everybody loves bumsex
it's criminal that it's been hijacked by homos

Like rainbows and Cosmopolitans and the word "gay".
(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:05, 133 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

raymond's stand alone series had an R rating

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:08, Reply)

this is nearly funny

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:08, Reply)

Just like Everbody Loves Raymond then

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:10, Reply)

not even nearly

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:10, Reply)

it's not even nearly funny.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:12, Reply)

you're very christmassy, very early, this year

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:13, Reply)

is that extra comma an early chrimbo present?

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:16, Reply)

shush
you ghastly little pie-eater
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:24, Reply)

lolilliterate

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:25, Reply)

it was funnier the first two times yesterday when somebody witty said it

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:10, Reply)

we don't all spend all day on here feverishly reading every single line (and posting 50% of them), gramps
just you and rory
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:11, Reply)

that's it ... you keep editing until the anger subsides ... nice deep breaths

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:13, Reply)

post count just went up to 51%...
... are you allergic to fresh air?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:22, Reply)

Shit. I hope not. I'm sitting outside.
How's the office? More or less farty than the tube? Working late tonight?
(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:23, Reply)

my private air conditioned office with views of the city is lovely, ta
meaty and i are going to an event in essex later on, so just booked a cab. but thanks for asking.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:25, Reply)

hey ... you could use the spare comma from that other post to replace the missing one in this post!

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:26, Reply)

need some tissues for those issues?
it sounds like you do.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:31, Reply)

Another november 'park' day?
Is the library closed?
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:25, Reply)

strictly speaking this is a "green" ... whatever the fuck that means

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:27, Reply)

it means you're an unemployable tramp
hth
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:30, Reply)

yerr ... in Stoke or sutin

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:35, Reply)

the further east you go (in this country), the more weird the people get

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:46, Reply)

I dunno.
Wales, Manchester, Liverpool, Devon and Cornwall are firmly to the west.
( Muns, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:48, Reply)

I'm almost exactly due north, you geography fail
is there anything you know anything about?
(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:52, Reply)

midlands lol

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:55, Reply)

you just assumed i was talking about you
monstrous ego, much?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:08, Reply)

yerr ... you just posted a random statement in reply to me because that's not at all mental
you thicko
(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:11, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2417053
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:16, Reply)

I'm sure that playground riposte will be relevant one day. You keep plugging away, love.

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:20, Reply)

How long until you can go home and get in the warm
and tell your wife about your day at the 'office' and how payroll still haven't fixed their systems?
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:32, Reply)

the staff in macdonald's all have bets over how long he can nurse one 69p coffee

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:45, Reply)

\o

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:14, Reply)

🙆
(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:19, Reply)

that new Larry Heard EP is pretty good, you should have a listen.
Nearly as good as that The Sun Can't Compare record he did.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:08, Reply)

shit ... I've been spelling his name wrong for twenty odd years
I mean ... in my head ... I don't think I've ever had need to actually write it down
(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:09, Reply)

the ep is by The It.
Nice clean house music.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:13, Reply)

that's a relief ... I can definitely spell "it"

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:14, Reply)

god damn queers
it's a disgrace
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:13, Reply)

Why is your house trying to bum you?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:16, Reply)

because I'm irresistible

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:18, Reply)

Afternoon. I see thread quality has improved, since 'toast and 'brogues', the pie one was quite good though.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:19, Reply)

these are some seriously comfy brogues, man
seriously ... they're like sucking my toes and caressing my soles
(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:21, Reply)

Call me weird if you like, but I don't fancy sticking my winky up someone's poo hole
Nor do I want anything putting up mine.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:20, Reply)

Prepare to be abused by the homo loving PC brigade.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:21, Reply)

prepared

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:22, Reply)

more lies on qotw

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:21, Reply)

you should try it
never neglect the anus

never
(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:24, Reply)

Get bent, you gay prick.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:24, Reply)

wanna fuck?

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:26, Reply)

Id sooner fuck a blender.
BENDER MORE LIKE!!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:35, Reply)

Sorry mate.
It doesn't appear on this list.

www.studentsoftheworld.info/penpals/stats.php3?Pays=JAP
( Muns, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:37, Reply)

Be safe though.
As a shit internet gp, I suggest extra special thick bender johnnies, and plenty of grease.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:36, Reply)

Nah, you'll be alright.
White heterosexuals can't get AIDS.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:37, Reply)

fuck that ... bit of spit and remember to wash it after

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:38, Reply)

+6 glasses of wine

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:39, Reply)

Before, after orduring?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:44, Reply)

lol unintended "ordure" pun

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:45, Reply)

Haha, just noticed. It's my cackhanded typing.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:52, Reply)

it's hard to type with one fist up the butt

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:54, Reply)

I'll borrow a head dobber from Rory.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:55, Reply)

you should prolly rinse it first
just sayin
(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:04, Reply)

Typical. I stop job hunting to start house hunting
and then a really exciting (for me) job opportunity comes up.
( Kroney, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:42, Reply)

imma assume that the job is directly related to the theme of this thread

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:43, Reply)

It had better be or I'm going to get it in the neck from Ballbag.

( Kroney, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:45, Reply)

Head chutney stirrer for Branstons doesn't sound that exciting.

( Muns, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:50, Reply)

THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK

( Kroney, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:21, Reply)

I’m about to give you the biggest colon cleanse of your life, because Monday’s article by Ms. Banal was a bunch of SHIT. Ass sex rules because destruction, degradation and pain are FUN. I’m going to try to expound on that very simple and true statement in the coming paragraphs, but if there’s one thing you take away from these words that should be it. If I’ve done my job, by the time you get to the end of this article you’ll be fingering your own butthole and scheming on ways to get it filled with something fun.

THINKING WITH YOUR ANUS

Obviously anal sex is the wrong idea. That’s why it rules. For girls, anal sex just inherently means “no”. That’s like the first life lesson we’ve ever learned: “My asshole excretes things, I’m not supposed to put things in it.” Good girl. Part of the thrill, though, is disobeying your fundamental physiology. Butt sex is fun for the same reason it’s fun to piss off a teacher or take a piss on a cop car, or burn down a church – except, get this, the only authority that you’re rebelling against is yourself. That’s some next-level shit. It’s like condensing six months of “getting in touch with your true feelings” BS therapy into 20 minutes. And, unlike burning down a church, you get to keep your job and be a fully functioning adult in society afterwards.

YOU HAVE TO WANT IT

It can’t just be a fun little experiment you do to spice up your relationship. I mean, I guess that’s fine, but that’s when you’re going to be distracted by thoughts like, 'Oh, this feels kinda unpleasant,' or, 'Wow, I hope I don’t get a UTI.' That’s not really getting into the spirit of anal. The desire has to come from a deep need to feel degraded, and this is something that should be expressed/initiated through body language, NOT through diplomatic compromise, like, “OK, honey, you get to do that to me as long as you promise you’ll come to my cousin’s wedding.” (Ew, are there people who negotiate with sex like that?) I think there is a time and a place for anal, and you will know exactly when that time comes – he’ll tell you. (Just kidding.) (Not really.)

ANAL FISSURES BUILD CHARACTER

Yes, I’ve bled from my anus for weeks at a time (not constantly, that would be insane) and let me tell you something: I wouldn’t trade it for the world. In fact, I’m convinced experiencing an anal fissure may bring you closer to understanding the world, because guess what? Life is about dealing with things you would rather not deal with, like blood coming out of your asshole. You go through days of not wanting to eat because of not wanting to shit because of not wanting to reopen the scar tissue that has hopefully been developing on your butthole, but eventually the fissure does go away and you’ll either be, a) wanting to go through it all over again, or b) taking precautions for next time.

ROBAXIN

I happened upon the miracle of muscle relaxers by accident. One day a boy effortlessly slid his penis up my butt and I was like, “What, I thought this was supposed to hurt?” And then I walked around afterwards without a care in the world, thinking that I just had an unusually loose sphincter. It took me a while to realise that the fluidity of the whole transaction could be attributed to the fact that I had been swallowing muscle relaxers daily (never mind why). Anal lube is bullshit. With Robaxin, you can put Ps in your B all day – there you go, Robaxin executives, I just came up with your advertising slogan for you. You’re welcome. Who's in Kara's asshole now?

YOU SHIT CUM

How is this nothing other than hilarious? For a millisecond it feels empowering to be expelling baby-creation liquid from your female body, and then you remember that it’s coming out of a tunnel for shit. The image is so bizarre and backwards, it’s like a college art project on recontextualisation. Or feminist literature. "POOPING SEMEN: At the Dawn of Matriarchy."

WILLFUL DEGRADATION

No, I wasn’t molested as a child. No, my father didn’t beat me or abandon me. Why is it so unfathomable to think that girls actually like to GET fucked? We’re built for it. We’re built to take dicks. That’s what we do. It doesn’t make me inferior or powerless, it makes me happy. Before I realised that I like to be treated like shit, I was having boring, terrible, P-in-the-V type sex. It starts with chivalry and ends one forced, weak orgasm later. It doesn’t have to be that way!

YOU’LL BE FINE

The worst thing that could happen is a perforated anus. Pfft! Just like vagina sex, it takes some getting used to and it’s awkward at first. But just like they say: If at first you don't succeed, keep sticking a dick in your ass till you do.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:50, Reply)

tl;dr
d m
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:52, Reply)

Margaret Thatcher's autobiography is great!

( Muns, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:52, Reply)

lol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:57, Reply)

EXACTLY

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:53, Reply)

It's true, I *was* fingering my own butthole by the time I got to the end of that article

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:58, Reply)

I was fingering mine when I started.
by the end I was going for a full on goatse.
( Muns, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 12:59, Reply)

That wasn't you....

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:06, Reply)

Im not reading all that copy and paste shit.
Save it for facebook
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:02, Reply)

No need for you to read it, it would just be preaching to the converted.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:04, Reply)

Jason probably wrote it.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:06, Reply)

con per
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:06, Reply)

Just because you're a prude who has never had a finger up the poop chute, doesn't make me the perv.
There's a whole world of pleasure at your fingertips ;)
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:09, Reply)

When you stick your own finger up your bum, do you imagine someone else is fingering you, or you're fingering someone else?
It's quite the paradox.

I guess ditto for wanking yourself off - it's not like a straight bloke can finger his willy.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:22, Reply)

I suppose the closest he can get to simulation is to shit into his hand first.

( Muns, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:25, Reply)

surely that's just a standard wank?

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:27, Reply)

hahahahahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:29, Reply)

This sort of debate is still whyI come to OT.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:28, Reply)

It's cheaper than pornhub

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:32, Reply)

I've visited the "dark side" a few times

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:29, Reply)

I'll just forward this on to the mrs
Can't see how this would fail to convince anybody.
( Kroney, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:24, Reply)

Isn't living with you degradation enough?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:26, Reply)

I can't say I've ever tried it
but I'm fairly sure, having been through some traumatic gonz-type bathroom incidents, that I really wouldn't enjoy it.

I do like rainbows, though.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:05, Reply)

you should definitely let gonz bum you

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:06, Reply)

From what I hear
He prefers to be pegged.
( Muns, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:10, Reply)

just because pickle bumfisted him doesn't mean he'll let any fat chick off the internet bumfist him

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:13, Reply)

Oi!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:22, Reply)

it's ok
I'm sure he'd let you bumfist him.
(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:25, Reply)

Is that a euphemism?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:07, Reply)

What, rainbows?
No, my autistic side just loves the order of rainbow colours. I also like collections of things.




I may be a bit weird.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:08, Reply)

"may"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:30, Reply)

Your what?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:30, Reply)

Aroused...

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Nov 2014, 13:32, Reply)