Have we done New Year Resolutions yet?
Mine were:

Drink more water
Drink better wine
Eat more cheese
Run more

Alt:
Most/Least looking forward to in 2015?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:07, 129 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

1 Get a new job
2 Get ripped/toned
3 Massage/manage personal finances to be able to give a bit to charity
4 YOUR MUM! LOL!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:13, Reply)

I think 4 counts as 3

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:15, Reply)

New Year resolutions are for fatties and dulls

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:14, Reply)

you must have made 137

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:16, Reply)

^
Alt: most - 1st proper holiday in 5 years. Least - dunno.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:21, Reply)

fewest

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:24, Reply)

alt: new series of miranda

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:16, Reply)

lol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:17, Reply)

feel bad, she's such an easy target

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:19, Reply)

by which I mean she's fat

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:20, Reply)

this makes it at least 6 funnier when she pratfalls

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:25, Reply)

i used to like the name miranda because i love "the tempest"
now it has unfortunate monolith connotations
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:24, Reply)

mine were:
get off my arse and do the works to the flat
drink more water and less diet coke
learn to like avocado (achievement unlocked, 2 january, courtesy of fabulous danish sushi restaurant (ye heard me), sticks'n'sushi)
wear the shoes i own instead of buying MOAR SHOES
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:17, Reply)

complete diploma by October.
Read more.

DJ more.

Drink more whisky and fewer beer.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:24, Reply)

I haven't made resolutions in years.
If I want to set a goal for myself, I just do it. Just because they're set at the start of the year doesn't make them any more attainable, if anything the constant fucking bleating about the things usually results in them being broken fairly swiftly by most people.

Alt: Whatever project follows up usvsthem when the click bait bubble bursts, once everyone realises it's shit.
( Muns, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:26, Reply)

I can't believe anybody thinks that groundbreaking website usvsth3m is shit

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:27, Reply)

WHAT PILE CREAM ARE YOU? TAKE OUR QUIZ.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:28, Reply)

oh boy ... I sure hope mushybees has done an animated cartoon of a man with an itchy bum

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:31, Reply)

I like the way they pick up on things that were shit but still did the rounds on facebook and /links about a fortnight ago

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:34, Reply)

Most of those sites steal everything off reddit (as do the metro). If they're stealing off other clickbait sites they're even more rubbish.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:40, Reply)

I love the way he does everything possible to make money from other peoples work.
I still cringe and think 'what a crock of shit!' when I see everything that he has personally produced.
( Muns, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:29, Reply)

One of their articles started 'buzzfeed reported that'.
So it's actually like a dog that eats another dogs jobbies in the park and then sicks them up on the carpet when it gets home.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:30, Reply)

Liked & shared

( Muns, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:32, Reply)

What carpet freshener are you? Take our blah blah and blah blah.

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:32, Reply)

What 'desperate Buzzfeed imitation' are you?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:35, Reply)

If you have to wait until an arbitrary date to put something in to action you're probably not going to do it.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:27, Reply)

this is so true
and yet there is still a demon that says, "ack, you can only start something new on a monday, fresh start to the week and all that..."
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:30, Reply)

I think I might start smoking

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:37, Reply)

Edgy.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:39, Reply)

Benson & H+

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:41, Reply)

Lol.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:43, Reply)

I unintentionally gave up smoking last year.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:44, Reply)

Unintentionally?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:48, Reply)

Yeah, I never really set out to do it. It just sort of happened.
I was sat in the pub and my mates asked me if I was coming out for a fag and I said 'err... well it's been a week so I might as well not bother eh?'. That was in June.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:51, Reply)

You don't sound as though you were much of a smoker in the first place

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:52, Reply)

I used to be. But I'd slowly started not bothering so much when I wasn't drinking.
I'd absolutely cained it the week before so was too hungover to contemplate cigs for the first part of the week.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:54, Reply)

You don't sound as though you were much of a drinker in the first place

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:54, Reply)

sounds like cancer
/ac
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:04, Reply)

I hope not. I could've had the last 6 months off work on the sick.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:05, Reply)

I switched to an e-cig in May.
Really don't miss it.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:54, Reply)

start with crack
it's much easier to pick up
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:59, Reply)

I'd like to achieve at least one creative thing this year
Besides that really inventive wank fantasy I dreamed up the other day. You know, you think you've imagined it all, then a something new pops up. The brain's brilliant, isn't it.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 10:58, Reply)

A giant owl with the voice of Miranda Richardson in Black Adder?

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:00, Reply)

brb having a wank

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:01, Reply)

Fuck Yeah!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:01, Reply)

^Frighteningly accurate

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:02, Reply)

Well that's my plan to get a coffee thwarted.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:04, Reply)

Become properly fluent in French
I have however given myself three years to achieve this rather than one.
( Peej, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:05, Reply)

I'd give yourself five on the basis of yesterday's attempts

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:07, Reply)

FOBTQOTW

( Peej, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:17, Reply)

a low blow, that one
lower than YM blowing YD in the basement
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:26, Reply)

this is qftw
it's just qftw for people who can't even be arsed copy and pasting their dreary old non-stories
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:36, Reply)

One of my mates is fluent in French but he learned it working in West Africa so all the Frenchies laugh at him when he talks.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:24, Reply)

my fave french is Alsace
they speak French like English schoolboys
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:37, Reply)

I know a Basque chap whose French is utterly incomprehensible
but quite charming and amusing with it
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:39, Reply)

it took me two years to reliably understand my father in law
he grew up speaking occitan and rolls his Rs like a dirty Spaniard
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:47, Reply)

become a large scale property developer
like those two dweebs on bbc 1 in the mornings.
( $$ ✅, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:10, Reply)

Nope.
I'm going on a cruise in October (yer gay cruise!). Im sailing with load of trannies from Rupaul's drag Race :)
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:14, Reply)

Also; HI!!!!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:14, Reply)

HNY Jay

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:20, Reply)

and to you, my bovine brethren

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:31, Reply)

Captain Placid approves.
All audio equipment on board will have had sufficient pink noise passed through it.
( Muns, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:19, Reply)

i had to eat my melon by stabbing it with a knife just now
a new cutlery low.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:30, Reply)

hahahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:33, Reply)

it was that or trek all the way back upstairs to the restaurant for a fork
eff that, yo, as our favourite sk8rboi would say.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:39, Reply)

For this reason, I keep a load of cutlery in my desk

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:42, Reply)

I solve this by not eating food at my desk like some tragic prick

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:46, Reply)

Nowhere else to eat it in here

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:48, Reply)

go somewhere else then

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:50, Reply)

Fuck that
I can go home earlier then
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:53, Reply)

if ever there were an advert for not "working from home"
it's you, you're clearly bored to feck and in desperate need of some conversation that isn't with a nit-infested child.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 12:22, Reply)

I don't work from home. Soz.

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 12:41, Reply)

IT'S WAAAAAAY too much fun for him to handle

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:30, Reply)

it sounds like a bad dream

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:31, Reply)

I bet the conga lines will be epic.
And naked.
( Muns, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:36, Reply)

#centipede

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:39, Reply)

It's not the 80's FYI

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 12:01, Reply)

I get to start pricing up a new TV and a range cooker now
\o/
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:39, Reply)

I thought I'd stick with the same old ones I make every year.
I mean, *one* of these years will be the charm.

Alt: one of my best friends is getting married in April, so there's that.


How do we feel about CAR CHAT this morning?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:45, Reply)

The same as every morning

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:46, Reply)

Too bad.
I need advice about CARS.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:48, Reply)

It's an enjoyable enough film, but mainly aimed at children.

( Muns, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:50, Reply)

DAD GUM!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:50, Reply)

Red ones go faster.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:50, Reply)

Dammit.
Mine's green.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:52, Reply)

What about your car?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:53, Reply)

It's a diesel, with only 80k on the clock, so it's got *years* of driving left in it.
But the body is getting a bit old and shit (much like its owner) and the seals are gone, to the extent that I get ice on the inside of my windscreen and rear window when it's cold.

I don't have a rear screen heater, and I'm trying to decide whether it's worth fixing it, and getting the window seals replaced, or just getting replacement windows altogether.

I reckon a budget of about a grand would be enough to cover it all, yeah?



Where's Gaston when you need him?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 6 Jan 2015, 12:00, Reply)

Sounds shit, buy a new one.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 12:02, Reply)

this^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 12:04, Reply)

New ones aren't built as reliably as the old ones.
Plus, it's really too good to get rid of.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 6 Jan 2015, 12:05, Reply)

Ok, keep pouring money into your old reliable one then

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 12:07, Reply)

But paint it red, obviously.

( Muns, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 12:09, Reply)

Do Dulux make a red paint?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 6 Jan 2015, 12:10, Reply)

Probably.

( Muns, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 12:13, Reply)

that sounds like the sort of bollocks a prick dad would tell you
is your dad a prick?
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 12:10, Reply)

Reader, she married him.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 12:10, Reply)

If the windows are fine, why not just get the seals replaced?

( Muns, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 12:08, Reply)

That's where I'm leaning.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 6 Jan 2015, 12:09, Reply)

lol slow

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:53, Reply)

You drive a tank?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:54, Reply)

Easy tiger

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:54, Reply)

soz chieftain

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:56, Reply)

Yeah go ahead I've got stuff to do anyway

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:48, Reply)

they're boxes for getting from A to B
Some idiots use them to sit in traffic for a couple of hours a day ... like trains with a more restricted selection of farts
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:49, Reply)

1. Get chiselled Greco-Roman abs.
2. Learn to play the guitar.
3. Learn to play the guitar with my chiselled Greco-Roman abs.
( .Yeti., Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:46, Reply)

b s
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:53, Reply)

Yeah, that too.

( .Yeti., Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:56, Reply)

Don't be silly.
Greco-Roman abs can't play guitars.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:53, Reply)

Sounds like a challenge to me.
If Jimi Hendrix could play one with his teeth, I'm in with at least a fighting chance of playing Yakety Abs.
( .Yeti., Tue 6 Jan 2015, 11:55, Reply)