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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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HOME SWEET HOME
No image today due to the fact I can't be arsed copy/pasting in Opera Mini the credit crunch.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 8:31, 279 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
OH LET ME MAKE ONE!

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 8:31, Reply)
Cunting hell
I'm the first person to reply at 8:32!

HSH is really suffering lately =/

:edit: Dammit mike!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 8:32, Reply)
lololol

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 8:34, Reply)
I took a while to get here today
because it's frosty and the roads maintenance people seem not to have noticed. They've not gritted the main roads so it's a bit icy, and the woman in the car two ahead of me kept braking when she came to a slippery bit, not realising that it's probably the worst thing you can do.

That sort of thing gets right on my tits.

Sorry for such an early rant. Good morning all.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 8:37, Reply)
Mr Nong!
How goes?

I'm sat at NTV in Moscow twiddling my thumbs until the equipment I'm supposed to be installing clears customs. Hopefully that should be in an hour or two.

Moscow is cool so far although I haven't seen much and to my eternal shame I couldn't be bothered to go and find a proper place to eat last night so had a McDonalds! *hides*
(bill, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 8:40, Reply)
K2
Early morning rants are where it's.

:edit: bill in mother Russia McDonalds eats you.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 8:41, Reply)
@bill
I once had some stuff take nearly a week to clear US customs. I wish you luck in Russia!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 8:42, Reply)
Morning!
Thankyou mike. Is that a self-portrait in the background?

I'll be knocking up some new hsh images tonight. I bet you all can't fucking wait.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 8:47, Reply)
It's a reflection of a self-portrait.

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 8:48, Reply)
Morning all
The credit crunch is my excuse for everything at the moment as well No3L!

How are we all? Another day of fun postcode action for me....

(there may be some sarcasm in the above statement)
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 8:49, Reply)
Morning arse fuckers
*waves to all*

I miss Lusty's morning posts :(
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 8:51, Reply)
Sam
I feel your pain. I've been comparing transport costs from a few different haulage companies. I had postcodes coming out of many orifices. Fortunately I'm finished with that for now.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 8:51, Reply)
Morning, Fucksticks!
I've been in work two hours, time for an internet break.

How is everyone?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:01, Reply)
Morning Becky you sexual goose.
And alright the rest of you.

I'm still in bed in my bunny pyjamas. I'm going to get up and do something productive as soon as I've had a cup of tea.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:03, Reply)
Woohoo!
Bunny PJ's FTW!

Pics or it didnt happen.

Now, who wants to talk about comic books until another girl suggests she is showing a bit of ankle?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:10, Reply)
I'll talk about comics with you Al
if you show me some ankle...pics or it didn't happen :)
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:11, Reply)
Two hours already Lab?!
Jesus, doesn't sound pleasant...

I've just had an email reminding me that my sister added her credit card to my Paypal account last night so she could buy something, she's forgotten the password to hers.

Shall I see what the limit is?

I want to buy tickets for this year's African Soul Rebels tour but not sure I can use Paypal. Hmmm....
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:11, Reply)
Morning Lusty
Why do anything productive? That's what work is for, and you're not working.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:12, Reply)
this ones for becky


you love it
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:12, Reply)
Now
who wants to explain to me why Watchmen is so good and is it worth buying before they make this film which everyone is talking about being so great and stuff.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:13, Reply)
Come on people
times a wasting and all that.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:15, Reply)
It has a massive cast full of nobodies.
So it's going to be shit.

Or good.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:18, Reply)
or funny?
or cuntlike?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:19, Reply)
You missed my LIVE serving of cackers.
It's in the thread below.

I've basically kicked a man when he's down.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:21, Reply)
LOLZ!
I love it when you do that. It's like watching internet chavs mug an internet granny. And then having sex with her twitching body afterwards.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:22, Reply)
It didn't twitch.

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:23, Reply)
It did for me
every time by massive beer gut slapped against her buttocks.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:24, Reply)
Oh baby you knows it
*drools and dribbles in a most attractive fashion*

I still haven't gotten around to buying it yet, but need to before the film comes out. Have read bits of it already and it's rather fabulous.
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:18, Reply)
Is everyone dead this year?
Or did people give up B3ta for their new years resolutions?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:23, Reply)
I'm here
I didn't give up b3ta, I gave up your Mum.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:24, Reply)
Watchmen
I loved the graphic novel, it was well-written and suitably dark.

As for ankles, I can't find any pics of mine, so have one of my leg instead.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:26, Reply)
Morning all
I'm not dead, well not yet.

Al The Watchmen is fucking AWESOME, but the film will probably just be OK.

How are you lot today?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:28, Reply)
Morning all...
...except Al.

Bollocks to Al.

only joking. I trust you and Mrs Al are both well and refreshed after your long flight?

Morning Mike Woz Ere. Nice to see a new face round here.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:29, Reply)
alalalalalalalalaalalalalal
alalalalalalalalaalalalalalal

I tried to drink myself to death last night, al. Didn't work though. How's my favourite cock-muncher today?

/blatant disregard for everybody else

alalalalalalalalalalalalalalal
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:37, Reply)
Hi Bert!
*stands awkwardly before ripping off berts trousers and bumming him furiously*
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:37, Reply)
Also
Mike isn't new, he's a cunt.

but funny.

but still a cunt.

but funny nevertheless.

but at the end of the day he's a cunt.

but he's funny.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:39, Reply)
RAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR
Cheers al, you gibbon-spanking bum ferret.

I seriously missed you, I've been going a bit mental lately. How was Oz?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:39, Reply)
*watches the heart-warming, if violent display of homosexuality*
Bless!

Damnit, typo.

heart cock
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:40, Reply)
@Mike Woz Ere
Yeah, he is funny. We like funny round here.


*edit*

There are cunts and then there are amusing cunts.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:40, Reply)
I'd just like to state, for the record, that I am a cunt.

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:41, Reply)
you're just kidding yourself

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:42, Reply)
I like cunts
*sniffs*
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:44, Reply)
Oz was bloody superb
It's cold and grim over here. I'm sure it didn't used to be this old and grim.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:41, Reply)
It was always bloody grim
the grey skies are matched by the grey pavements, the grey buildings and the grey pube I found this morning
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:43, Reply)
Al
It's always been old and grim over here, you've just never noticed it before.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:43, Reply)
The trains are shit...
...and somebody broke the economy and the trains are shit and it's only seven degrees and my neighbours keep having noisy sex and the trains are shit...

Welcome back to Blighty Al.

*edit* Grey pube? Was it one of your own?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:44, Reply)
Seven degrees?
It's minus one here. You cunt.

I had to scrape the car this morning.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:45, Reply)
You'll probably have to scrape it for the journey home.
Just trying to give you something to look forward to Kaol.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:47, Reply)
Mmmmm
Free audio porn. You should be pleased PJM.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:46, Reply)
@Kaol
Against what?

@Capt

I wouldn't mind my neighbours noisy sex, but he lives alone.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:46, Reply)
But noisy sex is good
I like it anyway, it annoys the neighbours!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:47, Reply)
Schadenfreude
I was peering out the window just now, seeing if the dense fog had cleared, to see one of my colleagues slip on the icy car park and do a spectacular faceplant, complete with windmilling arms.

I wouldn't be laughing so hard if he wasn't such a cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:48, Reply)
@Labia
Does he keep having noisy sex too?

*edit* likes the mental imagery of windmilling arms
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:49, Reply)
Lab LOL
Yes you would, just like it's got me laughing now!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:49, Reply)
Oh sod off!
Ok... I had to scrape the ice off the car this morning because it was cold and there was ice on the car because the water froze last night because it was less than zero degrees, so the cold made the ice get on the car and then I had to scrape the ice off the car so I could see where I was driving.

Better?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:50, Reply)
HDL - I like to make my neighbours think I'm a stud
by playing porn at full volume in the middle of the night.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:50, Reply)
Much better thanks Kaol...
...Bastard time of year for it. You're only ten miles up the road from me, yet it was merely foggy here. Not freezing at all.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:51, Reply)
PJM
Not that I know of, and if he did it would almost certainly be a solo performance.

He's the kind of person who would pass off any resulting injury as the consequence of getting in a barfight, "but you should see the other guy".

Kaol: I had to scrape ice off my car as well this morning, it was not pleasant.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:51, Reply)
Kaol
So explain it to me again, what did you scrape you're car against to get this so called frozen water off?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:52, Reply)
Having been on the road
for three and a half weeks, my car is fucking filthy down the right hand side, to the point that I can't see out of my side window properly.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:52, Reply)
Just reverse everywhere.
Idiot.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:54, Reply)
Doh!
I wish my brain cock was as big as yours.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:57, Reply)
My cock is massive.
It was actually a playing piece in the early versions of Monopoly, but designers removed it because it was so large it transgressed many squares at once so players never really actually knew which square they were on.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:59, Reply)
I didn't know you lived round these parts PJM
It was foggy here too. Looked out the window and saw some dew on my car. Turned out it was that really annoying ice that's difficult to scrape =[
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:53, Reply)
Fuck off!
PJM, I think it's a bit further than ten miles :p
I'm nearer Cambridge than Chelmsford...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:53, Reply)
@Kaol & Capt
I live in Broxbourne, which isn't a million miles from Kaol Citadel.

Twenty miles?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:54, Reply)
According to Multimap
"28.57 miles, about 1 hours"

That's quality grammar, right there.

EDIT: You and V live "7.45 miles, about 15 mins" apart.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:57, Reply)
10/3 for Kaka to be at Man City by the 3rd of Feb.
They're quoted at wanting to sign him "whatever the cost" and Kaka has expressed interest in playing in the premiership.

This is unrelated to anything written above.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:57, Reply)
Oh right
That's about 20mins drive from me (Hertford).

:edit: Kaol what bloody roads is that going on? Averaging 30mph?!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:58, Reply)
That footballer
has a name that sounds like an american slang term for poo.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!CUNTCUNTCUNT!!!!!!!LOLOLOLOLOLOLMINGEMINGE!!!!!!!!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:59, Reply)
'ning all
I saw the frost forecast and parked the beast in the garage as a precaution.

What I hadn't reckoned on is Mrs Duck coming back later and parking her car right in front of my garage.

She's not daft, because it meant I had to defrost her car to move it out of the way to get at mine.

I'll have to think of a suitable punishment for her...
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:59, Reply)
@rubberduck
Hmm... What is "the beast" is it a Land Rover of some description? A prototype you're testing?

With lazers?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:01, Reply)
Rub
chilli oil on your cock before you slip it to her.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:01, Reply)
Scrape Kaol's windows with it.
That'd be RUBBING CHILLY ON YOUR LOLOLOLOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:04, Reply)
Morning all
I have been far too productive already this morning. By this, I mean that I've been to the hairdressers, and given some advice on how to stop a water tank over-flowing. And been given some muffins =)

That stuff about Kaka sounds dangerously like football talk. I don't like football talk...
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:03, Reply)
PJM
The beast is my car - a dirty-looking Jaguar S-Type R, with a couple of minor modifications (smaller supercharger pulley and a remapped ECU) to give a nice healthy 478bhp. Hence calling it the beast.

It hasn't got any frickin' lasers though - that would be awesome.

I do want a Land Rover though too. I've got my eye on a 50th Anniversary Defender 90 V8 that a friend of mine is selling. My head says no, but my heart says yes.
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:06, Reply)
Shaguar
478bhp... Mwahahahaha!

Is that "Dirty Looking" as in "matt black"?

That sounds like fun to me. Jag builds a nice car these days, I wish I could afford to run something like that.

I'm hoping to splurge a fortune on a new mountain bike. My heart says yes, my head says yes, but my wallet says "hold fire!".

V8 Landy would be a lot of fun.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:08, Reply)
Homes under the hammer.
Really is a fucking awful programme.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:10, Reply)
I miss my Landy.
But the amount of petrol it got through was disgustingly expensive.

I should really think about getting myself a crap little car.

EDIT: Mike, you fucker, keep your cock away from my windows.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:11, Reply)
I want one of those new fiat 500's

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:12, Reply)
Nah
It's dirty looking as in not been cleaned for 12 weeks. To be fair though, it's a dark metallic grey so it doesn't actually look much different when it's clean.

I'm moving house next month though to somewhere a bit more expensive. Continuing to fuel the beast may become an impractical luxury, so I may have to accept that I've had my 3 years of V8 fun and move on to something a bit more sensible.
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:12, Reply)
Crap little cars
It's going to be a small car for me next. I like the look of that Fiat 500 on amphetamines, or one of those Alfa MiTo thingummybobs.

A small frugal car with great handling is something I miss. Time they did something like the Mk1 Golf GIT again.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:13, Reply)
Do you, Mike?
They're too small for my purposes, by the time I've got my bass, amp and whatever else in, there'd be no space for me.

Also, how do I do the fancy reply-thing?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:14, Reply)
People always say that men who drive sports cars have tiny penises.
So since my penis is, like, huge, I need to get a smaller, less powerful car to reflect this.

You don't want to bother with those reply things, it makes people upset.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:18, Reply)
@rubberduck
I hear you. I did four years of Alfa V6 fun, which was great while it lasted. However 18mpg when driving as the designers intended - ie fwapping it - was eye wateringly expensive.

I've got a 2 litre now, I can get forty five to the gallon out of it on a long run. Eek!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:15, Reply)
Kaol
I recommend a ford KA. Mine has served me very well so far and it's dead cheap to run. I get around 35 MPG out of it without any real effort to drive economically.

My only two complaints are a small boot (if you've no passengers back seats are fine) and taking about a week to get up to 60.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:15, Reply)
V, I think you missed my point
About bass and amp...
In an idea world, I'd get a crappy 4x4 thing.
Despite the stupid name, Suzuki Jimny's aren't bad.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:17, Reply)
You could get it valeted by a Jimny sweep.







.....
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:21, Reply)
Or your mum

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:22, Reply)
@Kaol
Roof rack.

Or a Citroen Berlinggo/Renault Kangoo thingy.

They're dirt cheap to run, will carry anything and are inconspicuous.

If your name is Noddy.

I did think about one to throw my bike in the back of.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:19, Reply)
A roof rack on a KA?
Haha!
My bass'd be longer than the car.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:20, Reply)
my 106 gets 40mpg
without a real economical effort, if I try, I can get about 45mpg.

But it's too small to fit me and my enormous cock in, so I dangle it out of the window to scare passing schoolchildren.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:20, Reply)
My penis was actually a murder weapon in old sets of Cluedo but it was removed to size constraints.

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:22, Reply)
I need a large car
for all the band gear and personnel I carry around. I really fancy a BMW 520d tourer for my next car. 177bhp (fast enough for my needs) and 50+mpg sounds very appealing.

The £30k price tag however, does not.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:21, Reply)
Hey blimey, Mike's still here.
Hello Mike.
Hello shitheads.

It's misty in London today, so I have my standard Keegan perm stylee. Fucktastic.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:21, Reply)
I'll mostly be doing one-liners all day and talking about how big my penis is.

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:23, Reply)
My penis is so big I have to do two liners to talk about it
see?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:25, Reply)

penis coke addiction
it ym
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:29, Reply)
Kaol
You'd be surprised what you can get in a small car. Something like an older fiesta or corsa can still hold a full PA system, two speaker stands, mic stands, leads, my huge bass amp, a bass, an acoustic, two changes of outfit, and two people.

I was impressed when I discovered this fact :)
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:22, Reply)
Kaol
I was replying to your first message so didn't see about bass/amp. I'm actually doing some work today so a bit slow at replying - I start typing then leave it for a bit and suddenly there's loads more replies.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:23, Reply)
clendrix
The boys are talking about their cocks and cars.

Shall we start talking about vaginas and tampons and breasts and lactating?
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:25, Reply)
Yay!
Breasts are fun. Lactating breast are fun, then a bit sticky. Vaginas are fun, then gooey and tampons help stop the excess goo.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:25, Reply)
@ladies
Yes.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:26, Reply)
Oh do it Lusty
I do love a nice pair of tits tampons.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:26, Reply)
Lusty...
I'd rather talk about your bunny pyjamas - mine have monkeys on.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:26, Reply)
When Roman Polanski called for a shot of a destroyed street for his 2002 film, 'The Pianist,' instead of using CGI, he asked me to get my penis out and flail it around wildly.

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:27, Reply)
Ooh
If I'm driving like Mother Teresa, I can just about crack 21mpg in the Jag.

Thraping it and making frequent visits to the redline (which is unavoidable with a V8 - you do it just for the noise) sees consumption in the 10-14mpg range.

Try as I might, I just don't 'do' small cars though. I suspect the Jag's replacement will still be something large and big engined, but powered by one of Dr Diesel's evil inventions.

Edit: k2 - take a look at a used Volvo V70 D5. They're £stuid cheap at auction and come with a fairly decent 185bhp diesel engine, which sounds much less tractor-like than the BMW 4-pot.
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:26, Reply)
Are you at work in PJs clendrix?

Are they tiny silk PJs or big thick cotton PJs?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:27, Reply)
@rubberduck
My best mate designs diesel engines at a company who's name rhymes with "Bored". You've probably dealt with his dept.

Dr Diesel did throw himself overboard and drown. A fitting demise I think.

Breasts. They're great. My girlfriend has some you know.

*edit* by "some" I mean "two"
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:28, Reply)
@clendrix
I wasn't being honest earlier. I didn't have any pyjamas on. I was in bed though but I thought it might have been a bit early to post telling everyone I was naked.
I didn't want people being sick all over their keyboards.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:29, Reply)
I'm not at work in my PJs
because I have meetings today.

They are warm pyjamas. They're not see-through. You'd have to look underneath.

Lusty!
*cries*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:29, Reply)
@PJM
she has more than two, she has a cupboard full. she showed me.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:29, Reply)
Naked girl on the internet alert!
Naked Lusty alert!

Hands off socks and onto cocks people!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:31, Reply)
DID SOMEONE SAY G*RL?

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:33, Reply)
Haha, the spam filter won't let me type g*rl.

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:33, Reply)
g*rl g*rl g*rl g*rl g*rl g*rl g*rl g*rl g*rl g*rl

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:34, Reply)
No I said cock

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:34, Reply)
That'd explain my erection.
Which has just punched a hole in my monitor by the way.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:35, Reply)
PJM
I've almost certainly worked very closely with the guy if that's what he does, seeing as the project I last worked on happens to be built in a certain 'bored' factory east of London.

Breasts. They're all the awesome. I had to demonstrate the concept of motorboating to Mrs Duck last week.

Tampons. They're also awesome, and much amusement (well ~5 seconds worth) can be had by chucking them into water.
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:33, Reply)
Lusty
My cock is crying tears of joy at the thought.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:33, Reply)
My Ford Ka is awesome!
My friend's 'helped' me pimp it, by simply drawing a massive spunking cock in the frost on the roof of my car. Despite thawing, and subsequent rains and frost, three months on it's still proudly on display for all to see.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:34, Reply)
@rubberduck
Yep, he's called Clive and he does dieselly things and stuff.

Motorboating? Please explain the meaning of that one?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:35, Reply)
chickenlady's rear windscreen...
...seems to be sporting a very faint CDC.

Can't think how it got there. Bloody kids eh?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:36, Reply)
@captain V
Oh no! Your cock appears to be crying all over my face :(
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:36, Reply)
That's not captain V's cock
it's mikes, it just punched through your monitor.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:37, Reply)
SAY HELLO TO MY GIGANTISAURUS COCK FRIEND

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:38, Reply)
@PJM
You nearly had me in stitches there. It took me a while to realise that your post wasn't a euphemism...
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:37, Reply)
@Capt
Oooh! I must be lacking sleep to have missed that one.

*gulps coffee*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:38, Reply)
Bye everyone
I'm off to get some petrol and dig some holes.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:39, Reply)
I'm al's other account, so I'm going too.

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:41, Reply)
I didn't mean the powerboating post
I meant the rear windscreen one.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:39, Reply)
Apologies
Pimping like I was born to take a cut of the profits made from a small group of ladies who sell their bodies on street corners.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:46, Reply)
Mike's only leaving
because he doesn't love us the way he loves al hard and fast
:(

Bert loves al loads too. What's so fucking special about al?
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:47, Reply)
Shame Mike's leaving...
...I rather liked him.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:49, Reply)
@Rubberduck
I've looked at the V70 and they are very good value second hand, but almost all of them are automatics. I hate automatic gearboxes (and I know you'll tell me they're very good nowadays, and probably better than manuals on big cars etc, etc). It's a control thing.

Edit - I also explained motorboating to my GF last week. With a demonstration...
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:52, Reply)
Breats = Great fun
Tampons = Fun too, jus wait till somebody goes to the bog in a pub and pop one in their pint!

Much hilarity.

Hello again folks.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:53, Reply)
Will somebody please....
...explain Motorboating?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 10:57, Reply)
I can't.
I'm still too quivery after Lusty did it to me outside the pub the other day :)
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:00, Reply)
Pictures, diagrams, sign language...
...even nudges and winks would help.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:01, Reply)
@PJM
Motorboating is when you put your face between your lady friend's jubblies and go brrrrrrrrrrrr, whilst wiggling your face about.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:01, Reply)
PJM I'm shocked
Google man, google!

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Motorboating
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:01, Reply)
Ah...
...all becomes clear.

I did once ask a g/f if she'd ever had her boobs weighed. She replied "no".

So I placed my hands upon them and said "Waaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy!"

/coat
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:03, Reply)
PJM
I've done that, it was ace!

Although I'm such a gentleman that I first asked the permission of my then-girlfriend (it was her idea) and the lady who was soon to be fumbled.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:06, Reply)
Sam I Am
has gone fucking berserk in OT.

I don't think I have enough hours of life enough to read it...
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:06, Reply)
I nominate myself
To lead a kill squad in hunting him down. SO.MANY.FUCKING.WORDS.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:08, Reply)
I didn't know there were that many words
IN THE WHOLE WORLD!
*joins squad*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:09, Reply)
@PJM
My old boss did that to me!
He also bet me 50p he could make my tits move with out touching them.
When I said yeah go on then, he just grabbed my boobies, gave them a bit of a wobble and said fuck it, keep the 50p.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:12, Reply)
We need a name
It has to be catchy and menacing. I wont do it because we'd just end up being called We kill horses or something.

:edit: @Lusty Sexual harassment ftw!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:13, Reply)
K2
I used to think similarly, but now I think autos are fucking awesome. I've even got one myself. The Aisin Warner box in the V70 though isn't one of the better ones...

PJM - I may have met your mate before if his surname begins with G

I didn't ask permission to motorboat, but it made Mrs Duck have a fit of the giggles.
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:14, Reply)
We Kill Samses.
Best of all the slaughtering.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:15, Reply)
@lusty
Hahahahaha! I smell tribunals...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:15, Reply)
@Lusty
The cheapskate bastard. At least when I once did that, I gave the girl a pound.

@rubberduck - the only auto I've driven which I thought was OK was my mate's BMW 525d. That said, if someone gave me a Ferrari 430 or whatever, I wouldn't complain too loudly about it having an auto box!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:17, Reply)
Come and find me if you want to kill me :P
I just fancied wasting half an hour of everyone's life...!

Re. cars - I can walk nearly as fast as mine goes, but I get 50mpg+ even with an auto box that's nearly 20 years old.

*smugs*
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:18, Reply)
Morning All
I've been signed off work by the doctor due to having acute tonsillitis.

FFS I was never off school for 3 days when I was a child. But now that I'm a grown up and want to go to school I get told to stay at home.

How are we all?
(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:19, Reply)
Morning Mrs LiaB
I'm alright thanks, having a fairly productive day so far. Sorry to hear about your tonsillitis :(
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:21, Reply)
Hmmm...
The highlight of my day, thus far, has been arranging a fire drill for Friday.

*sighs*

And it's an hour and a half 'til lunch :|
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:28, Reply)
Sam...
as if we'd really kill you!
*makes phone call*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:33, Reply)
*intercepts phone call*
*tells assassins to continue as originally planned*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:34, Reply)
Morning cocktroughs
How the deuce are we all?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:50, Reply)
*takes phonecall*
So where is he?

Yeah, yeah, I'll make sure that it's painfull. No. No quick kill for he of all the words!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:52, Reply)
@Kaol
Fire drills shouldn't be planned. Surely the whole point is to test that people know what to do if it's for real.

I suggest you go and set it off now!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 11:57, Reply)
K2k6
I'm arranging when to do it :p

With myself.

Hmmm... So bored today.
And just under two hours of sleep isn't helping.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:02, Reply)
Something I learnt the other day
Is that you should do something like blocking off the most common exit to see how people deal with it. Perhaps stand there after setting it off saying "I'm a fire, burn, burn, I'm a very hot fire, run away"
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:04, Reply)
Or alternatively
use an actual fire to block off the exit.

Much more fun. And realistic too...
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:07, Reply)
Yep!
I do that rather often.

I'm proud of my fire drill times.

Our best is 57 seconds.
That's about 100 staff, on a 3-acre site.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:08, Reply)
That's very impressive
*is impressed*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:10, Reply)
@Captain V
I can imagine Kaol doing that whilst nonchalantly smoking a cigarette.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:11, Reply)
That is good Kaol
It takes me about 5 minutes to get 8 people out of an office when the alarm goes!

Stupid people who would rather work.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:13, Reply)
Yeah, I'm impressive!
*grins*

See, as we're in a factory full of flammable chemicals, and lots and lots of wood, fire safety is important.
Very, very important.

I sacked someone for smoking the other day.
Silly temps.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:14, Reply)
Afternoon all
I am currently debating whether or not to go and get lunch.

I have had several mints, a box of Poppets, and a jam doughnut so far today.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:21, Reply)
If there's a fire alarm here
I'll be out like a shot. I know what sort of stuff's stored in the cupboards here, and how flammable/explosive/toxic/all-of-the-above it is.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:33, Reply)
Ha ha!
From the BBC website:

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7827738.stm

This sentence made me laugh:

Germany is shown as a network of motorways vaguely resembling a swastika, while the UK - criticised by some for being one of EU's most eurosceptic members - is absent from Europe altogether.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:37, Reply)
Have I
killed the thread?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:40, Reply)
It's only been 3 minutes
I know you're ancient and that relative to the amount of time you have left on the planet 3 minutes is a long time but it's nowhere near long enough to declare a thread dead! Especially not these days.

/respect your elders my arse
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:43, Reply)
I'll elder
your arse, V.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:46, Reply)
It was
nearly twenty of your Earth minutes since anyone else had posted though. And it's been a reasonably prolific day for posts.

So there.

Pah, the folly of youth...Think they know it all... In my day.... etc etc
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:46, Reply)
What on Earth
Are you going to do to my arse with elderflower?

Slight tangent - has anybody ever tried elderflower wine? My ex and her Mum made some once and surprisingly it was quite pleasant.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:47, Reply)
Being a country-sider
I've tried pretty much every kind of stupid wine you can imagine.

The worst was cowslip.
The best was plum.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:50, Reply)
After
a failed attempt to grow tomatoes some time in the 80s, my dad decided to make some green tomato wine.

Predictably, it was utterly vile, so the remainder of the bottle got tipped down the sink.

Over the years, we forgot about the other 15 bottles nestling away at the back of the under-stair cupboard. In 2005, 16 years since the aborted tomato crop, I rediscovered the abominable liquid. I uncorked a bottle to remind myself just how foul it was, just for old time's sake.

Bizarrely, it appears that age did a very good thing to this particular stuff. It had become slightly more viscous, and had an aroma and taste not dissimilar to port. It also tasted as though the alcohol content had considerably increased.

I worked my way through most of the bottles that summer, but I've kept 4 to open at later dates.
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 12:58, Reply)
Sloe gin rocks
FACT.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 13:05, Reply)
Sloe gin
also appears to result in the death of the thread.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 13:26, Reply)
Sloe Gin!
Fucking yum.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 13:27, Reply)
I was at
a 50th birthday party last year (yes I have friends that old!) and the birthday girl produced several bottles of sloe gin and distributed them round the tables.

Unusually for me, I wasn't driving that night. So...

...well, yes, sloe gin is marvellous.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 13:29, Reply)
Elderflower Mmmmmmmmmm
This is really rather nice. And helps one drink unpalatable fizz.

Edit for usefulness.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Jan 2009, 13:43, Reply)
Yes, I killed the thread
But it lives again!

I was in work at 6:45 this morning, and I'm struggling to keep my eyes open now...

Edit: Seems I've killed the thread again.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 13:45, Reply)
Ouch lab!
Life busy over there?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 13:49, Reply)
Rescued!
Yes Captain, work's quite busy for me at the moment, which is why i've not been on here much recently.

How are you?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 13:50, Reply)
Hmmm...
"Oi!"

"What?"

"Shut your mouth."

So... My esteemed work colleague and I have come up with the idea of making a mock, ultra-violent police documentary called "The Filth".
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 13:51, Reply)
Sounds good Kaol
Will it include curb-stomping?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 13:52, Reply)
Maybe...
It'll certainly involve beating a suspect in the toilets of a pub, before pissing on them.

Also, news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/bradford/7828482.stm
A sequel to The Baby P Extravaganza, perhaps?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 13:54, Reply)
I'm doing ok thanks Lab
Still a bit miffed with the lack of direction in my life at the moment but that's the worst of my problems so I can't really complain too much.

Going skiing next week which will be a nice break from work =D
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 13:55, Reply)
Capn V
Apply for the best job in the world then?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:01, Reply)
What sort of break are you planning, V?

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:01, Reply)
@clendrix
I'd guess it involves mountains and snow.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:02, Reply)
Oh right.
Not legs, then?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:08, Reply)
Ah, well
I reckon you could be on to something there.

I have no inclination towards winter sports. Too cold and dangerous!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:09, Reply)
Breaking stuff?
*sighs*
Ok...
*grabs 2x4*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:11, Reply)
Headline Of The Day
On Wolves beating Birmingham in the cup by 2 goals.

(via Football365 Mediawatch)
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:13, Reply)
Hey hey it's the Monkeys
And people say we monkey around!

I'm back again folks after an enforced absence due to our servers being taken offline! Again!

What did I miss, anything fun?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:14, Reply)
Well I've not had a skiing injury yet
Although it's probably just a matter of time. I'm not known for holding back and my plan for the week is to get as close as possible to the winning time for the 1968 Olympics men's downhill as I can.

I really ought to get myself a helmet.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:16, Reply)
Yes you should young man
Get a helmet, at least when you half kill youself on the slopes it'll keep your brains in, hopefully.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:21, Reply)
Well I wont get one before I go this time
But when the snowdome near here has been built I'm either going to start racing again or learn some freestyle skiing both of which will require a helmet.

Knowing me I'll end up doing both and have to buy two helmets -_-
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:24, Reply)
I just got
Sent out of the office for laughing too much.
My mate's on the phone to some tech support guy about our CAD software, and he said "I've tried moving the dongle about. Yes... I've had it in every hole."
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:26, Reply)
That's wonderful
*plays with his dongle*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:27, Reply)
Dongles
I have many dongles, but I tend to only use three at once.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:28, Reply)
*nips into thread for a looksee*
*same old faces*


Yay! no scary new people.



Hello everyone.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:29, Reply)
Hello everyBGB
How is your familiar face today?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:30, Reply)
I've got no dongles
Other than my USB drive.
*sighs*
I don't get to use exciting software...

Oh, Lab, new comic tonight :D
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:30, Reply)
Kaol
Question for you: Is there a website somewhere that lays out all the H&S regulations and what they all mean or is it down to the individual company to have them somewhere. Actual legislation type stuff I mean?
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:31, Reply)
Hello BGB!
Nope, no scary faces here, not even if I try.

Edit: Kaol, I look forward to it!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:32, Reply)
@CaptainV
Apart from being mind-numbingly bored I'm ok.

Edit - I'm loving the sig btw. *grins*
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:32, Reply)
Dongles
I've had a few,
But then again,
Too few to mention!

Well actually I've only had one that I used regularly, then I lost the software in a conputer crash, and couldn't find the installation disks!

Hi Blousey, how's things? You don't need to be afraid of new people, if they get out of hand just hit them.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:33, Reply)
Becky,
Have a look through this: www.hse.gov.uk/

Best I can offer!
Unless you've got specific things you want.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:34, Reply)
@Kaol
What you mean is "I don't get to use software that requires me to use a ridiculous dongle that causes huge amounts of grief and forces me to waste time on the phone because the bloody thing doesn't work properly anyway"

/bitter

:edit: Thanks BGB. I wish I'd thought of it - I nicked it from a t-shirt I want to buy.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:34, Reply)
Here -
letmegooglethatforyou.com/?q=h%26s+legislation
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:34, Reply)
Watch and wait bitches!
www.whyishouldhavethebestjobintheworld.info/

Pow.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:35, Reply)
Becky
The only H&S resource I know of is the HSE website, but Google shows a bunch of other sites claiming to have info.

Edit: Damn, Kaol beat me to it!

And V, I agree about the dongle drama, needless hassle and problems...
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:35, Reply)
Considering I have most of B3ta on ignore I shouldn't really be worried about newbies : )
I'm exaggerating somewhat.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:38, Reply)
Fair point on the dongles...
In other exciting computer-related news, I got a new mouse. I've now got two plugged in, and can use both at once.
*double-mouses*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:38, Reply)
Kaol
Two-handed surfing? You?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:39, Reply)
Yeah...
Interestingly enough, the mouse in my right hand seems to be stronger :|
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:41, Reply)
Kaol that's brilliant
I need to get a new mouse for my netbook. I made the schoolboy error of buying an optical rather than laser mouse for it.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:41, Reply)
I'm here
*dances*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:57, Reply)
I'm typing up minutes.
It couldn't be more fun.
*hugs ancrenne*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:57, Reply)
I'm still here!
*dances with V*

*waves at Ancrenne*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:57, Reply)
Thanks kids
I wasn't sure if that was the official one or if there was another.
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 14:58, Reply)
Oh hello lab!
*gyrates*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:00, Reply)
*feels uncomfortable*
Hey, so, thanks for the dance!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:02, Reply)
I'm here.
I've been adding up numbers....and getting them consistantly wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:03, Reply)
No problem Becky
The HSE site is the official one, yep.
Although the fire regs aren't done by HSE any more.
Er... If you've gotta sort fire stuff out, I could send you an example of our fire stuff, if you need?

*waves*
Hello to the lovely Ms. Ancrenne :)
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:04, Reply)
*tries not to look upset*
Well, bye then lab. I had fun, don't forget to write.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:05, Reply)
I suddenly feel the urge to return to higher education.
www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_3158640.html
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:05, Reply)
@ancrenne.
I bin using a calculator : /

Edit - Those cheeky little Taiwanese buggers.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:08, Reply)
*dances with Ancrenne*
Sorry V, it's just that... *sighs*

Gyrating Nazis killed my Grandad!

*sobs uncontrollably*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:08, Reply)
Might need you to mail me that at some point
I'm the fire officer at work, but still haven't had my training for it and we don't have a great deal of paperwork for it either.

*hugs the lovely Ancrenne*
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:09, Reply)
Hi Miss crenne
I was just sorting out myAmazon wish list, read that as having a sly kip at my desk!

How's things?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:09, Reply)
Haha
I can imagine the words "Gyrating Nazis killed my Grandad" plastered across the cover of one of those girls magazines with all the shock stories.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:10, Reply)
I dunno about kind,
But certainly true :p

Becky, just gaz me and I'll give you any info I can :)
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:12, Reply)
V
It does have that sensationalist tone to it ;)

Jesus, another two hours of work to endure.

Edit: Becky, your fire regs should include the point that all animals will be saved in order of cuteness.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:13, Reply)
Ancrenne
That'd make it The Good, The Bad and The Ridiculous.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:17, Reply)
Kaol & Becky
Strange, I'm the fire officer for my building as well, but I can't remember where all my paperwork for it has gone, I think it's been stolen, or burnt!

Ancrenne, I'm not supposed to sleep at work, that's why it was sly, I'm just glad nobody saw me. Have you not had your heating sorted yet, because I've plenty of excess heat you can have.

*sends warmth amd hugs*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:18, Reply)
Well...
I've got fuck-loads of wood.
Er... in a skip.
You're welcome to it :D
I'm sure I could sort you out an old oil drum as a hobo-fire too :)
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:19, Reply)
Oh dear...
It always comes down to comments about my wood, doesn't it? :p

I think that working here has made me immune to references to screwing, wood and knobs.

*coughs*

Well... Maybe not.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:27, Reply)
I'm hungry.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:28, Reply)
Today
While waiting for stuff to process, I have been looking at some tattoo artists' portfolios for ideas for my next tattoo(s).

I now need to save lots of money so I can have work done by Tomas Tomas.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:30, Reply)
Clendrix,
I'm afraid all I can offer you is wood, so what with you not being a termite and all, might not help...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:31, Reply)
Thanks Kaol.
As nice as your wood sounds (Will this ever get tiresome?) I think I may head to the snackbar downstairs on my way out for a smoke :)
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:36, Reply)
*sighs*
Nobody ever seems to take me up on that offer... :p

*sips coffee*

This day is crawling by so, so slowly.

I've got an hour and twenty minutes of drinking coffee and listening to Nine Inch Nails.
Could be worse :)
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:39, Reply)
Woo for NIN!
*is a massive NIN fanboy*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:43, Reply)
As I am poorly
I am watching Countdown.

It's not the same without Carol.
(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:48, Reply)
I'm thinking of popping down to Tesco's and buying a bottle of red wine
Should I? And if so, what sort?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:52, Reply)
OMG
Look what they found on a BA jet.
*sniggers childishly*

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/7828771.stm
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:53, Reply)
Mr. Chains
I'd recommend a bottle of Marquis De Leon.

Lab, NIN rule :D
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:54, Reply)
Light in Chains
Yes you should.

I like the Montepluciano d'Abruzzo, it's an Italian red, not too expensive, but has a lovely flavour to it :)
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:54, Reply)
I think I've had the Marquis de Leon.
And I'm sure I've tried the Montepulciano at some point.

Both good choices. And red wine is good for you. And the recommended weekly consumption of alcohol units has no scientific basis whatsoever.

Off to Tescos.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 16:00, Reply)
@clendrix
They said gash.
*giggles*

*continues watching Midsomer Murders like the good unemployed layabout I should be.*
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 16:03, Reply)
Er...
Marquis de Leon was a joke...
I used to drink it at uni as it was £2.16 a bottle...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 16:03, Reply)
£2.16 a bottle?
Now I know I've drunk it.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 16:05, Reply)
I knew my Lusty would laugh along with me.
*hugs Lusty*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 16:07, Reply)
@Clendrix
Two employees have been suspended, presumably for causing the gash. I can't help thinking we're going to see an entry for Workplace Boredom about accidentally breaking a plane any minute now...
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 16:08, Reply)
I'm of no use when it come to wine
I just drink what's put in front of me.

I know nothing about it, and would rather have a beer!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 16:08, Reply)
Chains,
I think you're right.
Broken planes, gash - there's the makings of an answer there for sure.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 16:13, Reply)
*hugs clendrix back*
It's because you know I'm as much of a dirty bitch as you are we have the same sense of humour.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 16:18, Reply)
Trouser snakes on a plane
cause exposure of gash.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 16:20, Reply)
*oral-spluffs water over his desk*
Thanks V, now everyone's staring at me!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 16:21, Reply)
Serves you right
For turning me down earlier.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 16:25, Reply)
Flirting with the hot girl across the office = win
Not being able to go out with her and several other colleagues for drinks this Saturday = lose.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 16:37, Reply)
Anyone else
think the Valkyrie music is the same as the Saw series of film's themes?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 16:39, Reply)
Office-based flirting
Is always a disaster, in my experience.
*shrugs*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 16:40, Reply)
I couldn't have done it without you :)
www.b3ta.com/questions/workboredom/post345917
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 16:40, Reply)
I suppose I should give it a click then
Given its provenance, and all.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 16:57, Reply)
My 1st HSH
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post345910

coz its damn busy in this one!!!
(I helped save b3ta! SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 17:08, Reply)

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