It's Monday Evening
time for one of these...


( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 19:27, 111 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Lol1st

( Mu Dinofiddler, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 19:36, Reply)

*huffs*
now that is just selfish

slight nsfw pic in article
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 19:39, Reply)

.
I'm surprised she didn't just become a preying mantis and eat all her former husbands.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 19:41, Reply)

/engage bitch mode
She's hardly what I'd call a glamour model.

/disengage bitch mode
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 19:42, Reply)

Perhaps
she's trying to do her bit to expand the number of available body-shapes that can make it to Glamour Model. But that still doesn't excuse her from being a non-eating preying mantis.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 19:45, Reply)

Then she is doing a service for the people. Of a sort.
Doesn't excuse her from being a greedy tart though, you're quite right.
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 19:47, Reply)

At least it goes to show
that even if you're not a stereotype glamour model, you can still bag five husbands. Perhaps this turn of events might put a spanner in the works of the media's desire to control the appearance of the female body.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 19:53, Reply)

Spak you are all of the awesome.
Normal looking women FTW!

Tangential: my flatmate has a theory that there is an Isle Of Ugly Japanese Girls somewhere tucked away since you never seem to see any...
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 19:56, Reply)

Indeed normal looking women FTW!
I'd say it was more an island of pictures of ugly Japanese women. I've never been to Japan, and apart from the few travellers who've made it to these fair shores, my only view of the Japs is through photos.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:05, Reply)

Nor have I, though I'd love to.
Have plans to go back to Lausanne with someone at some point in the future though. Woo and yay.

Flatmate is rather fond of Japanese women and their insanely high levels of beauty, so I suppose he has only seen a small sample ;)

*is very much normal looking*
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:08, Reply)

.
Is Lausane where you did your exchange year at Uni? My sister did her exchange year there. Have never been to Lausanne but have been to Geneva several times.

One of my semi-online friends is obsessed with Japanese women to the point that he only pursues Japanese women.

Perhaps this thing about Japanese women and beauty has something to do with the fact that we're genetically programmed to be better at telling people from our own race apart than we are people of other races. This must be some sort of evolved mechanism to prevent incest.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:19, Reply)

Yep :) spent six months there and loved it
in spite of being plagued by Stalker Girl. Want to go back there with someone special. I don't remember spending a lot of time in Geneva, shamefully, other than to go to Ikea! When was your sister there?

Must be; I consider myself straight but open to persuasion, and there are some of them that make my jaw drop. Perhaps it is because they look slightly different to us... either way, it's all good, right?
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:25, Reply)

About 10 years ago
Did you meat SG in Lausanne or did you know her from before?

I've heard from other sources that Japanese women can induce bisexuality in women. Have yet to hear of a case of Japanese men inducing bisexuality in men.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:37, Reply)

Oh, they can
They can...
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:16, Reply)

AND SHE'S IN PORN
oops caps lock

but really, I wouldn't pay a dollar at the strip club for her to shimmy in my face
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 19:51, Reply)

50 cents?
At a push?
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 19:57, Reply)

I might play quarters with her cavernous clunge

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:01, Reply)

You'd never get them back.
Best to use buttons.
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:05, Reply)

lets be honest here
I wouldn't want them back

I did have a 'friend' once that claimed she could pick up a quarter with her cooter after watching a stripper pick up a dollar with hers.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:07, Reply)

Niiiiiice.
I prefer to use my mimsy for its intended purpose. And how the hell did she find that out?
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:11, Reply)

I don't knoooooooooow
even if it's true why the hell would you tell someone that?!

and yes, I only use mine for its intended purpose as well.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:16, Reply)

After knowing Stalker Girl
nothing shocks me any more. This was a girl who would announce the joys of bumsex to the population of Tescos.
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:21, Reply)

Be glad she didn't work there
She could wreak havoc with the tannoy.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:27, Reply)

Flatmate used to.
He used to get Teh Fear of it though!
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:28, Reply)

I can just immagine him being on the tannoy
Attention all shopers. You are kindly reminded to refrain from talking about t3h buttsecks in this store - especially you Stalker Girl.

And to humiliate her even more, a foam downwards-pointing arrow could be suspended from the ceiling just above SG.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:40, Reply)

*pffffft*
She should just have that over her all the time, not just in Tescos.

"DO NOT TALK TO ME I AM A MENTAL".
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:41, Reply)

Went on a camping trip, squatted down in the woods for a piss, when she went back up she picked up a racoon.
From there it's a simple process of getting smaller and smaller objects.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:21, Reply)

If you put a quarter inside her clunge
would it give you change in nickels if you didn't want to spend a quarter?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:06, Reply)

I imagine theres some sort of penny shooter in there

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:08, Reply)

Like Winona Ryder in the South Park movie?

( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:10, Reply)

Perhaps
strippers could install coin-operated fannies. Just insert the coins, and pull a pube according to which service you're after.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:24, Reply)

But strippers don't have pubes!

( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:25, Reply)

how incredibly accurate
I actually think I'd like to see more pubes on strippers...perhaps in fun shapes
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:29, Reply)

You could invent a new party-game
Pin the clump of pubes on the bald mimsy.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:42, Reply)

how could I do that?
It was your idea.

After mass success and after I make billions you'll try to sue me.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:45, Reply)

Bad idea
Errant pubes would pick up lint from previous customers and deposit them on you lap. Before you know it the tumble drier's given you galloping knob rot.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:50, Reply)

I quite like the fact that I don't have to click on dailymail links anymore, to get the whole story.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 19:57, Reply)

That's OT for you.
Providing a well-appreciated service.
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 19:57, Reply)

c'mon c'mon, you can see a picture of her in a blond wig covering her nippleths

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 19:58, Reply)

Why don't I see that picture?

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:02, Reply)

You can
Your brain refuses to process its unappealingness.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:03, Reply)

they took it down
fuckers
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:04, Reply)

This is the Fail we're talking about after all.
Anyone who's not born and bred English is evil, immigrants carry a special kind of AIDS that lowers house prices and killed Princess Diana, and women don't have rude bits.
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:07, Reply)

This I can confirm
and that too.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:10, Reply)

okay okay okay....
Right, 30 and married five times, so on average that's every 6 years.

Pretty good goin' I would say.

I'm not sure where the 'glamour model' thing has come from though, she's not ugly, but I wouldn't say she's glamour model material.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:08, Reply)

If she's a glamour model
then I'm Kate Beckinsale in Underworld.
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:16, Reply)

may I have your autograph?!
*squeals in hope*
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:18, Reply)

*draws a CDC on a piece of bus ticket*
There you go :)
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:20, Reply)

I didn't realise Kate becinsomething is banksy !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:25, Reply)

Apparently so!

( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:26, Reply)

*barges you out the way*

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:25, Reply)

Now, now.
There's enough Kate for everyone.
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:26, Reply)

that's just rude :(
what a CRAP monday! *cries into her orange soda*
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:28, Reply)

Who loves orange soda?

( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:29, Reply)

Kel loves orange soda!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:46, Reply)

Is it true?

( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:51, Reply)

Indeed I do!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:09, Reply)

I love orange Tango
best of all the Tangoes.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:48, Reply)

I had grape soda yesterday.
It reminded me of a girl I knew with grape lipbalm at school.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:06, Reply)

Nooo BFF!
We can share :)
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:29, Reply)

no, you've ruined it

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:33, Reply)

:'(

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:36, Reply)

why are you crying?
I'm the one who should be crying

I totally asked for an autograph first, and here you come busting through pushing me out of the way

crappy BFF
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:38, Reply)

Nooo
I luff you!! *lets you have the autograph and perves on you both*
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:41, Reply)

no no
*dismisses*

I don't want it.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:42, Reply)

*hugs*

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:53, Reply)

*brandishes whip*
There shall be no pushing.
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:45, Reply)

Oh my

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:53, Reply)

Sorry. Reflex action.

( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:56, Reply)

Why are you sorry?

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:02, Reply)

Not sure although
I usually reserve the whip for someone else.
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:03, Reply)

Ahem
What exactly is going on here?
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:04, Reply)

OK. Now I don't feel guilty.
Was warming up for you, my pet.
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:04, Reply)

Yes mistress
*assumes position*
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:06, Reply)

*winds back and cracks, hard*

( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:06, Reply)

Evening all
how are we today? I'm busy packing for a few days away (working, regrettably)
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 20:58, Reply)

Not bad
Mostly finished unpacking from uni, waiting for my PAC to arrive so I can order my new phone, and organising things to do over the holidays.
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:03, Reply)

Realising I can't put off telling my parents
flatmate and I aren't together any more for much longer as my mum wants to come and see us. And I don't want her to so have been avoiding her.
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:04, Reply)

.
Any chance you could get the flatmate to go out for the day? Or could he be trusted to not mention that you've split up?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:20, Reply)

He'll either be working or
will not co-operate; he thinks I should have told them some time ago and will not lie; it's not in his nature. It's either that or I go to see them which I don't want to do either...
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:39, Reply)

Just out of interest
do you think you'd be able to keep this hidden from your parents indefinitely if you had to? What if flatmate moves out, or you get a shiny new BF?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:52, Reply)

Doubtful on both counts.
We've just renewed for another year in the flat, but I know they can't not find out. It's my father's inevitable "I TOLD YOU SO NOW STOP BEING SO STUPID AND COME HOME" that I'm dreading...
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:54, Reply)

Does your dad have any thoughts on what you'd do with your life if you lived with him
apart from being an elaborate ornament?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:57, Reply)

Enjoy the delights of garden centres, nice long walks in the country,
jacket potatoes for dinner every night and being forced to watch shit soaps. Oh, and teach him German without complaining and under no circumstances have sex with anyone.
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 22:01, Reply)

Why don't you suggest your dad gets a toy dog
If he dresses it in your clothes, he may never realise the difference and forget it's not you, while you'd be living it up large in Kent.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 22:11, Reply)

Could well work.
Except the toy dog won't cry when he yells at it.
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 22:14, Reply)

.
You could install a device that secretes water when the ambient volume becomes too high. It could re-fill by absorbing atmospheric moisture.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 22:16, Reply)

I like that.
On a similar note, you'd think he'd have figured out it's his behaviour that pushed me away by now, surely?
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 22:19, Reply)

Were you relying on him to figure it out
or have you tried telling him that?

Perhaps you could tell him via the medium of a looped message in your toy dog?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 22:28, Reply)

I don't know.
I've never really got on with him since I was about 14 and I think he just thinks I'm a stupid little girl who doesn't know what she's doing. I'm sort of relying on my mum to snap him out of it and cunt him in the fuck.

Or skywriting?
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 22:32, Reply)

Perhaps
you could try and keep your contact with your parents as minimal as possible. Then after many years, if you apologise, they might see sense and be thankful you're re-establishing contact. However, this is more likely to work on mums than dads.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 23:53, Reply)

rubbish
I have a rip in my pants :(
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:05, Reply)

Hiccups, not good.
Planning to take a sickie wednesday (although, if all goes right I won't be able to walk anyway). Laying in some of the groundwork now. Also, stroking my handy trout.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:07, Reply)

Who says you were going to work anyway?
I decide if you go to work or not, not you. I might have plans for you.
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:08, Reply)

Yes mistress
Do you wish me for anything on wednesday?
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:18, Reply)

Wednesday is shaping up to be a crap day at work.
Therefore I will require my slave to be on hand with tea and biscuits (only chocolate ones; plain is punishable by six of the best and one for each offending biscuit) and footrubs. And to draw me a bath when I return from work.
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:22, Reply)

Understood.
I will run before your bus to make sure your bath is ready and waiting. Before that, tea, double chocolate biscuits and foot massages will be on hand.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:24, Reply)

Good boy. Very good.
If you continue such exemplary behaviour, you may help Mistress undress at bathtime. If you misbehave between now and then, you shall be attached to the sink by your lead just out of reach.
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:29, Reply)

Ummm...
Is there something you two should be telling us?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:48, Reply)

We-ell...

( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:55, Reply)

Well?
* taps fingers on desk *

* watches Hair Pot break free of his shackles and run away from the corner of my eye *
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:58, Reply)

Aw, shit!
*legs it*
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 22:02, Reply)

* all of a sudden feels lonely *

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 22:05, Reply)

You're taking a sicky for hiccups??
Mind you, if they go on till Wednesday, its probably justified
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:09, Reply)

Taking a sickie for something else
The hiccups seem to be karma striking early.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:17, Reply)

Wasn't there some guy who had hiccups for 10 years or something?
I want to rage if I have them for 10 minutes.
( Maladicta, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:19, Reply)

.
I just realised that the guy at work who used to be my boss who then fucked off and returned two months later is leaving the company again. Apart from that, I realised we don't have anything that resembles air-conditioning in my office.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:12, Reply)

In other news....
Fluff by post:
www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/22/cat-dropped-in-mailbox-ad_n_218961.html
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:11, Reply)

Bet he wouldn't have adopted this
www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhEa4Rxyyb8
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 21:53, Reply)

Fact:
If you post a severed head and address it to the police, it will get through even if you don't put any stamps on it.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 22:18, Reply)

So John Doe wasted his money when he paid that van driver in Se7en then...

( GarbageFan didn't know what to have as a board sig on, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 22:21, Reply)