We need a new thread
So I'd like to take this opportunity to thank those of you who un-friended me when I left, but re-friended me on my return. I have no idea who you are as the list is too long for me to know who has gone and who hasn't, but cheers anyway.

Those of you who haven't re-friended me are all bum-spanking, mongified, loose-knickered anal lice.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:11, 74 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I never unfriended you at all
and therefore deserve some kind of medal.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:17, Reply)

Yes you do
I'm trawling the streets looking for images of Burt Reynolds to sellotape to my cock because of you, I'm probably going to have to print one off the internet
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:18, Reply)

Me too, me too.
God I'm bored.

Will you insult me for a while and then I can feel indignant.
( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:21, Reply)

I'll try to
but I've liked you ever since you said that I might be 'man enough' for you.

You smell like a rhinoceros fart, but I think you'd like a bite of my big kit kat
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:23, Reply)

I'm so desperate right now that I'd settle for a finger of fudge.

( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:34, Reply)

You filthy slapper
I meant this one b3ta.com/questions/childishthings/post525264
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:35, Reply)

I know what you meant you cheeky bugger.

( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:37, Reply)

So now you want a cheeky bugger too?
Crikey Beegers, are you insatiable or what?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:38, Reply)

: )

( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:44, Reply)

*slips a finger of fudge in one end*
*buggers the other*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:45, Reply)

Nor did I.
I kept the faith.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 19:34, Reply)

I never unfriended you
But I don't really look at that friends crap anyway.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:38, Reply)

*checks list*
Yes you did, you pathetic little girl child

EDIT and I only noticed myself because when I looked at my Activity page the number of fans had dropped by about ten compared to the number of friends, but it's rising again now that you all love me
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:39, Reply)

I have now
but only after you got yourself banned.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:45, Reply)

But that was a long time before I left
maybe I just didn't notice?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:47, Reply)

O'reirly?
*un-friends Al*
( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:43, Reply)

Yeah
because he's a liar anyway, he did un-friend me, that's why I'm getting all bitter and bent out of shape about it.

My love for him is undying, and I can't bear to think that he doesn't love me too
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:44, Reply)

Sorry Bert
I've moved on, though the pictures of you in a schoolboys outfit are giving me the righteous horn.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:45, Reply)

I sexed it up a bit
just for you.

Please don't say you've moved on, don't say it's over. One day we'll be together again, the old Bert and Al, maybe even Kaol too, we'll frolic in the fields and forage in the daisies. We'll dry-hump passers by and dip our genitals in gravy. It'll be the best of times.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:47, Reply)

*prepares video camera*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:55, Reply)

I haven't friended you at all

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:02, Reply)

SHOCKING BEHAVIOUR

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:05, Reply)

I care not

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:07, Reply)

Well, that's OK then.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:09, Reply)

Brilliant strength of resolve there.

( thealternativefact, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:10, Reply)

You can shut up an' all, you great big bumder.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Bumder?
I'm off to investigate this new role.
( thealternativefact, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:21, Reply)

Wait! You forgot your fedora hat and trenchcoat!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:25, Reply)

Yes, but I have my frying pan and lube.

( thealternativefact, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:30, Reply)

deviant

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:32, Reply)

*sweats*

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:56, Reply)

DUN DUN DUUUUUN
DiT where's your yeller missus?

BERT I never friended you or unfriended you. I have remained constant.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:09, Reply)

Probably up your bum.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:09, Reply)

I wondered what that was
I put it down to too much fibre
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:12, Reply)

I put it down to you having my wife up your bum.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:18, Reply)

It feels nice when she yodels

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:20, Reply)

*films*
*profits*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:25, Reply)

I'll be in my trailer
When I get your wife out of my arse...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:34, Reply)

*smirk*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:26, Reply)

And shut up you
Dirty Ticket
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:35, Reply)

You've managed to confuse me again.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:37, Reply)

What's confusing about me calling you Dirty Ticket?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:40, Reply)

everything

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:42, Reply)

What's the matter with you ponces?
Are you not familiar with the term?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:52, Reply)

Does it mean he's been passed around a bit?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:53, Reply)

it must be some bloody northern thing
some foul corruption of our beautiful language
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:54, Reply)

How dare you!
Use your loaf.
*Bert, don't use your loaf. I do not want a loafing today.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:08, Reply)

But I brought my dripping baguette especially

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:11, Reply)

take it away

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:16, Reply)

I'll just butter the end
Now, bend over and I'll ram it in, which orifice would you prefer?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:18, Reply)

I said be gone!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:23, Reply)

Oh, my mistake
I thought you meant 'begin'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:26, Reply)

Easily done

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:41, Reply)

DUN DUN DUHHHHH!
I was not up your bum I was dead at the time!

I was on the moon with Steve!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:09, Reply)

*BASH*
*runs*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:23, Reply)

Ahahaha
Fool on you, I'm wearing my protective anti-bashing suit! So... nur! :P
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:30, Reply)

Shit
*pushes downstairs*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:41, Reply)

Ha!
With the new anti-bashing suit falling down the stairs is a dream, its like floating on a bed of kittens.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:57, Reply)

crunchy and traumatising?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:42, Reply)

Maybe for
the kittens! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:50, Reply)

Why I oughta...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:54, Reply)

I haven't ever friended you,
you seem a bit needy.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:14, Reply)

He is, man.
He's always, like, 'I need a pint', or 'I need to bend your ear', or 'I need your pulsing shaft inside me'.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:29, Reply)

Or
"I need you to pick up the feet and help me get her in the boot before it wears off."
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:45, Reply)

I am indeedy
I need the constant adoration of internet strangers or my balloon knot will implode.

EDIT somebody else has just re-added me, what's wrong with you people?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:51, Reply)

I dropped you like a hot potato as soon as you stopped posting
and have re-added you now that people are posting on your threads because I'm a giant whore.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:54, Reply)

You total slag
I honestly believe that 'Friends' have been the downfall of B3ta, things were so much simpler a couple of years ago...
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:56, Reply)

does anyone actually look at that stuff?
I've got a bunch of people on there but don't think I've ever used it for anything.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:57, Reply)

I don't know
I still use it to see if anybody I know has posted anything interesting, but I haven't and won't be adding anybody again in the future, it's a waste of time.

Sometimes my friends activity screen is full of crap, it's better to go to see all of the miscellaneous posts than sit through the same people posting the same things in the same styles all the time. I've only 'friended' most people out of politeness, because they 'friended' me first.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:00, Reply)

"Politeness"
Rolls around laughing. Ironically.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 23 Sep 2009, 12:16, Reply)

I use it to spy on people.

( thealternativefact, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:01, Reply)

spy on stalk
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:02, Reply)

Stalking takes too much effort.

( thealternativefact, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:07, Reply)

That's why we all prefer styping

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:08, Reply)