, Reply)

whoopie fukin' shit.
Totes copied and pasted. You left in the citation numbers
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:44, Reply)

[citation required]

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:45, Reply)

UH-OH!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:45, Reply)

Where the fuck else would I get this information?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:50, Reply)

You tried to pass it off as if you already knew it and got PWND by jaysums, that much is obvious
***EPIC FAIL!!!***
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:51, Reply)

^jelly of my mic skillz.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:51, Reply)

Haha!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:52, Reply)

psyche!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:53, Reply)

You have to get up pretty early in the morning to get one by wor jeeyasun

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:52, Reply)

11.45am?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:52, Reply)

He's on fire!
(Not literally, don't get excited)
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:52, Reply)

I heard that all you have to do is but them a drink and that lot will quite happily let you get one in

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 11:05, Reply)

but but

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 11:08, Reply)

^ red velvet whoopsie

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:44, Reply)

I made a brown chocolate whoopsie pie all over YMs tits last night
Then steamboated it in
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:44, Reply)