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( , Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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It's great being a gynaecologist.
Your sick jokes please - we've got three days of PUB to get through...
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 11:15, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

but it's REALLY slow and I thought it'd be a fun thread...maybe not :-)
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 11:20, Reply)

I went to the clinic the other day and was given an appointment with a female doctor.
She told me, "You're going to have to stop masturbating."
"Why's that?" I enquired.
"Because I'm trying to examine you."
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 11:19, Reply)

She had flaps so big, going down on her was like reading the Financial Times
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 11:24, Reply)

I'll have to diffuse this by being a poor, poor Al substitute:
Does your vagine hang like vizard'z sleeve?
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 11:28, Reply)

He wallpapered his hall-way via his letter box.
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 11:37, Reply)

But never mind.
A woman walks into a pub, pushes past the queue of half-cut men in varying stages of halitosis and then turns to face them. She raises one arm to reveal a thickly haired armpit.
"Who will buy this woman a drink?" She calls out.
Most of the men back away in a mix of confusion and fear. Then, from the far end of the bar, the old man, whose vision is impaired partly by his cataracts and more likely by the large glass of cheap scotch he is nursing, shouts to the barman,
"A pint for the ballerina!"
The barman serves the woman and the customers get busy with their drinks in a desperate bid to bleach from their minds the vision (and odour) of the woman's sweaty, hairy underarm.
After the queue has died down, the barman starts talking to the old man.
"Do you know her, then?" He asks,
"No."
"So how did you know she was a ballerina?"
"Only a ballerina could lift her leg that high."
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 11:39, Reply)

who taught me my offical New Favourite Joke of All Time?
Q: How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
A: None
No offence to Tuggers (of Padraig descent) or Mr Morningstar but I FUCKING LOVE THAT JOKE.
Inoffensive but smug grammar-and-history favourite:
Q: Who started the Pedants' Revolt?
A: Which Tyler
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 11:46, Reply)

I'll have to pick my audience carefully though. I'm already picturing the blank looks and furrowed brows if I told it here at work.
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 12:26, Reply)

How many sexual partners does a priest have?
Nun.
(I might have told that wrong)
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 15:57, Reply)

was worried that when he left Jordan she would turn to drink, but then he did leave her with a giant Harvey Wallbanger.
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 11:47, Reply)

When I first heard the news of their divorce, I thought she was having a mastectomy - well, at least they said she was getting rid of the right tit.
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 11:51, Reply)

Another one that was doing the rounds was:
So Jordan and Peter have split up? I bet Harvey didn't see that coming....
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 11:58, Reply)

she doesn't hang about, obviously.
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 11:59, Reply)

Israel knew when to pull out of Jordan...
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 12:22, Reply)

( , Fri 22 May 2009, 12:32, Reply)

Katie said she would "miss the family holidays they shared, the TV specials they made, and the companionship."
Peter said he would "miss the titwanks, and watching the fat cod eyed cunt walk into the wall"
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 12:07, Reply)

At least they drive slowly past schools.
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 12:12, Reply)

Ha! That's the least of your worries, you've got AIDS.
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 12:18, Reply)

Bloke goes to the widow at a petrol station and says, "Can I have a KitKat Chunky?"
The woman at the till gets a KitKat Chunky and hands it to him.
"No" says the man, "I want a normal KitKat, you fat cow."
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 12:21, Reply)

That Tescos Value Rohypnol is bloody rubbish.
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 12:34, Reply)

Little Boy Blue was sat on a rock,
Little Bo Beep was sucking his cock,
When he was finished she started to weep,
She could tell from the taste he'd been shagging the sheep.
( , Fri 22 May 2009, 12:57, Reply)
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