Seeing as so many people are considering their careers/work/paths/education/exceotahz at the moment, and it's a bit slowpoke today, let's have a Work Chat thread.
I've always thought that I would like to get half a dozen or soo select b3tans and do some Srs Bzns. I have some ideas of my own at the moment, got an app/platform i'm making at the moment.

If we were all going to club together with our skill sets, what would you bring to the table? What would you like our new buisness to do? Do you think you'd need any education for where you see it heading? What kind of wage do you want? Any insights to this topic?

I'm alright in my job, but feel I need a kick up the bum.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 15:54, 92 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

£10k a month, tax-free.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 15:57, Reply)

You'd have to bring a lot to the table for that, sale yourself.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:10, Reply)

Medical stuff, running a juicer, pretty much hands on stuff, very little internetty, or IT.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 15:59, Reply)

Perhaps you could offer your proof-reading skills?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:00, Reply)

Off coarse,? m8

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:03, Reply)

You type this as a joke but it's sadly reality.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:05, Reply)

I'm the first to admit I'm a shit speller. You perfect cunt you.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:06, Reply)

Just give me 15 minutes in your office with the computer logged in and the printer set up - and your stamp full of ink - and we'll have a deal.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:10, Reply)

I'm after a permanent position now. The consultancy stuff has suited me well for the last couple of years when I needed flexibility given the divorce, moving house, settling Lemmy etc. but it's now time to go back to a permanent thing.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:00, Reply)

I can see what UKIP are talking about, all these romanian STIs coming here causing bare hassle for the british NHS.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:11, Reply)

Im very good at office gossip and delegating work.
I am a bloody fast learner though on a serious note.
I'd take as low as £20k after tax.
Can I work from home?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:04, Reply)

We do need a good barman.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:05, Reply)

I think we can do better than £25kpa, and we need a good Closer. Can you 'Ciel The Deal' ?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:14, Reply)

ABC
always
Be
Closing
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:15, Reply)

How very 1980s

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:51, Reply)

I make a great cup of coffee
that's about it really,
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:05, Reply)

How about tea?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:05, Reply)

Depends on type
Anything other than Earl Grey and I make one of the best you will taste, earl grey not good.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:07, Reply)

I don't want Earl Grey, I want Assam

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:08, Reply)

ASSam more like!!!
Er...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:08, Reply)

as in
Assam big tits you got there love?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:16, Reply)

I will only do loose leaf in a silver tea brewer if thats ok?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:14, Reply)

I only drink loose leaf, so yes
Although a proper teapot is preferable.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:26, Reply)

Ah no my friend
The individual silver brewer is the way forward.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:28, Reply)

Do you know how to apply Robbisons to Water in the correct ratio?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:15, Reply)

I offer 2 options
1/10
1/5 for those that like a stronger flavour
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:16, Reply)

I would like to design sex aids for Pandas
seems quite an easy job. I bring hard-core negotiation skills and management bullshit buzzword to run up your flagpole
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:06, Reply)

I can't think up anything whitty to reply to htis.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:17, Reply)

Its because you are planning those
wifi operated panda dildos right this minute
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:23, Reply)

I am thinking of an iPad/ Phone control
Dil Drone, that can fly up to a panda and give them a good thrusting to get them in the mood, then make them follow it to the nearest mate, and boom population problem solved.

It could even have a small flash memory and iTunes that why it can play some Barry White at the same time
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:24, Reply)

Except that all giant pandas are gay, of course.

( Kroney, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:29, Reply)

Thats because they are Bears

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:33, Reply)

A sunny disposition and a true passion for customer service.

( Kroney, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:07, Reply)

A friendly smile, and a nice skip?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:09, Reply)

Good, because i'm not really Client Facing.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:18, Reply)

As I'm on holiday, apologies but you can GTFO

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:11, Reply)

Hang on....
You are holidaying in WHITLEY BAY?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:12, Reply)

Nope, just been there this afternoon

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:13, Reply)

Which bits?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:15, Reply)

J Laws Bits

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:16, Reply)

They are nice, it must be said

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:17, Reply)

I definately didnt look for all the pictures when I got
especially as my wife was out for the evening so I had the house to myself,
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:18, Reply)

I'm waiting for the Michelle Keegan ones
Michelle Kevin
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:22, Reply)

I would LOVE IT etc, etc

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:23, Reply)

I know not this "starlet"

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:25, Reply)

Google on...

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:32, Reply)

Too Orangey for Cows

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:34, Reply)

Breasts like space hoppers though

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:42, Reply)

Looks like the surgeon has got involved
Not for me thanks I will let you have her
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:45, Reply)

Beach just round the corner, mainly

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:18, Reply)

Near the lighthouse?
Rather nice innit?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:19, Reply)

It certainly makes you feel Lifted

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:21, Reply)

I bring sarcasm and violent swearing to my role
I can also "tidy" any biscuits and coffee you may have
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:12, Reply)

^^go on then, ditto

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:14, Reply)

Beth?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:15, Reply)

up there we got a coffee maker, and here we got a coffee drinker.
That's the first match right there.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:18, Reply)

Wandering hands and tight trousers

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:20, Reply)

BINGO
that's CEO material
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:21, Reply)

What I bring to the table no one else can, I doodle on my telephone pad and make sarcastic comments about customers at the very same time.

(Mr Udagawa, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:23, Reply)

We could offer 8K per week tax free

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:25, Reply)

Gee thanks. I had always wanted to be made bankrupt again and if there's any way to achieve that a b3tan business venture is certainly it.

(Mr Udagawa, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:28, Reply)

friend

(Mr Udagawa, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:28, Reply)

If you need someone to pretend to like people just to get money out of them I can help

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:32, Reply)

GOD I SAID I'LL PAY YOU BACK THAT FIVER OH GOD I CANT DEAL WITH THIS.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:39, Reply)

We really need an ethnic chap to serve our curries on a Wednesday. Pataks and Uncle Bens, dressed up as something "real", half rice and chips, just ask.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:34, Reply)

who eats chips with a curry?
gross
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:36, Reply)

You're soo wrong on that.
Do you know what chavs have chips with their curry? Because they don't feel the social bounderies that people with self esteem do.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:38, Reply)

Oh God I've got a right craving for chicken curry over chips now

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:57, Reply)

There is a lot of food snobbery on here. From people who probably secretly eat cold beans from the tin.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 17:00, Reply)

Not from me friend. Only the finest bernard mathews will ever darken my door. Icelands up on kilburn high road really is a godsend.

(Mr Udagawa, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 17:07, Reply)

Didn't you work in development for Bernard?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 17:13, Reply)

I can cause upset and create tension within any working environment.
Although I don't really have any HR experience....
( Muns, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:36, Reply)

I think they call that "Motivational Speaker"

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 17:18, Reply)

Whoops, my bill for my hosting for the last 3 months is over £1500. I only have a dozen or soo wordpress blogs, the biggest hitting 100mb, yet they're saying I have over 30gb of content.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:40, Reply)

wtf?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:43, Reply)

I am guessing he has the full iCloud downloads on there behind a paywall

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:44, Reply)

lolcat gifs take a lot of memory

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:43, Reply)

I assume they're counting the SQL usage as well...
...and you've been spammed to buggery in the comments?
(Twangy Rubber, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:46, Reply)

I presume so, SQL usage doesn't seem to be reported by this install of Cpan

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:56, Reply)

I can contribute the million pound website idea my co-worker foolishly explained to me over lunch
I'll take 8% Equity and be a silent partner.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:53, Reply)

if its the pixel thing its been done hundreds of times already

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:57, Reply)

No, it's a corporate productivity thing

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 16:58, Reply)

Carry on
(makes notes)
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 17:00, Reply)

*looks over shoulder*

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 17:06, Reply)

I did say he foolishly explained it to me
implying I recognise that sharing it around is a bad idea.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 17:09, Reply)

Has he devised one that allows workers to 'get on with it' unobstructed without spending more time reporting what they're doing than doing what they're doing?
There's a shortage of those.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 17:51, Reply)

Can I just bring a chair and sit there looking all surly?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 17:18, Reply)

I imagine you as a dark James Dean. Sitting on the chair backwards, arms folded on the seat back. Chewing gum.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 17:22, Reply)

dark James Dean. Sitting on the chair backwards, arms folded on the seat back. Chewing gum. knobcheese
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 17:41, Reply)

I can bring big-ticket sales experience, man-management skills, gravitas, technical knowhow and..
..a head like a bollock.

Any use?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 17:24, Reply)

I can...ummmm
sorry, no useful money generating skills here
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 18:03, Reply)