I'm having a tough time again.....
I won't go in to it but this, I will:

This morning I looked in the mirror and didn't like the person looking back at me. At all. It then occurred to me that I've not looked in the mirror properly for ages as I'm not happy with me at all and it's spilling in to my professional life (the 2 week beard/facial hair confirms it).

Nothing witty there I'm afraid - just an outlet to you, my b3ta friends.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 10:53, 124 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Have a shave.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 10:55, Reply)

this sounds like an off the cup remark but it really is the best advice,
you can't do everything at once, but you can have a shave and personal hygiene is important for self respect.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:01, Reply)

do you mean off the cuff?
or is off the cup a phrase I am not familiar with

you make a good point though. getting your appearance together will help with the other stuff.

it's hard to feel good about yourself if you don't look good. and if you don't look good people will treat you as if something is wrong, which will make things worse.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:03, Reply)

I'd like to think
He's been saying "off the cup" for years thinking it's a genuine phrase, to the bemusement of a listener.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:07, Reply)

a mate and I once overheard another mate on the phone
saying he was "en croute" somewhere.

we almost died with laughter every time we brought it up for months afterwards. When we mentioned it to him he insisted he said it on purpose. I know that that is not the case. He didn't know we were listening, he wouldn't have been joking with the person he was talking to, and I suspect he didn't know what en croute meant
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:09, Reply)

A friend of mine always says
hypochondriact which amuses me as she often mocks others for being retarded.

Another friend obviously heard the phrase 'lackadaisical' once and thought it was a good one as she reuses it on an almost daily basis. However, she says lacksydaisy, which always amuses me.

Although I confess that I only recently realised that Inspiral Carpets were called Inspiral Carpets and not Spiral Carpets. In my defence, this is because whenever anyone refers to Clint Boon, they describe him as 'that guy who was in Inspiral Carpets' and they practically slur their words, being grim northerners.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:15, Reply)

A bloke I work with also says lacksydaisical,
and unindated amongst others.

It unfuriates me.
(TheColonel, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:38, Reply)

That is truly hilarious

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:20, Reply)

My mother had a friend
who apparently greatly enjoyed the works of 'Roland Dahl'


*belms*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:23, Reply)

Hehehehe
You and your belming.

My brother can't say the word melt, he pronounces it milt e.g. 'I left an ice cube on the side and it milt'... this is what growing up in The Fens does to a person.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:28, Reply)

is he south african?
or new zealand...ian?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:29, Reply)

Not unless
he's adopted... which would explain a lot.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:31, Reply)

I figure that most brothers are adopted
fairly sure my oldest one was
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:33, Reply)

A man's gotta have a hobby
Mine happens to be belming

*shrugs*


*belms*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:30, Reply)

haha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:32, Reply)

Fair enough
*belms back*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:34, Reply)

*runs crying to cr3*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:40, Reply)

Rubbish
You belm at one man :(

Also you can't run to the mods about MEEEEE! I'm all different kinds of amazing, you big girl!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:42, Reply)

are you like Bubble from Absolutely Fabulous?
just curious
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:56, Reply)

Nope
I don't have a squeaky voice, apparently I have quite a 'posh voice' although what that actually means is anyone’s guess!? I also dress like a normal person.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:02, Reply)

Yeah I meant off the cuff,
I'm a retard.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:07, Reply)

That's a better way of putting what I said below
I know what I mean... that's the main thing!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:08, Reply)

And chisel the smeg out, whilst you're at the sink.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:28, Reply)

Are you Craig Charles?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:33, Reply)

No.
I'm Rimmer.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:34, Reply)

You're a Rimmer, that's for sure

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:38, Reply)

*rims*
and again.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:43, Reply)

I told you to talk about doughnuts
Look what happens when you don't take my advice!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:02, Reply)

Are you talking about this or what happened last night?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:02, Reply)

Last night
I'm just about up to speed. I told you doughnuts are the way forward man and fluttering of the eyelashes... I bet you didn't do either of these things!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:07, Reply)

I'm not much of a flutterer

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:08, Reply)

Bums
Then you will need to join my doughnut masterclass instead!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:09, Reply)

I'll try to persuade someone to go to Krispy Kreme,
... the pregnant girl would be an easy target, I just have to mention food and she goes crazy.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:11, Reply)

Now you're thinking
with a doughnut brain my friend! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:14, Reply)

I agree
You can't change your face mate.

I find a good shave helps me get going if I'm feeling grim.

And I mean of the facial kind. Not that kind of facial either.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:05, Reply)

I think I know how you feel.
I have had a similar thing this morning but without the actual mirror.
I'm not gonna go into specifics at the moment, I'm gonna save that for a thread when I have the time to think it through properly.
Having a shave is probably a good idea. Sorting yourself out needs to start somewhere.
Take care!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:04, Reply)

I hate to be the bearer of bad bullying
but why is it that only people with really insignificant problems get all depressed and beat themselves up about it? I mean look at Monty (no offence intended here), he's going through a pretty shit time from the sound of it, but he's holding it together.

So unless somebody's dead, dying or going to prison, man-up, put on a cheery face and get out there to have some fun, mofo.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:20, Reply)

I am holding it together
I am - but you need an outlet, don't you?

B3ta helped me before and I have a couple of good friends (sorry i've not been in touch you two) as a result of the outlet.

I'll man up once I get my head heading on the right path.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:28, Reply)

Of course you do, I didn't mean to come across as harsh in any way
I'm sure that you'll sort yourself out and be alright before you know it, but you're better off relying on friends and people who know you than posting on the internet. Sure there are helpful people here, but there are also cocks like me who are always going to reply 'OMGGETOVERITYOUBIGGIRLIEMAN'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:32, Reply)

it's ok
everyone knows you are a big ugly bender with no control over the idiotisms that tumble from your fingers onto the interwebs
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:39, Reply)

Hahaha
Summed up, perfectly
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:43, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:50, Reply)

*shaves monkeysex*
and his furry tail.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:30, Reply)

Believe me
it needs it
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:34, Reply)

I'd like a tail.
I'd get up to all sorts of furry shenannigans if I had one.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:35, Reply)

Oh, I thought you meant my cock

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:36, Reply)

I did.
The long one which trails behind you.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:40, Reply)

Yeah
that's my cock alright

*looks over shoulder*

Hiya cock, how you doing?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:46, Reply)

You talk to your cock?
Does it answer?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:48, Reply)

It says
'Hellooo.. is it me you're looking for...?'

/Lionel Ritchie is my penis
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:52, Reply)

It's a black guy,
with a dodgy hairstyle?
Cool.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:59, Reply)

Absolutely
I have no idea why it's so tanned, it has massive lips and dodgy hair, as well as a string of pop hits in the late 70s and the 80s
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:01, Reply)

Seeing as you have no idea what problems I'm facing you're not really in a position to describe them as insignificant.
Same goes for JTW, he didn't specify either yet you assume his problems are insignificant.

What I'm going through at the moment is pretty fucking serious, I can assure you of that.
I would rather be re-experiencing my divorce than going through this.
But as I said earlier I'm gonna thread it when I know what I need to say.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:31, Reply)

I just find that those with really serious problems
are the ones who keep them to themselves, maybe confide in a friend or two, but don't post about it on the internet.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:33, Reply)

I think everyone has been there at some stage
Maybe have a good hard think about what it is exactly you don't like about yourself and come up with positive ways to change your opinion of yourself.

I realise that's really quite vague advice :S
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:05, Reply)

Was Ainsley Harriot standing behind you?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:09, Reply)

^^this
made me officelol
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:16, Reply)

Hahha! Fucking genius!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:22, Reply)

MTFU
and have a nice wanky cup of tea, there's a pet
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:16, Reply)

Small steps
Shave, go for a bracing walk, see a friend, clean your flat, try and achieve something however small it all helps.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:20, Reply)

i.e.
have a wank.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:21, Reply)

naa
that small amount of post-wank self-loathing might tip him over the edge.

go out and buy a hand-job from some crack-whore instead
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:22, Reply)

All your recommendations are terrible
Don't listen to him, stick with having a wank. Call the samaritans if you have to, sometimes they're up for talking dirty
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:23, Reply)

I find spunking off my 6th floor balcony helps.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:31, Reply)

I can imagine how it would

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:33, Reply)

Is that into the wind
or down wind? Because it may get a bit messy if you get it wrong?

Ah, it all comes back to me now.

No apologies for old joke.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:40, Reply)

Down wind obviously.
I'm not a pervert.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:42, Reply)

Not much of one anyway.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:43, Reply)

I know
I know I need to fix it, but there's so much to fix and I just think that stepping away is the best thing to do.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:21, Reply)

Without knowing more details
I can only recomend you do nothing rash, and take things slowly.
Unless your problem is that something like a real bus baring down on you, in which case run like fuck now.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:32, Reply)

but don't run directly away,
run to the side, too many people get that wrong.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:33, Reply)

it's a bit like bull fighting

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:36, Reply)

Or line dancing.
And you get to wear a checked shirt.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:41, Reply)

What about 'on-line dancing'?

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:49, Reply)

Geeks don't dance
unless it's that 80s side-step thing we do
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:52, Reply)

The Youth Club Shuffle?

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:56, Reply)

That's the one
I was king of the youth club shuffle
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:57, Reply)

IT HAS A NAME!
Great terminology there
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:48, Reply)

Well
I've replied Lu

I know this isn't **the** place for therapy but sometimes an anonymous post can make you read what's going on, step back and think.

My friends will help, but there is always the chance that someone who has been through this sort of thing can offer another perspective (as they already have)

I have enough sense to not come here exclusively for help....

If I have a "I'm having too much sex" problem, this will be where I'll come.... Not literally, of course :-)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:48, Reply)

Nobody on here would be able to give you advice about having too much sex.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:51, Reply)

Ahem

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:51, Reply)

sex
with yourself doesn't count
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:07, Reply)

Damn
Does the disappointment never end?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:08, Reply)

All to quickly in your case.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:11, Reply)

You've been speaking to the Mrs, haven't you?
Are you the bloke she's been seeing on the side?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:12, Reply)

I'm working on it.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:18, Reply)

"it"?
That's no way to talk about my woman, you fiend
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:19, Reply)

Of course it is, you've seen her.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:20, Reply)

She's beeeeeeyoooootiful
and don't you dare say otherwise ready-meal-for-one, or I shall unleash a kind of hell like you've never seen before
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:22, Reply)

How dare you say I eat ready meals.
I'm going to gaz the mods.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:26, Reply)

Alright then
You cook yourself meals made entirely out of fresh ingredients, but because you're alone and nobody loves you you always have to put half in a bit of tupperware and save it for the next day.

Unless you're a lardo.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:28, Reply)

Ha, I don't live alone!
the rest of your post is accurate.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:38, Reply)

What about
SpankyHanky? Oh I see...
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:53, Reply)

I'll be able to help more with that one
my cock looks like it's been through a mangle.

Everybody has already said it, but depression/suffering and serious problems are something we all go through. You'll be alright bucko, some day you'll marry a chimney sweep, someday you'll have kids, you'll be happy for a while, and then it'll all be torn away from you again, and that chimney sweep wil start poking about in somebody else's flue. If you know what I mean.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:51, Reply)

We ALWAYS know what you mean.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:55, Reply)

Best life advice ever ^^

I await the commisioning of the monkysex Kyle show
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:55, Reply)

Funny how....
Funny how something like posting this can make you feel just a little better:

The gazs help, the replies, funny, serious or flippant all help.

It's like popping back to your school classroom where all your mates are and getting all this :-)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:10, Reply)

BENNNNN-DER

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:10, Reply)

Practical advice.
Change your life. Do something to give back. Launch a charity expedition, say, or perhaps train as a doctor.

Only, make sure you actually train as a doctor, rather than just saying you did. Word to the wise.
(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:16, Reply)

Hahaha
How's prison?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:18, Reply)

don't forget the cock pics.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:19, Reply)

Meatpuppets these days, they've got no commitment I tells ya

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:26, Reply)

Easy tiger.
It's just that, in the prison library, I need to "earn" every couple of minutes online.
(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:48, Reply)

Why the fuck aren't you banned?
How's it working out lying to the prison councillors, lying to your fellow inmates and being stuck all alone in your personal world of cuntishness?
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 16:51, Reply)

maybe
you should stick a picture of something or someone lovely on the mirror instead; at least it'd bring a temporary smile to your face!
Anyway, what's not to like? You're certainly on the right side of hideous. If you need to make yourself feel better, then go out onto the street and take an honest appraisal of the first ten people you see - no filtering allowed. You will soon glean that the general standard of attractiveness is way below what telly would have us believe. It's always a good tip.
(jennymnemonic, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:20, Reply)

Whne I'm having a serious case of the Aw Diddums, I try my best to change something.
Not sure what exactly, new flatmate, new job, get away, see a mate I ain't seen in yonks, anything like that.

It isn't easy, but it helps me.

Or I go to a b3sh0rz and 1up my self esteem.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 14:24, Reply)

.
I think the next few days or even a week will shape what happens in life for me and what I do as a result of it.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 15:22, Reply)

go on a massive bender

(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 20:31, Reply)

Um
No thanks - I'm straight :)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 20:59, Reply)