Oh, OTers, with your griddles and cookers and recipes...
Catface and I are ripping out the kitchen and tearing down walls and building a whole new kitchen from scratch.

So, where do I start designing the new one? What makes a good kitchen? How the hell do I decide what to buy? What are your kitchen fantasies (thinking of kitchen design here rather than straddling Jeff Bridges on the washing machine but am quite happy to hear your sordid perversions)?

I already have a griddle and cooker.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:38, 102 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'd like an induction hob.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:38, Reply)

a who-what now?
who does that work?
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:40, Reply)

through induction

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:41, Reply)

badabing!

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Had the kid yet?
Picked out names?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:46, Reply)

No and yes.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:46, Reply)

What's the name?
I bed if it's a girl it'll be mary or anne.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:49, Reply)

It's a secret.
That seems to be the only way people won't make judgments to my face.
(Edit: except on here, where I expect that sort of thing.)

I was getting off the train at London Bridge the other day and heard a chav mum call her kid "Destiny". That kid can't not be a stripper when she grows up.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:51, Reply)

I told someone at work the name I wanted
if I ever have a baby and she stole it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:16, Reply)

So, once Destiny grows up
and has a kid, will it be called Beyonce?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:16, Reply)

I see what you did there

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Which is basically magic.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:42, Reply)

They get hot quickly
They're relatively dangerous, they hurt to look at, and they're fun to play with.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:44, Reply)

What are you talking about?
They're dangerous in the sense you might get burnt if you put your face on the pan while cooking.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:45, Reply)

I like to think most things that make stuff hot can be pretty dangerous
This may stem from the game of 'try and press peoples hands onto the hob rings' that we used to play.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:46, Reply)

The hob of an induction cooker doesn't heat up.
well it does, but only because it's got contact with the pan.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:48, Reply)

I know
But I'm sure we would still have found a way. Such as making everyone hold a fork or somesuch.

I will admit they are pretty awesome though. Far better than the lump of rubbish that's sitting in my flat and sometimes heats stuff up.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:51, Reply)

induction hobs don't get hot
they make the pans hot, but not the hob itself

edit: yeah, what chompy said
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:48, Reply)

More importantly
cast iron griddle pans don't work on them.....
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:50, Reply)

surely
thats a job for Catface?

Make him do all the work, and you can sit on here and tell us how badly it's going...
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:39, Reply)

He can do the work but I want a say in the design.
There are so many kitchen units out there that my brain is addled by excess choice.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:42, Reply)

I know an awful lot about that.
johnmoynes.com/2010/03/12/the-hideous-curse-of-the-infant-of-prague/

But the above link would be no help whatsoever.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:39, Reply)

The head fell off my Child of Prague.
Apparently that's "lucky" and not just a stupid fucking flaw in the manufacturing process of cheap Eastern European religious souvenirs.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Haha in my family it's the Sacred Heart
and a splash of Lourdes water in every room.
They didn't bother getting me a Sacred Heart, so a picture of JP2 turned up in my gas cupboard. Really mysteriously.
My mate bought me a statue of my homeboy St Jude, so I'm ok. And I also ran round with burning sage when my ex moved out.
I'm totally protected.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:44, Reply)

JP2 was a lovely Pope.
Even my Protestant granny liked him, though she commented "he's such a nice man but he does talk an awful lot of shite".
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Yeah even my dad had a bit of time for him. As popes go.

I now have the picture up (but on the side of my wardrobe so nobody but me sees it)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Apparently JP2 was once asked if he ever thought priests would be allowed to marry.
"Not in my lifetime. But in my childrens'?"
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:54, Reply)

He was very handsome.
He was my Great Grandma's pop idol.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:55, Reply)

He was a fucking cunt who tried to sell out Solidarity to the soviets in return for them letting his priests do their thing.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Yeah we know all this
We also know that a piece of jewellery in a glass case does not feed the hungry.
Don't worry, my dad told me what's what about popes when I was 7.
But he was a handsome smiley cuddly dude all the same.
And if I keep his picture on my wardrobe, Grandma will mind my house in the night.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:00, Reply)

I met JP2 when he visited Knock...
...I say met, it was more that he waved to me over the heads of millions of knackers.
He was definitely waving at me because I was 8 and hot.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:10, Reply)

He waved at me at Speke Airport

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:12, Reply)

Did you look like a boy?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:33, Reply)

I had a pageboy

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:35, Reply)

So did he.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:49, Reply)

My mum had a statue of St Anthony...
...but she lost it.
Trufax.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Oh man that throws up a whole load of contradictions!
He found my mate's eyeliner within 15 minutes, and she's an atheist. He didn't even mind.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:57, Reply)

And if he can't find it
then there's the "Jesus was lost; Jesus was found" (x3) fallback.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Oh I didn't know that one
I only know 'Dear St Anthony, please come down, something is lost and cannot be found.'
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:02, Reply)

So that is he had his hand down the back of my sofa.
* Sings* "I predict a strike through..."
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Get someone else to do it
would be the best piece of advice you could take.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:42, Reply)

I will
but I need to decide what they will be doing.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Oh right, thats cool
Umm. I would recommend a gas hob, 3 stage oven, soft touch drawers, granite worktops, taps with a pullout hose, central island, wine fridge etc.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Lots of worktop space is a must
As is good sink access, and somewhere out of the way to pile all the dirty dishes.

Also, a cannon is the new must-have accessory for every kitchen - never worry about pulverising / liquidising / not having holes in your walls again.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:42, Reply)

somewhere out of the way to pile dirty dishes = in the dishwasher
best thing you can do for a kitchen is put a dishwasher in it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Cannon > dishwasher
Trufax
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Yep, I have a dishwasher (given to me years ago but remarkably it still makes thing clean).

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Seconded
The only dishwasher in my house is me, and it drives me mental
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:45, Reply)

getting a dishwasher was great
of the household chores the ones I most loathe are washing dishes and hanging up washing.

people who argue against dishwashers are idiots. it may not take long, but it's 10 minutes at exactly the wrong time.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Hanging up washing is a frickin' nightmare.
I'll happily hang up the bed linen but I try to weasel out of hanging up the 50,000 socks and pants that seem to accumulate in a dark wash.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:49, Reply)

yeah, it's shit
I try and balance the work at home so I don't have to do it.

I clean the bathroom, other half does the hoovering, I do most of the cooking, she does the washing.

I have a condition where I am completely unable to remember to put a load of washing on until I run out of clothes.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:50, Reply)

It's called a Y chromosome.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I suffer from the condition
of leaving for work about an hour after my mrs and getting home about an hour before her. Which means I end up emptying the dish washer and washing machine and cooking dinner.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:55, Reply)

that sucks
not the cooking part, because I love cooking.

made the most amazing lamb kofta curry the other night
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:58, Reply)

That condition is known in medical circles as "Being a boy"
I suffer from it also, contrary to popular belief.

Ms Foxtrot told me that one year her Dad bought her Stepmum a dishwasher for Christmas. She was really fucked off because apparently he was suggesting that washing up was her job. I do not share this sentiment. I'd be fucking delighted with a dishwasher for Christmas

EDIT: Damn your typing speed, CHCB!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:54, Reply)

weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals
except the weasel.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:19, Reply)

working triangle
something I should have thought about when planning mine......
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:51, Reply)

A huge fridge freezer and easy clean work tops.
Granite or marble if you can afford them. Don't mind the stains. Do not have wooden work tops, they are fucking awful to look after.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:54, Reply)

They aren't
if you give them one or maybe two coats of oil every 6 months they will practically last forever.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:55, Reply)

when I am rich and having my dream kitchen
I intend to have polished concrete worktops. they look the fucking business
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:58, Reply)

That would be awesome but out of my budget too.
So is granite.

I was actually thinking of wood. Hey, when am I not?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:00, Reply)

It's having to sand and re-oil them almost constantly as they get damaged by clumsy fuckers (me).
I use cast iron stuff (le creosote and thick frying pans) and often drop them on the benches where they create lovely singe marks. And the number of times I forget to use a cutting board. Not good.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:06, Reply)

this is an issue that I will also have
unfortunately hard stuff might be out of reach when I come to do my kitchen
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:12, Reply)

then, sir, you are a fool ;)
I have metal rails in the wood at certain points for putting pans down on, so no probs there. Hot cast iron pans will ruin any worktop, including granite, and the thing with wood is - you can sand it, re-oil it and no-one will know. try that after you've blistered laminate with a griddle pan.

And forgetting to use a chopping board? that'll also ruin any worktop. Unless it's granite, in which case it'll ruin the worktop and the knife.

I re-oil the worktops maybe once every couple of years, but the trick is to use the right type of oil, not whatever shit the shop recommends. Danish oil is excellent.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 13:27, Reply)

And you'll get splinters in your arse when you christen the place

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:55, Reply)

No they aren't
unless either a) you don't install them properly or b) you treat them badly.

My current kitchen has oak and and previous one beech worktops, properly oiled they are fine.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 13:23, Reply)

A sushi maker.
Only used it once, but it makes me look dead sophisticated. And that.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Sushi isn't exactly the hardest thing to make though
But I imagine it makes the place look nice. Better than a potted plant but not as good as a porn star
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Its like a press to make the little round things

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:00, Reply)

like a playdoh machine?
but with fish
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:03, Reply)

Ah, so it makes properly posh sushi
The stuff that makes people think you bought it instead of going "ooh, you made sushi?! How clever!" while you feel slightly smug and wish it wasn't so obviously home-made
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:03, Reply)

No. You leave the sushi maker out and buy the stuff.
Then people think you are a winnar!
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:08, Reply)

The working triangle of cooker, fridge and clean up ares is essential
Ikea and other sorts hav online kitchen design tools so you can have a play!

Get lots of quotes, write a contract, insist on a snagging period.

Alternatively go to Macdonalsds for every meal for the rest of your life, I mean you are pregnant without being married! ;)
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:03, Reply)

Online kitchen planners don't work on Macs or Linux.
And McDonalds? Pah. Burger King is far superior.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:15, Reply)

I disagree
BK fries are horrible. McDonald's make fries that little bit less nasty.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:20, Reply)

Bk burgers are tiny.
And taste of burnt candlewax. Yuk.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:30, Reply)

If you go into Ikea
they have computers you can use. Although I thought the ikea one did work on a mac, although come to think of it I might have done mine on my work PC.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 13:05, Reply)

I want one that has a coffee machine
built into it somewhere.

And one of those giant fridges with an icemaker.

And I saw a worktop that had a scale built just underneath it, although not very useful for weighing things like flour unless you want it to go everywhere.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:17, Reply)

Apparently there's this Supah-fridge
Where you scan everything you buy into it, and when the milk (for example) is about to run out of date, it gets online and orders more.

This is how Skynet got started
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:19, Reply)

That would be a right bastard
if you went on holiday for three weeks, and your fridge has ordered your shopping for you. I can imagine the bags of perishables from Tesco sitting rotting on the doorstep waiting for you when you got home.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:24, Reply)

I'm pretty confident that if I got one of these fridges
I'd have to give up the idea of a three-week holiday for some time to come

Although I am entertained by the idea of a massive pile of cheese waiting for me when I get back from DisneyWorld
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Oh my god
that is fucking amazing!

Although the idea of sentient fridge is a bit scary.

"I ordered skim milk this time as I see you've put on a few pounds Dave"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:26, Reply)

Ever read One of Us by Michael Marshall Smith?
It's a horrifying vision of the future I tell you. Horrible.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:31, Reply)

I'll have to add it to the list
I noticed one of the pages left up on the PC at home by my boyfriend was something called the Venus project, which is some guy's idea of a perfect city with ideas like no physical currency, services and products are traded, etc. There are pictures of hover cars on the main page. It looked very pretty but just screamed 1984 to me.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:40, Reply)

I may have misled you by inappropriate use of crap sense of humour.
It is actually quite funny with sentient alarm clocks and coffee machines and suchlike.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:43, Reply)

I read the review on Amazon
looks pretty good, I'm buying it now.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:47, Reply)

This^
"Open the fridge doors!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that, you fat bastard"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:32, Reply)

hahaha
officelol
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:37, Reply)

Yeah, some use RFID, some use barcodes
The RFID ones are rarer because nothing has RFID tags built in.

We postulated that you could also use them to keep track of your diet, as it could tell you how often you had taken beer or other such out of the fridge.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:30, Reply)

I don't know if I could handle my fridge judging me
when I've taken out that last slice of cheesecake at midnight.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Agreed
I frequently stash beer in my fridge that I have every intention of drinking within the next couple of hours. I don't want my enjoyment of a day interrupted by an electronic cry of "ALREADY?!"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:44, Reply)

I've already got Wii Fit
telling my boyfriend it hasn't seen me in a while, I don't need it allying with the fridge.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:48, Reply)

Sorry to bring up the one thing I know about you
but can't you just tell the Wii that when it lands a boyfriend who looks like Matt Bellamy, it'll be in a position to judge - and until then it can fuck off?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Fuck CHCB, you've got me going again.

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:31, Reply)

You're thinking about Jeff Bridges, aren't you

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:32, Reply)

Yup!
*blushes*
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:35, Reply)

I should hate Jeff Bridges
just for being better looking than me in BGB's eyes.

But he's The Dude. So I can't.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:43, Reply)

I haven't actually seen that film yet but I intend to now.

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Lebowski is my favourite film that he's been in
and I do not say that lightly. He's a bit dishevelled in it though.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:53, Reply)

I know.
I like him looking dishevelled.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Is that because Jeff Bridges rhymes with Fridges?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:46, Reply)

RIght.
You want the cooker, sink and fridge in a triangle so that you easily move between them.

If you haven't got much space think about putting the washing machine elsewhere.

Ikea kitchens are cheap and decent quality if you have the skills, time and patience to fit yourself.

If you want a touch of extra class use granite or solid wood worktops. Wood isn't as expensive as you might think and looks really good with the right design. But oil it properly or it will mark easily.

Like anything, stay away from what looks "edgy" and "cool" now. It'll look "shit" in two years time.

You already have a cooker so I won't bother with saying that if you cook seriously then a 5-burner hob is a minimum. Gas for the hob or GTFO, everything else is gay. Except induction, although you can't use aluminium or some cast iron pans with that.

Maximise your cupboard space, and put the sink under the window if you can. Washing up is when you want the view.

I don't really need a kitchen fantasy any more, I built my own from scratch 3 years ago, but I wish it was bigger than it is. And that I'd spent more on the range.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 12:55, Reply)