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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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sportsthread
Good morning internet peoples. I would like to know of your high point and low points of 2015 please

Alt:
Worst self inflicted injury?

AltAlt:
Taking pleasure in the misery of others. Now Mrs Cow has been promoted (somewhat against her wishes to return to part time work) I can constantly wind her up about being in management, which amuses* her greatly. Tell me of your ribbing

* enrages
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:40, 150 replies, latest was 5 years ago)
AltAlt: I took pleasure in serenading Swipey by singing the theme to 'One Foot In The Grave' last night.
More specifically this bit complete with vocal imitations of the brass section, over and over and over and over. Despite the words 'I like you more when you're quiet' I think she enjoyed it.

Cheers.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:47, Reply)
Its your "all these Lidl things" that I wind up Mrs Cow about

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:56, Reply)
^ is getting a ball gag ^

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:00, Reply)
^^
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2498043
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:02, Reply)
mmmhhhhh mhmmhhhhhph

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:05, Reply)

g b
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:09, Reply)
I've have several non self inflicted injuries which were horrific
But the worst self inflicted I guess would be either when I was washing up after an argument, washed a pint glass with too much pressure and it broke, as I twisted my hand round I sliced a piece off the side of my right hand. I found it in the sink when I got back from the hospital. Or it would be when I was pissing about on my wedding day, slipped on the wife's wedding dress and dislocated my knee. I've dislocated it loads of times and it usually pops right back but this time it stayed out. My wish to go on my honey moon caused me to shun the advice of others and not seek medical treatment. I had my best man pop it back in. I screamed like a child throwing a major tantrum and my knee swelled up to the size of a watermelon. I went on my honeymoon with a pair of borrow crutches and when I got back went to the hospital. Their response was "Well you should have come in two weeks ago shouldn't you!" and sent me home.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:56, Reply)
Excellent knee work

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:02, Reply)
*knee dislocation 5s*
I first did mine in a rugby scrum that collapsed on me with someone else leg behind my knee which levered it off. Being stupid and young I ignored the good advice to make sure it healed properly and now it can just pop out which my good lady wife has learned how to grab my heel and twist/ pull just so.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:03, Reply)
I bet that wasn't the only swollen joint on your wedding day haha yeah

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:10, Reply)
Y'see it's precisely this sort of well-crafted banter that means this place is dead on its arse without you

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:25, Reply)
I knew you'd miss me most of all

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:29, Reply)
No one to stick up for me when swipe starts the inevitable bullying :(

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:35, Reply)
she is a proper horrid bully.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:38, Reply)
I wish you'd fuck off again.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:35, Reply)
No you don't.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:36, Reply)
I once ran over my finger while skateboarding
A/C

Kicked in the head a few times playing rugby at school. Rugby is shit.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:07, Reply)
alright brian harvey
the second part explains a lot
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:14, Reply)
Best part of 2015 - going to South Africa for youngest daughter's wedding
Worst self inflicted injury? Two everted dislocated wrists caused by falling off a skateboard when drunk
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:08, Reply)
BIt early for highs and lows innit, but I have been promoted and 20% payrise which is nice
Even if I am having to do work now.

Alt, Showing off on BMX ramp broken ankle, collar bone, 3 ribs, wrist and concussion.

alt2, The missus has hurt her back so is using a walking stick at the moment, she enjoys me calling her Granma
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:09, Reply)
we're you a good BMX guy?

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:17, Reply)
Not as good as I thought I was.
Pretty good ramp and racing, not so good freestyle, did manage to learn cherrypicker which was about my best trick. I was (nt) pulling off a giant air stepthrough when the above injury happened
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:19, Reply)
ha, I got a few good knocks skateboarding, luckily nothing too nasty.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:28, Reply)
^ IT Supervisor

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:23, Reply)
do you want to be able to access your porn files
well do you?
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:27, Reply)
+ Senior

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:28, Reply)
so far, high point is the new job, low point was a Bum infection.
Alt: either headwound from headbutting competition, or stabbed leg with a Stanley blade when i was cutting a cardboard duck out of a template.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:16, Reply)
bum infection

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:26, Reply)
I think he means catching the aidz

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:28, Reply)
no, Bum infection.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:29, Reply)
Classic IT supervisor bantz!

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:29, Reply)
Cardboard duck lols

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:31, Reply)
tell you what, bit off topic, but John Major has aged well.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-32390121
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:33, Reply)
not as well as Sarah Brightman
Y/N
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:33, Reply)
if u luv him so much y dont u just marry him?

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:34, Reply)
I think he's already married.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:35, Reply)
Oh you *think* do you?
Well let me tell you something, you aren't paid to think. You're paid to mop floors and clean toilets so just get on with it eh?
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:36, Reply)
I don't think I've mopped a floor or cleaned a toilet in years.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:38, Reply)
And that's why no one comes round your house anymore

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:38, Reply)
you guys said you were going to come, and I paid a man to clean it, and then you didn't come and now I have to spend ages making it dirty again.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:42, Reply)
We were trolling you

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:48, Reply)
:((((

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:50, Reply)
Looking at the current depressing line-up
I think I'd quite like John Major to be prime minister again.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:40, Reply)
I don't know what difference that would make to the quality of forum posters

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:41, Reply)
imagine if he did post here.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:41, Reply)
Frog would probably get on with him, he's well into his cricket bantz

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:43, Reply)
I'd get on alright with him like I do most people in the world, but he's a Surrey supporter so cricket would be off the approved list of conversation topics.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:47, Reply)
2nd West Indies Test today Tangiers, hope Tredwell gets another game. I'm worried that they'll use Rashid or Ali instead and they're pakis, not even English let alone from Kent like our Tredders.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:53, Reply)
I might read my book instead

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:56, Reply)
You must do what you feel is right, friend.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:57, Reply)
As long as that book is The Bible.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:57, Reply)
D'you know what I like? Those kids books that are like pared down versions of classic novels.
I've read loads of the classics this way.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:00, Reply)
I like the little books on bookshop counters that are really basic accounts of philosophy, historical events, religion etc condensed down into 4-6 sentences.
They have helped me immensely in my quest to look like but not actually know more about things than other people.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:04, Reply)
I know someone who uses wikipedia to do that

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:06, Reply)
Aforementioned fat fuck who eats only Coco Pops does that too
We call him Rickypedia
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:08, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:09, Reply)
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had a voicemail from him

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:12, Reply)
i like this
and will steal it
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:28, Reply)
knows everything about everything yet has achieved precisely nothing in his adult life, right?

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:14, Reply)
Yes
Exactly that.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:17, Reply)
Sounds eerily familiar.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:20, Reply)
the internet has created people like this

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:20, Reply)
I just googled to check and you're right.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:21, Reply)
You aren't right about food though!! LOL Foodwrong!! haha yeah

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:23, Reply)
can't decide whether to have a £10 salad or a spicy moroccan lentil soup for lunch

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:23, Reply)
Soup

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:27, Reply)
have both

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:27, Reply)
so has Milton Keynes

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:21, Reply)
unpopular and unsporty kids who would once have lurked in the library and disappeared
are instead able to use their computers for ENTIRELY FICTITIOUS WORLD DOMINATION. ONLINE.

whilst sitting in their parents' basements, mainlining doritos and sweat.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:23, Reply)
It really has

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:23, Reply)
Ali is a better cricketer that Tredders though
and he can store energy bars in his beard
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:05, Reply)
He's a better batsman.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:06, Reply)
and bowler and fielder

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:11, Reply)
Bowling averages disagree

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:16, Reply)
he'd be second dullest poster

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:43, Reply)
3rd

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:52, Reply)
wp, then chompy, then major
You're correct!!
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:53, Reply)
I'm not sure we'll ever agree on the order, but let's agree it's not that.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:58, Reply)
chompy, you, major

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:59, Reply)
The were probably some incredibly dull posters that have stopped posting and been almost completely forgotten about and slipped away into the darkness unnoticed. That's a decent accomplishment in dullness terms.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:01, Reply)
DBT
Beatswork
Ranker Joe
Showman
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:03, Reply)
Sculpture of Man
Phudbree
Kroney
Naked Ape
Bear Pookie
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:05, Reply)
Camouflage
Clear
Black
Mirror
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:05, Reply)
Amorous Badger
Ms Shenanigans
Hartley Hare
Battered
Hodor
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:09, Reply)


(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:10, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:11, Reply)
that list of Battered's accounts

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:11, Reply)
lime
chilli

and

chicken
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:17, Reply)
Hey I forgot about Shenny, what happened to her?
I thought I was in there
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:23, Reply)
ran off with stunned
it broke monty's heart
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:24, Reply)
She had to drive up to Scotland in her artic

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:24, Reply)
I think dozer changed the account name to 'baggenfock' but i think you still have a chance

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:27, Reply)
I've already had him

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:29, Reply)


(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:31, Reply)
Mrs Cow's Dad looks just like him

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:48, Reply)
do you still lust after your stepdaughter?

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:49, Reply)
Why, do you?

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:07, Reply)
don't we all?

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:08, Reply)
I know I do!1"!1!

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:08, Reply)
^ Woody Allen

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:09, Reply)
Too Soon

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:12, Reply)
No, her name is Soon Yi.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:50, Reply)
Actually, I'm rather proud of her
She's just flown to Thailand after going on a therapy course to stop her MASSIVE fear of flying
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:11, Reply)
they turning her cock inside out so she can be a real girl?

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:14, Reply)
It worked for me!

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:16, Reply)
it's so deep and sensitive!

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:20, Reply)
Go fuck yourself
I already did
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:20, Reply)
I had quite a nice sandwich the other week. And some really mediocre chips.
I once dislocated my jaw by annoying my brother and causing him to kick me in the face. I deffo deserved it.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:14, Reply)
I had a really bland curry from the Indian takeaway the other week
It was supposed to be spicy
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:24, Reply)
they should be shot and deported to Wolverhampton

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:25, Reply)
*votes river*

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:27, Reply)
my manifesto is just a list of petty annoyances and punishment towns
breathing with your mouth open in public: Basingstoke
riding a bike on the pavement: Coventry
eating those salads in little plastic bowls: Reading
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:30, Reply)
My mum wouldn't let me ride on the roads :(

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:30, Reply)
Get thee to Coventr.....oh

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:31, Reply)
Is it too late to join Sportsthread?
Alt: I'm a massive spastic and manage to injure myself at every opportunity. Best one was this classic story

AltAlt: Ribbing is usually 'for her pleasure', no?
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:18, Reply)
Shinlols
OW!
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:20, Reply)
Seriously.
MASSIVE spasmo.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:28, Reply)
I once found that I'd not quite got a splinter out of my foot a week later
The back of my heel started to swell up and I had to cut an inch long chunk of floorboard out of it with a blunt knife
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:30, Reply)
ooooyabastard!
*cringes*
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:31, Reply)
I nearly fucking framed the bit of wood
It was massive
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:32, Reply)
Matron!

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:33, Reply)
I dont like to boast

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:42, Reply)
you dilbert

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:20, Reply)
No way, I wear them inside out

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:20, Reply)
bollocks
you wear natural ones woven from hemp and the pubic hairs that you find scattered around the commune
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:21, Reply)
+ inside out

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:23, Reply)
+ And round and round

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:29, Reply)
Yeah, no point wasting them on your hand, eh?

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:27, Reply)
You've got to love a posh wank

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:30, Reply)
If you wear it inside out if feels like you're wanking someone else off
That's what I heard anyway
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:32, Reply)
"heard"

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:33, Reply)
Thora
y/n
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:33, Reply)
Amber
y/y
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:38, Reply)
ZING!

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:30, Reply)
+ went the string on my banjo

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:31, Reply)
*crosses legs*

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:31, Reply)
how pretty! you've made a butterfly print of cockblood on your thighs

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:35, Reply)
Rorscock

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:39, Reply)
To answer the initial question,
one high point is that tomorrow my new media streaming box is arriving, so I can safely and legally watch movies and tv series that I have legally paid for and stuff.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:33, Reply)
the guy teaching fork lift actually used the phrases
"soon be a minority in our own country"
"White ghettos"
and "there is more Polish here than left over there"

Might have lunch on my own tomorrow
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:38, Reply)
who looks after the straight white male, eh?

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:40, Reply)
He's only saying what we're all thinking.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:41, Reply)
Electric, Gas or Diesel?
I've had a forklift licence for 16 years so I'll know if you're bent or not by your reply.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:42, Reply)
diesel

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:53, Reply)
YESSSSS!!! I knew you were one of the good ones.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:53, Reply)
not a queer

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 14:13, Reply)
There's nothing gay about an electric truck licence!

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 14:15, Reply)
+ if you are a milkman

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 14:23, Reply)
GAYLORD!! GAYLORD!!!

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 14:25, Reply)

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