Health, wealth and happiness
What do you do that is good for you? What are your finance tips? What simple things make you happy?

Alt:
Embarrassing teenage wank fantasies
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:33, 125 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

I do press-ups and sit-ups and crunches and leg-lifts and running.
There is no point in going to a gym unless you want to build bulk.

I eat lots of soup.

"A fool and his money are soon parted" - I have a lot of bitter, bitter experience with this - particularly booze.

Simple things that make me happy are b3ta, eating apples, and warm days.

Alt:I have fancied Winona Ryder pretty well my entire pubescent into adult life. It's probably a bit creepy now.


probably a bit
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:39, Reply)

Excellent answers and strikethrough

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:40, Reply)

Thanks! Good morning, sporters!

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:46, Reply)

Morning you
*ruffles hair*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:56, Reply)

*smiles and continues eating cornflakes*

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:05, Reply)

What Embarrassing Teenage Wank Fantasy Are You?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:39, Reply)

Jimmy Nail

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:40, Reply)

(It wasn't me)

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:46, Reply)

That was Shaggy mate, Jimmy nail did the song about the shoes

( Peej, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:53, Reply)

Tomato/tomato.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:04, Reply)

LET'S GO PLAY ON THE BIKES!
Earn more than you spend. Don't watch telly.

Alt: I used to fantasise about being rescued from cannibals by Johnny Weissmuller ... then I reached twelve and discovered girls and it all went downhill.
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:40, Reply)

I need to buy a new bike
My old mountain bike was always shit and is now rusted to fuck at the bottom of the garden
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:42, Reply)

rusty bikes are one of my pet peeves
Cambridge is full of stoodents who apparently can't manage to put a drop of oil on their squeaky chains
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:23, Reply)

Masturbate, Give all you money to your wife, Blowjob Boss
Alt: I don't think they're embarrassing at all. I grew up in the days of Louise Nurding, Sarah Vandenbergh, Jet from Gladiator etc etc etc
( Peej, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:44, Reply)

Zodiac had her fanny published in The Times when she was a Pole Vaulter
/celebrityfannygossip
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:49, Reply)

Jet forever, Zodiac never!

( Peej, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:49, Reply)

I once shared a sleeper carriage with Wolf
I didn't see his fanny.
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:52, Reply)

I shagged both the twins from fun house in the hot tub at Roger Taylors house in Hellford in 1997

( Peej, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:19, Reply)

cool

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:20, Reply)

Alt: yeah none of mine are bad, Wendy James and Mathilda May being 2 that stood out pffft

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:09, Reply)

Technically, a Gladiatrix

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:11, Reply)

I like this!

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:16, Reply)

Hi everyone, I have an amazing, new to the market, juice detox plan that is guaranteed to make you healthy. But...
It can also make you wealthy. You can start a really rewarding business by simply encouraging your family, friends, work colleagues and even complete strangers to try our scientifically proven miracle juice.

Etc. Etc. Contact me. Minimum investment £5000.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:53, Reply)

I'm oot.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:55, Reply)

Actually, you weren't approved of by our key demographic and you weren't accepted into our scheme.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:59, Reply)

Now I'm interested.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:01, Reply)

Does it come with a free bear costume?

( .Yeti., Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:22, Reply)

Those cunts at Nutri Bullet are raking it in after renaming the blender.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:09, Reply)

I ride my bicycles but not when it's cold. I try to eat healthy food sometimes. I walk nearly everywhere.
'Face Bank' to all other questions.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:56, Reply)

Fuck yes!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 9:58, Reply)

that is creepy as fuck

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:08, Reply)

I'm binning my fleshlight and buying a face bank

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:12, Reply)

I WANT ONE!!!
Doe it eat notes?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:09, Reply)

I hate going to the gym and jogging, but I love playing sport, which helps to keep the Rev in tip-top condition.
Finance tip - don't get married.

Happiness tip - own a dog

Alt: YM.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:02, Reply)

Mostly just dog walking but its a good few miles across coutryside so seems to keep the worst of the pork away
don't buy shit you don't need Women* I am looking at you and your well it was on offer bullshit. A nice glass of wine in the garden

Alt as above: Wendy James and Mathilda May (lifeforce)



*wife
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:12, Reply)

Glynnis Barber

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:14, Reply)

Soolin (from blakes 7)

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:17, Reply)

I prefer her 80's stylee in Dempsey & Makepeace.
She'd still get it and she's 59. What is the world coming to when a 59 year old woman is attractive to me?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:26, Reply)

It means you are old
soz an all that
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:31, Reply)

Alt: Servalan from Blakes 7.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:13, Reply)

*googles*
Looks like Marc Almond to me
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:16, Reply)

Bit gay, m8.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:19, Reply)

You said it Tatchell

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:24, Reply)

I'm not conforming to your sexual appartheid.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:29, Reply)

put as much as you can in a well-diversified pension portfolio
Don't bother with cash NISAs except for emergency funds, all other savings should go into a portfolio of ten to twelve investment funds within a NISA, with the fund selection aligned to your attitude to risk.

Alt: That bird from Placebo.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:15, Reply)

finally some sensible and interesting advice.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:17, Reply)

He did ask.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:21, Reply)

What happens if you want to retrieve your money earlier?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:23, Reply)

then you raid the NISA
The deal with pensions is the tax relief on the way in, in return for no access until you're 55.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:25, Reply)

please, go on

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:25, Reply)

ask away, this stuff usually attracts a fee

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:27, Reply)

can't, i'm busy counting the money in my face bank.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:29, Reply)

I FUCKING KNEW IT
www.scotland.police.uk/whats-happening/news/2015/january/robbery-nisa-store-broughty-ferry
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:26, Reply)

this is gonna get sexy soon ... right?

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:28, Reply)

It had better do otherwise I am sat in my office with my kecks round my ankles for no reason

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:29, Reply)

no

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:29, Reply)

do you never feel the inclination to just say 'look, mate, none of this shit is gonna make you happy, just get loaded and have a good time, yeah? a marginally better pension won't dim your regrets for a wasted life'?

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:31, Reply)

I dont see how investing in low quality "corner shops" would be better than using a bank

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:20, Reply)

which is why you work in IT and I work in VHNW financial advice

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:22, Reply)

I am sure your job is just as fasinating as mine old chap

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:23, Reply)

Like you wouldn't believe.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:25, Reply)

it's like polishing a turd

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:24, Reply)

I don't know why people say that, you can't polish a turd, you'd just end up making a right mess. Stupid idea.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:28, Reply)

you can polish a turd.
i've seen it done.

yacht varnish is the kiddy.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:30, Reply)

that isn't polishing, that's providing an additional protective finish, you have't seen it done, I win again
STUNNED POSTER 0 - 1 MOOMINTROLL
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:32, Reply)

apology accepted.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:34, Reply)

you're welcome

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:34, Reply)

Moomintroll?

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:35, Reply)

Speaking

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:35, Reply)

No, you're MEATSNAKE

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:35, Reply)

It's stunned posters latest name for me, which I prefer to 'Paul'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:36, Reply)

Oh, is it because you have a big head?

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:36, Reply)

I would imagine so :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:37, Reply)

He's a big meanie that stunned one
He needs bringing down a peg or two
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:37, Reply)

p l
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:39, Reply)

christ alive that's depressing

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:22, Reply)

So what you are saying is that I should spend it all now and kill myself at 65?

( $imon $quibb ✅, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:34, Reply)

I walk a lot
Anything gym related is dull as fuck.
Dont rob Peter to pay Paul.
Scooby Doo cartoons

Alt: I never fantasised about having a wwank when I was a teenager. I just did it. A lot.
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:23, Reply)

I sometimes walk past a gym on the way to the office
a tragic row of sweaty pricks on treadmills staring out at a lovely park and river where they could be having a pleasant outdoor time

there are even swings

broken britain
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:26, Reply)

jelly.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2462870
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:27, Reply)

it's the Lycra and expressions of pain and self-loathing that turn me on

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:29, Reply)

My favourite thing about gyms is when people drive a couple of miles to them to use a treadmill or exercise bike when they could save themselves a fortune by just walking/cycling the equivalent distance.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:36, Reply)

and then they eat some airline food

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:45, Reply)

strike through walk to wank in all relevant posts above

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:25, Reply)

Oh you scamp

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:27, Reply)

take out all your money from the bank and stack it in front of your windows
your visible wealth will scare people and you'll never be burgled.
( $imon $quibb ✅, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:25, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2462855
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 10:26, Reply)

HIYA!!!
I always like to laugh a lot. That's extremely good for you.
I only have people in my life who are happy. Not people who moan about every little thing. I don;t have drama queens round me (funny for a gay, I know)
Finance tips? save it? But not too much. You can't take it with you. Enjoy your money before it's too late.

alt. Not too many, probably Robbie Williams circa 90's Take That.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:06, Reply)

Bit gay mate

( Peej, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:25, Reply)

i treat myself and other people to nice things and i do stuff for charities (one for kids, one for old people, but we don't talk about that) - things that make you happy are good for you
finance tips - don't listen to me, i'm terrible with money. that's the best tip i could give you.

frog is a simple thing that... LOL.

alt: mills and boon books. where the men are all devastating with high blunt cheekbones that flush darkly when they are in the grip of some hidden emotion that always seems to make them bite things out thickly.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:13, Reply)

WHERE'S MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT THEN

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:18, Reply)

YEH AND WHERES MY 30P BACK SWIPE!

( Peej, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:25, Reply)

AND WHERES OUR FUCKING ICONS B3TH

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:26, Reply)

YEAH AND WHEN DO I GET PAID?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:31, Reply)

AND WHERE ARE MY KEYS? HAVE YOU SEEN MY KEYS?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:31, Reply)

This Friday.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:32, Reply)

That is scarily and stalkerishly correct.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:36, Reply)

I know. Thanks!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:37, Reply)

Well this is farking shart.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:46, Reply)

Stephanie from Lazy Town.
Or did you mean when I was a teenager?
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:46, Reply)

Classic Bags!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:49, Reply)

At the risk of being nauseating, I'm pretty happy at the moment.
I've a job that teaches me new things and seems willing to invest plenty of time and effort in me with the promise of further training and development to come. I've an increasingly professionally successful girlfriend who, despite my frequent protestations, appears quite happy to look after me in a way that I'm quite certain I don't deserve (and the girls at work are in full agreement with me on this)and asks for nothing in return.

Obviously absolutely nothing is exactly what she gets, the bitch, what does she think I am, some sort of queer?

I have very little to complain about and so am forced to pursue increasingly petty vendettas in order to remain in my miserable cunt comfort zone.

As for financial tips, I'm hopeless. I don't have any. I defer to my girlfriend in all matters of finance.
( Kroney, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:56, Reply)

FFS. GROW A PAIR!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:57, Reply)

I just threw up all over my polyestor uniform combat trousers.
What an absolute fucking gay.

Edit: I also defer to my girlfriend in all matters of testicular extension/growth.
( Kroney, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 11:58, Reply)

You were just sick on yourself?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 12:02, Reply)

Not literally, no. I'm not some sort of Big City insurance broker wideboy
that lives his exponentially decreasing life expectancy in a whirlwind of drugs and alcohol so I'm not constantly at risk of chundering all over me kegs, mate.

I was just referencing that sickeningly bent bloody post I made.
( Kroney, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 12:04, Reply)

kecks
hth

Insurance broker? Pur-leeze.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 12:39, Reply)

Alright, calm down Lighty.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 12:01, Reply)

GIRLFRIEND
girlfriendgirlfriendgirlfriend.

Girlfriend?

GIRLFRIEND!
( Kroney, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 12:08, Reply)

Hey! (hey!)
You! (you!)
I don't like your girlfriend!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 12:10, Reply)

Based on personal experience, you'd like her better than me.
As do my work colleagues, friends and my own bloody parents. I'm going to have to get rid, she's making me look bad.
( Kroney, Wed 11 Feb 2015, 12:11, Reply)