This weekend...
I plan a day out with a new young lady I bought off of the internet, we're looking to go somewhere in the midlands (south) for a bit of a day out - any suggestions?

If that's boring, when was the last time you internet met a lust interest?
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:02, 91 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Which part exactly, what's your budget?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:11, Reply)

good talk.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:16, Reply)

south midlands, warwickshire, worcestershire, or even up to shropshire etc...
budget was thinking day out, nice town to wander - grab a pint/bite to eat type day out...
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:17, Reply)

Stratford on Avon.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Spend a good 10 minutes correcting her prounciation of the word "worcestershire"
Whatever she says, it's wrong. This will show that you are a good provider and potential partner, at least by comparison. That way she would know you can always 'do better' and are really 'doing her a favour'. To subtly imply that you would make a good financial investment, bring up the conversation "What would you do if you won £1000 on a scratch card?" and then give the awnser "I would put it in the bank with the rest of my money and it'll add to the interest I collect. If I was going to spend £1000, I would just spend it, I don't need to win it to spend it."

If you really really lower her self esteem enough, she might engage in sexual intercourse with you.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:35, Reply)

Go to the zoo
They have white tigers at the West Midlands Safari Park.
Bewdley.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:17, Reply)

They are not tigers, they are zebras.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:18, Reply)

They're fucking tigers man.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:23, Reply)

Really?
I'd pay to see that.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:25, Reply)

They must be
Because de baby waaht tahguhz keeps gettin bowrn.
*passes out from fluff overload*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:27, Reply)

I saw White Tigers at Bristol zoo in 1966
They were a novelty then.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:30, Reply)

they're still a novelty to me.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Notherner

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Worse than that
North West
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:46, Reply)

You should come dahn sarth
for total culture and shit.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:51, Reply)

I do
Regularly
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Good

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Woburn Safari park is good too.
bit further away, but woburn is a very nice village full of posh pubs and bistros.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:22, Reply)

Do you mean met someone off the internet, and discovered lust?
Or met someone on the internet with lust?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Because in terms of meeting up with someone off the internet with intent
Mid last year.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Oh, and January.
And he's now my buhfruhnd.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:22, Reply)

Haha!
Roota and her internet boyfriend sitting in a tree.

K.i.s.s.i.n.g.
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:24, Reply)

He's real I tell thee!
I've met him in teh reel wold.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:26, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post627153
(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:26, Reply)

No, that was a real-life boy who lives near me.
Different scenario entirely.
You weird stalky cunt.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:29, Reply)

So you met your now boyfriend in January?
but you snogged this real-life boy on January the 30th?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:30, Reply)

We first started corresponding in January, as mates.
he was not my boyfriend in the slightest.

And it was January 29th.

And I have no secrets, you shit stirring weirdo stalky cunt!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:31, Reply)

slag

(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Depressed cunt.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Stop, you'll push me over the edge.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Just give yourself a rest Chomp.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Ahhh, the old "We were just mates at the time, it doesn't count, we're only just going out now... SHUT UP ITS NOT CHEATING SHUT UP SHUT UP" thing !
I've heard that one before, plenty of times... Never done that one though, it's not because I'm not a slag (I am one), it's just nobody ever loves me.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:42, Reply)

Haha shaddap a you face, you
He knows aaaaaaaaaall about it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Did you GAZe into his eyes?
Wait a sec, does he have saucy photos of you? We're in the same club now, I can totally dib them.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:47, Reply)

He gazzed me a cock
Like totally.
Which is more than that heartbreaker Edmund ever did.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Did he upload it to his b3tards account? Because ......*Goes off to check something*
1) Go to his profile
2) Find any image there - Right Click on it - "Copy URL"
3) *Paste URL into the URL bar, removing the file at the end of it*
4) .....Damn it, they've changed b3tards around now so you can't browse the directories. If they didn't do that, I'm pretty sure I could have gotten to that picture.

Drat, if this was a few months ago, I would have totally been able to be all like "LOL A COCK", and then be self concious for the next month or two.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:55, Reply)

Like I'd be that daft Gonz ;)

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:57, Reply)

I had a plan that I came up with a few months ago.
Start making pictures again using b3tards, then upload a photo of a huge throbbing 9 incher with the filename "For_you_[insert female b3tan of choice]_WINK.jpg", but don't tell anyone about it and completely ignore it. Then, inevitably, a good 6 months later, when someone finds it, they'll think I've sent this picture to the girl and that I've got a huge one. They'll gaz a few people saying "Look at what I found", someone with a troll account will link it to everyone with a NSFW warning. I'll act all embarased, ask them to please stop it, and everyone will presume I've got a huge 9 willy.

Naturally, the girl in question would be horrified, but it would be worth it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:04, Reply)

I could make it black to really fuck with people.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:05, Reply)

If you are not a millionaire by 30, there's no justice in this world
That is some forward planning and knowledge of the market right there
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:06, Reply)

I just need to get off my kaboose and get on with it really.
It's bound to happen at some point.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Yes, this isn't totally weird in any way, chompy, not at all.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:14, Reply)

I was looking for my "Slag" and "I can't understand what you're saying try not to talk with a mouth full of cock" replies
I was trying to be funny, so yeah, shut up.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:21, Reply)

1. I suggest you go anywhere you can walk for a bit and then have a decent meal in a pub.
Even better if you can get a train there because then you can have a drink or 5.

2. 13th June 2009.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:31, Reply)

Awwwww

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:32, Reply)

I WAS THERE!!!!

(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:35, Reply)

I hope she had only snogged that ONE person that year or it makes her a slag.
You quilt.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:37, Reply)

I saw her snogging someone else that very night.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:41, Reply)

I assure you that I was ambushed.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:41, Reply)

yeahyeahyeah

(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:42, Reply)

Haha, I know that's not a quote from Withnail & I
but it should be.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:42, Reply)

pervert

(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:37, Reply)

OMG!
I SO TOTALLY WAS TOO!

How fucking weird is that?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:39, Reply)

no wayz
me too!!!1
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Totally me too !
I'm not taking any responsibility though.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:45, Reply)

Rule number 1 of bash matchmaking
NEVER take any responsibility.

Anyway, everyone knows it was Sex Face's fault.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:52, Reply)

I'm not allowed to go QOTW b4shes any more in case I bring him =(

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:07, Reply)

Ah, my stagbash.
For my wedding, to my wife, who I met online, on the internet.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:59, Reply)

NO WAYS!
I am also married to a lady on the internet. But I didn't meet her on an internet, I met her in a pub. The old fashioned way.

Werthers original?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Oh, ta.
Pipe?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:14, Reply)

*Accepts*
*puffs*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:21, Reply)

You so bought her!
She cost eleventy hundred pounds, and as a result your parents are homeless.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:12, Reply)

I never did!
We met and she fell instantly in LURVE with me.

I say 'instantly', there was a certain amount of begging involved.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:16, Reply)

And voodoo

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:19, Reply)

And a sack, some duct tape, a van, and a remote hut.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:20, Reply)

;)

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:28, Reply)

bout 5 years ago
just before I met my wife. I met my wife in the traditional way. I learned guitar for 11 years and started a band.
( Peej, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:34, Reply)

similar to how I met my girlfriend
I went to school, got GCSEs, got A levels, went to uni, spent 4 years as her friend and then we got together.

a clever scheme well-executed if you ask me
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Why does everyone I know have lovely experiences with internet lust but me.
I'm doooooooomed.
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:34, Reply)

I'm in your boat
the lust is entirely one-sided
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Aww *hugs*
*twiddles*
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:39, Reply)

What are you twiddling?

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:41, Reply)

I was trying to tune your nips into Radio 4

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:42, Reply)

They only get Jazz FM.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:45, Reply)

That'll do,
just to set the mood.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Yeah! bad mood.
How would you like it when your getting frisky with your other half and after a little groping, Acker Bilk starts playing his clarinet.
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:52, Reply)

That's why I choose Radio 4
The smooth tones of Eddie Mair should get you moist.

Its not my fault your tits have limited reception.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Haha!
Maybe they just haven't been tuned by someone who knows what they're doing.
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:00, Reply)

Don't you come with an instruction book?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Yeah but it's in Japanese.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:07, Reply)

I'm a real man anyway.
I have never read an instruction book.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:14, Reply)

I'm pinning my hopes on finding a 6ft Japanese Jeff Bridges look-a-like.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:16, Reply)

i'm sure they already made a film of that.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:17, Reply)

Tokyo Gore Police.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Nah, I reckon that statistically you're more likely to meet the idiots first
and then maybe luck out with one good one.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:40, Reply)

I'm going to believe you because if I don't I may cry.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:41, Reply)

I've had lots of "relations" with randoms off the internet
and none of them have been lovely
( Peej, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:44, Reply)

since everybody else is suggesting it
pub lunches are definitely a good thing (if the pub isn't scummy that is)
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Come see me so I can judge you

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Too long ago now.
I'm not sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing, I'm not really interested that much in that sort of thing any more anyway, I just check the equipment works every couple of months and tell myself that it's not me, it's them.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:48, Reply)

^This.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:53, Reply)