I doubt I'll get much work done today as I have Biscuit on my knee.
It's nearly ten O'clock, I'm covered in dog hair and I've done bugger all. Ain't work grand.

What's the best thing about your job?
( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 9:56, 110 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm frequently referred to as an expert
people phone me and ask me for advice a lot and have to listen to what I say
I get to say no to people's stupid ideas quite a lot.

these are all things that please me
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 9:58, Reply)

A bit like here really.

( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:00, Reply)

people don't ask me for advice here, they get it whether they like it or not

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:08, Reply)

I was once called a "Sexpert" in a talking-head show.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:43, Reply)

The fact
I do not have one. I'm currently on the sofa eating toast in my boxers. Student see, hard life.

But when I worked for my uncle's company during the summer, at the top of Union Street, it meant that I could get lunch at Borough Market on Thursdays and Fridays. That was bloody fantastic.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Then why the hell are you awake at 10am?
Get back to bed.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:02, Reply)

I physically can't sleep for more than six or seven hours. No matter how tired I am. Went to bed at three, it's horrible.

The plus side to this is that I can eat a whole loafs worth of toast whilst everyone is still in the land of nod. And then leg it out before they get up.

Not that that's relevant to now. I'm at home.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:07, Reply)

I can work from home unless I'm actually lecturing or in meetings or need to go to the library.
This morning I am taking part in my first ever Skype meeting. I have no idea how to use Skype but it can't be that hard because old people can use it.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Step 1) Open Skype
Step 2) Wait for someone to call.

Step 3) Talk/ignore them and wander off.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:09, Reply)

It's a 3way.
I haven't had a 3way in years.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:14, Reply)

In your condition too *tuts*

( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Technically from now on whenever you and

catface bump uglies there will be someone else present...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Yeah, incest.
I could write it up for Literotica.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:20, Reply)

It'd make the favourites list

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:22, Reply)

best thing?
Working from home, and maybe after almost 45 hours of non sleep, I'll sleep tonight.........
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Free prescription drugs...
...and women take their clothes off when I ask them to.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Rapist/drug baron?

( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:06, Reply)

how many GCSEs do you need to become a Rapist Drug Baron?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Three
One in tax evasion
One in business management, specialising in exports
and one in PE
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:12, Reply)

alternatively
Spanish
Business Studies
Home Economics (for meth dealers)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:13, Reply)

DAMN! Underqualified AGAIN...
*quickly retrieves unopened notice letter from boss's office*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:15, Reply)

Umm, can I have
some Lexapro? Totally not insured, doc gave up all his free samples but it helped me, lots.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:12, Reply)

You are Peter Stringfellow
AICMFP
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Well spotted my dear...
...have you ever considered a career in the entertainment business?

Perhaps you should stop by my office....
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:44, Reply)

When you say 'free prescription drugs', do you actually require the prescription part? Because if not, I can make you a lot of money.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:45, Reply)

I don't want to be struck off!

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:56, Reply)

However if you want pictures of my patients....
...that can be arranged.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:57, Reply)

It would be totally worth it for me.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Fair enough...
Fancy a smorgesbord of opiates and some meth?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:28, Reply)

OH GOD YES !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:35, Reply)

It's inside and I sit down
free tea/coffee/toilet paper

the actual job bores me to tears
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:08, Reply)

I get paid.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:11, Reply)

I've not been paid in ages, it's been so long that I think my credit status is growing back.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Have you got an up to date cv?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Yup
It's not impressive by £50kpa standards, but it's not bad, surely someone will want to interview me or something !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:16, Reply)

I get paid lots of money to live by the Med doing very little actual work
I pass lots of bare breasts on the beach every day.
i like breasts.
( broadsword, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:12, Reply)

You can have too much of a good thing.
Except breasts of course, I forgot.

Sorry.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:20, Reply)

If breasts grew on your face that might be to much

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Really?
Imagine caressing your face all day, it would bring world peace in an instant.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:28, Reply)

I'm rubbing my cheeknips as I type this

( broadsword, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:30, Reply)

And my tittychin is getting a good palming
See, anyone can do it.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:37, Reply)

The best thing is being able to bamboozle people with da science innit
and knowing that they don't know I am talking to you lot, and not doing my work.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:17, Reply)

I get to spend much of my day fucking about on the internet as we're not very busy.
This is somewhat tempered by the fact that it pays less than minimum wage.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Almost nothing, sadly.
I feel terminally unfulfilled and my epic level of underachievement, which didn't bother me at all until I became a father, is really weighing down heavily upon me. I was earmarked for so-called Big Things from a young age, but have singularly failed to deliver on any level. Becoming a father and sliding towards 40 are both adding to my unease and disappointment in myself.

But now I am hamstrung by the fact that I've done the same job for 15 years and to radically move industries would require a drastic paycut that is simply not possible.

I am trapped in a pretty shitty life. I have much to be grateful for, but I don't feel very fucking grateful most of the time. Sometimes I slightly envy the homeless bullshitters at Old Street station with their simple existence of super-strong drink and gangrene.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:32, Reply)

It must be an interesting perspective for them,
topping up their Tennent's Superpowers as they view the world from their fortress of Skolitude...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:35, Reply)

I like this a lot

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Fabulous use of English. 10/10

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:38, Reply)

I feel almost exactly the same
However i get paid relatively very little for my contributions, but that is reflected in my input. However, that in itself is a vicious circle of boredom, inactivity and underachieving. I desperately need a new job, something in which I have a semblance of interest.

My wife is very driven and has achieved and surpassed every goal she has ever set herself. She comes home and start shooting the sit about what happened/is happening in her work and I can hold my own and even offer insights that her colleagues fail to spot. Then i think, fuck, i could work there, i could do that, i could get paid £40k, those folk sound like gormless cunts but have somehow managed to land on their feet and have been holding on for grim death ever since, terrified someone will find them out for the gormless cunts they actually are.

Over achieving and being in a job that exploits latent skills is a brilliantly positve position to be in. it can transform a person, make them walk more upright, enable them to look in the mirror and be happy with what they see. These things are out there, they just require faith in yourself.

However, the phrase, the cliche that is 'It's not what you know, it's who you know" rings loudly in me ears and the daily misery grinds me down a little more. I refuse to feel sorrow for myself though, because once you start down that road, then it's game over.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Fucking shit, innit?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:52, Reply)

It's not good, at all
Let's get pished, caned and stoned instead.

Fuck it all.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:55, Reply)

That's pretty shit
Do you live to work or work to live?

I used to be the former, but am much happier now it is the latter.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I've always been very strictly the latter.
The idea that you can be defined by the way you pay for your home and food is fucking laughable but endemic in society. On the rare occasion I meet new people, the 'so what do you do?' question always comes up. I'd rather know 'what are you interested in? what makes you tick?' etc but I appear to be in the minority.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:05, Reply)

butting in
you're not the only one
(maggotriddendirtbox fast, feral and sharp as a tack since, Sun 17 Jan 2010, 2:41, Reply)

in my industry there seems to be an expectation that you will do the former
engineer isn't what you do, it's what you are.

fuck that shit.

it pays the bills and it's not too dull. if I could find something that would pay the same and be less boring or have less responsibility I would snap it up, despite my clearly engineering brain
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Engineers are a special case
You couldn't change engineer for accountant or solicitor in your statement.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:14, Reply)

most accountants are people who trained as something else
then found out it didn't pay enough, so became accountants.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:16, Reply)

and consequently much duller

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:22, Reply)

I know what you mean
I've been coasting along making the absolute minimum of effort for the last five years. Thankfully, I shall be escaping this hellpit in a few months (I hope) but I sort of then need to get another terminally unfulfilling IT job in a pretty rapid fashion lest my debt consume me.

I could go and do something else or get another qualification, but then my debts would consume. Boo hiss.

Still, no the upside, it's skive central here at the moment.
(barnaby_kettleworth, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Gutted

(PsychoChomp, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:23, Reply)

If I didn't turn up, I don't think anyone would notice.
And yet for some reason, I still turn up...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:34, Reply)

people believe what I say
even if it's crap

it was quite unnerving to start with, now it's just tempting to make shit up
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Everyone is really nice
and we all go out drinking quite a bit of Fridays so its usually a fun night. Also we go away on trips each year and get treated to staying in nice hotels and have parties etc. This year we're going to Brussels for a long weekend! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:41, Reply)

I thought you hated someone in your office?
Or they hated you, I can't remember.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:42, Reply)

They hate me
There's always going to be one though isn't there! I don't work in that department anymore though - mwahahaha!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Everyone fears and loves me in my office, I'm like a vengeful god.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:54, Reply)

You're sort of like that on here too aren't you?!

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Yeah but I talk about breast more on here.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:59, Reply)

That's probably for the best
Any news from your lady?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:05, Reply)

I think more gazzes need to be sent
Or a different lady?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Nope, she's broken my heart,
I am but a shell of a man now.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Awww
There, there. You'll find another busty lady to satisfy your gazzing needs.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:15, Reply)

my work was quite good like that
we had our 125th anniversary the other year and they threw a massive party in holland for 3000 people. all expenses paid. craziest damn party I've ever been to.

tony hadley played, and the 3 degrees, there was performance art everywhere, all types of food, arcades, massages, you could get your aura photographed (mine was very red)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Haha

( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Hehehe that sounds wicked!! :D
Its just so cool when you're appreciated where you work!

We had our 20th party last year and it was 20's themed, that was a fun night. We had a MASSIVE cake made out of tiny cupcakes - I may have eaten about 30! :S
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Tony Hadley, eh?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:46, Reply)

yeah
fortunately I'd consumed so much free wine by this point that I was insensible
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:53, Reply)

was insensible rushed the stage, dropped to my knees and performed a gurning, squealing guitar solo in the middle eight of 'Gold'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:59, Reply)

haha
that would've been sweet, but I was far too drunk for that
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Sounds magical
our company took us to Gran Canaria for our Christmas party. I thought that was very nice of them.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:56, Reply)

mine are taking us to Haiti for the weekend.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Nice
Just watch out for the Aftershocks, especially the red coloured one.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Haha excellent
Perhaps our way out of this cul de sac of faeces is to co-write the bitterest, most spiteful and in appalling taste comedy show of all time..?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Sounds like a plan
However, i do feel it may be..

"unfit for television at this time, or any time for that matter. Thank you for your input."

Jam may have got their before us though. Although there wasn't that much in the way of spite. Get yourself to one of those Sadowitz gigs for a tour de force lesson in spite!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:16, Reply)

Haha

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Well I'm finally on the way to getting a job
Just been told I've got an interview for next week for a graduate job. Yays!
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:44, Reply)

good luck
it's been 15 years since I graduated and I'm still not in a full time proper job (although the part time ones are grown up jobs now).

Good on you for doing a proper course.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Ooooh exciting
Good luck! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Cheers
Now I just have to work out how to do well in a phone interview. Then hopefully get given a job.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Ooooh
I've never had a telephone interview before so can't offer any hint or tips. I'm sure you'll be fine and dandy though - knock 'em dead, well... not literally. Ah you know what I mean!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:53, Reply)

If I do know 'em literally dead
Then maybe there would be more jobs going...
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Deep breathing.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:54, Reply)

In a stalker/sex pest type of way?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:55, Reply)

AKA the best kind of ways.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Haha
Yeah and ask them to tell you what they're wearing so you can mentally picture them through the interview - that won't freak them out at all.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:57, Reply)

"I'm really nervous, so I'm imagining you naked... ...I like it"

(PsychoChomp, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:01, Reply)

You should write a book
"How not to get a job or be successful in life"
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Yeah, but I've got a job and I am sucessful.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Hmm
You're in the perfect position then. Cause misery for others while continuing to work yourself.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Yeah but EVERYONE would know it
if you released a book! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:08, Reply)

I found phone interviews quite easy
and I'm really shit on the phone talking to people I know

you'll be fine. keep your CV handy, and write down some important things first so you have something to go to if your mind goes blank
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Ah, it's so useful
Having the perspectives of people who've done these things before. I'll also tell my flatmate to cock off for the duration.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Don't have a job being a student
and the thought of the job market is the only thing keeping me in university. Which is a fundamentally deperssing thought.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I tried this,
"Get a proper job...straight after my degree? Surely not," I thought, and stayed on to do a PhD. Now I'm fed up with the PhD and still terrified by the prospect of the job market. Where the hell can I go from here? Time to cultivate an alternative career path as a bum.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Get yourself up Old Street station mate
There's a vacancy now 'smelly Jim' has OD'ed.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:01, Reply)

I'll get myself up your "Old Street" alright...
damn, where's that picture of Sid gone?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:06, Reply)

I don't really have anything to add to any of this conversation, but I quite like replys, I've had no replys yet today.
*FISH FISH FISH*
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:57, Reply)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:57, Reply)

those who think dogs have no feelings
should look into those eyes of pain
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:03, Reply)

They have 3 emotions.
Excitement, Panic and Excited Panic.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Well I come from Aaaalabamaaa wiiiith a Biscuit on ma kneeee
Hi Biscuit, Hi Beege.

Best thing about my job? Internet.
And getting paid to arse about with a camera and be in a silent film.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:46, Reply)