Bollocks to Monday working
Let's chat here instead.

:
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 8:25, 365 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I agree!
Screw working! I've got a few (work related) errands to do today, but I can't be bothered!

Smash the state!
(The Stig, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 8:30, Reply)

It's just a pity
I don't have enough money not to have to work.

Because I wouldn't. I'd do something constructive with my time, sure, but it wouldn't involve working regular hours for someone else.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 8:32, Reply)

K26k
Once my mortgage is paid off, I'd be more than happy to do a (no disrespect) menial task (i.e shelf stacking, bar work, etc) to pay for my little luxuries. As long as I've got a roof over my head, I'm happy!

Hell, I may even sell the house (once paid for) and live abroad!
(The Stig, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 8:34, Reply)

I've a feeling it's going to be one of those weeks.
Got a great start to the week. I'm already behind schedule even before I've started.

Off to do a test in about half an hour - a test I should have done on Friday but we cancelled because of the mist, then spending the rest of the week playing catch-up.

Hope people had great weekends. I had one of those fantastic uber-lazy weekends of doing nothing in particular :-)
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 8:35, Reply)

Morning chaps
I had a good weekend, but restful it was not. Managed to get a couple of hours to watch the F1, but apart from that I was pretty busy. I'm glad to get back to work for a rest!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 8:39, Reply)

Morning, all.
I really have no desire to strain myself at work, right now.

I had a good weekend. Played poker with some friends. Came first in the first game and came second in the second game.
(The Stig, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 8:43, Reply)

a good weekend -
my ancient Clio flew through the MOT. Must've been the 45 minutes I spent wrestling with the rear wiper blade that clinched it.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 8:46, Reply)

Morning CHCB
Nothing to do with the backhander to the tester then?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 8:49, Reply)

Morning, CHC.
I doubt the rear wiper blade had anything to do with it.

What reg is your Clio?
(The Stig, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 8:50, Reply)

Hello everyone
Hope we're all doing ok?

Lovely morning here, very crisp and sunny.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 8:51, Reply)

Mornings all
5 days to go until the weekend. Woo.
( Captain V, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 8:53, Reply)

@The Stig
Do not doubt my wiper replacing power! It's a '95 Clio.

@K2k6 - the mechanic told me it had failed, read me a list of woes including emissions (my heart sank) and bearings and the like, and when I sat down with a cup of tea and a bad mood I suddenly realised he'd given me the wrong paperwork, and when I phoned to tell him he said "sorry, I've a rotten hangover - yours passed."
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 8:55, Reply)

CHC
I am doubting your rear-wiper-blade-installing-abilities!

All joking aside, they don't look for that on an MOT. It's FRONT wipers which are important.

95?! Blimey! I'd be extremely impressed if I had a 95 Clio which passed an MOT! The initial build quality of those things was appalling!
(The Stig, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 8:57, Reply)

I'd be extremely impressed
if I had a '95 Clio which was still driveable, let alone roadworthy!

Stig's right. The rear wiper isn't part of the test.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:00, Reply)

Morning
I've got a busy week ahead of me.
Boring at work, fun in the evenings.

Also, it's a Monday, so I'd be more than happy to kill every motherfucker in the place.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:00, Reply)

Morning all!
I hope everyone is feeling sparkly today.
I have to drive to Bristol Airport to pick my sister up today which should be a laugh. It's a bloody nightmare getting there from where I live. If you see news reports of a confused female driving around aimlessly in the West Country, don't worry, it's only me!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:00, Reply)

@Stig
I know the checks - I was being facetious! :) You don't even need a rear windscreen, do ya?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:01, Reply)

Hurrah for not having work!
I'm going to spend all afternoon in the pub.

Morning all.
( wanderlust, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:01, Reply)

Woo!
*hugs Wanderlust*

Have fun in Hamster-Damn?
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:03, Reply)

Heh
I put a mate's old Land Rover in for a test without any doors on it, and it still passed :)
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:03, Reply)

And two years back
my Laguna failed its first MoT!

Morning Lusty and Lucy.

Edit - and Kaol!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:04, Reply)

My old Land Rover passed an MOT
With the Odometer totally broken.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:05, Reply)

*hugs kaol back*
I had an ace time!
I've been laughing so much I actually hurt this morning.
Had a few odd things happen, but apart from that it was lovely and relaxed and I feel all happy now!
( wanderlust, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:06, Reply)

@Lusty
I think these 'odd things' that you speak of need further explanation!

*hopes it involves boobies in some way*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:08, Reply)

Mr. K...
Well, it is the Home of Prostitution :p
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:10, Reply)

If anyone is starting university this week -
don't.

I hate the first week of term. (And the second. And the third. And the rest.)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:12, Reply)

Fuck University
I'm so glad to be out of it.
Although I don't have as many things to dissect now.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:13, Reply)

@kaol
No one thought I was a prostitue if that's what you were suggesting although someone did ask my if my boobs were real.
The odd things were just random tourists aksing to have their photos taken with us. We have no idea why! I think my friends and I just look like normal people!
I also had a bit of a tiff with a man in a bar because he told me my hair made me look like Amy Winehouse. He wouldn't stop talking and just kept digging himself a massive hole and it took two large vodka and lemonades before he managed to dig himself out of again.
( wanderlust, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:16, Reply)

CHC
I know you were! I'm impressed you know how to change a rear wiper on a car! Most females, barely know where the clutch is!

P.S. That is the end of "car talk"! I always hi-jack the HSH thread and turn it into an "webisode" of "Top Gear"!

POOOOOOWWWWEEEEERRRRRR!

@Wanderlust. Hope you had a good time in Hamsterjam. I'm going there in November. There's a couple of joints and magic mushrooms with my name (Mr T. Stig) on it.
(The Stig, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:16, Reply)

I was in no way
Suggesting that you're a hooker :p
I meant more that if Mr. K wanted stories of tits, Amsterdam is likely to provide them!

EDIT: Stig, that's a bit of a shocking comment. I certainly don't agree with it! Maybe the women you hang around with are retarded? :p
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:18, Reply)

Indeed Kaol
Stories of wanderlust's tits are always welcome, and I did think Amsterdam would be the ideal place for them to come out.

The stories, I mean.

*coughs*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:21, Reply)

@Stig
That reminds me - I was chatting to one of my boyfriend's acquaintances the other night. He was talking about his new fancy schmancy car.
"Do you drive?" he said to me.
"Aye", sez I, not remotely wishing to get into car comparison stories (well, I'd lose).
I could see him racking his brains for conversation on this topic.
"And what colour is your car?" he asked politely.

I left and went to talk to someone less patronising.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:21, Reply)

Hello my lovelies!
How are we all today?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:21, Reply)

@ Kaol
They are retarded! That's the only reason they hang around with me!

And listen to you! "ooooh, Stig! That was a sexist comment! Women are just as good a driver as men! I'm Captain PC!"

You just want a shag! Captain Right-on? Captain Hard-on, more like! :O)

@CHC

Ha! He pitched his "car talk" too low for you? Big mistake! I generaly try to avoid "car talk" by virtue that I won't stop rabbiting on and reveal myself to be a complete and utter car-bore!
(The Stig, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:23, Reply)

Got it in one, Stig ;)
Shame I'm that easy to read... :p
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:26, Reply)

@ Kaol
I play poker a lot! It's my job to spot a fraud! ;O)
(The Stig, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:28, Reply)

Hey Stig
The 1950's called wondering if you still have all their outdated ideas regarding sex and race?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:28, Reply)

TGB
heh - you are the epitome of car-y goodness! But surely all that oil must play havoc with your nails, eh? ;)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:33, Reply)

*shakes head*
I don't appreciate being called a fraud.
I'm leaving it at that.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:34, Reply)

Morning TGB!
And Kaol, Lusty, CHCB etc.

Lusty - Glad you had a good trip! sounds ace.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:34, Reply)

TGB
Jimmy Carr called me and wondered if you'd like to learn about post modern mysogony?

@ Kaol. Maybe "Fraud" was too strong a word. How about "Bluffer"?
(The Stig, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:35, Reply)

Uh-Oh
The Stig's in trouble.....

There's a blacked out Marina closing in, with a Clio in close formation. Stake, kindling and matches in the boot...
(osok Rebel without a clue, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:38, Reply)

Lucccccy *hugs*
And yeah CHCB I do tend to go into work with very oil stained nails. Lucky I work with a lot of men so they don't care what state my nails are in!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:39, Reply)

Morning folks
Cars cars cars
I purrrrr chased a classic 80's motor in the week, it's pimp-tight.
A VW Sciroccoc Scala - 1.8 fuel injected suicide machine. Looks a bit like a Delorean.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:39, Reply)

Yeah,
I'll take that :)
"Fraud" has bad connotations.

Anyway...

People got exciting plans this week?
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:39, Reply)

Oh damn!
We've got another car thread! Someone tell a rude joke! Anything to stop the car talk!
(The Stig, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:40, Reply)

@TGB
Yeah, they won't worry at your nails. They'll be too busy staring down your top getting on with their work.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:41, Reply)

No plans for me
I'm just updating my job application spreadsheet (yes, it's so bad I've made a spreadsheet).
Then I'm going to see The Duchess with my mothership at some point this week, and like I said earlier I'm going to get lost on my way to Bristol.
And that's my week!
How about you Kaol? Any plans?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:42, Reply)

Pinky I am insanely jealous :(
Also Stig it's misogyny.

Kaol did you get hugs? *hugs*

EDIT: k2k6 I wouldn't blame them, I have fantastic breasts. I can look at them whenever I want too
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:42, Reply)

Plans this week
1) Stop laughing
2) Do some work
3) A spot of light world domination
4) Do the dishes
( Captain V, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:43, Reply)

Hugs? Awesome!
I'll wait 'til Saturday to cash 'em in :D

This week...
Got a band practice tonight, going to the cinema on Tuesday, going to a gig on Wednesday, a band practice Thursday, and then another bit of filming on Friday night.

Busy!
And then I've got a fairly quiet weekend.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:44, Reply)

Fairly quiet?
I'm getting dressed up in a suit and getting pished.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:45, Reply)

@TGB
Heh! You know Al's rule though....
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:46, Reply)

TGB
A spelling mistake is the best you can muster? Oh well, that's the end of that. Let's move on.... :O)
(The Stig, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:47, Reply)

I'm really fucking suicidal today
Why oh why do I drink on Sundays?
Only a bottle of kitten tears will make me feel better.

*sitting in the corner giving myself chinese burns*

I'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupid
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:49, Reply)

Pink...
Maybe you should lay off the gin...
That stuff always makes me want to jump off the top of the nearest multi-story car-park.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:50, Reply)

Sadly k2k6
I deleted my facebook account which did have about 20 pics of my.. "assets" ;)

Drinking Jim? Even I don't drink this early on a Monday!

Pinky I can offer hugs and neurofen!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:50, Reply)

Morning all
I'm a bit zombified this morning, went to see Gojira in Birmingham, then drove home. Somehow I managed to sleep through two alarms, but still managed to get to work on time.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:52, Reply)

Morning all
It's a holiday here today, so we are all off uni, even though we have had a subtotal of zero classes so far. I expect my work levels to go up considerably from tomorrow though unfortunately.

Plans for this week involve attending uni, sleeping, and trying to get rid of the cold I still have.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:52, Reply)

TGB
Didn't you meet up with some b3tans this weekend? How did that go? Or is that next weekend?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:52, Reply)

Oh!
Was that with In Flames, Lab?
I'm going to that on Wednesday :D
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:53, Reply)

It aint gin
I think it's the cider that's sending me blooty these days.
I might have to grow a beard and start on the real ale instead.
When I say 'cider' I mean 'CIDER' not the strongbow/magners/blackthorn bullshit.

TGB Neurofen and hugs will help muchly, cheers.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:54, Reply)

@Kaol
Yes it was, although we didn't stay to see In Flames, the others had a train to catch at 10, so we nipped off to Scruffy Murphy's instead.

I felt old at the gig, so many youngsters!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:54, Reply)

I decree this day and all Mondays forth
as "b3ta lazy day".

That is all.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:56, Reply)

It is next weekend Lucy :)
We are going to a cider festival! Wooooooooooooo

Oh and pooflake and captain placid will be there. With the cider! Wooooo! *hi-fives*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:57, Reply)

Woo!
I'm looking forward to it.
THE GIG, YOU 'TARDS :p
Well, apart from the inevitable "I might weigh twenty stone, but I'm still gonna whip my top off, smack into people, act like a twat, then get my back-sweat somehow on your face" people.
I hate them :(
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:58, Reply)

A cider festival?
Oh no! Cider makes me soooooooo ill. I get really lairy and then the whole worlds spins in a violent manner and then I vomit. Profusely.

I'm a lager or ale girl. yum.
Or gin. It doesn't seem to depress me like it does other people. I love the stuff!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:59, Reply)

haha
Kaol I read that comment as those are the people at the cider festival! hehe!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:00, Reply)

Gojira
are awesome. I'm jealous that you went to see them. Although I am seeing Carcass, Pitchshifter, Catherdral and Taint in November.

Woop-de-woop!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:01, Reply)

So did I, TGB
I was wondering what sort of fat scrumpy drinkers whip their tops off and manage to cause a ruckus at a cider festival!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:02, Reply)

Lucy? You don't loike zider?
I thought yew wuz a wezzcunry gurrrl.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:03, Reply)

Himjim
My ex and a few friends are going to Damnation as well, it looks good :)

@Kaol

Yeah, there were a couple of them, thankfully they stayed away from me.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:05, Reply)

OITP
That's the problem, I am! My dad drinks the stuff that still has pips floating in it and I just can't take it. I used to like it when I was about 15. But then 15 year olds can drink just about anything!
So I have to stick with our local ales. I do live near the 6x brewery though, that's quite nice!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:06, Reply)

I would love to see that at a cider festival
It's much less fun at concerts. My friend once spend a considerable time being engulfed by a fat mans arm fat-folds.

*shudders*
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:07, Reply)

Lab
They seem to come out of the fuckin' woodwork in London.

Anyhow, did they play a load of stuff from the up-coming album?
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:07, Reply)

@Lucy
Devizes? We've had this Wiltshire conversation before...

I got ID-ed when buying wine in Devizes last week. I'm 32.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:07, Reply)

@CHCB
Did you take it as a compliment?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:08, Reply)

Kaol
They played a couple of new songs, but mostly stuck to From Mars to Sirius. Highlights for me were Backbone and Flying Whales.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:09, Reply)

@PoD
Hell yeah! I got mistaken for a student on Monday was well. That expensive eye cream must be working.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:10, Reply)

CHCB
Indeed! Trowbridge is only 20 minutes away from Devizes and I used to work there in the summers.
That's a compliment being ID'd. Mr VP is 29 and gets so excited when he gets asked for ID. Bless him.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:11, Reply)

Ah cool!
It's nice to be able to get into stuff, never so good when they spam the hell out of new material and the crowd don't know it.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:11, Reply)

morning
just thought I'd rub in the fact that I've got a week off, so have just got out of bed am going out to have breakfast :-P
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:12, Reply)

I don't get ID'd
Like... Ever.
I'm gonna look like an OAP in twenty years time.

EDIT: *punches Vipros in the head*
You bastard!
What you having for breakfast?
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:12, Reply)

I kind of fancied pancakes, but I can't think of anywhere that does them
so it might just have to be a fry up
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:14, Reply)

Mmmm...
Pancakes. Or waffles.
With bacon and maple syrup.

Well, I've got nothing.
Balls.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:16, Reply)

@Lucy
I went through Trowbridge on the train last week on my way to Pewsey (for Carnival).
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:17, Reply)

Kaol
Bacon and syrup? I've heard of that crazy combination but never had it. Is it the breakfast equivalent of ham and pineapple?

Edit - CHCB - It's still a hole. Not a nice place to live.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:17, Reply)

Morning!
Was supposed to be in training all day.
Got there and they went, you've done this bit. Come back at 1.

Fuck 'em. I'm not working!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:18, Reply)

I'm joining Vipros in the just being out of bed
But all I had for breakfast was coco pops.

I do however have about 4 portions of bolognaise to eat throughout the day.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:19, Reply)

I get ID'd for smokes
alllll the time!

I have to carry my passport with me as I look like a chav in my driving license. *cries*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:19, Reply)

Bacon and syrup.
It has to be really crispy, American-type bacon.
And decent maple syrup.

The sweet and salt really go well together.

I don't like ham and pineapple :p
This is more like peanut butter and jam, I guess.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:23, Reply)

Bacon and syrup
is one of the underated combinations of the century. It's like fried Cloutie Dumpling and bacon. Nomnomnom.

If you were coming to the Leambash LvP you would have the indomitable pleasure of eating said combo in gluttonous amounts.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:23, Reply)

Weird breakfast
Thomas Hardy used to have brown sugar sprinkled on his bacon. Fact.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:24, Reply)

Jim
You. Are. Awesome.
*grins*
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:24, Reply)

You haven't tasted
my french toast yet :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:26, Reply)

First time I went to the US
I was somewhat bemused by the breakfast of pancakes with maple (or blueberry - yum) syrup, eggs, sausage and bacon. All on the one plate.

But oddly it does actually work quite well. Except that American bacon is shit stuff. It's all fatty and streaky, and is a served only a millisecond before total incineration.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:26, Reply)

*winks*
Any time, any place :D

Oh... I see. Yeah...

It's a type of food...
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:27, Reply)

I've just had
a sausage and mushroom sarnie.
I really don't have a sweet tooth at all so no syrup or jam for me.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:28, Reply)

If I'm really bad
I fry my streaky bacon in shortening

*arteries asplode*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:30, Reply)

Shortening?
Is that like beef dripping?
EDIT: Unintentional 100! I'm THAT good.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:31, Reply)

Bk
You...don't have a sweet tooth?
Is that even possible?!
I think all my teeth are sweet teeth. Not for chocolate though. I could live without chocolate.
But not without sweets or crisps.

Oh, now I'm hungry again and I've already had 4 crumpets for breakfast!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:32, Reply)

I'm mister savoury
I do eat a lot of fruit but not really cakes or chocolate.

I did have a big bowl of apple crumble and custard last night but only cos my housemate offered me some.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:34, Reply)

Talking of cake
I have cake today for lunch *noms*
( Captain V, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:35, Reply)

@LUCY!
You don't like chocolate? How is such a thing possible?

Chocolate is the finest sweet foodstuff known to man. And woman.

I could live without eating other sweet stuff, if I had chocolate.

Theobromine ftw.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:35, Reply)

Chocolate?
Pah. Could live without it. Potatoes on the other hand...
( Captain V, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:35, Reply)

False.
Alcohol is better than chocolate.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:36, Reply)

Kaol
it's any 100% semisolid fat, usually used for pastries. It's never animal based as it would make the pastry taste disgusting. It's got a really high smoke rate so you can fry stuff in it with extra crispy results.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:36, Reply)

What Kaol said
alcohol wins.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:36, Reply)

Sorry K2k6!
Chocolate is ok but I can live without it.
Unlike sweets. Or crisps, as I said.

I always go for a starter rather than a pudding.
Nom.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:37, Reply)

Mm breakfast is sounding good next
weekend then.

I may have a full english for my tea tonight because I have a craving for bacon.

I did originally write meat but thought better of it
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:37, Reply)

Ah!
Sounds amazing!
Although I wonder what'd happen if you fried bacon in goose-fat...
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:38, Reply)

Seriously
given the choice between alcohol and chocolate, I'd take chocolate.

You may mock...

(the above is a rhetorical device, not an open invitation)

Edit@Kaol - you'd have a lovely meal then die prematurely of choked arteries.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:38, Reply)

Bad Bacon
When I was working in the Middle East they had a 'bacon alternative' because (obviously) they don't like to touch teh ham.
It was veal bacon. I have no qualms about killing and eating the fluffies but I do have a sense of remorse with every mouthful of veal.
Bollocks! What am I going on about it tastes nice, fuck 'em.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:38, Reply)

I like this talk of noms
I love food.

Yesterday I had:
an omelette
a big plate of morrocan lamb casserole
2 bananas
big plate of pasta and home made sauce
huge bowl of apple crumble of custard

And I weigh less than 11 stone!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:39, Reply)

OK, relax everyone.
I'm here.

Alcohol is better than chocolate, but that's not fair because alcohol is better than everything. But is smoking better than chocolate?
*ponders*
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:39, Reply)

Smoking is better than
Chocolate.

You don't get cool-points for standing around eating a chocolate bar, menacingly.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:40, Reply)

BK
Your day of food sounds ok apart from the bananas.
Yuk.
Fruit of the devil.

And did you have any cigarettes? Do I need to be stern with you?

Clendrix - I'm just going through jobs.ac.uk, thanks again for the recommendation!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:41, Reply)

Kaol
What? Not even a Yorkie?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:41, Reply)

Oddly
virtually none of my real world friends smoke. I can think of one. Some used to but gave up.

But you lot, my b3ta buddies, seem to be able to smoke for Britain. How strange.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:42, Reply)

@ Lucy
I did yeah:(

*shames*

@clendrix
smoking is better than chocolate.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:42, Reply)

Goose fat is potatoes
Duck fat is for frying other meats in :D

Edit: Smoking is cool. James Bond made me smoke, how awesome is that.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:43, Reply)

For the record
I do like chocolate, but I like other things more.

Also, best chocolate-based thing ever is Milky Ways. Fact.

Duck fat eh?
*grabs stick and loaf of bread*
I'm going to the park at lunchtime :D
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:43, Reply)

BK
Has chocolate ever made you cough up blood?

I'm not a staunch anti-smoker or anything but you, young man, have a chest infection.
Naughty boy for smoking.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:45, Reply)

Thank you for clearing that up.
Chocolate fucking rocks, but smoking is indeed cool and clever and no one ever said that about a Twix.

Lucy, good luck! You can be quite specific about what you're searching for, so that should help.
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:45, Reply)

The only thing better than
smoking. Is smoking whilst drinking.

FACT
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:46, Reply)

Bananas
I don't eat bananas as a rule. Not because I find them repulsive, but I prefer less sweet fruits.

I have however eaten eight bananas in my life.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:46, Reply)

Damn right TGB
A drink's too wet without a burn.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:47, Reply)

@ Lucy
Yes it has! I had a nasty accident with a Toblerone once.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:47, Reply)

TGB
Not quite... That implies that smoking is better than drinking. Which it clearly isn't.

Smoking AND drinking, is fan-fucking-tastic.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:48, Reply)

Bk
That doesn't count. Everyone has had a nasty accident with a Toblerone.
Stupid triangular shaped danger chocolate.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:48, Reply)

Never eat Toblerone
Straight from the fridge.
Your gums will die a twisting, impaled death.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:50, Reply)

Fair enough Lucy
I feel better today though.
Just a bit of a cough left. The ibuprofen and paracetomol have done their business:)
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:51, Reply)

I thought we had
already established nothing was better than alcohol.

So I was saying it goes
Drinking
Drinking and Smoking
Smoking
Slovakian cheese strings.

Seriously they are insanely nice!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:51, Reply)

It's only because Toblerone's Swiss
It probably wouldn't be allowed to be made in the EU because it contravened some sort of health and safety legislation. :)

Also, smoking is fucking minging. Feel free to disagree. And I know you will.

Actually, I don't really have any issues with smokers. So long as I don't have to breathe their smoke, I don't care. Just have no intention of doing it myself.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:51, Reply)

Nothing beats the
burn of a quality spirit combined with the toasted lung burn of a Lucky Red.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:52, Reply)

@LVP
"Stupid triangular shaped danger chocolate"

That gotta me laughing.
( Captain V, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:52, Reply)

Speak for yourself
But I'd pick sex over cheese.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:52, Reply)

Hmm
I shall let you off then.
Only just though. ;)

TGB - Whats so great about Slovakian Cheese Strings?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:53, Reply)

@ Kaol
Smoking after drunken sex.

Win!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:53, Reply)

In order of preference....
Sex
Marijuana
Alcohol
Driving fast and hard
Chocolate
Gambling.
(The Stig, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:54, Reply)

A student just came in
and got stroppy with me because I didn't know where her class was taking place - I explained it was a different department but she seemed to think that I should know every fucking class time and location for the entire college.

Consequently, I have drawn up a new list:
Killing
Maiming
Alcohol
Smoking
Chocolate
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:55, Reply)

I would choose
the cheese.

I dunno exactly what it is that makes it so damn nice but it is! And I have been informed my next delivery is here! WOOOO!

cheese cheese cheese cheese
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:56, Reply)

That's just odd.
I think my list would go:

Sex
Alcohol
Smoking
Dissection
Chocolate
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 10:58, Reply)

TGBq
I love cheese too.
Goats cheese especially. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Or brie.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Or, well, you get the picture!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:02, Reply)

Yeah but sex
is sometimes massively disappointing.

Masturbation ftw then drinking/smoking combos, cheese then sex.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:02, Reply)

Goat cheese
Is fucking awesome.
*nods*
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:03, Reply)

@ TGB
Masturbating while smoking!

Dangerous, but satisfying:D
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:04, Reply)

My list
Wanking
Blow jobs
Sex
Cider AND cigarettes
Cheese
Olives

*edit* receiving BJ's not giving. I do not play the pink oboe.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:05, Reply)

BK
I'd end up burning my equipment.
I don't know how, but it WOULD happen.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:05, Reply)

@ Kaol
Me too.
I'm very accident prone.

Singed pubes at the very least.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:07, Reply)

I don't smoke in my house though
And I don't really fancy masturbating in the garden.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:07, Reply)

Oh Christ
I could kill for a fag and a pint followed by a curry!

But I must stop smoking, drinking and eating fatty (tasty) food or I will die soon.

My advice ... go fucking mental while you can because your body falls to pieces after 40!
( RadG Drinking Mojitos in the sun, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:07, Reply)

I'm back
It would have to be

Sex
Driving like a tit on a track (such as me here about 18 months ago for some press pics.)
Cheese
Alcohol
Chocolate
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:08, Reply)

@ rubberduck
Alcohol worryingly far down the list there.
Mind you, if you're a petrolhead you can't be turning up too wobbly.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:10, Reply)

Thanks Uncle RadG!
I plan to follow that advice to the letter.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:10, Reply)

Cheese
is fucking awesome and everyone who includes it on their lists are fucking awesome too :p

Duckie stop making everyone jealous of you!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:11, Reply)

*creeps in*
What ho, b3tans!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:13, Reply)

I cannot discuss cheese without Lusty.
They go together perfectly though.

Perfectly.
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:13, Reply)

Yay! Tulip!
How was the holiday?

*hugs*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:13, Reply)

@TGB
Most of the day-to-day stuff is nothing at all to be jealous of.

Have you ever tried driving for 5 hours around a circular track at a constant 50km/h? You don't know the meaning of boredom until you do...
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:14, Reply)

I have a massive collection of cheese atm
I went ragamuffin in the farm shop and have a whole shelf in the fridge dedicated to cheese.
I've been having a lot of lucid nightmares lately, cheese is trippy stuff.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:15, Reply)

'lo BK!
*hugs back*

It was top-hole thanks!

i went fishing and caught a mackerel. i was proud. we nommed it.

also did about a squillion other things, so I'm having this week off as well. huzah!

how are you all today my pretties?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:16, Reply)

Oh I do very much enjoy a good bit of cheese.
I didn't have nearly enough when I was in Hamsterjam.

Clendrix, I'm not at work today...Do you want to come round for cheese, cuddles and drink based enjoyment?
( wanderlust, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:16, Reply)

Morning all
I've been to visit a school today where I am applying for a job.

Got home to find that I've had a tax rebate for £150! Hurrah
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:16, Reply)

Order of preference
Nicotine
Valium
Vicodin
Marijuana
Ecstasy
Alcohol
C-C-C-C-C-Cocaine
( djtrialprice, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:18, Reply)

No duckie I have not
Although running the teeeeny risk of it turning into a car discussion....

How sexy is the new fiesta!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:19, Reply)

Hahaha!
And the prize for "making Kaol laugh on a Monday morning" goes to DJtrialprice.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:20, Reply)

I think my list
is rather like rubberduck's. Except that I'd swap cheese and chocolate.

Morning, HLT. Top hole, you say? Haven't heard that bally expression in yonks. Spiffing!

*waxes moustache*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:22, Reply)

Is there a prize
for making you do other things?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:23, Reply)

rubberduck
I see your constant 50 and raise you back-to-back sessions with the Ford Ka, Fiat Cinqecento and VW Lupo. On the bowl at Millbrook. There were frigging Transits on test there that were swooping past me.

And I don't eat chocolate, and too much cheese gives me a squirty tummy, so I'll vote for crisps. And pork scratchings.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:23, Reply)

Glad you had fun Miss Tulip
and good to have you back!

*edit*
Big laughs caused by djtrialprice
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:24, Reply)

In no particular order

Alcohol
Smoking
Spices/Herbs
Chillies
Cheese
Sex
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:28, Reply)

morning to you too sir
twas an absolute corker! No rain (a fucking miracle for the west coast), and I got sunburnt!

have now read the thread and see we are making lists.

here is a list (in no particular order)

wine
gin
champagne
pints of real ale (in half-pint glasses)
frangelico
and everything else.

oh and cake and kittens, obviously. and cheese. and fishing. and driving. and driving to the place where the fishing will be done.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:28, Reply)

@osok
The Transits are awesome. We've got one of the 200PS 5-cylinder jobs in the fleet here, and it's surpringly rapid.

There's much amusement to be had in burning off Darren the photocopier salesman's BMW 320d with a van :)
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:29, Reply)

Hey HLT :)
Sorry my refresh is so shit I tend to run a way behind the convo!

Woo for catching fish! And eating fish! nom nom nom
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:30, Reply)

Ah fishing
I luvs it I do, what sort?
I love fly fishing because I can dress like a twat with a waistcoat and poncy hat. It's my guilty pleasure.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:31, Reply)

Himjim
Spices and herbs!

You're funny. I'm coming round for dinner.
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:31, Reply)

@Tulip
Two points about your list:

1 - wot, no sex?
2 - A pint of real ale in a half pint glass is either a miracle of biblical proportions, or would result in a 50% spillage.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:32, Reply)

@K2k6
It seems to say pints in multiple half pint glasses, so it seems to work ok.

Also, morning HLT. I had just wandered off to get my printer working and print my timetable for this year, as my department managed to not print enough for us all at our induction on Friday.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:34, Reply)

Grr meetings
How dare they take me away from OT?!

I can't decide whether I prefer sex to masturbation, both have their ups and downs *fnarr fnarr*.

So, my list would be:

Masturbation/Sex
Food (especially cheese, like Mexicana *drools*)
Alcohol
Adrenaline (through jumping out a plane, or rollercoasters, rather than the Pulp Fiction method)
Salt & Vinegar Kettle Chips
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:35, Reply)

I just love to eat
and I plan on doing so until my miraculous metabolism deserts me when I'm 30.

Any of you are welcome to come over for dinner.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:35, Reply)

So what been happening
here then?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:36, Reply)

Hullo peeps
How's it going this morning?

I'm still in pain after Saturday night, it now burns when I pee which isn't good.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:37, Reply)

well, I'm only a beginner fisher
so some sort of stick with a thin bit of string, a hook, and a worm. no wait, not a worm, a bit of another fish.

the funniest thing about the whole holiday was the laminated instructions that were all over our rented cottage. little square cards of doom that said various things, ranging from:

"Please don't pour fat down the sink as it clogs the drains. wipe it off with a bit of kitchen roll and dispose of it in the bin provided."

and (in the bathroom)

"Please leave the window open slightly ajar as much as possible in order to avoid the build-up of condensation"

and

"DO NOT dispose of anything other than loo roll down the toilet as the sewage pipes are very narrow and will become blocked if anything else is put down the toilet"

which are all fairly reasonable, and sane.

then we found this:

"IMPORTANT NOTICE (in 36pt, and underlined)

(then in bigger type and underlined twice) CUSHIONS MUST BE PLUMPED DAILY

These cushions are filled with man-made fibre which, whilst as comfortable as feather-filled cushions, can easily lose their shape and sit if not plumped on a daily basis. Please ensure you plump the cushions regularly."


edit@k2k6 - well, duh, of course sex! it's me! oh, and it's monday today isn't it? *blows kiss*

and the real ale, well, if it is real ale it will know how to fit itself inside something that is too small for it.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:39, Reply)

Can I come for dinner
I don't have any food :( I am eating out at least 3 days this week though *glees*

Batman what did you do!?


hehe cushion pumping
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:40, Reply)

Fly fishing
In Scots parlance, the word 'fly' can also mean 'sneaky'. Hence a fly cup is a cup of tea imbibed while working or on duty. And doing something on the fly is not, as in standard English, doing something while in motion or in operation, but doing it without anyone knowing about it.

So fly fishing always makes me smile, as it suggests poaching.

Edit@HLT - I thought the sex might have been taken as read, but I needed to make sure!

*plumps cushions*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:43, Reply)

HLT
Mackerel are most yummy, if eaten on the same day they're caught.

Where were you? I had a couple of days out of Whitby in July and we gots loads of mackeral, whiting, codlings and ling.

BBQ heaven
(osok Rebel without a clue, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:47, Reply)

Um...
I was out in St Andrews on Saturday night and obviously ended up steaming drunk. Somehow, and I have to stress I have no idea how or why, we went to the beach and ended up...frollicking in the sea which a Dutch girl.

I woke up yesterday morning on the beach with a bemused child staring down at me asking if I wanted to build sandcastles with him. Since tea time it's been burny burny down there.

The other guy I was with passed out mid-way through sex and woke up to discover his cock had been coloured in green with permanent marker by his rather disgruntled beau.

Funnniest part of it though is any time he tries to scrub it off he gets rather...excited and ends up collapsed in a heap in the shower, if you catch my drift.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:50, Reply)

@osok
the mackerel was eaten within two hours of being caught and it was divine!

We were on the coast of mid argyll, opposite Jura, at a little place called Duntrune Castle. Twas lully, and really warm - got back on Saturday, can't believe how cold it is on this side. Bbrrr!

*arranges scarf strategically*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:50, Reply)

Mackerel
You can eat them raw if you've just caught 'em.
Apart from Bass, they're the best eating fish there is IMO.

HLT Jura is the home of some of the finest single malt whiskey, did you get to sample any?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:51, Reply)

Batman
That is brilliant!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:53, Reply)

@ oneinthepink
No, I didn't! What a wasted opportunity!

right, I'm off again. I might see you all later this week.

be good now!

*snogs*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:56, Reply)

TGB
Thanks but it's really sore :(

People in St Andrews had never heard of Jagerbombs before so I felt we had to educate them. Which resulted in us getting bought bloody hundreds (may be an exaggeration) of the buggers.

Jagermeister is bad.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:57, Reply)

@HLT
*Envies*

@HCFB - how the fuck did you survive? Apart from the blood/alcohol ratio, of course.

As for the burny burny, you have probably been the victim of the Lesser Northern Weaverfish, a very, very small relation of the normal weaverfish. This little chappie has jaggy dorsal spines that are moderately venomous, and as a species are attracted to warmth. If, during your frolics, your dangly bits were exposed and errm radiating heat, the fishy may have zeroed in on the warmth, and swum up your todger. The spines jam about half way up the urethra, and every time you attempt to piss, it will show its unhappiness by jabbing/wriggling, hence the unpleasant sensation.

Hope that sets your mind at rest.

Unfortunately the only way to dislodge the fish, is to lay your old fella on a handy work surface and thump it with a mallet. This will stun the fish and it will slither downstream until it plops out. Have a pair of pliers on standby to grab the tail just in case it wriggles back up. Moderate tear-age may occur.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:58, Reply)

fly == sneaky
I miss the Scottish vernacular. I miss using the word "how" when I'm asking the question "why".

Still, Herr Doktor Lemminge told me you work in Dundee. I don't miss it enough to work in Dundee.
( djtrialprice, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:01, Reply)

@HCFB
Or maybe you've just picked up a dose of the clap after all.

Edit@djtrialprice - That's not fair. There are worse places than Dundee.

Basra for example.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:02, Reply)

Batman I was laughing
more at your mate trying to scrub it off in the shower.

Now I am laughing at Osok's post and my boss is looking at me funny
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:03, Reply)

Holy Cremola Foam Batman!
St Andrews is my favourite place in the world!

Have a pint (or several) in the Cellar bar and a pizza from the KFB for me.
( djtrialprice, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:03, Reply)

Osok
I never thought I would want to have the clap so much if that's possible.


I actually had a pizza from the KFB, my mum and dad own a flat directly opposite that. It's one of the best places around, chocolate pizzas aside.


EDIT TGB Yeah I texted him this morning to see if he had any luck with it he replied "Red raw but still green...4th date with Sarah tonight, she's in for a nasty surprise"
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:04, Reply)

I used to live
on Bridge Street too. Small world eh?
( djtrialprice, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:07, Reply)

The clap is
Very curable.

Not like the old days when it'd eat away at your skull, leaving sores that you could actually poke your brain through.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:08, Reply)

@Batman
Well, it's more plausible than the recruitment websites I'm slogging through.





(NB salt water can irritate 'delicate' membranes, especially if they have been a-frolicking. Not quite as bad as getting sand into the equation but there you go. Keep the mallet on standby, just in case)
(osok Rebel without a clue, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:09, Reply)

djtrialprice
No way, that is weird. I spent a lot of time in St Andrews when I was kid, absolutely love it. It was heaving at the weekend though, the pubs really couldn't cope with that many folk being there.

Loads of shops seem to have shut down over the summer as well which is quite sad.

Osok...mallet has been looked out. I'll keep you informed.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:17, Reply)

Kaol
That's rather a bold sig, young man.
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:19, Reply)

@rubberduck
http://photos-b.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-snc1/v345/89/65/525645328/n525645328_1843137_3883.jpg

On the topic of cars on tracks, that is me in my limo hammering it round the Nordschleife *yeys*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:19, Reply)

*glees*
Ethelred that limo is awesome! You're not too bad either ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:23, Reply)

Ancrenne
You and I have been here for so long, we're now finding ourselves comfortable with silence!
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:24, Reply)

TGB
Its my little (read: big) toy :)

You can hardly see me, its all shadowy and stuff :P

Shame the guy only got photos of me before and after getting it sideways on that corner :(
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:25, Reply)

Ancrenne
I overslept today, so didn't have time to make lunch. Therefore I shall go to the sandwich shop around the corner and get a freshly-baked baguette, with bacon, brie and cranberry *drools*.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:29, Reply)

Ancrenne, clendrix
Are you like the "Locals" then?

Also, lunch. I'll be having a cigarette or three, a double espresso and a baguette of some kind.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:30, Reply)

Hello you lovely people
Talk about anything other than cars or food, can't stand the former, and stupid me forgot my wallet this morning and thusly am unable to buy the latter.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:32, Reply)

Yay!
That's my quote in your sig :D
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:33, Reply)

Kaol
I did say I would put it up, and it was too good not to.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:34, Reply)

Kaol
Yes we are. So watch out.
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:34, Reply)

Is there
no Kaol Challenge^TM this week then?

How about an orange challenge, seeing as you like oranges? One today, going up to five on Friday lunchtime.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:35, Reply)

Monday lunch = funday lunch.
One bag of Kettle Chips
One box of yum yums
4 wispas.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:36, Reply)

*looks scared*
*laughs*

Well, I'm glad that your remembered, Herr Dok!
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:36, Reply)

@Ethelred
That limo is awesome. I've always loved old-school mk2 Granadas. Is it the 2.8?

The Nordschleife is most excellent. I was out there a few months ago and even managed to get snapped by some magazine spy photographers. Can't see a lot of me mind 'cos of the helmet...
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:37, Reply)

@ clendrix
If you're local,
you're not going to say,
"You ain't from around here, are ya boy?"
or tell me I got a purty mouth?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:37, Reply)

BK
No I'm not, cos I didn't watch any of that programme :)

But I am going to ensure that my regular seat is free and that any inappropriate behaviour is dealt with.
*frowns, Kaol-style*
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:39, Reply)

Oh!
I like the idea of an Orange Challenge!

Consider it taken up!
By "Orange" I mean tangerine, clementine, mandarin or whatever.
No Grapefruits. EVIL.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:40, Reply)

@ Rubberduck
It is indeed a 2.8 V6 on a carb bigger than my head. Good for around 15MPG usually!

Goes alright for a 3 speed auto weighing 3 tonnes though :)

That track is superb, its just such a rush when you're flat out at 90mph, and there are cars hammering past like you're standing still!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:41, Reply)

Orange challenge sounds great
I've had 4 clementines today already. They're just right - so acidic they make your eyes bleed when you're eating them.

Nom nom nom
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:42, Reply)

@Kaol
Why not try the Mentos and diet coke test?
(The Stig, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:43, Reply)

Some
people remember me, though I don't know why!

Clen that quote is from the film Deliverance, if you want to see the League of Gentlemen, I'll loan it to you.

EDIT Can I start that challenge with 3 tomorrow?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:43, Reply)

Oh fine rubberduck
That's right, steal the shirt off my back :(
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:43, Reply)

@ Kaol
What about a chocolate orange challenge,
on Friday you have to wrestle Dawn French for one.

*books ticket for ringside seat*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:45, Reply)

Blimey Ethelred...
15mpg! I get better than that out of my blown 4.2.

Your car is crying out for the 2.9 24v Cosworth V6 from the Scorpio, or the 4.0 V6 from the Ford Explorer. They're both Cologne engines so they'll drop straight in ;) You'll probably get better economy too...
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:45, Reply)

No!
Chocolate oranges are... To chocolatey.
I think I'll have a challenge-free week this week.
I may start the Absinthe Challenge the week after.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:47, Reply)

Rubberduck
I didn't realise the Explorer was cologne based, I shall enquire...

The 15MPG was with 5 people, each with a tent, 4 days worth of camping kit and the roofbox...
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:48, Reply)

Dok
I haven't seen any of either, but you know, I think I'm OK. I seem to have so much to watch and read at the moment, that I'm feeling quite stressed about it all.

Thanks though!

And hello!
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:49, Reply)

@Ethelred
Oh yes!

And if you go for a post-'97 one, it'll be OHC rather than pushrod too. :)

*Slaps self for car talk*
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:52, Reply)

'lo folks
Is it still ok to hate Mondays?

I'm in a proper shitty mood here at work and, to make matters better, my colleague has rung in leaving me to deal with everything that comes in.

Still, moaning's boring so I'm not going to carry on. I'm going to take a wander around town in a bit and see if I can find a decent reason to spend some cash on rubbish!
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:53, Reply)

Retro food
Monster Munch have re-issued the old 1980's packets, I'm in heaven.
It's all falling into place for me, first I buy an 80's classic motor and now Monster Munch have gone retro. Mega ace!
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:53, Reply)

One in the pink
Don't forget Wispas!

And this uk.youtube.com/watch?v=SQLRQL43654
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:57, Reply)

@oneinthepink
I am very jealous of your 'Rocco mate. I very nearly bought a GTX myself last year. Black, le castellet alloys, looked like a bargain.

Unfortunately it was a complete dog. Needed brakes, sunroof seal had gone and let half a pint of water in underneath the roof lining meaning that needed replacing too. Engine seemed ok, but when it's been neglected that badly it didn't seem worth the risk.
( Kroney, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 12:58, Reply)

Hurrah!
The lodger interview was a success!

We'll all miss psycho-nut, I'm sure.
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:03, Reply)

Kroney
You'd weep if knew what I paid for it.
It is bog standard - not been 'boyed up' mint condish full veedub service history (20 years) even the parcel shelf is intact - no speaker holes or anything. Taxed and tested.
Now here's the crunch, the kiddy selling it couldn't afford th £2,500 to insure it and wanted to sell it to go to Newquay with the money.
I left it until 2 hours before he went and said 'You can go to Newquay with no money or you can go with £200 in your back burner.' He accepted.
'Kin bargain, it's almost a form of rape.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:04, Reply)

200 squid?
You bastard!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:08, Reply)

@clendrix
S'OK you can get them anytime you want them.

Ancrenne, Yup I got home safely, I take it you did. The excitedness had worn off by the time I got home, but that was just the cold, so the nipples were still erect.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:09, Reply)

200 quid!
Even I'd have bought that, and I don't even really like VWs that much.

I'd have been VERY upset though if you'd managed to get your hands on a Rover SD1 3500 Vitesse for that sort of money. A large part of me really badly wants one, especially if it's in Moonraker Blue.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:13, Reply)

*returns from lunchtime constitutional*
@Kaol - by 'orange' I meant the large ones. Navel, or Jaffa. That kind of thing. Clementines, tangerines, satsumas etc are all yummy but if you're doing the challenge with them they're so small you'd need to double your intake.

10 tangerines on a Friday lunchtime should be more than enough for anyone.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:13, Reply)

*feeling smug*
I might go for a croissant and a pretentious coffee in a bit, with the skyrocket parked outside of course.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:13, Reply)

rubberduck
I've always fancied a Scud.
I haven't had a car for 3 years and had no intention of buying one, but this was too good an opportunity to pass up.

"moonraker blue" I like it! The other 70's/80's colour was "hearing-aid brown" - Allegros, maxis, metros, etc.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:15, Reply)

ok
*smacks everyone talking about cars including herself*

On a (surprisingly for me) girly note I just bought some awesome new eyeshadow! And am eating chocolate :D Living the dream
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:18, Reply)

TGB
Haha! You're such a girl!

*ignores the oil under TGB's fingernails*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:19, Reply)

@oneinthepink
You jammy git! The one I was looking at was for 500 quid.

If I'd had a grand spare, I'd probably havebought the GTX and risked it. I don't see that many coming up these days.
( Kroney, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:20, Reply)

@ Miss Crenne
Whats permanent, my erect nipples or me being cold?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:22, Reply)

Pinky
Ha! Hearing-aid brown - brilliant! I remember some old bloke down the road had an Allegro in that very shade.
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:23, Reply)

*sits on hands*
Yup all pink fluffiness and...erm... glitter and stuff for me
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:24, Reply)

There was a lot of nipple stroking
by Wookiee. Just Dok's nipples though, so that's OK.

Well, he and Dok seemed to think so...
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:29, Reply)

Rubberduck
mmmmm SD1... I thought I was alone in my perversion...

My P6 was lovely too, despite being 'Heavy Smoker Phlegm Yellow'
(osok Rebel without a clue, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:29, Reply)

Wookie's
just jealous, and anyway he loves them. (Nipples that is)

And when somebody wants to stoke your nipples you should never say no, it would be impolite!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:33, Reply)

Stoke my nipples?
What, like a fire?

Sounds a bit much...
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:45, Reply)

@clendrix
Stoke like a fire? I prefer to poker.

/coat
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:48, Reply)

Such rudeness!







*smiles happily*
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:58, Reply)

Guess who's back?

Back again?

Devil's back!

Tell a friend!

*cool, calm, just like your mum, with a couple of valium inside her palm*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:59, Reply)

I'm back
And better than ever :D
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 13:59, Reply)

Clen
As I said last week "I have fingers of uselessness" as far as typing goes!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:00, Reply)

Dok
Amusing though.

Tightly, you devil! How are you?
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:02, Reply)

Bye Ancrenne
I try to be Miss Drixy.

I don't succeed very often though.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:03, Reply)

@ancrenne
I don't recommend washing up liquid if you're gong to be soaping up.

It has nasty astringent properties when in contact with 'sensitive' skin. Or so I'm told.

@Kaol - how do you maintain this constant awesomeness? Does it take a gargantuan effort?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:04, Reply)

Hey DiT
I'd offer you a game of hang tough but I dunno where John Anderson is hiding *shifty eyes*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:04, Reply)

Mr. K
Constant intake of cigarettes and bacon :p
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:04, Reply)

Dok Minge
Are you missing a comma, or are you confessing to unconvincing transvestism? Frankly I'd believe either.

Afternoon everyone :)
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:07, Reply)

He can try
but he's just not bitter enough.

He's bitter!

Just not enough...
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:08, Reply)

Rilly, rilly well thank you!
Just trying to work out how to work iMovie... :S

Sod it, TGB, let's hang tough anyway, I'm at home today and the flat is Anderson-proof!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:08, Reply)

'noon all
Life is back to normal - after a week of virtually no b3ta time, thanks to an ill child.

How are you all?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:11, Reply)

I see you
conveniently already have rings hanging up in here as well DiT
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:12, Reply)

Wookie
I'm missing a comma. My grammer sucks, almost as bad as my spelling.

Damn the Phonetic Spelling method!

'noon Witchy
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:14, Reply)

Dammit
I thought nothing was Anderson proof.

*watches DiT and TGB going at it in spandex*
( Captain V, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:17, Reply)

I now have that
hang tough song in my head... I want to say.. new kids on the block did it?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:19, Reply)

TGB
I'm 99% certain you're right there. I can't believe I remember that!
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:26, Reply)

@TGB
Haven't a clue what you're talking about. I've just got John Anderson saying "Gladiators..READY!" going round and round in my head while listening to Avenged Sevenfold. It's weird.
( Captain V, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:27, Reply)

Contender READY!
V it is NKOTB Hangin' Tough. Feel free to youtube it and rock out to the 80s goodness
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:30, Reply)

*Youtubes*
*Rocks out*

In other news. Work is a nightmare today. Why can't I go back to my carefree manic weekend? That was awesome and carefree.

*sighs*
( Captain V, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:33, Reply)

Bollocks
my bread hasn't risen. My water was to hot and I've killed the yeast.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:38, Reply)

Noooo!
Not the poor little yeasts! :(
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:39, Reply)

I know.
I do actually feel guilty.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:42, Reply)

Woo hoo
More 80's stuff, what a day!
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:44, Reply)

Those poor little things
With their little smiley faces :(
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:46, Reply)

I'm from the 80s
As is Kaol. You can have Kaol but not me.
( Captain V, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:46, Reply)

Fuck!
check this out - uk.news.yahoo.com/skynews/20080929/tuk-chef-dies-after-hot-chilli-dare-45dbed5.html
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:46, Reply)

Guilty
Because killing them is worse than eating them?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:48, Reply)

@TGB
Well, they'd be dead anyway by the time they were eaten, from cooking in the oven.

It's just that they hadn't had time to do their CO₂ thing yet!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:50, Reply)

pffft
Massive dose of neurotoxin in lethal shocker.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:51, Reply)

Yeah.
Eating them doesn't always kill them.
Yeasts are awesome lil' fellas!

In other news, I posted a QOTW story.
You can read it here if you want.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:51, Reply)

I know that k2k6
I forget what my point was.

My housemate is reading world war z and I am reading the zombie survival guide so now we are planning our escape route should anything happen.

He suggests: "I think all the panicked seaside residents will have already taken [the boats] by the time we get to the coast
I was thinking head off to the airport and steal a plane... I'm sure we could figure out how to fly one with sufficient motivation
like say being chased by zombies"
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:55, Reply)

Ah... Zombie plans
I'm so glad I know how to:

a) Sail a boat
b) Fly a light aircraft
c) Fire a gun
and
d) Use a machete to devastating effect
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 14:59, Reply)

I'm so glad
I know Kaol.
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:02, Reply)

TGB
The last thing you want to do is visit anywhere with a dense population. All airports will be crammed with people trying to get on a plane to anywhere, which will draw zombies like flies to a turd.

I'm heading somewhere isolated with a low population. Like the Highlands or Caledonia. There I shall eke out a miserable existence in an effort to out-last them. This is assuming they're 28 Days Later style infected human "zombies". If they're Dawn of the Dead style shufflers, it'll be a small fishing village for me. Probably on the South Coast. There I shall find some kind of boat and head for an island. Zombies aren't known for their swimming abilities.

Either way, I guarantee you that the panicked public will cram into airports, train stations and the motorways.
( Kroney, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:02, Reply)

Sorry Clendrix :(
In case of Zombies, I work alone.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:05, Reply)

My plan is simple
head for my friend's croft in the Highlands (they have guns and grow their own food) then wait until the zombies all kill/eat each other, and come back home.

Mind you, getting there might be a problem with no car ....

*heads back to drawing board to formulate Plan B*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:05, Reply)

Kaol's right
People slow you down. I couldn't handle having to leave people behind, so I'd just solo it from the start.

Unless they were 16 year old cheerleaders or summat.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:06, Reply)

Ah
but my friend owns a plane and I know where it is stored on a very very quiet "airfield" (read: field) in a hanger that could quite easily be broken into.

Bonus 2: He is now in Exeter meaning I will get to the plane long before he does!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:09, Reply)

Zombie Survival
My friends have a huge farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, with big fields for growing crops, and a larder that's constantly stocked with months worth of food. He also has quite a few shotguns, and a scythe (for ultra cool zombie dispatching).

I'm going straight there at the first sign of zombies, I know plenty of routes to get there, and have cars and bicycles at my disposal.

*has thought about this more than once*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:09, Reply)

@Kaol
A friend and I have a pact. We leave together and work together but only under the strict understanding that we absolutely will trip each other to save our own skins if necessary.

it's best to go into these situations with your eyes open. Especially something as serious as a zombie apocalypse.
( Kroney, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:10, Reply)

Jim
You've pretty much got to concentrate on survival.
No time for talking/fucking/getting sad when they die.
You've only gotta worry about food for one, as well.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:10, Reply)

Who said anything about taking her with me?
I was just wondering what I'd do if I found one.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:11, Reply)

I really don't understand all the fuss.
I'm far to lazy to bother fucking around with all this survival shit. I'd just become a zombie.
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:13, Reply)

Surely
the zombification of the populace would just be a necrophiliac's wet dream?
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:15, Reply)

In my current location
I'm safer than all of you.
Middle of fucking nowhere, surrounded by fields of corn, beans, woods full of rabbits and deer.

Next door to a Medieval church, built like a fortress. That I've got a key to.

EDIT: I might have a couple of weapons knocking around somewhere too...
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:16, Reply)

Zombie Plan C
Plan A is to barricade myself inside the house with 30 days of food/water/ammo.

Plan B is to run for the hills, and find a defendable cave site. But what if the rabbits and sheep get zombified as well? There's only so much ammunition you can carry, and zombie rabbits, weasels and so forth are small and nimble enough to dodge the machete/broadsword.

I have now developed Plan C. Pop down to the local barracks and tool up with as much assorted nastiness as possible in addition to my own modest armoury, not forgetting the sword of course. And the bayonetted Lee-Enfield. In fact everything from Swiss Army knife to Extremely Large Guns. Load into the back of 'liberated' truck.

Drive to a nice open space, crushing everything into bloody paste as I go, then....

Neck bottle of 20 year old malt, light Cuban cigar and scream incoherently "come and have a go ya zombie bastards" in best Embra accent, before firing wildly and indiscriminately in beserk foaming rage.

Gotta be a winner, shurely?
(osok Rebel without a clue, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:17, Reply)

@osok
I did consider a wee side trip to Dreghorn to 'tool up' before heading for the Highlands ....

I also have an urge to try for the Castle - you could have some fun if you could get the cannons to work!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:20, Reply)

haha talking to my
other mate on gtalk who is black he said "If there was a zombie invasion I am going to get in a group of all black people because we all know if get together with you white people we get killed off first. bastards"

I said I should join that group as well as my odds would be massively improved :p

He is now quoting south park human shield things at me. hehe
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:21, Reply)

It sounds wrong
But I'd love it if there was actually a minor zombie 'incident'.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:23, Reply)

Erm
*coughs*Simon*coughs*
( Captain V, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:28, Reply)

Shaun Pegg
is just a clever name combination thing by Ancrenne.
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:29, Reply)

For reasons I'm unable to explain
I now want to watch a film called Shaun of the peg. No idea what it'd be about.
( Captain V, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:31, Reply)

A bloke who does battle
whilst getting pissed at a camp site.
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:33, Reply)

Capt'n V
It'd be about a door-to-door Gypsy clothes-peg salesman.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:33, Reply)

WOOKIEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you lurking or are you actually doing some work?
*prods*


Edit: erm, sorry everyone - carry on as you were...
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:36, Reply)

Dammit, now I look like I was lurking,
whereas I was actually just catching up with the thread after a fit of the works.

In case of zombies, my plan is to steal a motorbike to get to the other side of the M25, then hijack a combine harvester and thresh any bugger who gets close.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:41, Reply)

Ha!
Knew you were there.

I don't have anything to say to you though.

Edit: actually I do - steal a combine harvester? FFS.
*laughes hugely at thought of Wookiee at controls of large machine*
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:42, Reply)

Awh!
It'd be like a midget in a coach!
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:45, Reply)

^
/hysterical
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:45, Reply)

The day of reckoning arrives
and Ancrenne finally finds a harvester to hijack, only to discard it for lack of correct shapery.

I like your style. Never disregard one's own ideals and principles.
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:49, Reply)

I once saw a dog
Get combine-harvested.

Enough to fuck a kid right up, that was.
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:50, Reply)

^
:0

I do feel a bit bad for encouraging Wookiee back in and then contributing to his abuse.

I may never see him again.


Until pub time.
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:53, Reply)

Right,
I'm off to get wood...
Into a van.

It's going to be hard work.

Catch you folks late tonight/morning tomorrow :)
( Cawl, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:59, Reply)

I see your point, Ancrenne,
but I love the idea of playing Carmageddon with real zombies and a combine harvester, and handbrake turns are an integral part of this fantasy. Thus all-round protection is unnecessary.

Also I would quite like to mix it up with a bit of Mad Max-style sawn-off-shotgun-from-the-driving-seat action, and for that you need to let the zombies get a little bit closer.

Midget in a coach? I'd much prefer to be a bald man in a boat, so screw you guys, I'm going for a smoke.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 16:00, Reply)

Afternoon all :)
We've got our completion date and move in on friday so huuuuuge thanks to Rachaelswipe and N03l for their help :D
( Peej, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 16:13, Reply)

p.s.
If its my B3ta day wheres my fuckin candle eh???
( Peej, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 16:14, Reply)

@PhilieJoe
Because of the way your b3taday is calculated, it was actually yesterday.

So you've missed out on your candle. :(
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 16:17, Reply)

Hello!
I'm back! I made it to the airport and back. I only made a slight, delicate, loop de loop, which only added a tiddly 10 minutes on to my journey.

How is everyone?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 16:18, Reply)

Thats a load of old tottenham!
A steaming pile of hotspur!

My birthday is the date I was born not the date before!

I demand to be wished a happy b3taday anyway dammit!

DEMAND!!!!!
( Peej, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 16:18, Reply)

For some reason the candles seem to appear the day before the actual birthday.

So you missed it I'm afraid :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 16:19, Reply)

@clendrix
nope yesterday was Sunday so I was busy packing things for the move and having sex. Next year my b3taday will be a work day. I come on b3ta mainly when I'm being paid too.
( Peej, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 16:20, Reply)

Hmmm talking of pooing for cash.....
I'll be back in 15 ;)
( Peej, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 16:28, Reply)

Pooing for cash
When I was doing my PhD, I worked as part of my training with an industrial partner. I wasn't exactly overworked, although they were only paying me £200 a week, so it's just as well.

But their toilets were superb. Nice and clean, spacious cubicles with pot plants and a selection of industry journals. And a copious supply of Dixcel kitten-soft toilet roll (which I must admit disturbed me a bit, as the picture of the cute kittens on the packaging made me think I was wiping with baby cats).

I used to have two trips there each day, for at least 15 minutes. The most comfortable dumping ground ever, I reckon.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 16:35, Reply)

oh
Happy B3taday :p

Sorry you missed your candle.

I am still running on TGB's Work Internet time. Which is about 5 mins behind everyone else
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 16:46, Reply)

Awwww the morning hangover
My line manager let me go for a sleep in the server room when I had a particularly bad morning after my birthday hangover.

Weirdly enough he was a twunt at every other possible occasion.
( Peej, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 16:56, Reply)

Blaaaaaaaargh
*seethes*

*froths*

*vents*

I hate my pissing fucking arsing machine sometimes.

How are we all doing this afternoon? Zombie apocalypse over?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 17:00, Reply)

I think so Jim
Bwwaaaains. *dribble*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 17:01, Reply)

AARGH!
*Revs up combine harvester*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 17:03, Reply)

*arrrgh*
Pissflaps. I was hoping for a sodding break and all. Oh well.

*breaks out deathmobile*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 17:06, Reply)

*looks out of window*
*watches Wookiee go past, churning up road and students*
*cheers loudly*
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 17:06, Reply)

A fellow student hater?
Excellent. I'm all for the banning of the grotty little shits.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 17:08, Reply)

Packed into neat black bundles
and delivered to halls of residence kitchens, to be fed to those who escaped.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 17:11, Reply)

If I can't kill them NOW, with my combine harvester,
then later with nvCJD will have to do.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 17:17, Reply)

Fucking fucking twatty cock-end students.
Arseholes. Ruining my fucking day.

Aaaaaaarggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh.

I'm off to the pub. They'll be in there too, but I will have beer and tobacco and fists.

Bye!
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 17:17, Reply)

Right
I'm off home. What should I have for dinner tonight?

Answers on a postcard please.
( Captain V, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 17:27, Reply)

Acrenne
Do you want me to post you some? :O)
(The Stig, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 17:59, Reply)

I'll chip in
a few quid for a Beer-a-gram for you too.

What do you mean there's no such thing?

*ponders gap in the market*
( djtrialprice, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 18:05, Reply)

On the subject of combine harvesters...
Has anyone ever looked up what was number 1 in the charts the day they were born?

Me and some friends did a while ago. My ex's song was "Que Sera, Sera". Another friend's was "That'll be The Day". All very apt and pithy...

And then I looked mine up... "I've Got A Brand New Combine Harvester"... :(
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 18:05, Reply)

DJtrialprice
gap has been pondered. Liscencing laws will not allow for it.

fuzzy- mine is caravan of love Ferry Aid 'Let It Be
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 18:07, Reply)