This week I have become addicted to Bassetts Aniseed Imperials
I also know exactly how many times I have had sex so far this year.

Do you like Bassetts Aniseed Imperials? Do you know how many times you have have sex so far this year? Are you bored of inane OT posts about food, sweets and sex? Would anyone like free technical support?
( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:16, 119 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You're going a bit mad aren't you?

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:18, Reply)

Totally
I've not had a drink for 16 days and now I'm waking up with massive headaches. I think my brain is trying to dig its way out.
( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:25, Reply)

I've never had aniseed imperials
It's hit and miss with me and aniseed.
Yes, I know how many times I've had sex this year.
I might need some technical suppport later.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:19, Reply)

don't know
don't know
don't mind
don't know
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:21, Reply)

You remind me of those people that go on yahoo answers
and answer "Don't know" to every question like it somehow helps.
( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:29, Reply)

that was kind of what I was going for
those people baffle me too
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:29, Reply)

They're just doing it for their 2 points
Shallow beings. They don't want to help!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:30, Reply)

ah, the points thing
do the points mean prizes, or are they meaningless?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:31, Reply)

Points mean being better than people with less points
Like I'm better than you because I'm currently three points in the lead.

Although a late revision has added you a point for yesterdays joke. So now you're only trailing by two points.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:33, Reply)

yesterday's joke?
the DiT one?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:35, Reply)

I think so
I can't remember the specifics, but I do remember there being a good joke.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:38, Reply)

if it's what I think it is
it was along the lines of DiT is a rapist and paedophile and is inside you.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:40, Reply)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:41, Reply)

It's funny because it's true.
And let's face it, there's plenty of space.


(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:43, Reply)

We get along really well
EDIT 2 - resized now


(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Let's face it,
that's one of the better pictures of me.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Meaningless? Of course not!
The more points they have the more the other Yahoo Answers people think they are cool. I go on there to give wrong answers and troll when I am bored. I then vote for my own wrong answers and 9 times out of 10 win. Then when people google a question my wrong answer will come up. I have no life.
( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:34, Reply)

At least that's free
Some people walk into their hall, pick up the phone, dial number, click through the options and then say "I don't know" for a TV quetionaire. retards.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:32, Reply)

Is this true?
That's incredible!
( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Surely
"I don't know" shouldn't even be an answer, if you don't know you'd have to be a massive belmer to tell them you don't know. My God. Society is crumbling.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Can I talk to everyone who works in an office for a minute.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:24, Reply)

ok

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:25, Reply)

I'm in an office
I turned up with red hair this morning which they all think is very odd.
( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:25, Reply)

Well if it's your pubes and you're walking around
with a skirt on, hitched up at the front, then I can understand.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Do you work here?
Stop spying on me!
( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:27, Reply)

Never!
said with a bass flourish
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:28, Reply)

hello

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:26, Reply)

I'm the only one in it,
but it's still an office
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:28, Reply)

Me too.
It's lonely at the top.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:29, Reply)

If you rely on figures and statistics for your job:
Just because some statistic make you look bad doesn't mean they're wrong.
Just because you think you've found an example of one error, doesn't make the whole thing wrong.
Learn how to use dates in excel retards.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:28, Reply)

Oooh, and
An automated SQL query is about 6 billion times less likely to be wrong than "what you think it should look like"
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Good start to the day...
One mistake doesn't make something wrong, however I would then double check the rest of the work as it obviously hasn't been checked properly.

How can someone not write dates?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:30, Reply)

I should specify it's user inputted data with about 6000 active users.
1 mistake is not a big deal.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:32, Reply)

(oh and the mistake they found was clearly marked TESTTESTTEST)

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:33, Reply)

"not a big deal/almost impossible for it not to occur"
As with computers it's generally not the system/program/code that is wrong, it was the inputs. I have learnt this lesson painfully.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:35, Reply)

I often have to deal with the "it's bad, it must be wrong" thing
I get people asking "why is it like that?" and try to convince them that "because that's how it is" is the only answer.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:31, Reply)

My boss is like this about stocktakes.
I've lost count of the number of times I have been forced to say 'just because you don not like the figure you are looking at, this does not mean it is wrong' you witless cretin.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:57, Reply)

I work in and office with 5 other people
and we have to keep our stats up by doing loads of work. But we never have to use excel. Wooyay. Also, there's biscuits. Its Friday so soon Dan will go and get a bacon sandwich and bring back loads of hash browns because he flirts with the girl in the canteen. She did it a couple of times and is now stuck, every week she provides us with a stack of freebies and one day she will probably get fired for theft. We will feel terrible but only because the free hash brows will stop.
( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:32, Reply)

You know she wipes her minge with them first?

That's why they don't need salt
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:33, Reply)

Tha'ts why they taste so good

( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:01, Reply)

Has somone upset you?
Did they supress a Zero?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:32, Reply)

I am the sad geek in my office and have four .45 scale lightsabers on a shelf behind my desk
We have a resident "know it all" student who keeps coming in and talking bollocks about how much he knows about networking. We know its bollocks because he is always wrong. He just came in and pointed at the lightsabers and said "Nice sonic screwdrivers! I love Dr Who!"
( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Perhaps he's a comic ironic genius.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:02, Reply)

No, he really is a cretin

( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:04, Reply)

The question is, who is gayer here?
The grown man with the Star Wars toys in his office, or the kid who has got his nerd programmes mixed up?


*flicks the V's*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Toys! How dare you! They are .45 Collectable Replicas!
and I did admit to being the office geek.
( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:19, Reply)

No offence like!
I don't want to get strangled by your Simpsons tie when I least expect it.....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I don't wear a tie
I can wear what I like to work. A couple of the techs here look like they're tramps so I always look well dressed compared to them.
( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Aniseed is the devils earwax.
I do know how many times I haven't had sex this year and I've already had the free techincal support which means I'm now your bitch.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:25, Reply)

How many times have I had sex this year?
Ha. You could count that on one hand.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:32, Reply)

Left or right?

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Either - I like to mix it up.
(And sometimes both at once on special occasions.)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Can anyone suggest a good pub near covent garden that will be showing the rugby this saturday?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:35, Reply)

I don't know of any.
Hope that was helpful.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:36, Reply)

No, but you can have a point anyway

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:38, Reply)

There is a Walkabout just off the market square
Shit, obviously, but it will definately have the rugby on.

Aside from that I would say have a wander and get away from the tourist area.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:39, Reply)

If I wanted to walk far, I would go somewhere where I know there are good pubs. But i'm going to be in Covent Garden anyway so I was hoping someone might know a little undiscovered jewel.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:43, Reply)

I doubt it's undiscovered
but the Porterhouse is a favorite of mine in Covent Garden and will alomst certainly be showing the rugby as well. Or there's that underground South African place across the road from it as well. Decent food in there too.....
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:52, Reply)

I'm a bit vague on pubs near Covent Garden
let alone "good" or "showing gay pornrugby".
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:49, Reply)

There are no good pubs near Covent Garden on a Saturday.
They're all full of cunts.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:39, Reply)

Which is perfect if you're a dick

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:40, Reply)

Some dicks prefer arseholes.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:42, Reply)

This was to have been my reply.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Ermmm
Good pubs don't have televisions.

Go to a crap one, they often do.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:39, Reply)

There's a Walkabout just of covent garden
It'll be showing the rugby.
It's not as bad as some walkabouts.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Do they show sport in the Porterhouse?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:43, Reply)

No, I don't think so,
I've not been during the day though.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:46, Reply)

I've watched football in there in the past
they showed it in the snug, upsatirs at the very back of the place. I'm guessing they'll do the rugby as well.
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Is that the only place they have screens though?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:55, Reply)

There's a couple in the main bar
and a fair few downstairs as well. I've just looked on their website and there's a big image on there saying they're showing all 6 nations games so it's got to be worth a try.
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:59, Reply)

But not as good as, say, anywhere else at all.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:44, Reply)

You are me AICMFP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:00, Reply)

You poor bastard.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:04, Reply)

That's like saying
'being punched repeatedly really hard in the bollocks is not as bad as having a lung removed'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I think that being repeatadly punched in the bollocks
probably isn't as bad as having a lung removed though
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:03, Reply)

But you'd avoid both if at all possible

( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:03, Reply)

rugby?
fucking egg-chaser
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:35, Reply)

The Mint ones are better
and some technical support would be nice if you're offering.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Good Morning and welcome to P.H.I.L. Technical support line
May I take your Customer service number?
( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:02, Reply)

managed to figure out how to set up a VPN
which is what I was originally going to ask. But since you're so kindly offering and seem knowledgable about computers, is there anyway acess things available to a UK IP address on an Irish IP address? Some resources I can only access when I'm in England like jstor, which is v frustrating when I go to visit family. A wild dream? illegal?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Use a UK based web proxy
www.daveproxy.co.uk/ comes up first when you google UK based web proxy, give it a try
( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:38, Reply)

I have a sausage sandwich so all is right with the world

I also learnt that the word cretin is actually quite offensive as it is related to retardism.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:01, Reply)

Awesome, I shall stop calling Dan a retard and start calling him a cretin.

( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:03, Reply)

"a dwarfed and deformed idiot"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Hmmmm he looks kinda like a cheap Chinese knock off of Christian Bale
that wasn't quite stitched right so deformed indeed, but lacking in the dwarfed department.

Half Cretin?
( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:07, Reply)

His new name shall be Cretinous Bale

Gravel voiced scurge of lighting men everywhere in China
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:09, Reply)

I shall write that down

( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:17, Reply)

sounds like a 'great' name for a band:
Half Man Half Cretin.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:44, Reply)

*Copyrights*

( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:19, Reply)

aww I want a sammich
I had to suffer through the dregs of my variety pack. There's only Special K and Fruit N Fibre left.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Just pretend they've gone off
and buy yourself a big box of frosties, or coco pops
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:06, Reply)

They're gonna taste great, they're gonna taste great,

Everybody knows they're gonna taste great!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:08, Reply)

I finished my Kelloggs Start which made me sad
but I got a sausage sanger which made me happy, I'm all fucked up today
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:07, Reply)

That's why I use it so liberally.
Someone once told me there's actually a retard scale - depending on IQ level you're either a moron, or a cretin etc.

I don't want to Google this as I so hope it's true I do not wish to be disabused.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:17, Reply)

I googled it and this was the first thing to come up: A Yahoo question
What happens to retarded individuals who smoke marijuana?

Sometimes I've heard it said that marijuana can sometimes make someone retarded. So what happens if someone who is already retarded smokes marijuana? Does it have an opposite effect and they seem non-retarded? Or do they become some sort of super-retard?


fucking hell...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:30, Reply)

WELL WHAT'S THE ANSWER? I MUST KNOW.


*smokes marijuana*


*becomes a super-retard*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:44, Reply)

surely you've amassed enough experimental data by now...

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Just twenty more years' research and I'll be done

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:48, Reply)

you'll be too super-retarded to write it up at that point

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I'll get one of those brilliant head-wands that spastics have

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:49, Reply)

sounds like you've got this planned out well
I look forward to reading your publication
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:50, Reply)

I like Bassett's Liquorice Allsorts.
I like the Bertie Bassett one. I bite his head off first, then his arms, then his legs, and then I eat his torso. Sometimes I eat his head last and imagine the tiny screams.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:06, Reply)

I get two and make them fight to the death
They changed Bertie Bassetts to a weird blue thing rather than the 100% liquorice I grew up with
( Peej, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:09, Reply)

He's only screaming while you bite his arms and legs off
once you eat the torso you've eaten his little liquorice lungs so he can't scream.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:09, Reply)

This is always how it starts.
A couple of years down the line and we'll be talking about the nice man from the internet and he didn't seem the type to be a serial killer.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:11, Reply)

"nice man from the internet" ?!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Well when he's not on the internet, he's nice.

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Weird

bi-polar internet disorder
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:20, Reply)

OK, screams *and then* gurgles.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:15, Reply)

You frighten me

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:18, Reply)

You could blow through his neck
and wobble his liquorice larynx and make him try and say basic words.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:19, Reply)

I really, really like this.
Jelly Babies, here we come!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:27, Reply)

I don't need to hear words.
I just want to look in to his tiny eyes and see him, see his thoughts, and see him know fear.

I fully expect that my dreams tonight will be me being eating by a giant liqourice man.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:27, Reply)

being eating?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Being eaten, sorry.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:37, Reply)

So you should be
I'm going to let you off with a warning this time, but next time I will dock you points.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:38, Reply)

dock bum points senseless etc

*yawns languidly*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:47, Reply)

I dream about sharks
more than is probably normal.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 10:41, Reply)

you sir, are a deviant.
next friday or saturday upon my arrival, i'm gonna hold you down and pour a whole sodding great bottle of aniseed gaviscon down yer neck until you repent.
i'll then sit back and laugh as it galliantly defeats al the acid in your stomach and sits there like a group of road protestors accumulating bits of undissolved food and solidifying, until you wake up in the middle of the night sweating, run to the toilet, and birth a turd that looks like john prescott after a naked rollaround in the bin behind a chip shop.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:23, Reply)