sportsthread
Good morning internet peoples. I would like to know of your high point and low points of 2015 please

Alt:
Worst self inflicted injury?

AltAlt:
Taking pleasure in the misery of others. Now Mrs Cow has been promoted (somewhat against her wishes to return to part time work) I can constantly wind her up about being in management, which amuses* her greatly. Tell me of your ribbing

* enrages
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:40, 150 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

AltAlt: I took pleasure in serenading Swipey by singing the theme to 'One Foot In The Grave' last night.
More specifically this bit complete with vocal imitations of the brass section, over and over and over and over. Despite the words 'I like you more when you're quiet' I think she enjoyed it.

Cheers.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:47, Reply)

Its your "all these Lidl things" that I wind up Mrs Cow about

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:56, Reply)

^ is getting a ball gag ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:00, Reply)

^^
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2498043
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:02, Reply)

mmmhhhhh mhmmhhhhhph

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:05, Reply)

g b
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:09, Reply)

I've have several non self inflicted injuries which were horrific
But the worst self inflicted I guess would be either when I was washing up after an argument, washed a pint glass with too much pressure and it broke, as I twisted my hand round I sliced a piece off the side of my right hand. I found it in the sink when I got back from the hospital. Or it would be when I was pissing about on my wedding day, slipped on the wife's wedding dress and dislocated my knee. I've dislocated it loads of times and it usually pops right back but this time it stayed out. My wish to go on my honey moon caused me to shun the advice of others and not seek medical treatment. I had my best man pop it back in. I screamed like a child throwing a major tantrum and my knee swelled up to the size of a watermelon. I went on my honeymoon with a pair of borrow crutches and when I got back went to the hospital. Their response was "Well you should have come in two weeks ago shouldn't you!" and sent me home.
( Peej, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:56, Reply)

Excellent knee work

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:02, Reply)

*knee dislocation 5s*
I first did mine in a rugby scrum that collapsed on me with someone else leg behind my knee which levered it off. Being stupid and young I ignored the good advice to make sure it healed properly and now it can just pop out which my good lady wife has learned how to grab my heel and twist/ pull just so.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:03, Reply)

I bet that wasn't the only swollen joint on your wedding day haha yeah

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:10, Reply)

Y'see it's precisely this sort of well-crafted banter that means this place is dead on its arse without you

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:25, Reply)

I knew you'd miss me most of all

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:29, Reply)

No one to stick up for me when swipe starts the inevitable bullying :(

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:35, Reply)

she is a proper horrid bully.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:38, Reply)

I wish you'd fuck off again.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:35, Reply)

No you don't.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:36, Reply)

I once ran over my finger while skateboarding
A/C

Kicked in the head a few times playing rugby at school. Rugby is shit.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:07, Reply)

alright brian harvey
the second part explains a lot
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:14, Reply)

Best part of 2015 - going to South Africa for youngest daughter's wedding
Worst self inflicted injury? Two everted dislocated wrists caused by falling off a skateboard when drunk
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:08, Reply)

BIt early for highs and lows innit, but I have been promoted and 20% payrise which is nice
Even if I am having to do work now.

Alt, Showing off on BMX ramp broken ankle, collar bone, 3 ribs, wrist and concussion.

alt2, The missus has hurt her back so is using a walking stick at the moment, she enjoys me calling her Granma
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:09, Reply)

we're you a good BMX guy?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:17, Reply)

Not as good as I thought I was.
Pretty good ramp and racing, not so good freestyle, did manage to learn cherrypicker which was about my best trick. I was (nt) pulling off a giant air stepthrough when the above injury happened
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:19, Reply)

ha, I got a few good knocks skateboarding, luckily nothing too nasty.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:28, Reply)

^ IT Supervisor

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:23, Reply)

do you want to be able to access your porn files
well do you?
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:27, Reply)

+ Senior

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:28, Reply)

so far, high point is the new job, low point was a Bum infection.
Alt: either headwound from headbutting competition, or stabbed leg with a Stanley blade when i was cutting a cardboard duck out of a template.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:16, Reply)

bum infection

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:26, Reply)

I think he means catching the aidz

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:28, Reply)

no, Bum infection.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:29, Reply)

Classic IT supervisor bantz!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:29, Reply)

Cardboard duck lols

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:31, Reply)

tell you what, bit off topic, but John Major has aged well.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-32390121
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:33, Reply)

not as well as Sarah Brightman
Y/N
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:33, Reply)

if u luv him so much y dont u just marry him?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:34, Reply)

I think he's already married.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:35, Reply)

Oh you *think* do you?
Well let me tell you something, you aren't paid to think. You're paid to mop floors and clean toilets so just get on with it eh?
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:36, Reply)

I don't think I've mopped a floor or cleaned a toilet in years.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:38, Reply)

And that's why no one comes round your house anymore

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:38, Reply)

you guys said you were going to come, and I paid a man to clean it, and then you didn't come and now I have to spend ages making it dirty again.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:42, Reply)

We were trolling you

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:48, Reply)

:((((

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:50, Reply)

Looking at the current depressing line-up
I think I'd quite like John Major to be prime minister again.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:40, Reply)

I don't know what difference that would make to the quality of forum posters

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:41, Reply)

imagine if he did post here.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:41, Reply)

Frog would probably get on with him, he's well into his cricket bantz

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:43, Reply)

I'd get on alright with him like I do most people in the world, but he's a Surrey supporter so cricket would be off the approved list of conversation topics.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:47, Reply)

2nd West Indies Test today Tangiers, hope Tredwell gets another game. I'm worried that they'll use Rashid or Ali instead and they're pakis, not even English let alone from Kent like our Tredders.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:53, Reply)

I might read my book instead

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:56, Reply)

You must do what you feel is right, friend.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:57, Reply)

As long as that book is The Bible.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:57, Reply)

D'you know what I like? Those kids books that are like pared down versions of classic novels.
I've read loads of the classics this way.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:00, Reply)

I like the little books on bookshop counters that are really basic accounts of philosophy, historical events, religion etc condensed down into 4-6 sentences.
They have helped me immensely in my quest to look like but not actually know more about things than other people.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:04, Reply)

I know someone who uses wikipedia to do that

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:06, Reply)

Aforementioned fat fuck who eats only Coco Pops does that too
We call him Rickypedia
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:08, Reply)

lol

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:09, Reply)

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had a voicemail from him

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:12, Reply)

i like this
and will steal it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:28, Reply)

knows everything about everything yet has achieved precisely nothing in his adult life, right?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:14, Reply)

Yes
Exactly that.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:17, Reply)

Sounds eerily familiar.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:20, Reply)

the internet has created people like this

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:20, Reply)

I just googled to check and you're right.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:21, Reply)

You aren't right about food though!! LOL Foodwrong!! haha yeah

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:23, Reply)

can't decide whether to have a £10 salad or a spicy moroccan lentil soup for lunch

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:23, Reply)

Soup

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:27, Reply)

have both

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:27, Reply)

so has Milton Keynes

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:21, Reply)

unpopular and unsporty kids who would once have lurked in the library and disappeared
are instead able to use their computers for ENTIRELY FICTITIOUS WORLD DOMINATION. ONLINE.

whilst sitting in their parents' basements, mainlining doritos and sweat.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:23, Reply)

It really has

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:23, Reply)

Ali is a better cricketer that Tredders though
and he can store energy bars in his beard
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:05, Reply)

He's a better batsman.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:06, Reply)

and bowler and fielder

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:11, Reply)

Bowling averages disagree

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:16, Reply)

he'd be second dullest poster

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:43, Reply)

3rd

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:52, Reply)

wp, then chompy, then major
You're correct!!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:53, Reply)

I'm not sure we'll ever agree on the order, but let's agree it's not that.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:58, Reply)

chompy, you, major

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:59, Reply)

The were probably some incredibly dull posters that have stopped posting and been almost completely forgotten about and slipped away into the darkness unnoticed. That's a decent accomplishment in dullness terms.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:01, Reply)

DBT
Beatswork
Ranker Joe
Showman
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:03, Reply)

Sculpture of Man
Phudbree
Kroney
Naked Ape
Bear Pookie
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:05, Reply)

Camouflage
Clear
Black
Mirror
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:05, Reply)

Amorous Badger
Ms Shenanigans
Hartley Hare
Battered
Hodor
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:09, Reply)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:10, Reply)

lol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:11, Reply)

that list of Battered's accounts

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:11, Reply)

lime
chilli

and

chicken
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:17, Reply)

Hey I forgot about Shenny, what happened to her?
I thought I was in there
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:23, Reply)

ran off with stunned
it broke monty's heart
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:24, Reply)

She had to drive up to Scotland in her artic

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:24, Reply)

I think dozer changed the account name to 'baggenfock' but i think you still have a chance

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:27, Reply)

I've already had him

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:29, Reply)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:31, Reply)

Mrs Cow's Dad looks just like him

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:48, Reply)

do you still lust after your stepdaughter?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 12:49, Reply)

Why, do you?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:07, Reply)

don't we all?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:08, Reply)

I know I do!1"!1!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:08, Reply)

^ Woody Allen

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:09, Reply)

Too Soon

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:12, Reply)

No, her name is Soon Yi.

(McChinaman banned, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:50, Reply)

Actually, I'm rather proud of her
She's just flown to Thailand after going on a therapy course to stop her MASSIVE fear of flying
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:11, Reply)

they turning her cock inside out so she can be a real girl?

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:14, Reply)

It worked for me!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:16, Reply)

it's so deep and sensitive!

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:20, Reply)

Go fuck yourself
I already did
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:20, Reply)

I had quite a nice sandwich the other week. And some really mediocre chips.
I once dislocated my jaw by annoying my brother and causing him to kick me in the face. I deffo deserved it.
(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:14, Reply)

I had a really bland curry from the Indian takeaway the other week
It was supposed to be spicy
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:24, Reply)

they should be shot and deported to Wolverhampton

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:25, Reply)

*votes river*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:27, Reply)

my manifesto is just a list of petty annoyances and punishment towns
breathing with your mouth open in public: Basingstoke
riding a bike on the pavement: Coventry
eating those salads in little plastic bowls: Reading
(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:30, Reply)

My mum wouldn't let me ride on the roads :(

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:30, Reply)

Get thee to Coventr.....oh

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:31, Reply)

Is it too late to join Sportsthread?
Alt: I'm a massive spastic and manage to injure myself at every opportunity. Best one was this classic story

AltAlt: Ribbing is usually 'for her pleasure', no?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:18, Reply)

Shinlols
OW!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:20, Reply)

Seriously.
MASSIVE spasmo.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:28, Reply)

I once found that I'd not quite got a splinter out of my foot a week later
The back of my heel started to swell up and I had to cut an inch long chunk of floorboard out of it with a blunt knife
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:30, Reply)

ooooyabastard!
*cringes*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:31, Reply)

I nearly fucking framed the bit of wood
It was massive
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:32, Reply)

Matron!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:33, Reply)

I dont like to boast

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:42, Reply)

you dilbert

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:20, Reply)

No way, I wear them inside out

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:20, Reply)

bollocks
you wear natural ones woven from hemp and the pubic hairs that you find scattered around the commune
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:21, Reply)

+ inside out

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:23, Reply)

+ And round and round

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:29, Reply)

Yeah, no point wasting them on your hand, eh?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:27, Reply)

You've got to love a posh wank

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:30, Reply)

If you wear it inside out if feels like you're wanking someone else off
That's what I heard anyway
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:32, Reply)

"heard"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:33, Reply)

Thora
y/n
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:33, Reply)

Amber
y/y
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:38, Reply)

ZING!

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:30, Reply)

+ went the string on my banjo

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:31, Reply)

*crosses legs*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:31, Reply)

how pretty! you've made a butterfly print of cockblood on your thighs

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:35, Reply)

Rorscock

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:39, Reply)

To answer the initial question,
one high point is that tomorrow my new media streaming box is arriving, so I can safely and legally watch movies and tv series that I have legally paid for and stuff.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:33, Reply)

the guy teaching fork lift actually used the phrases
"soon be a minority in our own country"
"White ghettos"
and "there is more Polish here than left over there"

Might have lunch on my own tomorrow
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:38, Reply)

who looks after the straight white male, eh?

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:40, Reply)

He's only saying what we're all thinking.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:41, Reply)

Electric, Gas or Diesel?
I've had a forklift licence for 16 years so I'll know if you're bent or not by your reply.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:42, Reply)

diesel

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:53, Reply)

YESSSSS!!! I knew you were one of the good ones.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 13:53, Reply)

not a queer

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 14:13, Reply)

There's nothing gay about an electric truck licence!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 14:15, Reply)

+ if you are a milkman

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 14:23, Reply)

GAYLORD!! GAYLORD!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 14:25, Reply)