Mrs Monkeysex's left boob is a tiny little bit smaller than her right one.
She's quite paranoid about it, despite the fact that it's completely unnoticeable; unless you happen to be staring at her naked body at very close proximity, actually looking for defects.

So, which hideous malformations does your body have?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 14:55, 84 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Does she?
They feel the same size.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 14:57, Reply)

*applause*
How are you btw? Still not done those mixes....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 14:58, Reply)

Very well my old fruit.
I got bored and returned to the fold. Especially now that we are talking about Mrs Monkeysex's boobs.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:14, Reply)

Grand to have you back

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:30, Reply)

My left boob is slightly smaller than my right one.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 14:57, Reply)

your third chin
is slightly larger than your second. Where's wookie with that pic of you again?
( djtrialprice, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 14:58, Reply)

You rang?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:02, Reply)

I would like this on a collectable china plate
nest to my kitten/Diana/Maddie ones
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:03, Reply)

I'm more hurt
than angry
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:11, Reply)

You love it
you bitch. Now make us both a cup of tea and fetch the ice cubes.
( djtrialprice, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:17, Reply)

There's nothing funnier than an angry fat man.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:20, Reply)

The same as your Mrs, as do a lot of women.
Apart from that I'm perfect in every way.
( girlinthehole, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 14:57, Reply)

Liar!
I know you've got a conjoined twin foetus growing out of your flange
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:04, Reply)

That's my clit you fool.

( girlinthehole, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:06, Reply)

Oh...
I'd never seen one before, I always wondered what they looked like
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:07, Reply)

I have an insane amount of grey hair for the tender age of 26.
Also, a scar on my hand from where it was pinched between the quarter panel and the hood of an old chevy truck
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 14:59, Reply)

Same here with the grey hair
and it's spreading, so soon I'll look like a skinny silverback
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:03, Reply)

yes, well, I shall continue to dye mine fire red and there won't be any problems

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:05, Reply)

You're a bloody ginger?
Fuck off
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:07, Reply)

Fuck you Bert
Red headed women, like your mrs, are HAWT!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:10, Reply)

I know
The Amazonian, flame-haired, lop-sided beauty that she is.

I'm going to break her tonight, I can feel it
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:11, Reply)

YEAH!
Give her one from me. I want you to hold on to those wonky tits and shout "This ones for the Geordie!" Before cracking her pelvis.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:12, Reply)

I'm actually a brunette, very dark brown
it's currently this color
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:13, Reply)

Nice.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:14, Reply)

Aw man
an old Chevy Truck, were you up in the mountains with your old man, just you two, a tent, the old Chevy and a rifle. Getting back to nature, spending the day hiking and looking for deer. You bagged a few rabbits and dad pitched the tent and was making a fire. The hood of the truck was up so you could connect an electric light to the car battery. The engine was quietly idly and some country tunes were playing on the radio. But you got a bit bored and got up to change the station, and as you leaned in the window you heard a screech of metal and in leaning back to see what the noise was, your hand got caught as the hood dropped. But your dad squeezed you real tight and told you it was gonna be okay, and he pulled a couple of bottles of sasparilla out of the boot and you sat and watched the sun go down together.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:09, Reply)

"Night John-boy"
"Night Pa"
"Night Ma"
( djtrialprice, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:12, Reply)

my dad can't be around guns
he's a convicted felon *twiddles thumbs*
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:14, Reply)

What did he do
Sexually assault a gun?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:17, Reply)

I actually don't know
I plan to ask when he gets out of the slammer but who knows when that'll be, they keep denying parole

poor daddy :(
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:19, Reply)

I'm not going to take the bait on this one
I've been burned too many times before.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:21, Reply)

hahahahahaha
there is an air of truth to those posts but not quite as extreme as I've made them out to be
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:24, Reply)

My eyes do that pre cum thing
and I have tail
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:02, Reply)

You sound sexy
fancy hooking up?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:05, Reply)

Got some funky scars and I walk with a slight limp
due to a back problem.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:06, Reply)

None
I am completely perfect!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:06, Reply)

You've got a mole on your cock

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:07, Reply)

That's a lovebite
From your mum
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:09, Reply)

no no, I meant an actual Mole
He's nibbling your helmet
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:10, Reply)

I have a collection
of scars, most on my forehead, hence the fringe. As a child I danced on too many coffee tables and walked into too many doors... it explains a lot really.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:07, Reply)

Ah....
I have a little scar on my cheek just like Action Man's. When people ask how I got it I say 'monkey knife fight', but it's actually just where I hit my face on a chair once
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:09, Reply)

Hehe moneky knife fight is better though
I have one from coffee table dancing, one from running into a classroom door, one from headbutting my sisters plastic post office and one right near my eye from when my dog jumped over my head and hit me in the face with his paw! Fun times!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:12, Reply)

You clumsy tart
you ought to wear protection, or at least come with a warning
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:12, Reply)

I do come with a warning
DON'T FEED THE FLIM-FLAM
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:15, Reply)

I'm going to take pleasure
in walking round your bedroom eating biscuits.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:17, Reply)

To be honest
you couldn’t make the new place any more messy than it already is… it needs a lot of lovin’
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:26, Reply)

Not you as well.
There are so many crumbs in my bedroom!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:28, Reply)

I like snacking
:(
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:45, Reply)

what about if he gets you wet?


(with water, you perverts)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:44, Reply)

I turn into a Gremlin…
but only after midnight.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:48, Reply)

jesus christ
you mean you aren't a gremlin already?

the horror.....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:50, Reply)

Nope
but soon...
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 30 Oct 2009, 16:15, Reply)

I'm a gynaecologist's wet dream.
If hospitals had loyalty cards I'd be on for a complimentary operation by now (instead of the regular, free NHS ones).
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:08, Reply)

Had all your warts lasered off then?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:09, Reply)

Burnt off with liquid nitrogen.
Nah, I'm one of those sensible people who goes to the GUM clinic and makes sure everything is clean and healthy. It's a cheap thrill AND I get to sit next to all the junkies and hookers and feel superior for an hour or so.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:10, Reply)

Nice

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:11, Reply)

I'm sure they're thinking the same
*miaow*
( djtrialprice, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:13, Reply)

Yeah, but I've never had a callback.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:13, Reply)

Until you take one home
and marry him
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:12, Reply)

I go for the youngsters
as they've had less time to contract diseases.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:13, Reply)

Shame that didn't apply to Captain V though.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:14, Reply)

He's been turning tricks since he was sucking on the nipple.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:15, Reply)

Ah yes...
The 'Glitter' defense - very cunning.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:16, Reply)

Nothing quite like getting fingered by a professional.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:13, Reply)

That's what your mum said.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:19, Reply)

Just becuase you do it a lot
doesn't make you a professional.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:20, Reply)

Just because you fuck your bike
it doesn't make you Lance Armstrong.
But I'm pretty sure it makes you gay.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:22, Reply)

How can fucking a bike make me gay?
It would make me a cyclosexual surely?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:27, Reply)

If the bike was a girl, then yes.
But yours is clearly a gay male. You gay.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:33, Reply)

I have a scar on my perineum.
If I ever find a man with a fetish for scarred perineums then he'll go crazy for me.
( girlinthehole, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:14, Reply)

You should have mentioned that on last week's qotw.
There'll be someone out there, mark my words.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:15, Reply)

Mmmmmm scars.
Preferably fresh scabs.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:17, Reply)

I have a scar
on my right hand which looks the first letter of my initials. I tell people I was giving myself a homemade tattoo but I had to stop as there was too much blood. The truth is that I was play wrestling outside Scouts. I was trying to do a Boston Crab (the finishing move of Rick "The Model" Martell) and it backfired.

I am all that is man.
( djtrialprice, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:15, Reply)

oh
and I also have scarred, dead skin on my right bicep as I spilled a supossedly out-of-reach cup of hot tea over me when I was 2.

Tea: obsessed from a young age.
( djtrialprice, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:25, Reply)

My face.

( Sunburn Go on.... It's character building!, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:21, Reply)

I have a scar in my eyebrow
from when I tried to get out of bed in the actual morning once and was so shocked I immediately fell face-first onto a radiator. Naturally I made myself a bog-roll turban to absorb all the blood and went back to bed.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:24, Reply)

I told a little lie
My 'bobbys helmet' is 2 shades of purple.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:27, Reply)

I have a scar right on my scrotum from where I had an operation on it.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:34, Reply)

All the best men have scars on their scrotums
No it wasn't from a neutering
( Captain V, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:37, Reply)

So how'd you get yours then, catface?
Catface, he's got a big cat's face
He's got the body of a cat
And the face of a cat
And he flies through the air
'Cause he's got a cat face
CAT FACE!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:40, Reply)

inverted nipples, when not cold or aroused
I have quite a lot of little scars on my hands, but they are mostly from making bongs.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:36, Reply)

Oh Christ, you sound grim

(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:50, Reply)

I am, but only as far as man nipples aren't exactly exciting anyway
not seen you for a while. where have you been?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:52, Reply)

Mrs Vipros sure is a lucky lady
*heaves*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 16:13, Reply)

she certainly is

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 16:33, Reply)