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Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(

rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)

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New HSH thread
As the other one was pissing me off

Revel in your own cuntiness here
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:15, 224 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning all
*gets back to work*
(

Captain V, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:16, Reply)

Ahh that's better
*revels in cuntiness*
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:18, Reply)

Haha!
Last night I went to an abandoned Radar Bunker.
It was awesome.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:19, Reply)

Morning!
Do you use Firefox becky?

If you do, this is what you need.

I thought you were going to an abandoned mansion Kaol?

*revels in cuntiness as well*
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:20, Reply)

Cut blaireau some slack
He only found out how to embed an image last night.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:20, Reply)

No
I went to the abandoned mansion...
(username1, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:21, Reply)

I want to cut him some slack
but the cunt in me says No.
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:21, Reply)

for Dok when he gets here
Tiny as in about.... 4 inches above my knees? Cotton? Thin?

Just a shapeless school dress
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:21, Reply)

I'll agree with badger, since that's what Sams do
Let's not cut him any slack.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:21, Reply)

Cheers Sam
I always wondered why hatters were considered particulary mad.

Why not as mad as a cobbler, working with smelly shoes all day wouldmake me more crazy than working with hats
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:23, Reply)

I'm on a half day today :)
Finish at 12 then lots of exciting things planned for the rest of the day.

What are you planning for today?

Edit: No.
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:23, Reply)

When we got to the
Mansion, it turned out that they were redeveloping it, there was scaffolding all over the outside, and a portacabin with people in.

So we went to the radar bunker, which was awesome!
There were rusty oscilloscopes and things.

EDIT: Mad as a hatter.
Hat-makers used to use mercury to treat the felt they made hats from. Mercury poisoning gets the brain, and fucks you up. Madly.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:26, Reply)

ooh
thank you Kaol. You're such a fountain of knowledge
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:29, Reply)

TGB
Hatters are the mad standard because hat making used to involve fulminate of mercury, the fumes of which caused madness with long exposure.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:29, Reply)

Har Har Hardy Har Har
Mmmmmm I feel all naughty now.

So Vampy is it all of those or none of them?

Badger how are your thighs?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:30, Reply)

I was about to post that
but beaten to it by two people!

What song's it from then? No Googling... Dok will surely know it.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:31, Reply)

Faaaaar too slow Chains
But as I am feeling generous. YOu can have a small thank you
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:31, Reply)

The Mad Hatter Song.
By Kaol's Fantastic Music Extravaganza.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:32, Reply)

sounds fabulous kaol
where can I get a copy?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:34, Reply)

Sam
To what are you referring, my brains being slow today.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:34, Reply)

Hooray!
I'm guessing Kaol doesn't have to type one letter at a time on a vouchsapedo with the mysteries of predictive text to cope with.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:35, Reply)

Er...
Just imagine me screaming "Maaaaaaaad. Haaaaaattttteeeer. Soooooooong" for three minutes over some radio static.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:35, Reply)

The hatters thing
Read the thread from the top, slowly.

What's a vouchsapedo?!?

@ Kaol, I think I've got that song.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:35, Reply)

hahah
Kaol I can imagine that... but your voice giving up and you sounding like a retarbed child who has just had his toy taken away from him by the end.

hahahahah!

Sam - I think it's a highly impressive typo of touchscreen!
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:37, Reply)

Vouchsapedo
is what the predictive text offered instead of touchscreen before I added it to the dictionary.
TGB: nice signature :-)
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:38, Reply)

*shakes fist*
That was because of my bad throat :(

It's working fine now, I can swallow pain-free.
So tonight I shall be recording vocals for our EP. Woo!
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:39, Reply)

Well if it;'s the one I'm thinking of
It's from Alice in Wonderland and is called The Unbirthday Song.

How's that?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:39, Reply)

Ah, touchscreen!
I was trying to figure out what it was...

I hate typing on vouchsapedos, it does my nut in.

Edit: It's good Dok, but it's not right.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:39, Reply)

Dok
all of them.

/grins
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:40, Reply)

It's my unbirthday today!
ALL CHANGE!
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:40, Reply)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TGB!!!
*extends crotch*

Did you get anything nice?

PS You're all miserable cunts etc etc
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:42, Reply)

Ooh Chains
I think i'm a clone now...

Edit: damn you and your donation icon
(mr bollox I love Mr. K best of all the kaoltards, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:43, Reply)

A very happy unbirthday to you!
have a boobie jiggle!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:44, Reply)

I assumed
The song was "Mad Hatter" by The Stranglers.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:45, Reply)

Even better guess Light
But still wrong...

Happy Unbirthday TGB! It's my unbirthday today as well.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:46, Reply)

Sam
Chick Corea, Mad Hatter, Album name and song title?

Vampy you naughty little minx, I was trying to stop visualising you in a short, thin cotton dress. It's doing strange things to me!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:46, Reply)

Crikey
There's another me!
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:48, Reply)

I'm your
proper-keyboarded alter-ego
(mr bollox I love Mr. K best of all the kaoltards, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:50, Reply)

Or how about
Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters by Elton John from the album Honky Chateau.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:53, Reply)

Oh man, I wanna beatbox!
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7922157.stm
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:54, Reply)

ahah I bet it is Dok
it does strange things to another person I know of.

EDIT: Al - I fucking love Gran Torino - I saw it on my birthday :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:55, Reply)

Nope, not Chick Corea or Elton John!
The song doesn't have mad or hatters in the title, it's just a lyric...

Edit: and Scottish Power are useless al, agreed. They're still after me for £17 that I don't owe them.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:55, Reply)

Gran Torino?
The trailer for it put me off, looked kinda dull.
Worth a watch though?
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:57, Reply)

definitely a great movie
looked dull but it's brilliant - got a LOT of action during the movie that is unexpected - a couple of pretty good plot twists and the girl who plays Sue is amazing.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 9:59, Reply)

Kaol
It is a very good film.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:00, Reply)

Hmm...
Maybe go see it next week.
This Friday (er... Tomorrow) is Watchmen.
It's either gonna be good, or a horrible violation of something I love dearly.
So I'll be happy, or furious. Both of which are fun.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:01, Reply)

Don't give the plot away
I really want to see it!

Everyone I know that's seen it keeps telling me how amazing it is.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:01, Reply)

Vampy
I'm going to get you for the image I now have in my head!

Sam I'll have to think then? Especially since it isn't Lynyrd Skynyrd!

EDIT Kaol, I didn't know you liked the Watchmen. It's one of the best comics I've ever read.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:01, Reply)

ahah Dok
Tell me what the image is and then I'll let you decide whether or not you're allowed to get me for it.

EDIT: I wanna go see Watchmen!!!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:02, Reply)

Dok you're not going to get her
She's a thespian!
(

Captain V, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:03, Reply)

Please be assured
that I will never use any Lynyrd Skynyrd lyrics in my sig, or refer to them, ever. One of the most overrated bands ever!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:03, Reply)

Rain Dogs
By Tom Waits has a song on it with that lyric or something like it.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:03, Reply)

Sam/Dok
It's not from a Jefferson Airplane song, is it?

EDIT: Watchmen is fucking great. That and Preacher are up there as some of my favourites.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:03, Reply)

Morning, glories
Work's been, as usual, busy.

How are we all?

Dok, you really ought to be careful what you write on the wonderfully ambiguous battleground that is the internet, commenting on a 17yr old's school dress could get you into trouble ;)

Edit: Watchmen, Preacher, Transmetropolitan, The Boys... all awesome!
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:06, Reply)

Not an Airplane song...
Light has it, but not the name!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:06, Reply)

It Is
Singapore by Tom Waits.

V I didn't say how I was going to get her.

Vampy, it's a very nice image, anymore than that and I'll be writing thespian porn!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:08, Reply)

Notice how
By not getting it completely correct straight away, it totally looks like I didn't just Google it?
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:10, Reply)

Al
That's the order I've recommended a friend to follow.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:13, Reply)

Al, I think you're ok,
That's the better way to do it.
I'm expecting disappointment.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:14, Reply)

Kaol
go see Gran torino, it has my own seal of approval that you know is worth more than anyone elses...because I am me.

Yay, we're getting a digital dental x-ray machine installed today :) It looks awesome.

I want to see Watchmen
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:15, Reply)

Hmmm...
Ok, I'll trust you becky.
Only because it's you.
*shrugs*

EDIT: Jaws. I liked the film more.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:17, Reply)

Gran Torino
I want to see it. The trailer piqued my interest.

I shouted "YOOORRRRR!!", which is what I do when something awesome/badass happens
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:17, Reply)

Correct Dok!
Did you Google it then Light? :P

The Godfather was a pretty good book but the film took it to a new level. I agree al, the books are almost always better than the films based on them.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:18, Reply)

I want to see Watchmen
as well, just to see how much they miss out, and how bad it is.

Good film(?), bad book = Monkey Shines!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:20, Reply)

I preferred the film Jurassic Park
to the book.

*hums the theme tune*

Also, The Shining (Kubrick version).
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:20, Reply)

Dark City!
Ten points to Al.
Love that film.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:22, Reply)

Al
I've not read that in a long time, I must dig it out again, that and the Amityville Horror.

So what do I win Sam?

EDIT Dark City is all of the ace, I just bought it on Bluray it's that good.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:23, Reply)

Dark City
I shall watch that again soon, thanks for the reminder!
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:24, Reply)

Gran Torino
Is it as good as the playstation game?
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:28, Reply)

You can't call him a cunt
he created ER back when it was still good.

I loved Dark city, even if Keifer did look rather silly in it.
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:32, Reply)

hmmm
Dok - I'll bring a uniform to the UK and i'll wear it to a b3ta bash just to annoy you :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:33, Reply)

He did create ER, and Jurassic Park
But he was undeniably a massive cunt.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:35, Reply)

Er...
~~Annoy~~ Get him arrested.

Also, Keef O'Sufferland is silly in everything he does. Anyone seen "Mirrors"?
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:35, Reply)

My mate Jim summed up Kiefer Sutherland perfectly
With the words 'You're not your dad. Stop trying. Go home'
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:36, Reply)

Kaol
She's over sixteen now!

Vampy, only if you bring your 'friend' with you and give an impromtu show.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:37, Reply)

ahah
you'll be very very jealous dok

EDIT: Kaol - I'll be almost 19 when I get there. he won't be arrested and neither will anybody else :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:39, Reply)

Dok
Doesn't matter, chatting up an under 18 on the internet is called grooming ;)
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:41, Reply)

/picks a tick off Al
stop whinging Lab - I'll groom you next :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:44, Reply)

So's doing that thing.
With a horse and a broom.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:44, Reply)

I don't need grooming
My mo' is perfect, although currently in it's resting state.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:45, Reply)

hmm
Al - in regards to the "she's a massive gayer"....

If only you knew. /grins
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:46, Reply)

I think my favourite bit
was where Clint attached a rocket to the dorsal aspect of his carpus, dressed up as batman and propelled himself into the river Hudson.

Edit: Hush your mouths, Keifer is godlike and I wont have a word said against him.

Applies frontine and dewormers to everyone
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:47, Reply)

Massive
In that you're a fatty?
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:48, Reply)

massive
in that I love vagina.

:D
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:49, Reply)

Everyone loves vagina
Even gay men, they're just closet vag fans.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:49, Reply)

I might be
a closet penis fan - but I reckon there would be just one person who will find that out aside from myself. :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:51, Reply)

Al
I wouldn't describe her as massive, she's a petite gayer.

Lab, I'm not grooming her, she's doing it all herself.

Yes we would be Vampy, very jealous. But hey, that's the image in my head!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:51, Reply)

al edits
~~one person~~ several rugby teams.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:52, Reply)

I actually have to do work today
can you fucking believe it.

Todays chat up line: So.. what you wearing? Because whatever it is you won't be wearing it once I get my hands on you.

TGB Rating: 4/10
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:54, Reply)

yeah cos I can fit
several rugby teams' worth of penis into all my various orifices at once.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:55, Reply)

Vampy
Then you'l love me. I have a penis the size of several rugby teams. ;)
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:57, Reply)

Harry Potter
And The Wizard's Sleeve.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:57, Reply)

al edits
~~have~~ am
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:57, Reply)

Dammit!
Too much.
This thread is now being nominated for deletion, for legal reasons.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:58, Reply)

*seconds*

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:58, Reply)

*thirds*

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:58, Reply)

*fourths*

(Kaol - Scourge of Wales, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 10:59, Reply)

*vetoed*

(

Captain V, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:00, Reply)

I
Veto V's right to vote on anything
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:01, Reply)

~~interesting~~ creepy.

Yeah.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:02, Reply)

I'll veto it then
You lot are just spoil sports!

Kaol, cite your precidents.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:02, Reply)

Er...
Abraham Lincoln and Richard Nixon.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:03, Reply)

But that motion wont pass until after my Veto
And as we're (supposedly) against retroactive laws my veto still stands!
(

Captain V, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:03, Reply)

Nope.
Although it makes me wonder how many you could fit in a dog.
They've got 4 arm-pits.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:04, Reply)

I want to type
'how many penises can you fit into a 17 year old Australian lesbian?' into Google, but I'm a bit scared of what might come up...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:05, Reply)

George Washington
Would have been better than Lincoln.

Watch the story 'The Washingtonians'in Masters of Horror.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:05, Reply)

Al
The ass sig was better but Chains was crying I never use his quotes.
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:05, Reply)

I have balls so you don't have to
I'm feeling lucky.
(

Captain V, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:07, Reply)

this thread amuses me
don't delete it please.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:08, Reply)

Disappointing Captain...
Quite tame really!

Do you not have a cleaner al?

We do, but fuck knows what she gets up to. Certainly not any cleaning.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:09, Reply)

I'll delete it if I want.
That's what being the OT Mod is all about.
Why have power if you can't abuse it?
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:09, Reply)

*al edt*
I'm wanking off to this thread ~~amuses me~~. Please don't delete it.
(

Captain V, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:10, Reply)

V - you know me too well
get rid of those damn super strength binoculars!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:12, Reply)

X,
That was shockingly poor.
I think you should be shot.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:12, Reply)

*seconds*

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:14, Reply)

So
I went to my local's pub quiz last night (we didn't win). While waiting to get served at the bar, I notice they have a laptop set up with their website showing, and a page where you can join their mailing list for free offers. Nothing out of the order there.

However, there were three bar staff behind the bar, one chatting to his mates, and the other two talking to each other. None doing their job of serving me, or even acknowledging my glorious presence.

By the time I got served, the laptop's homepage had been set to Lemon Party.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:16, Reply)

*strides in*
Right, I think there's been some misbehaving going on in here.
Kaol?
(

thealternativefact, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:16, Reply)

*points at dok*
Not me today.
I've been awesome.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:17, Reply)

Drixy
don't pretend - we all know you love it when we misbehave.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:17, Reply)

Kaol? OT mod?
*shakes head*

Labs, very nice indeed :)
(

thealternativefact, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:19, Reply)

Hello Clendrix

(Kitten_face, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:21, Reply)

Hello darling!

(

thealternativefact, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:22, Reply)

Now I'm
confused.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:24, Reply)

*jiggles boobies*
Want to find out what it's like to have yourself going down on you?
(Kitten_face, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:24, Reply)

Kaol?
An OT mod?
The place would fall apart.
(

thealternativefact, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:25, Reply)

awww poor Al
you broked his brain!

Have a lolly pop /hands al a lollypop
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:26, Reply)

First LiC
Now Clenders. What the deuce?
(

Captain V, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:26, Reply)

I'd be the best mod ever.
KAOL FOR OT MOD.
I'm gonna start a campaign right now.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:28, Reply)

Oh V, what a charming turn of phrase.
You Georgian dandy, you.

Kaol, I shall object to this most strongly.
(

thealternativefact, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:28, Reply)

Kaol as OT mod
Might explain what happened to Bert.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:28, Reply)

Argh
there is two of everyone

Wait... can I have a clendrix sandwich please? Mmmm surrounded by boobs
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:29, Reply)

What happened to Bert?
He's still here, isn't he?
(

thealternativefact, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:29, Reply)

Why object?
It'd be a beautiful, gleaming future.

No large images cluttering up the place.
No creepy internet grooming.
No Light In Chains.

Vote Kaol. Vote for a brighter future.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:31, Reply)

But if it weren't for creepy internet grooming
I'd never have met you guys!

...what am I thinking? Say no to internet groomers and their sick filth!
(

Captain V, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:32, Reply)

Shut your mouth.
Or I'll shut it for you.
With a hammer.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:33, Reply)

Sadly poor Bertie is no more
he was felching a fetching looking goat when suction occurred and he was sucked into the goat(se)vortex, never to be seen again :(

Kaol for OT mod? Bollocks.
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:33, Reply)

So... last night I put up a ticket effectively asking for someone to go to a Blur gig with me.
I have to say, the reasons given so far aren't exactly the best... himjim's "bum you with a pickaxe if you don't" is an interesting one, but not quite what I was looking for. Becky's snogging half the band is more interesting- more like this please!

Answers on a postcard ladies, gentleman and Berts...

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post381092
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:34, Reply)

So Off Topic under Kaol
Would consist solely of Kaol and a harem of booby jigglers?
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:36, Reply)

No.
The boob-jiggling annoys me.

Actually, I wouldn't ban you, Mr. LiC. I think you'd look the part of my evil butler.
Do you make a good Martini?
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:38, Reply)

You love it when I booby jiggle Kaol
just not when anyone else does it. But mine are few and far between these days however.

I've replied to your post about Blur and think it's a stunning entry :)
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:40, Reply)

Hmmm...
My plan isn't having the sweeping wave of adoration and success that I was expecting. Damn.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:45, Reply)

A stunning entry
For me is backflipping onto the bed and ending up nuts to guts with your partner- but hey, that's just me.
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:47, Reply)

I do a mean Stephen Fry
He's even meaner by the time I've finished doing him.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:47, Reply)

Right I'm back
What have you miscrients been upto?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:56, Reply)

Fine, whatever
Nuts to guts isn't my style anyway, not at such high speeds.

I'm off to enjoy my half day. Have fun working kids ;p
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:58, Reply)

Still Al
I'm sure it's a lovely flange but I would have thought you'd have gotten over that by now.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:01, Reply)

Al
I see you don't understand what a lovely flange is, you're mistaking it for a heavily used, 70 year old prostitute.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:05, Reply)

I sure do
they're brilliant.

Well. I would if I *had* any hefty toys.

I don't have any.

/sads.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:05, Reply)

Paralysing nerves
Shattering bones, setting fires, suffocating our enemies and bursting their organs.
You know, the usual.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:06, Reply)

Oh Vampy
Poor you, If you weren't so far away I could point you to a shop which sells them.

Chains, that's just what I thought.

EDIT Al you forgot cucumbers and marrows.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:09, Reply)

Dok
the idea of you taking VC into a sex toy shop may have just made me throw up in my mouth a little.
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:11, Reply)

:(
we don't have hefty gnomes or garden tools, and the sex shop in town has an 18+ only rule which bloody SUCKS.

but I'll survive. I know how to cope. :D

EDIT: TGB - It made me laugh more then anything else.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:11, Reply)

I'm sure Australia
Has shops that sell "back massagers".

edit: or that Harry Potter vibrating broomstick that had all those funny reviews.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:12, Reply)

Badger
I'd just point out where she could get one, I didn't say I'd accompany her.

I've been dragged around a fetish while a female friend of mine was asking my advice on toys, not a good mental image for me to be honest.

Glad I can make you laugh Vampy ;), when you meet me you'll probably die laughing.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:15, Reply)

well I would
but I'm shy.

You might not believe it but I'm actually incredibly shy in person.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:23, Reply)

haven't licked her mimsy
haven't gone past 1st base.

yes I am that cripplingly shy when it comes to that sort of thing. I can make jokes about it but I can't.....talk about it or do it. yet.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:26, Reply)

Vampy
I'd not joke about it, I know what it's like to be that way.

All things come to she/he who waits.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:30, Reply)

I'm
getting some finger action right now
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:33, Reply)

And I'm not even there.
Just goes to show what long fingers I have. ;)
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:34, Reply)

my mission for this weekend is to stay alive
I'm working all day friday saturday and sunday.

And there was a bad nasty man who did a mean and awful thing to me and I'm pretty much petrified of sex from anyone. not just blokes. I'm dreading the day when I have to go past first base with her because I have this awful feeling that I'm going to have a bad time cos I won't be able to enjoy it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:35, Reply)

Yeah you buggers...
Cut me some slack, I only learnt how to embed images last night. I promise I will try harder.
Cheers
B x
(

blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:36, Reply)

sheesh VC
well I think you should tell her about it beforehand so she knows to take stuff at your pace and if you pull away you're not playing hard to get
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:36, Reply)

been there
done that.

got me over pretty much everything else but that. Oh and being alone at night in public.

EDIT: I have TGB. she was amazing about it but she's so touchy feely and that really does bother me a lot but I don't want to hurt her feelings.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:37, Reply)

Seriously tell
her. If you hurt her feelings tell her to man the fuck up
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:39, Reply)

I suggest porn
hit her over the head with a stack of grot and she'll soon take the hint.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:40, Reply)

Ditto
What Badger says.

She'll understand.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:41, Reply)

I know she will
but that just makes me feel worse for some reason.
it's like "Hey - be my girlfriend - but just don't touch me - ever! Not unless I touch you first!"
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:43, Reply)

Dearie me
what on earth have I stumbled into???
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:50, Reply)

yes
a few times. but like I said - she's very touchy feely. She was playing with my feet the other day and I had to get up and go for a walk to calm down so she wouldn't see.
I just don't like people knowing all about it. I don't like thinking about it or remembering it and when I tell people I remember it and that gets me all...upset.

EDIT: DG - your mum.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:51, Reply)

It's a shame Spak isn't here.
He's always full of helpful advice.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:51, Reply)

Vampy
If you didn't manage to sort this problem out during counselling, then I suggest you give it another shot with a different counsellor. You're denying yourself the opportunity to have good, healthy relationships, and that's not fair on you.
It's bloody difficult, but really important.
(

thealternativefact, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:54, Reply)

*Catches up*
Hmm.

VC, you're not alone in your experiences - there are several people on here that have experienced similar crap to you.

It's easier said than done, but don't let one fucked up individual affect the rest of your life.
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:54, Reply)

I second Clenders
For she knows her shit. She's a scat porn director dontcha know!
(

Captain V, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:57, Reply)

DG
I wanted to say that but didn't know how, man you rock!

Vampy, listen to these people, they do give good advice. Don't let it ruin your life, you deserve to be happy.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:58, Reply)

I am an expert nothing
but a trainee something.
(

thealternativefact, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:00, Reply)

well if she's a scat porn director!
/smiles.

thanks guys. I know there are people here who have been through similar stuff. I also know that my experience was probably not anywhere near as bad as theirs were - I just know it fucked me up good and properlike.

I also know I should see another counsellor - however I don't have the time or the money - so I'm sort of just dealing with it as it comes at me.

EDIT: It has significantly impacted upon my life I'll admit yes - there are lots of things I don't do now that I would not have thought twice about before - but it's not ruined. It's made me stronger in some ways. I just wish I could have become stronger without having to have had it happen.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:00, Reply)

Does that mean
That you have to do the shitting while other people get to enjoy rubbing it all over themselves?
(

Captain V, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:00, Reply)

Vampy
Don't compare your experiences to those of other people. Yours are the only ones that matter in this case.

V, you will suffer. I have plans for you.
(

thealternativefact, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:01, Reply)

Sorry to change the subject,
But "Best Of" again. Fuck yeah :D
Although this is the worst QOTW ever now.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:03, Reply)

clendrix is right
you can take heart in the knowledge that people who could have ended up as self absorbed fuck ups because of their experiences, haven't. But you're situation is the only one that should matter to you.
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:04, Reply)

Oh for fucks sake!
I also know that my experience was probably not anywhere near as bad as theirs were

Never think that you're less deserving of happiness than anyone else.
(

wanderlust, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:08, Reply)

Another win for Gay Pond I see
that's two on the bounce; he will be pleased.
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:08, Reply)

Agrees with Lusty
that it happened at all is bad enough.
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:09, Reply)

DG - I know
and it does matter to me - quite a lot. But I'm working through it and have some fantastic friends and the lovely gf. It's just - I thought that I'd be over it by now...it's been two years easily.

And Kaol - congrats. You have a way with words.

EDIT: Lusty - sorry if that annoyed you. it's not that I think I'm less deserving it's just I know people have been through worse.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:13, Reply)

I'm looking forward to it darling Clenders
*winks*
(

Captain V, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:16, Reply)

Al
Get some counselling.
(

thealternativefact, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:18, Reply)

Clearly this stems from a bad relationship with ym.

(

thealternativefact, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:25, Reply)

Wotcha
I'm feeling the effects of rum and sleeping pills taken last night, how are you all?
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:28, Reply)

good.
wasting time. delaying going to sleep. Stabbing pigs to teach my underlings how to keep people alive by making them practise.

the usual.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:33, Reply)

Pig Stabbing eh?
They bleed a lot. Went to a pig killing in Portugal once... shit load of blood there. Or the Portuguese just did it in a particularly sanguinary manner...
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:38, Reply)

Hi Zap
Stabbing pigs Vampy, you'd better watch out or you'll become a Kaol clone!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:39, Reply)

Ooh, new QOTW
*Pimps outrageously*

I'm going to have to see if I've still got the list of these I did all those years ago.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:39, Reply)

Wow
Did anybody else just notice B3ta having a spaz attack, or was it just me?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:50, Reply)

Nope I don't think so Al
Maybe it was ym?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 13:53, Reply)

I noticed the spazzing Dok
I figured thousands of b3tans were all posting puns at once so I went and read fmylife.com until it recovered.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 14:04, Reply)

Ah Al,
I reckon you could write a kid's book.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 14:05, Reply)

Yeah Al
Kaols right, you should do kids books. Not comedy.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 14:12, Reply)

Al
No the wet hair is from your aborted attempt at sex with with your bin.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 14:20, Reply)

That explains
Why your head is so far up your arse.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 14:25, Reply)

Well Al
You got at least part of that right, you do have a missive head, on your shoulders not in your pants.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 14:28, Reply)

Sorry al
I'm always going that bit too far and making someone cry like a little girl.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 14:33, Reply)

When is a pun not a pun?
When it's a QOTW answer! ROFLZORZ.

Alright, everyone?
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 14:35, Reply)

Yo Dit
I bought a little sewing machine today it's awesome I want to go home and play!
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 14:40, Reply)

My QOTW answer
Is awesome and full of win and extremely punny.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 14:41, Reply)

Dance for me!
Dance! Dance!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 14:43, Reply)

*joins in dancing*
*gyrates hips*

*thrusts manfully*

*gets self conscious and stops*

Heya Tightly.
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 14:46, Reply)

*dances*
*thrusts crotch in Al's face*
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 14:52, Reply)

I think there
may still be a mars bar up there as well from my date with lusty
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 14:58, Reply)

Not any more I'll wager
al's like a chocolate monster; he probably snarfed it while he was up there.
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 15:16, Reply)

Pure filth.
/approves
(

thealternativefact, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 15:20, Reply)

I'm Tightly, and I approve these messages.

(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 15:24, Reply)

*sighs*
Al had his whole head up there and still didn't find my g-spot
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 15:32, Reply)

No my clit
looks more like a curly wurly than a mars bar
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 15:40, Reply)

Well that
borked the thread in quite an impressive manner
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 16:16, Reply)

Yeah.
Hahaha!

*puts the lotion in the basket*
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 16:18, Reply)

Where have you been?

(

thealternativefact, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 16:23, Reply)

Ooh lotion!
I need help rubbing it on my back though.

Where has everyone been? I've had to amuse myself
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 16:25, Reply)

Me?
I had to do some "Important And Urgent Health And Safety Stuff".
It was rubbish.
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 16:27, Reply)

I had to go to the pub.
*cries*
(

thealternativefact, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 16:32, Reply)

Damn you!
*shakes fist*
(

Cawl, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 16:36, Reply)

my heart bleeds Clendrix
it really does
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 16:45, Reply)

Don't worry, I didn't have fun.
I met up with Wookiee
who is hopefully still too busy to read this.
(

thealternativefact, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 16:51, Reply)

I've
had to go and pick the missus up from work, then read through a project proposal.

Am bored now. Think I'll knock one off now
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 16:55, Reply)

Time for a new one I think...

(

jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 5 Mar 2009, 18:11, Reply)

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