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(

rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)

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Following on from Kitty's reply to my earlier thread
In the film of the adventures of B3ta, what stereotype would your character be? Who would be the twisted, evil nemesis, and who would be the handsome and dashing hero?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:17, 119 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'd like to say I'd be the twisted and evil nemesis
with the tortured past, but I'm unwilling to take it away from Pyschochomp.

So I shall settle as said below for being the uptight friend who gradually loosens up over the film (think Simon in Firefly/Serenity)
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:23, Reply)

*thinks of Kaylee from Firefly/Serenity*

(

Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:26, Reply)

She's in Stargate atlantis too.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:30, Reply)

She's a total boat-floater.

(

Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:34, Reply)

Jewel Staite = Would!

(

Peej, Tue 4 May 2010, 14:01, Reply)

she's very pretty
but I'll stick with Simon thanks
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 May 2010, 14:02, Reply)

I'd do filthy things to River
Althought I'd be mildly scared to do so...
(

Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 May 2010, 14:11, Reply)

Kaylee in that dress in the Shindig episode of Firefly
gets my vote this Thursday, yes indeedy do!
(

Peej, Tue 4 May 2010, 14:41, Reply)

I would be the hansome dashing hero
who wanks off his horsey every time he gets on and off of it whilst saying "wanky wanky!"
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:23, Reply)

I would be the horsey

(

Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 4 May 2010, 12:42, Reply)

hell yeah!
I'll do all casually but good though.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:03, Reply)

A heroic reachround

(

Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 4 May 2010, 16:07, Reply)

I'd be the guy who gets eaten by a T-Rex while on the toilet.

(

Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:24, Reply)

hahaha

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:37, Reply)

Whatever I say at least three people would contradict it trying to be clever.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:25, Reply)

No they wouldn't.

(

Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:26, Reply)

That's right, we wouldn't

(

Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:29, Reply)

Definitely wouldn't.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:30, Reply)

I was thinking the exact same thing about you

(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:31, Reply)

eh?
Edit: Oooh, I see.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:32, Reply)

It was a sick burn.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:40, Reply)

Eh, I don't get offended.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:45, Reply)

You shouldn't set me challenges like that

(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:59, Reply)

If you upset me, I'm just going to stop replying to your gazes

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:08, Reply)

You don't reply to my gazes anyway.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:08, Reply)

Yeah, but you'd know it was deliberate ignoring
Rather than I wasn't here, or I just forgot.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:12, Reply)

How am I meant to know that if you don't reply,
you're not thinking this through.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:13, Reply)

I'm imforming you now.
If you upset me, any future gazes will be deliberately ignored.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Shall we pick for you then?

(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:34, Reply)

I think he'd be the one who betrays his own men
like Gary Oldman in the Lost in Space remake.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:39, Reply)

Damn I love that film.

(

Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:39, Reply)

The shit original which is shit,
is better than that shit.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:41, Reply)

*turns up Apollo 440*

(

Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:42, Reply)

I like them.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:49, Reply)

PsychoChomp would be 'Alleway Rapist #1, #2 & #3'

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:26, Reply)

I would be the chirpy cockney sidekick
who gets shot in the first action sequence.

I can't say who my nemesis would be, because that would be on topic. The handsome and dashing hero would be Errol Flynn.
(

Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:28, Reply)

I was thinking about Errol Flynn this morning
You bloody weirdo
(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:31, Reply)

I don't think of him in "that" way.
I just think he was the most dashing hero.
(

Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:47, Reply)

I wan't thinking of him in that way.
Not after that scary film
(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:51, Reply)

I see Monty as some sort of drugged up witchdoctor or something,
Living in a cave. The one the hero has to visit in order to get some important information, though under strict instructions not to mention Bowie.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:30, Reply)

haha win

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:38, Reply)

Important information from Monty?
1. The best table at Tayyabs, and what to eat.
2. The best music to listen to
3. Who to dislike.

I don't think I've forgotten anything.
(

Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:50, Reply)

How to have a fasination with Nazis bordering on a fetish?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:56, Reply)

I didn't put that under the important list,
merely background info.
(

Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Tim the enchanter.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:49, Reply)

Yes!
Just like Tim.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:50, Reply)

I think I'd be the Damsel in distress
The one who can't ride a horse withouht help, weak as a straw, unable to understand anything... The same one who gets very upset when the hero is not gentleman enough and cries all the time.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 4 May 2010, 12:37, Reply)

Since DG gas declared himself as hero,
Stocks in Kleenex are going to sky rocket
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:39, Reply)

I don't want no "wanky wanky"
I want a proper hero.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 4 May 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Who would you like to be your brave yet callous hero?
B3tan, that is.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:48, Reply)

Difficult choice there
Maybe Davro's Grandad. Or porkylips. I think Enzyme would be a very good hero too.

Maybe I should rewrite history and be saved by a kitten. That'd probably be the best for this cat lover's website.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 4 May 2010, 12:52, Reply)

Brave yet callous????

(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 May 2010, 12:55, Reply)

I don't know you much
But you sound like that. I think... *checking the meaning of callous*

Well, maybe not callous, but very pragmatic.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 4 May 2010, 12:57, Reply)

That sounds more like it.
:)
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 May 2010, 12:58, Reply)

maybe more devil-may-care
than callous
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:08, Reply)

I think Kaol would be quite good.
Although the kitten is probably most suitable for b3ta.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:56, Reply)

I can't upload pictures (and I wouldn't know how either)
But there was one on another thread of a kitten with a cape that I like very much.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 4 May 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Kaol? As the hero?
Oh my.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Let's all pray he never reads this

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I met him once,
he introduced himself as the King of OffTopic.
truefact
(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:38, Reply)

He genuinely thinks he is.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:42, Reply)

No more ludicrous
than JMG declaring himself the people's champion of b3ta. Endlessly.
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 May 2010, 13:58, Reply)

I think Enzyme
would be the likeable genius who comes up with a plan to save the day. Think Reuben from Road Trip.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:59, Reply)

You're probably right
But that's the type of hero that I prefer, rather than muscleman. Someone clever solving problems with humour, like The Doctor.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 4 May 2010, 13:03, Reply)

plus Reuben from Road Trip was hoooot

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:07, Reply)

The Doctor
Is hot. Well, was, not this last one, he isn't.

I find very hot the fact that he's so clever. I don't find hot the fact that he seems to have a problem to stop flapping his hands all over the place.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 4 May 2010, 13:12, Reply)

Enzyme? HAHAHAHAHAHAA
He'd have to grow a spine first.
(

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 4 May 2010, 16:32, Reply)

I'd be the vapid one who gets captured
all the fucking time.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:38, Reply)

You'd probably get captured
Because I've done something silly.

Sorry.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 4 May 2010, 12:40, Reply)

I'd be like James Woods in Family Guy
"ooh, piece of candy"
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:51, Reply)

I'd be the one who dies halfway through, that no-one gives a shit about
Most likely through drunken injuries.
(

Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:46, Reply)

I'll care
At least during your funeral we'll look all sad and red-eyed.

And we might find the way to bring you back. Every single time. Like the Daleks.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 4 May 2010, 12:55, Reply)

i would clearly be
the guy who just sits/stands in the background for most of the film, rarely actually doing something
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:53, Reply)

I can't decide what Al would be.
The shirter only around for comedy value, or the rather dense yet good natured barbarian sidekick.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:57, Reply)

He's the Jar Jar binks of /offtopic.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Clicking this.

(

Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:08, Reply)

I think this is the single most offensive thing anyone has ever said about me.

(

Bazongaloid, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:24, Reply)

:D

(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:42, Reply)

he'd be Dennis in Jurassic Park.
Hapless pawn in the evil guy's scheme, who gets killed by someone gobbing in his face.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:01, Reply)

I'd be an Anti-hero.
Something like Waylander but without the conscience. It's about time those stories were filmed.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 4 May 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Someone said the other day that I reminded them of Hit girl
So I'd like that kind of character. In reality though, I'd probably be the double agent who flashes people in order to get information out of them.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I have LOADS of information
*waits*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:14, Reply)

There's no point in flashing a shirter.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Got nothing to lose by doing so then, have you

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:20, Reply)

I only allow certain people to get away with stuff like this.
You are not one of them. Do kindly fuck off.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Pffft!

(

Bazongaloid, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:38, Reply)

It's ok al, you are one of them.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 4 May 2010, 19:42, Reply)

*fucks off*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:39, Reply)

I'll go with the villain's comic relief minion.
Kind like Salacious Crumb.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:10, Reply)

Interesting Question
I think I would be the nerd / geek who doesn't get the girl but does come up with the intelligent answer to the problems raised.

Like to think that I would be like Cyrano de Bergerac but in my real world, the beautiful lady ends up with the dim-but-handsome male.
(JohntheDane, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Can't be bothered to check if this has bindun (probably not)
but I'd be the gay comic relief, who would probably get murdered some way through the second act to ratchet up the dramatic tension/stop the audience chewing their arms off (some people find me very annoying, apparently)

Take your shots, people
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:14, Reply)

alright girlfriend?

(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:16, Reply)

...would probably be my catchphrase

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:17, Reply)

don't forget the hopeless unrequited crush
on the hero
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:21, Reply)

Depends on who the hero turns out to be
No amount of character development bullshit will encourage me to lust after Al
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:23, Reply)

Donkey Gums
and Davros Grandad seem to be the two in contention for the role at the moment.
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:24, Reply)

I don't know Donkey Gums very well
but I get the impression that I'd need to be a bit fetish-y to fancy him. Davros' Grandad is at least a fellow geek
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:28, Reply)

well
Donkey Gums wanks off his horse. Take from that, what you will
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Davros' Grandad wanks off his darlek

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Davros wins
At least if the sex was crap the pillow talk would be interesting
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:36, Reply)

he might require you to whisper
'Exterminate' to him. Or to show marked difficulty in climbing stairs
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Works for me
If I get bored of him I'll just run to the top of a tower block. There are loads of them just lying around all over the place
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:38, Reply)

But daleks can fly!
Edit: Also best quote from the wikipedia page
Another pornographic parody, entitled Dr. Loo and the Filthy Phaleks was released earlier in 2005.[138]
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:38, Reply)

*Another* pornographic parody?
Makes me wonder what the first was called
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:41, Reply)

I dread to watch
and yet I cannot look away...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:42, Reply)

I DO NOT!
I merely polish his knobs until they are all shiny.
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 May 2010, 14:01, Reply)

o i
+on my chest
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:17, Reply)

You, sir, are a disgusting bounder
and you made me officelol. I doff my cap to you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:19, Reply)

I'm the middle-aged lonely office worker who's life is dull and meaningless.
Oh sorry! that's my life, not a film stereotype. Hahahahaha!
(

girlinthehole, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:40, Reply)

That
is two of us, I fear.
(JohntheDane, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:45, Reply)

Oi! there's only room for one drama queen on here.

(

girlinthehole, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Sorry
(and I'm not a queen!)
(JohntheDane, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:50, Reply)

That's ok.
I wasn't casting aspersions on your sexuality. Darth Foxtrot already has that sewn up.
(

girlinthehole, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:58, Reply)

HOW DARE YOU
I don't cast aspertions on other people's sexuality...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 May 2010, 14:00, Reply)

No, I meant we all cast aspersions about yours.

(

girlinthehole, Tue 4 May 2010, 14:01, Reply)

~~sions~~ gers
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 4 May 2010, 14:44, Reply)

You could end up like Bridget Jones
And end up with the sexy, sad eyes, funny guy.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 4 May 2010, 14:13, Reply)

No, I'll end up like Bridget's mother,
with the closet homosexual.
(

girlinthehole, Tue 4 May 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Oi!
Don't look at me for that , please
(JohntheDane, Tue 4 May 2010, 16:03, Reply)

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