Gid Moaning OT
Enjoy the long weekend? What did you get up to? I ent reading all that rubbish.

I went up to Birmingham with the woman and got superdrunk with friends, allegedly. Apparently there is photographic evidence of me standing on a table and pretending to surf.

Also had Tournedos Rossini for lunch on Monday with the gf's parents which is a very nice way of doing steak.

Alt: What's your favourite cut/preparation of steak?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 5 May 2015, 9:33, 121 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

I like a big fat fillet but only off a proper big dirty beef ... not the feeble tasteless bullocks they normally sell

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 9:36, Reply)

Startled and brought to me on a plate.
Are you offering to cook me dinner?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 5 May 2015, 9:43, Reply)

I think your face would be startling enough

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 9:46, Reply)

It's "strikingly unique", thank you very much.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 5 May 2015, 9:54, Reply)

it looks like it was struck on the sharp edge of the delivery bed

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 9:55, Reply)

The surgeon did confess to cutting a little deep during the c-section.
Two eyes is one too many, anyhow.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:07, Reply)

^only man in Christendom who hasn't been up his mum's cunt^

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:08, Reply)

How did you handle the teeth?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:11, Reply)

left them in the glass on the bedside table

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:17, Reply)

saw friends for an indonesian meal, which was very tasty
saw monts and mini monts and made sure we ruined his weekend by getting her a lego kit full of TINY ninja pieces. monts and snake excelled themselves by eating burgers that looked like towers of meat and bacon and onion rings and cheese and fuck knows what else, plus boilermakers. mini monts and i were v civilised in comparison (a fact that 6 year old mini monts pointed out to me).

went to holland park and lol'd at dumbass tourists staring at the peacocks like they've never seen one before. i mean, standing staring at the same bird for about an hour.

alt: nut roast.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 May 2015, 9:45, Reply)

there's a peacock down the road from us,
Noisy smelly fucking scrote of a thing.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 May 2015, 9:48, Reply)

once i thought it would be quite cool to keep a couple of peacocks one day
but the unearthly fucking racket would put you off. the farmer who lives next door to my best mate's dad breeds them, and occasionally they escape into her garden. it's quite a surprise to open the curtains after crashing out on your mate's floor to see a peacock staring back at you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 May 2015, 9:50, Reply)

They are the stupidest fucking birds in the world
one of our neighbours had some, they'd get in the garden and stand there looking at you dumb. Any other bird if you throw a stone near it will fuck off pronto as soon as it sees your arm twitch. Peacocks will stand there and watch the stone fly past them. Noisy pointless dumb as fuck blingy pheasants, need shooting the lot of em, guv.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:04, Reply)

I've got a photo of one stuck in a bucket somewhere ... howd up.

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:07, Reply)

I'd quite like to see this.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:17, Reply)

I'd also quite like to see this
I thought it was on flickr but it ain't.

Imagine a peacock stuck head first in an old tin bucket.
(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:19, Reply)

well look at the size of their heads
they can't have very big brains.

i agree, but i think pheasants are dumber. and these things... which by the way, it is illegal to release into the wild if you catch one (as apparently there is only one left in the wild in britain, see also - and more realistically - grey squirrels):

upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/bb/Lady_Amherst_Pheasant_SMTC.jpg
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:12, Reply)

Close run thing with the pheasant on the brain front
given that more than once I've watched one get to the edge of a road, look both ways and *then* run out and get splatted by a car.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:21, Reply)

one once broke its neck on the side of my mates fluorescent van
it was delicious
(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:23, Reply)

Ostriches are supposed to be thick as shit as well.
Their added strength allows them to go full-Lenny.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:23, Reply)

ostrich going menkle

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:38, Reply)

BIGUR!

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:39, Reply)

www.exoticmeats.co.uk/images/uploads/ostrich_burgers.jpg
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:29, Reply)

boilermaker?
Corgi registered, I trust?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 5 May 2015, 9:52, Reply)

kentucky registered i think

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 May 2015, 9:54, Reply)

Kentucky makes brown ale?
The colonies are catching up, at last!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:05, Reply)

Alright, I had a big boozy weekend.
My "band" played a "gig" which went surprisingly well, considering the band before us were a weird skiffle folk group and the guy after was a lone Spanish guitarist.

Also I was in London yesterday briefly for lunch with ladypigs uncle. Top bloke, nice dinner at the Royal China on Fulham Road.

Alt: rare fillet, or a fucking gigantic t-bone
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 May 2015, 9:47, Reply)

we saw a cracking dog that looked like it might be a cross-breed with your gay dogs yesterday
it was brown and white with the white feathery bits so perfectly placed you'd think it had been drawn. so cute.

we also saw a tramp with a long flowing ginger beard and long flowing ginger hair. i won't tell you what meatsnake said.....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 May 2015, 9:52, Reply)

uh hurr hurr hurr hurr "bone"

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 9:55, Reply)

nah it wuz shit

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:01, Reply)

:(
Food sounds nice, I assume it was the company.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:04, Reply)

not really, i had a great time! and i made a vegetarian meal for us which was edible too.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:05, Reply)

I died

( $$ ✅, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:04, Reply)

lucky bastard

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:06, Reply)

I was down in Leeds.
Lots of booze and little sleep.

On Sunday I did my bank holiday trick of meeting mates and getting bladdered because they had the monday off whereas I get floating days and forgot to book it off.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:20, Reply)

Went to a birthday party full of screaming sprogs, booze and massive drugs. The sprogs were confined to the living room while the gentlemen retired to the garden to indulge in recreational pharmaceuticals. Then I went home.

Alt: if it's a proper steak, just seared bleu and served with rock salt and possibly garlic butter. And spring veg cooked in butter and some form of chipped potato. And a nice red. I'm hungry now.
( .Yeti., Tue 5 May 2015, 10:27, Reply)

star wars day in burnley, no cosplay
Drinking.

Best steak is a Barnsley Chop.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:32, Reply)

I didn't have a beer with Dozer.
And had a nice time in York. Had a really nice meal on Saturday night and some very nice wine.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:34, Reply)

that's a coincidence
I didn't have a beer with Dozer too
(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:40, Reply)

You looked pretty wet and miserable on the wall.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:01, Reply)

It was pissing down. But it stopped when we were about a third of the way around.
We only bumped into about 30 people.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:23, Reply)

saw the pic of you standing in the rain
it looked as if you thought you were going to get to have dinner with your 80's playboy centrefold, but dozer had turned up instead. with his moribund cat.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:01, Reply)

It looked as though someone had fitted uPVC windows to an otherwise quite nice house, yet others seemed oblivious to the significance of this fenestrial faux pas.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:20, Reply)

Do you know they charge £10 to get into the Minster and then ask if they can claim the GiftAid on your Donation.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:22, Reply)

Its a fucking rip off
I'd donate a £5 or something but £10 is too steep
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:11, Reply)

Dunno can't remember now
Alt: I usually ask what the vegetarian option is, then have that.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 May 2015, 10:59, Reply)

:(

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:02, Reply)

HIYA!!
Newcastle was brilliant but I did over indulge somewhat.
Jamies Italian was crap. Very underwhelming service and food.

alt. rump. well done.
Or a nice thin sliver if it's marinated
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:06, Reply)

Aren't they all deliquent youths or summat?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:07, Reply)

Jamie's, not Newcastle.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:07, Reply)

They all looked ok. Students making their wage I'd think.
Just a bit clueless.
waited for 2 hours for them to bring a jug of water and then 2 came at once when we were about to leave
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:27, Reply)

chain restaurant in mediocre service shocker
I hope that Alt is an innuendo otherwise you're worse than a vegetarian
(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:08, Reply)

It is quite surprisingly mediocre in fairness. And they didn't have any fuckin lasagne when I went.
I'd rather go down the small italian place with the Aberdonian waitress who whose response to things like 'I'd like an irn bru' is 'No you willnae! we've nae got'.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:12, Reply)

Or more realistically 'have a rustlers burger and a little cry'.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:16, Reply)

I don't like ordering lasagna, everyone does it wrong except me.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:20, Reply)

I'm not really that fussy in how it's made.
I always quite liked it from the canteen. Especially if it was a corner piece where the edges were just that little bit burnt.

I'm not too fussed on spaghetti or pasta as I find it can be a bit of a faff to eat.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:25, Reply)

i have a sneaking dirty little liking for salad cream
we were never allowed it as kids because my mum hated it. nor would she let us have white bread.

egg sandwiches with salad cream on white bread - forbidden and delicious.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:13, Reply)

It's been years since I've had salad cream.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:17, Reply)

you should get some
slather yourself in it and then post the pics on here for the lols
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:19, Reply)

bit creepy

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:20, Reply)

well you'd know
dr creep with a phd in creeping from the university of creepers, creeptown, creepshire, united creepdom.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:25, Reply)

why the constant bullying?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:26, Reply)

I think it's because she thinks you're a wanker

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 May 2015, 12:57, Reply)

Really nice on boiled potatoes too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:19, Reply)

You should go to Louis Restaurant for a meeting with Michael Corleone

( Peej, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:19, Reply)

I didn't have a beer with stunned

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:34, Reply)

#dalesteaks4tea

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:40, Reply)

Good old Mum!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:50, Reply)

where did you eat in York?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 May 2015, 11:58, Reply)

ha ha blanked, loser

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:15, Reply)

:'(

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:20, Reply)

Good afternoon
Not too bad a weekend at all. No work done, plenty of nice grub and wine and only Sunday as a washout. Builders in all weekend so extension coming along nicely now.

Alt:
All of them
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:04, Reply)

Leg of cow raw pls

( Peej, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:08, Reply)

STAY ABOUT FROM MY LIMBS

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:11, Reply)

bloody cornish savage

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:11, Reply)

I have my steak like I have my sexual intercourses, rare! lol
cheers
( $$ ✅, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:30, Reply)

Me too
Bloody and beaten with a tenderiser
( Peej, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:34, Reply)

ha ha well done ha ha another little joke for you there lol

(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:40, Reply)

And me. Off a junkie outside a pub!

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:44, Reply)

a joyless facsimile because of crippling squeamishness and sanctimony

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:46, Reply)

so do i
full of nuts
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:48, Reply)

tee hee
metrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/wayne_kerr_ukip.jpg
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:55, Reply)

ha, brilliant

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 May 2015, 12:56, Reply)

heh!
and whoever designed that flyer should be sick on themselves as well
( $$ ✅, Tue 5 May 2015, 12:58, Reply)

The one I got was of a similar standard.
I think they must've hired the same bloke that does the trade mags that parts companies send to haulage firms.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 5 May 2015, 13:02, Reply)

did it have a slightly ropey bird in a swimsuit posing on the front?

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 13:08, Reply)

not far off it.
Maybe if I vote for them they'll send me a great big calendar with photos of naked women in front of some lorries.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 5 May 2015, 13:09, Reply)

^someone nicked one of them from their dads work/office when we were kids. Probably my first encounter with grot that.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 5 May 2015, 13:10, Reply)

I like my naked ropey birds posing with plumbing parts

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 13:11, Reply)

alright emvee

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 May 2015, 13:13, Reply)

oh now ... there's no need for that

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 13:14, Reply)

Polish Emvee

(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 May 2015, 13:14, Reply)

something something "plumbers wipe".

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 5 May 2015, 13:15, Reply)

the well of sexual innuendo in plumbing is just too deep to fathom

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 5 May 2015, 13:18, Reply)

I attribute my poor scores in my cryptology module at University to being too busy sniggering every time the lecturer mentioned a 'nonce'.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 5 May 2015, 13:20, Reply)

Presumably he used ROTunder13?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 5 May 2015, 13:23, Reply)

lol very good.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 5 May 2015, 13:30, Reply)

*adjusts ballcock*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 5 May 2015, 13:20, Reply)

not in my top 10 thermostats, soz

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 5 May 2015, 13:27, Reply)