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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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If you had to fuck a...
Ah, screw it.


(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 8:36, 333 replies, latest was 17 years ago)
Ahaha! Scrotal flak!
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7853564.stm
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 8:39, Reply)
Morning No3L
I can't believe that there is only the two of us here at this time.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 8:51, Reply)
*waves for attention*
i'm here too! how are you both?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 8:54, Reply)
In the voice of Corky
'I'm here too oo'

na na na na life goes on
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 8:57, Reply)
Hi there Vampyrecat & oneinthepink.
I'm good thanks, are the both of you having a fun time?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:02, Reply)
yeah yeah
all good here - just sweating in the extreme heat.

What's happening in your land?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:03, Reply)
One might consider oneself to be "here" this morning
Bit posh but felt like saying it that way.

Morning cunts.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:05, Reply)
Morning you's lot
HSH's been quiet since a couple of weeks ago. Looks like some people got themselves *gasp* a life.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:06, Reply)
hiya back
you posh cunt :p

And omg.
Is there really such a thing as "a life?"
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:07, Reply)
morning folks
had my shed delivered this morning


this is not a euphemism.

anything exciting happened to you lot today?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:13, Reply)
A shed?
How old are you?

Unless you're going to use it as a secret pot-growing shed and illegal micro-casino?
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:15, Reply)
It's my "potting" shed ;-)
actually, it's to get all the shit out of my house. I've got quite a lot of tools, and bikes and assorted half empty tins of paint and stuff, which are currently cluttering up my dining room.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:19, Reply)
VC
I think no3l has gone mad - life is a myth. We all live in the matrix dontchaknow.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:19, Reply)
That's what attics are for Vipros :)
My loft is full of life stuff. I managed to get rid of half my crap last time I moved - had a bit of a life-laundry moment.

"Activate the Crushatron!"
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:25, Reply)
It's pissing down eith rain here
Can I come to where you are Vampyrecat I could do with some heat.

Morning V, Vipros, and Badger.

*hugs for everybody*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:26, Reply)
It's warm in my office dok
come here and make me tea!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:29, Reply)
I got rid of loads of crap when I moved into my old flat
but now I have a big 3 bed house, so have accumulated more. trouble is, my attic has a really small hatch, and the structure up there is pretty tight together, so is hard to get around. Plus, I need access to my power tools more easily than that.

Not sure I could get the mitre saw up a ladder either!
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:29, Reply)
Yes Mistress Badger
I'll be there in a couple of hours then.

I feel like death warmed up today.

Vipros, I moved from a 2 bedroom house where I lived alone, to a three bedroom house where I live with three other people. I really need to throw out an imperial fuck-ton of stuff, but I can't be arsed.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:33, Reply)
the trouble is, after having got rid of all the junk before
most stuff I have now is actually worth having. I've been lucky and been given quite a lot of nice furniture from various directions, and it will all fit as soon as I get all the spare wood, paint, tools and bikes out of my house!
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:35, Reply)
Mmmm mitre saw
I used to use a big Makita sliding chop saw at work every day. Lovely bit of kit.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:35, Reply)
Doktor
you are more then welcome to swap with me. Seriously. :D
I'm sick of the heat and I love rain.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:38, Reply)
My garage is full of my crap
And the shed is full of my old housemates crap.

Which reminds me I need to call the scrapyard later
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:40, Reply)
Hi all
I did something really dumb last night, just saw the carnage this morning as I awoke from the sofa (and not my lovely comfy bed).
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:41, Reply)
The Channel Tunnel
increased the size of the UK by eighty acres. Whaddyaknow?

Edit: oitp - who did you do?
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:42, Reply)
ooooooooooooooooo
what'd you do?!
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:42, Reply)
Vampyrecat
Yes please, rain is good, but not when its cold and windy as well, warm rain is the way forward. Strange Oz is one of the few countries in the world that I want to visit.

No3L I miss having access to a workshop, my old man was a carpenter, I loved his work and all the tools.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:45, Reply)
not that strange
when you think about it Doktor.

and I like cold windy rainy weather. It's a good excuse to stay inside.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:47, Reply)
Morning all!
I am having a productive day at work (I'm not doing my job, I'm organising something else entirely, but that's beside the point), I've sent about 8 really long organisational emails already!

/doesn't know what's happened to him
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:48, Reply)
From the evidence I can gather,
1) I definitely got drunk on strong cider in my local last night.
2) I definitely made my way home
3) I must have been in the barn (bits of straw on the floor)
4) I didn't return from the barn alone.
5) Fuck! I know who lives in there.

I drunkenly brought the ferrets into the house and they've created absolute fucking carnage whilst I was in a stupor on the sofa.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:49, Reply)
Pink you fool!
Do you need a badger to come in and sort those naughty ferrets out?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:51, Reply)
pink
you just made me giggle so much my tummy hurts.

I love that.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:56, Reply)
Another mustelid isn't going to help matters
The little shytes tipped over a wine bottle and I think they've been drinking it.
They have dug out every pot plant I have - dirt everywhere.
That's all I saw before I had to go to work, I dread to think what else there is.

Naughty cider, bad ferrets, stupid me.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:56, Reply)
oitp
That's a bit silly isn't it, and judging on the havoc my ferrets cause when I bring them into the house it doesn't surprise me that your place looks like a bomb has hit it.

I'll also be surprised if you can find anything at all today.

VC, I'd be sitting at home if it wasn't for this damn thing called work, the place that pays me to do nothing!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 9:58, Reply)
Moaning oil!
I drank far too much last night.
I blame Rob Styles.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:03, Reply)
I know
and I'm really house proud too.

*Advice* Stick to the Strongbow kids, don't go anywhere near that Somerset shit I had last night.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:04, Reply)
Morning Chains
Pink, that Somerset shite, as you call it, is the only cider I'll drink, it's the dogs bollocks.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:05, Reply)
Pinky
maybe you should just drink less of that stuff.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:08, Reply)
Cider is for girls
And farmers. Drink a mans drink like merlot.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:08, Reply)
MERMAID

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:10, Reply)
Pink
Advising people to drink strongbow should be punishable by a good flogging in my opinion.

Suggesting that drinking 5-6% ciders rather then 7-insane% ones isn't a bad idea though!

:edit: Merlot is for SODOMITES!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:10, Reply)
Chains
Merlot is shit on a stick, but then again I hate all wine, give me a good beer and I'm a happy Lemminge.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:11, Reply)
Cider is for 13 year olds, tramps and farmers
Drink ale!

I usually like Merlots, but am much more of an ale drinker.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:11, Reply)
Cider
is all of the win!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:13, Reply)
you're all talking crap
Vodka's the way to go.

Nothing like a nice throat burning, chest warming shot of vodka.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:14, Reply)
@Sam
I'm a 13 year old tramp farmer (that is I farm tramps) so I drink my cider from a 3pint glass.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:14, Reply)
The stuff we have down here is insane
It's great fun in the summer watching the grockles try and handle it.

I fail to see how anyone can say that it's a girls drink.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:14, Reply)
Because I'm a girl
and I drink it. And what I say goes.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:16, Reply)
@Pink
Agreed! Not that I'm from round those parts. I certainly can't handle more than a few pints of strong cider. Hell pints of anything, whatever the strength, gets me pissed pretty quickly.

Spirits don't seem to be a problem though. Perhaps I should've been named Vladimir or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:18, Reply)
No one said hello to Mike
So I will.

Hello Mike.

Good morning everyone else.

*waves*
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:21, Reply)
V
We all know you and The King of Tramps have a special rerlationship!

VC Vodka is good, especially some of the brilliant ex-Eastern Block ones.

EDIT Morning Lusty, how goes things?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:23, Reply)
Morning lusty!
I will drink proper scrumpy when I'm in the west country oneinthepink, it just seems right.

Not keen on most mass produced shit though.

Not really a vodka drinker since I drank two bottles at the age of 14 or so and had my stomach pumped. Scotch and gin, and sometimes rum, are my spirits of choice.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:24, Reply)
When in Rome
Have a go on the Cheddar Valley Red if you get a chance.
You can't lie down without holding on.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:29, Reply)
@Dok
Baby is doing fine by the way.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:29, Reply)
@Dok
I'm alright.
I appear to have developed an internet crush on a talker though.

OMGLOLZETC.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:36, Reply)
Who!? Who!? Who!?
We need to know! We need to know!
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:38, Reply)
*taps nose*
I'm not going to say.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:43, Reply)
Oh but Lusty
We need to know who it is so we can get them to come to your leaving bash.

Glad to hear it V, is it showing yet?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:45, Reply)
pleaaaaaaaase
we won't tell a soul *nods solemnly*
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:46, Reply)
@Dok
I have no desire to actually meet them. I'll be happy just writing their name all over my b3ta pencil case.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:47, Reply)
Oh
It's not me then. I've already met you and I'm not a /talker. I am dashingly silky though and a damn fine kisser. *holds pip in a stylish manner*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:50, Reply)
Morning lusty
*crosses fingers that its his secret /talk alter-ego*
*remembers he doesn't have one*
*is sad*
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:51, Reply)
@V
You do have lovely silky hair!

*daydreams*
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:52, Reply)
It's
got to be JMG. Surely.
(Bert Monkeysex2 loves teh cock, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:53, Reply)
I'm betting it's
Bert.

Or maybe Al.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:57, Reply)
Awwww thanks
But neither me or Bert would be classed as /talkers primarily.

Lusty does fancy me though.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:58, Reply)
Ah the old Don't meet them, they can't change what I think they look like ploy.
Nice one. I tend to write the names on the back of my workbooks, with big hearts and all that jazz.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:00, Reply)
I dunno Al
Bert is going over to the dark side.

Hello Lusty!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:01, Reply)
@al
I do fancy you, but who doesn't?
You are a bit of a sexpot.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:02, Reply)
Oh good morning wanderlust.
Fuck the rest of you.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:05, Reply)
Apart from Al.
I love Al.

In the mouth.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:05, Reply)
Yeah you do

(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:06, Reply)
I'm a lot of a sexpot
That's why I have to carry a shitty stick with me everywhere to beat off the laydeez.

That and it tastes good.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:03, Reply)
Do you beat off the men...?

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:07, Reply)
Here's a question for you Al, right.
If a gay jumped on your back, yeah, would you toss him off or leave him on?

THESE ARE YOUR ONLY TWO OPTIONS.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:08, Reply)
Mike
I'd would have said hello but I thought you could only survive in OT for very short amounts of time before your rash starts playing up
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:09, Reply)
I'm allergic to people being nice online.

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:11, Reply)
Exactly
so me being nice to you wouldn't have helped. So you can take my greeting and shove it up your gaping cum splattered ass
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:13, Reply)
My rash is fading!

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:15, Reply)
Without the rash
you look really sexy
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:17, Reply)
he doesn't just beat them off
he blows them off too :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:09, Reply)
And
He likes it roughly in the ear!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:10, Reply)
Aural sex.
Ahahaha it sounds like Oral only it's spelt differently.

This is called a homophone. ¦:¬D
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:15, Reply)
A homophone
sounds a bit like homosexual. Hur hur hur.

Aren't the gays funny.





seriously.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:22, Reply)
well maybe
he just genuinely loves it in any orifice from any one?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:21, Reply)
He does VC
He'll have it anyway he can get it really.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:25, Reply)
well
if you think about it...

isn't that true for all of us? come on - admit it, it's true - we'd take anything from any one.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:27, Reply)
I would take any sort of snack or beverage
from anyone.

Whether they offered it to me or not.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:30, Reply)
true
we all know that already though Al.
You don't need to spell it out. :P

I want my lolly pop back.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:31, Reply)
It's a lolly pop?
Sorry, I thought it was a strap on.

It's a bit sticky now, but there you go.

*hands back sticky lolly pop*
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:32, Reply)
*holds hand up*
Guilty!
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:33, Reply)
Glad you told me that Al
I'll remember to hide my beer when next we meet.

I tend to limit my taking it anyway I can get it to females of the species, I'm kinda odd that way though.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:33, Reply)
awwww guys
I wanted to EAT that! I wanted to lick it until there was no more. and now I can't.

you pair of cunts :(

you can keep it. I don't want it anymore /sulks
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:34, Reply)
Do you want
a Jelly Baby, I have a bag full of them.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:36, Reply)
You are Tom Baker!
AICMFP
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:36, Reply)
Don't be such a prude
If you're prepared to lick another persons genitals, then you can finish that lollypop.

Good grief, it's not like it's been up someones arse or anything.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:36, Reply)
lmao
it's not that I'm not prepared to

it's more that I don't know where it's been or what noel and you have been doing with it.

once I know I'll probably still eat it :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:37, Reply)
Shhhhh Al
I'm in disguise. I left my scarf in a box today!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:39, Reply)
Who's Noel?

(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:40, Reply)
fine
no3l.

silly me I put an "e" in instead.
Sorry! :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:41, Reply)
Oh the fucking love of god
please stop people breaking my toys please :(

my project i've devoted the best part of a year to has now been broken by those who should have never had access to the system to start with.

RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:42, Reply)
People are always breaking my toys!
I hate them for it. One day I shall have my revenge!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:44, Reply)
You mean
Number 31.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:46, Reply)
yeah sure
I just always read it as "no3l" like the christmas song spelled weird.

Dunno why. Just did.

:D
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:50, Reply)
I was being cheeky
It is No3L (it's his name), but he gets annoyed when you call him No.31.

It's funny see?

Laugh then.

LAUGH!
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:51, Reply)
/giggles
that's so mean! you totally had me convinced for a second.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:53, Reply)
Al,
you bitch.

Vampyrecat - isn't it past your bedtime?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:54, Reply)
Al
That's about the only person you can convice.

They keep making be do stupid little things today. Why are they intrupting B3tatime!

Hi Drixy
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:56, Reply)
I'm a night owl.
I don't function during the day. I don't start to function until about 3:30pm really.

This is early for me if I went to bed now.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:56, Reply)
She's nearly 18 Clendrix
she can stay up as late as she wants.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:57, Reply)
Al, I'm not sure about that.
Are you?

Wotcher Dok.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:58, Reply)
ummmm
close.

I'm 17 next saturday.

I work in a bar full time on a traineeship.
I have a learners permit on my license.

but yeah I think I'll stay up as late as I want. :)
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:59, Reply)
Yeah Al
How do you know, is there something your nott telling people, like you super mind poers or something?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:01, Reply)
Woo Clendrix
*motorboats*
Wotcha! I'm sooooo bored today. And my o2 bill was somewhat excessive *cries*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:01, Reply)
Wow
Somebody that makes ME feel old!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:01, Reply)
how old are you
V????

I wont laugh I swear :)
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:03, Reply)
I had a bill like that last month Badger
V you are old, you just don't know it yet.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:03, Reply)
Vampyrecat
That's right. And if Al gives you any more grief, kick him in the nuts. (Not too hard though, cos he likes that.)

Badger, thanks for that!
/happy boobs
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:03, Reply)
A spritely 21
As an aside I'm looking forward to turning 22 for some pretty irrational reasons.

:edit: I've always thought of myself as being old beyond my time. Wise beyond my years would make me sounds cooler though.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:04, Reply)
awww clendrix
can't I just - you know, force him to watch fluffeh kittehs or something gooey and sweet like that?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:05, Reply)
I'm observant and I have a good memory
I know that Ms Cat is intending to travel at the end of next year once she finishes school, by that time she will be almost 18. So actually I probably should have realised that she is in fact not yet 17.

But it was closer than any of you lot guessed SO JUST FUCK OFF!

Anyone else want tea?
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:05, Reply)
I thought you were a teenage
mum V. You have disappointed me yet again
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:05, Reply)
you're just a spring chicken!!!
I'm hanging out for my 18th.
17 is a pointless age.
you still can't drink (legally), you don't get to advance on your driving - so what's the point? I'd rather just skip straight to 18.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:06, Reply)
Make him
watch Watership down. I'll help hold him down and his eyes open, I love that film, it's my favourite.

Edit Wow Al, what a memory!, all you youngsters I love hanging about with you lot, especially that Clendrix, she's well young!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:07, Reply)
I'm sorry badger
If it's of any consolation I'll be raising my future offspring in the same way I've been trying to raise myself. I think I might need a contingency plan.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:08, Reply)
I ran up a slightly scary phone bill
while in Australia.

I could almost have bought one of these.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:08, Reply)
oooooooooo
PERFECT. I love that suggestion.

We could get one of those Eyelid holder-backerers and use those so all we have to do is make sure he's unable to escape the film. then we can go off to the pub and get pissed if we got bored halfway through...

EDIT : Al - By the time I get to the UK - I'll be nearly 19. Our school year runs different to yours.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:09, Reply)
Al, yeh make me some tea.
Got any of those jammy dodgers left?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:09, Reply)
TGB
Did you really think I was in my teens?

If so, based on anecdotal evidence, I'm looking younger as I get older!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:10, Reply)
just wondering now
how old did you lot think I am????

and Al - thanks for remembering :P
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:12, Reply)
VC
I like that way of thinking, and the pub is just the nail in the coffin. Your a woman after my own heart.

I think we should also place feathers under his feet so that it tickles him if he tries to move his toes!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:13, Reply)
Doktor
I know I'm a big fat ghey and all but seriously marry me now - these suggestions are just making me all tingly thinking about them. :D

Plus - instant green card for me!
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:15, Reply)
V I thought you were about 20ish
But I didn't really care enough to find out
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:15, Reply)
Hmmmm
My cousin will only be 17 when he finishes school 'cause your school years run january to december.

Are you taking a year out before travelling then?
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:16, Reply)
nooo
does he live in queensland or western australia? they finish younger then we do in Victoria.
Most people who finish in Victoria are 18 in their final year of school.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:17, Reply)
He lives in NSW
Where all the cool people are from.

Apart from The Cat Empire.

And Magic Dirt.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:22, Reply)
The topic of conversation at work right now:
What would be the best horrible death?

Getting Aids and then the ebola virus seems to be winning so far.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:25, Reply)
Eh well
As far as I know most people in NSW and Vic finish when they're 18 unless they started early or skipped a year.

Either way - I'm jealous. I want to finish this year :(
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:25, Reply)
Oh, so I'm not really looking younger as I get older then
Damn!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:25, Reply)
You don't want to come to the UK
It's cold and rainy and full of Australians.

:)
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:25, Reply)
Those aren't australians
those are Kiwi's with speech impediments.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:27, Reply)
I like
cold and rainy. And even if it IS full of australians, I have a feeling I may or may not be too drunk to actually talk to them if I go to an aussie hostel/pub.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:28, Reply)
Oddly
I don't have any trouble distinguishing between Australian and Kiwi accents, but can't tell the difference between Kiwi and Seeth Effrecin accents.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:28, Reply)
oh it's easy to tell
it's just hard to describe HOW you tell. :P
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:30, Reply)
Wow
I go out for a smoke and come back to a marriage proposal for the purposes of a green card. Hell yeah, I can think of worse reasons!

VC I also thought that you were in your early 20s.

V nope you're looking older as you get younger. Myself I'm planning on getting younger from my next birthday!

EDIT accents, I can't hear no steeenking accents. That is why all the Kiwis I've met have to tell me they are not from Oz or SA.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:31, Reply)
I'm still young enough
to not have to lie about my age :p

Although I still get ID'd for smokes and booze!

Are you 18?
NO I'M ALMOST 24!!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:32, Reply)
*pats Badger on the head*
That's what you get for looking so young!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:34, Reply)
I've looked the same age since I was about 16
Some people reckon I look old and some young. Hard to tell yourself though. Get IDed quite a lot but so does everyone these days, the law seems to have changed from 'can't buy alcohol if you're under 18' to 'can't buy alcohol without ID', quite a stealthy move there by the police/nanny state...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:34, Reply)
Yeah the signs seem to be
"If you look under 25 we WILL ID you, If you look over 25 we probably will as well just to be really fucking annoying"
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:35, Reply)
ahaha
TGB - that's similar to my mum's friend - when they were younger (30) she was still getting ID's for grog and smokes.

and doktor - no words at the moment....no words...
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:36, Reply)
I look the way I look
I open the floor to guesses of my age.

If you know it then hold your tongue.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:37, Reply)
When trying to distinguish
between the Kiwi and Saffer accent. Simply check if the person who is talking is wearing things and a singlet.

If so, they are a saffer.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:38, Reply)
I'm going to be nice
and say 28-36.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:38, Reply)
I think....
64!

*hides*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:39, Reply)
I went to Spar with my dad a couple of weeks ago
We (well, he) bought some Kettle Chips, a bottle of red and 6 cans of beer, as we were going to watch a film.

The cretin behind the till refused to serve him because I didn't have my wallet on me, and he could be buying alcohol for a minor!

My dad is 53. I am 24.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:39, Reply)
Dok
You don't look a day over 57
(Bert Monkeysex2 loves teh cock, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:39, Reply)
Dok
Looking older as I'm getting younger? I wish I were some sort of crazy time manipulating person!

I think that after your next birthday you should stay 50 forever. 50 is a good age.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:42, Reply)
Right
Danbury(?) V and especially Badger, you are now on my list, it's not a very long list by the way! You shall have no more drink or cake or nommy food from me!

VC you can stay, I like you.

EDIT, and V I have a very long scarf, and a key to the TARDIS, just how would you lik etime manipulated?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:45, Reply)
I'm going to stay whether you approve or not
But I hope you approved because I like you.

So then, big mystery, Who is Danbury? DUM DUM DUM!
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:47, Reply)
I am.
I got bored of being Kaol this morning.
But now I'm back.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:48, Reply)
Al
You can stay, I like you too, and you don't say nasty things about me.

Danbury is only 13 days old, I suspect a meatsock!

EDIT For crap spelling! And I was right, Hi Kaol.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:49, Reply)
Dok
I'll guess 39.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:51, Reply)
yay
finally I feel slightly accepted here!!!

I like you too dok, even if you won't disclose your age. :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:51, Reply)
^typo
229
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:51, Reply)
Hello everyone.
Long time no see.


I'm just about back to normal with work after my hols. Did I miss anything exciting on Home Sweet Home?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:55, Reply)
VC
Head to the bottom: www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/16693

@Dok Could we have some backwards, or perhaps sideways, time for a while?

The idea of 2 dimensional time is as conceptually mind boggling as 2 dimensional numbers...
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:55, Reply)
Chains
You can stay as well, you' kind to me.

Drixy, and after I gave you a compliment earlier as well.

*cries*

*stomps to the corner*

VC I play my age close to my chest, there is a big hint on my profile, I'm have a 'Life begins' Bash this year!

EDIT Blousey, welcome back, I see you managed to escape that nasty TRL person, did you have a good time?

EDIT 2 Yes V, though Sideways doesn't work, Backwards is no problem though!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:57, Reply)
aha
dok, you're funny.

And younger then my mum (but not by much)

So it's all good. Although maybe marriage is not such a good idea - my mum would hamstring you if she found out :P
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:59, Reply)
Life begins at 50 :)
Anyway, lunchtime, woo!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:59, Reply)
Dok...
I assumed you were being sarcastic.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:00, Reply)
HAI BGB!
Did you have fun in merkin land?
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:00, Reply)
Remember
With the average age of the British population increasing life now begins at 64.2!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:01, Reply)
Bloody hell!
Just tell her it's a marriage of convenience as that's what it would be.

Now Drixy when have you ever saw me be sarcastic?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:02, Reply)
Thanks Dok.
Yup! I managed to dig my way out of the basement with a spoon. A red-neck street cleaner took pity on me and after much negotiations, (a Tootsie roll and a blow-job), drove me to the airport.

Has the world been put to rights yet or are we still talking bollox?

@Al - Yes, if you can call being locked in the basement and suffer all sorts of demeaning acts fun.


God I miss those demeaning acts.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:04, Reply)
Fucksocks
I need to get together money quickly to buy all the t-shirts I want asap. Damn the idiotic numpties for harassing the owner!

www.tshirthell.com/goodbye.php

*sad face*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:04, Reply)
Nope Blousey
We're still talking bollox.

Anyway I could just be faking being 40, I am on The Internet you know!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:06, Reply)
ahah
hi BGB.
I don't know you very well.

I asked Doktor to marry me cos he and I came up with a good way to torture Al.
And it's also a good way for a green card.

And yes there's a lot of bollocks going on here.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:10, Reply)
True
And you don't behave like a nearly 40 year old in real life. Saying that your behaviour is barely human anyway so I'm not sure the comparison is relevant.

Herr Dok - A barely human creature of unknown age.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:11, Reply)
Yes, How could I have forgotten that
It's the best offer I've had in ages!

V, I have now stolen that quote for my sig, cheers buddy.

I say "Act your shoe size, not your age!"

I hope that I never act my age.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:15, Reply)
V
Dok's been known to have some Strigiformean features on occasion
(Bert Monkeysex2 loves teh cock, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:16, Reply)
@Captain.
It's sad to hear about the t-shirt site. Some people just don't get it.


Torturing Al.....tell me all about it : )
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:18, Reply)
aha
I've never heard that saying before dok, I love it!

My nanna always said "be grown up when you're young, be a kid when you're my age"
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:18, Reply)
welllll
he suggested to kick al in the nuts.
I said to just force him to watch fluffeh kittehs, and then we decided to make him watch watership down, and then we decided to get one of those eyelid holder-backerer things so all we had to do was make sure he couldn't escape so we could fuck off to the pub and have a drink when we got bored of watership down.

and that's the torture of Al.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:23, Reply)
Thats perfectly true Danbury
I have been known to look like that at times, but I don't think V has seen it.

VC The actuals saying is "Act your age, not your shoe size!" It's a put down for teenagers who act like smal kids.

I like you nannas saying though, I'll have to remember it!

EDIT, you forgot about the feathers, to keep up the torture while we were dorinking in the pub.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:23, Reply)
Dok
Glad to have been of service *doffs hat*

@BGB Yea it sucks. I'll just have to get together as much money as I can spare, buy as many as I can and hope I chose the style/size well. Was planning on just buying one first to check it fits well, no time for that now though =[

:edit: I don't think I've seen whatever you guys are talking about and google only gave me information about owls =/
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:24, Reply)
@VC
You can't kick Al in the nuts as Mrs Al wouldn't get any sexeh time.

I suggest stopping any contact wiht Bertmonkeysex for a while. That would get him where it hurts.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:28, Reply)
Hahahahahahaaaaaaaa
Dok's getting the blame for the 'kicking Al in the nuts' suggestion.

/retains goodly image
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:29, Reply)
ahaha oh yeah
it was you who suggested it first wasn't it???

but yes. it was funny. I loled.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:31, Reply)
Oh right, yeah
lets kick me in the nuts, that's fucking hilarious that is.

I'll tell you what's really fucking hilarious shall I?

ym
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:36, Reply)
I don't care
about getting blame for that suggestion. It keeps Drixy saintly, and Al would like it.

Yes V that's the thing he's talking about.

EDIT Al, VC would need bloody long legs to do it, and we all love you so much that we wouldn't!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:36, Reply)
Oh right
I thought you were talking about some sort of alien race in a film rather than you looking a bit owl like. Not that I've noticed you looking owl like before.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:38, Reply)
ym?
my mum?
yeah she's a right old laugh.

And I wouldn't kick you in the testicles anyway.

I'm not that mean. Okay well I am but I still wouldn't. it's a low blow.

EDIT : also - I'm at least 16,000km away. it'd be a bit difficult.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:38, Reply)
It was Clendrix who suggested nut kicking?
Ah, now it all makes sense.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:41, Reply)
A very low blow.
Al has extremely short legs.

BGB! :o
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:41, Reply)
Yeah
Clendrix, she loves the nuts she does!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:43, Reply)
ahaha maybe that's true
but the fact remains I think my legs would have to be at least 16,000kms long in which case I'd be big enough to step on everybody and crush them to death and cause widespread panic and chaos!!!

/takes a deep breath to calm down...
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:44, Reply)
I'm not that small.

*cries*
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:47, Reply)
I'm sure you're taller then I am
I'm only 5'4.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:50, Reply)
Only Al's legs are small.
Every other part of him is MASSIVE.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:51, Reply)
Oh dear
"Attack of the 32,000km tall woman"
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:51, Reply)
In fact I'm bigger
than most people here, apart from BGB.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:51, Reply)
ahaha
well okay then. how tall are you?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:53, Reply)
Depends how aroused I'm feeling

(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:54, Reply)
Al
You're tiny.
That is all.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:54, Reply)
ahah
so I'm guessing fairly small then at the moment
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:55, Reply)
Afternoon
Afternooin all! How are we today? Anything exciting happening?
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:55, Reply)
Hello Kirst!
I'm writing up The Sad Tale Of James Sawfinger this afternoon.
It's a masterpiece in the making.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:56, Reply)
ahah
not at my end

ask Al.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:57, Reply)
Like you'd want any of me anyway
I have too much penis to be of interest to you.

sadly I have too little to interest straight women.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:58, Reply)
I am big girl's blouse and I am a big girl.
*admits*
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:59, Reply)
Hi Weekrist
How's life?

Al you big fibbing monkey, you're taller than me, we've had this converstion before.

But lieing down I dwarf you all!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:00, Reply)
Well...
I'd like to claim my crown as "Tallest Off Topic-er".
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:03, Reply)
my name is vampyrecat
and I am neither a vampyre, nor a cat.

I am however a very small and petite human being.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:04, Reply)
^Badger never fails.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:05, Reply)
Oooooo
a Badger lying on the floor

*sneak shags*
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:09, Reply)
Kaol
You are the second tallest man I've met. The other one make you look small though.

Badger, you're just using the wrong kind of heels.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:09, Reply)
Be careful Al
Badgers aren't too dissimilar to racoons!

www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2172612.ece
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:10, Reply)
Hmm...
I met Mr. Zapiola, he was a gigantic man.
Lovely though.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:10, Reply)
how
tall are you kaol? You seem like you would be fairly tall from the comments i'm reading :P
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:11, Reply)
^^
this is true, he is mahoosively tall.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:11, Reply)
Oh I had forgotten about Zapiola
He is huge.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:12, Reply)
Not forgetting
the towering brick-shithouse of a man that is wellgroomedwookiee too...
(Bert Monkeysex2 loves teh cock, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:12, Reply)
Hmm
house head
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:13, Reply)
Sorry wookie if you're lurking
But that^ made me piss myself.

:edit: I meant the one before Clenders got in the middle. Clenders sandwich! *noms*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:13, Reply)
I think
when I finally get my butt into the uk,
I'm going to have to meet all these mahoosively huge b3tans and also all the other b3tans.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:17, Reply)
Drixy
That's a bit snarky?

Wookie isn't that big, he's about my hieght as well, he just wears big shoes!

EDIT VC we are all mahoosively big, it's something about being British.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:17, Reply)
Just be careful...
Try and avoid Halfy, he's a dirty old pervert.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:18, Reply)
You don't want to meet
them all.

Some of them are total cunts.







Errrr, is Kaol still reading this do you think?
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:18, Reply)
*clears throat*
I'm sorry Al, what was that?

You spiteful little dwarf-man.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:20, Reply)
Halfy is a dirly old pervert?
Oooo! I'm meeting him in York this weekend. How exciting.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:21, Reply)
Haha!
Yeah, he's a terrible man.
Just keep an eye on him. You can't trust that one.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:22, Reply)
Dok,
I'm sure Wookiee saw my comment. Very sure.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:22, Reply)
well if that's the case
I might fit in pretty well once I get my bearings!!
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:22, Reply)
What's your opinion on motorboating?

(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:24, Reply)
I'm not sure
if I'm supposed to answer that or if it's a trick question.

either way - the answer is - I don't give a flying fuck.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:27, Reply)
Oh no
Al stuck his tiny penis in me when I wasn't looking!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:28, Reply)
@GB
How could you tell?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:30, Reply)
hello all
rubs thighs

lubes up

so, who wants some?
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:30, Reply)
Halfy
Kaol warned me about you and your smooth talking ways.

Should I be worried? :P
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:31, Reply)
BGB
Because my thigh is a little sticky and Al is dangling his flacid member over my face which is how all our sexual encounters end
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:32, Reply)
VC
When you meet this lot you won't need to get your bearings, you'll realise you're home right away.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:32, Reply)
Halfy's lovely.
It's Kaol you've got to put on ignore be wary of.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:33, Reply)
well I always thought
I didn't fit in with MY family.

I don't look like anyone alive at least.
Well okay my nanna is still alive and I *sort of* look like her when she was young but that's it.

I think I'm adopted and they don't wanna tell me lol.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:34, Reply)
*Wanders in*
Did somebody mention motorboating?

Again?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:36, Reply)
yup
Al wants to know if i'll let him motorboat me I think...

Al - sorry - the answer is NO.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:37, Reply)
You're not that kind of girl
I know these things :D

Perceptive bugger, me.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:39, Reply)
vampyrecat
not really, he is just jealous of my age seasoned wisdom
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:41, Reply)
yeah
real quick on the uptake there DG.

I'm amazed no one else picked up on that :P
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:41, Reply)
Like I said
perceptive.

Reading your profile also helps, of course...

/stalks
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:43, Reply)
Well...
If by "age seasoned wisdom" you mean "weathered, pickled bitterness", then, yes indeed.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:43, Reply)
I asked nothing or the kind
I simply wanted your opinion on it.

Since I now know you're a thoroughly close-minded individual I shall base my responses accordingly.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:44, Reply)
ahah I'm feeling
both loved and a little freaked at the same time DG.

And Kaol.
Maybe he just needs a bit of love. Maybe that'll tame the bitterness you speak of?
in any case.
/hugs halfy and hands a mug of tea.

EDIT: al - I said that I don't give a flying fuck and that I didn't want you to do it to me.
Maybe you can convince me otherwise that it's a good thing but I don't think so. Still - give it your best shot.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:44, Reply)
Careful Kaol
you'll have this nice, fluffeh thread descending into mindless insults, spite and hurtfulness.

You cunt.

kidding
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:45, Reply)
picked bitterness?
do you mean pickled?

Schoolboy error sonny.

edit: editing git!
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:47, Reply)
Nah,
I tried giving him a little bit of love, he just screamed and ran away.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:47, Reply)
DG
You big stalker you, how's tricks?

It also helped that you mentioned it earlier VC, Al must not have read that far back.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:48, Reply)
Editing?
Nah, you just need your eyes checked :p
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:48, Reply)
No need to be freaked VC :D
I looked at your profile a while back after you replied to Tourette's post as I hadn't seen you before is all.

Whereas I look at al's profile every night before I go to bed. I imagine that big tongue of his going 90 to the dozen, and those big googly eyes spinning in his head. It makes me feel warm and safe.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:48, Reply)
I think somebody is up a bit too late
and is misinterpreting the humour present in my posts.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:49, Reply)
DG
It makes you warm and safe to remember that he's is in no way anyplace near you when you sleep.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:50, Reply)
DG
Fair enough.
I like Tourettes - she seems lovely.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:50, Reply)
*feels sudden love for Al*
Everyone leave Al alone!
He's perfect.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:51, Reply)
@Dok
That's what he thinks. But he is wrong.

in other news, it appears that mrs al has just bought her first car.

I think she is quite pleased.

edit - Awwww, thanks Clenders
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:51, Reply)
Perfectly a cunt

(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:52, Reply)
Yeah,
Everyone be nice to Al.
Or he'll have a massive arse-burgers outburst and cry/wank himself to blisters again.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:52, Reply)
I WAS being fucking nice to al!
he's my favourite of all the Geordies.

VC - Tourette's is lovely. but I'm probably a bit biased ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:54, Reply)
ahah
congrats to mrs al.

anywho poptarts! I'm pretty shattered. it's nearly 2 am here and my eyes are going fuzzy.

Al - convince me. DG - :D Halfy - have more tea later. Kaol - *thinks*..I'll take your advice with a pinch of salt and a shot of vodka.

Been lovely chatting with ya'll - I'll seeya tomorrow night after work :)
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:54, Reply)
*WAVESAT hALFY AND dg*
Damn you caps lock and my laziness to retype.

VC in exchange for motorboating you get to have a good grope.Bert loved his groping he sends me letters expressing his undying love for me and my groping hands
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:55, Reply)
Yeah
Al is great really, stop picking on him.

VC It's just stuck me, what's the future like? When you're over here you'll have to get used to living in the past you know!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:55, Reply)
Kaol.
There is nothing wrong with crywanking so much you get blisters.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:55, Reply)
Night VC
Don't let the saltwater crocodiles bite!
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:55, Reply)
a) there aren't any salties here
b)if I live in the past I get more sleep
c) I love a good grope! but sweeten the deal a little more.
d)hey Dok can you ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:58, Reply)
Oh, ok.
In that case, can I have a pin please?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:58, Reply)
*Sings*
Luuusty, Luuuusty
her boobs will never get dusty
Cuz Clendrix and me
if dust we should see
Will shake it off with our faaaaccccccceeees
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:00, Reply)
Now I'll never know
What she wanted, *sads*

Kaol, do you have blisters then? Soak them in salt water, it hardens then lovely.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:01, Reply)
TGB
That is pure genius. I love you.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:02, Reply)
Don't pop blisters
Blisters are natures plasters.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:02, Reply)
TGB!
That is the bestest song ever.

*grins*

*gropes*
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:02, Reply)
Listen to Doctor al folks
he speaketh sense.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:03, Reply)
Badger
I read that a faeces.

I think my mind has finally snapped!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:03, Reply)
I don't wanna harden
These blisters.

So... Coffee. Coffee is great.
I think I'd end up trying to drown myself in the toilet if it wasn't for coffee.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:03, Reply)
Dok
Was that a reference to my favourite musical?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:07, Reply)
Kaol
I take it by that comment that I don't want to know where they are!

How's the sad tale of Jim Sawfinger, what did he do?

EDIT V, it could be! I've always seen myself as a bit of a Dr. Scott.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:09, Reply)
Jim Sawfinger
Is a young man who touched a circular saw with his index finger yesterday.

The blade was still spinning.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:12, Reply)
My veels! My god I can't move my veels!

(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:14, Reply)
Sounds like a sensible chap

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:14, Reply)
Fun
How much of his finger did he loose?

V
We've got to get out of this trap! Before this... decadence... saps our wills. I've got to be strong, und try to... hang on! Or else, my mind may well *snap*! Und my life... will be lived... for ze *thrills*...
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:17, Reply)
Dok I love you
One of the most important things I must do with my life is to see it performed on stage. I feel ashamed to have only seen the film ='[
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:20, Reply)
It cut a 5mm
Trench in the middle of his finger tip.
Ripped the nail off. Oh, and went deep enough to chip the bone.

*sighs*

Oh, and the he looked like he was gonna cry when they wanted to give him an injection... Hahaha!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:20, Reply)
Kaol
Nothing too serious then. LOL what a wimp!

V, I've seen it on stage and it's better than the film by far!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:23, Reply)
You're a bad man Kaol
but we like you anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:24, Reply)
*delayed reply*
Glad you all like my song! I shall sing it at Lustys leaving do *cries* Don't leeeeaaaaave
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:24, Reply)
Did you get dressed up?

(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:28, Reply)
TGB
Knowing me I won't be able to find a job, or anywhere to live and no one will want to be my friend :( so I'll have to come back home.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:30, Reply)
Everyone will want to be your friend
and then you will forget all about us and we will have to stage a kidnapping to get you back.

Damn I knew I should have bought those cheap wollies balaclavas when I had the chance
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:31, Reply)
V That's a silly question
Of course I got dressed up!

As Frank N Furter no less.

I did get some funny looks walking through Camden dressed like that.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:31, Reply)
Well
I was just checking whether or not you were human! It seems your "barely human" status can be upgraded to "probably human"
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:33, Reply)
Pass the mindbleach
Oh, and a packet of mental floss for good measure.

The thought of Dok in sussies and stockings is doing strange things to me.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:34, Reply)
DG,
Just jerk it 'til it bleeds.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:35, Reply)
DG
It makes everybody feel funny, and mostly not in a good way!

I've been upgraded, a bit like Earth in HHGTTG, cool.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:36, Reply)
I really ought to read HHGTTG
I've heard a bit of the radio performance and quite liked it but never got into the books.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:39, Reply)
TGB
I don't think you'll have to kidnap me.
Honestly, I'll be back before you know it and I'll bring you back a mountie if you behave yourself.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:39, Reply)
too late for that Kaol
it dropped off of its own accord as soon as the thought entered my head.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:40, Reply)
Mhwahahahahahahaha
I have the power to make bits drop off people at a distance.

Fear Me.


Or not it's up to you really.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:46, Reply)
HHGTTG
The original TV series was all of the awesome. The film however was a big steaming pile of monkey jizz
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:47, Reply)
Bits of the film were OK
but I think it deviated too far from the 'accepted' version. Even though every version is a little bit different, and things happen in a different order sometimes, the film veered wildly in a different direction about midway through.

And Simon Jones will always be Arthur Dent to me.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:52, Reply)
Yes
Yes it was Badger, and I would request that you never mention it again!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:53, Reply)
yes dok
sorry dok :(
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:55, Reply)
He always will be
to me as well DG.

The film changed in far to many ways for my liking, and as for turning Zaphod into a complete twunt, that was just terrible.

Thanks Badger, that makes me far happier.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:59, Reply)
300!
fuck yeah!
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:59, Reply)
*is tempted to delete a post and steal 300*
Today is draaagggggiiiing

*kicks today in the ass*

My main issue with the film was Zaphod not having two heads. Two proper heads that is, what was up with that weird flippy up thing then the heads could never talk to each other
:(
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:01, Reply)
This could go on for a while...
Who has the most posts to delete :p

300 wooo!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:04, Reply)
oh wait
300!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:06, Reply)
300!
Woo!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:06, Reply)
Hello Everyone!
I'm back!

Did ya miss me? Did ya? Did ya?
(bill, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:06, Reply)
Fine you can win
I grow tired of this game

*plots*

erm.... sure why not *waves madly at Bill*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:06, Reply)
Oh dear
I may just do the same!


No I won't I'm a good boy!

Hi Bill, you been away somewhere then?
;)
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:06, Reply)
Bill!
How was the vodka?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:07, Reply)
BASTARDS!
FUCKING BASTARDS THE LORROVYERS.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:10, Reply)
*Waves madly back*
The Vodka was rather disappointing Kaol, there was generic Russian stuff for cheap which was cool but the higher end stuff was the standard things you see over here.
(bill, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:10, Reply)
Awh, shame :(
When I was there I went to a place that did bathtub homemade stuff.

Fucking awesome.
Although I don't remember much after that...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:12, Reply)
Right
I'm off. Got a funding meeting tonight.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:21, Reply)
*is scared of DG*
*hugs*
*hands wine*
*backs away*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:28, Reply)
*puts on hat*
*takes off clothes*
*dances around empty thread*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:48, Reply)
*watches bitterly*
...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:50, Reply)
Why the bitterness?
Apart from the obvious fact you are a bitter and cynical man
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:55, Reply)
Er...
Default emotional response :p

Oh yeah, it's comic night.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:57, Reply)
Is this thread dead?
*pisses on corpse, just to be sure*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 17:03, Reply)
Nope...
Just sleeping.
Like one of those shop-doorway meth-heads.

Looks dead, 'til you go to steal their cider and they bite you with their filthy mouths.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 17:06, Reply)
Oops!
*wipes up piss*

Sorry about that.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 17:08, Reply)
Oh. No I think it really is dead.
*leaves piss-smelling thread*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 17:12, Reply)
Oh no
come baaaacccck Cleeeennnnndrrrriiiiiiiiix
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 17:17, Reply)
I'm here.
Start a new thread, Badger. This one is grim.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 17:25, Reply)
done and done
and done some more
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 17:30, Reply)

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