Because they're ugly and they stink
It's a punchline thread!
Don't post the whole joke, that wouldn't be funny.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:16, 92 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This is a new low

(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:20, Reply)

It does rather doesn't it?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I midget walks into a bar with his cock out and the barman says -

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:20, Reply)

NO, NO FEEDLINES

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Have you seen the mess slugs make?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:20, Reply)

so the blind can hate them too.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:24, Reply)

It's a bit big for a dinosaur!

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 14 May 2010, 11:25, Reply)

So I raped her

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Or my favourite of all time
It's OK barkeep, I have my teabag.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 14 May 2010, 11:26, Reply)

"You're scared? I'm going to have to walk back alone."

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Shit in her cunt.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Fuck them, they're only bees

( Peej, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:28, Reply)

two in the front
two in the back, and Mrs Gandhi in the ashtray.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:28, Reply)

...and there he saw a sign saying 'Leper Disco - this way'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:29, Reply)

stevie wonder's speedboat

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:30, Reply)

- neither has he!

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 14 May 2010, 13:08, Reply)

Because I've got horse AIDs you bastard!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:30, Reply)

I hate that joke in all its distended forms
except the original HotShots Part Deux one!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:52, Reply)

And then he turned around and it turned out it was Monty Boyce

(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:30, Reply)

not THAT old classic... *groans*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:31, Reply)

'Oooh thanks mate, I'm parched.
Milk and two sugars please'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:32, Reply)

a carrot

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:34, Reply)

It's only got one leg

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:34, Reply)

'Know it?
I fucking WROTE it, love'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Ha!
A corking punchline, indeed the whole joke is funneh.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 14 May 2010, 11:51, Reply)

A jazz chord, to say, I ruv you

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:35, Reply)

I'd forgotten this one
rorz
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I don't know I was too busy wanking

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:35, Reply)

me in my lucky blue coat

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:36, Reply)

*groan*
It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the Frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:36, Reply)

the pilot you FUCKING RACIST

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:36, Reply)

'OK OK, I wheelie bin having wank'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Ha! You beat me to it :o/

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:40, Reply)

To see his flat mate.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:38, Reply)

FLUCK YOU ENGLISH TOO!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Ok, I terr you - I wheelie bin having a wank.

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Wonderful

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Do you think I deliberately wished for a 12-inch pianist?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:39, Reply)

No, you're like buses.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:40, Reply)

The Pope was a virgin when he died.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Hitler tried to finish the race

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:41, Reply)

The spice girls.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Ben Hardwick.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:42, Reply)

*mouth full of water*
I blove you
(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:43, Reply)

And then, as I squeezed the last breath out of Justin Bieber's lungs, as I compressed his neck containing his jugular....
... he looked at me, he pleeded with his eyes, "Please, I'm just a kid, you don't have to listen, you can change the channel or skip the song, loads of people like me, it's no big deal", I replied to him with a voice horse from screaming for hours, "I'm sorry, I'm soo sorry, I have to do this", and his eyes rolled up into the back of his head and his lips turned blue. I felt no remorse, I felt no sorrow, for I had done the world a favour, my gift to humanity, my legacy, was ending the life of a child who would one day grow to be the greatest evil mankind has ever known. I turned my back and walked away, a smirk on my face and blood on my hands, with a contentment that only one who had taken a life can know. For a moment, a small moment, I experianced what it was like to be a god, and I liked it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:43, Reply)

I had this in a Christmas cracker
My Nan didn't get it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I'll make sure your nan gets it.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:45, Reply)

that made me chuckle

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:46, Reply)

I didn't get this

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Please do
Grandad died years ago, I'm sure she needs all the help she can get.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:48, Reply)

fucking hell gonz
you really are amazing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:45, Reply)

I really hope you one day become a serial killer
and then write your memoirs. I'll buy it like a shot.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:45, Reply)

This contains a surprinsing lack of spelling mistakes
which makes it all the creepier
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:47, Reply)

surprinsing?
you retard
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:47, Reply)

This reply is wonderfully ironic

(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:47, Reply)

You are wonderfully penile

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:49, Reply)

You're just wonderful
I totally < 3 you
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:50, Reply)

you totally bollock him?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:50, Reply)

God; teabagged by Al, this is turning out to be an excellent Friday
Later I hope to get fingered by Foxtrot.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:51, Reply)

He doesn't finger
he likes to get behind you as soon as possible so you can't see his horrifically ugly face.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Until the very last second that is
He especially loves how a sphincter twitches when the victim sees his face. He calls it 'The Devil's Milkmaid'.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:54, Reply)

that is disturbing and hilarious in equal measures

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:56, Reply)

Still, his micro penis will be easier to accomodate than one of his fingers so it's win win really

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:55, Reply)

I want a voice horse.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:03, Reply)

The Wheelchair

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:47, Reply)

It's a beer-can sandwich mon

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:48, Reply)

of course not, I'm a squirrel!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:49, Reply)

I find that joke works better if you use "I'm a helicopter" as the punchline
makes it more ridiculous

morning
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I prefer the talking sausage one

(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:51, Reply)

STOP FOLLOWING ME!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Squirrel is my favourite
because the word squirrel is amusing and I like to picture cows trying to climb trees at speed.

Morning Vipperino
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:54, Reply)

you make a good case
how's it going?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:55, Reply)

it's all good
I just bought all the steel and fabric I need to make my first steel boned corset, so I'm quite excited.

My inner thighs are killing though because I did some insane pole moves last night, so I'm walking a bit like a duck. If that duck was John Wayne.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:03, Reply)

good stuff
that's a likely story though. I bet your significant other finally got his haiku act together
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:06, Reply)

haha he wishes
He doesn't even get to see my mad pole skills anymore because he took my pole down :(
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:17, Reply)

what on earth is wrong with him?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:20, Reply)

A friend of mine does pole-dancing
It's entrancing to watch.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:22, Reply)

You can't do the ironing while poledancing.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:35, Reply)

not with that attitude

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Damn!

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 14 May 2010, 11:50, Reply)

*adopts Deacon face*
"Jimmy's fallen over"
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:51, Reply)

The Aristocrats!
Fuck off.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 14 May 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Sing little Jonny, SING!
Arwoda rbodk lummddiisatdheiarrrrggle

(sorry don't speak or write monglish)
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 14 May 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Because whenever my sister gets a prick in her hand
she puts it in cider
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:57, Reply)

oh shut up Fridge!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:04, Reply)

One of my favourites!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I thought it was Breezeblock?

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:08, Reply)

Meh, semantics

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:17, Reply)

No
but I once told a donkey to Feck off
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:43, Reply)

It was no botther, I just swapped the heads.

( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Fri 14 May 2010, 13:37, Reply)

April Fool ya little cripple!

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 14 May 2010, 13:59, Reply)

multiple orgasms and a perfectly sliced cucumber!
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 14 May 2010, 14:16, Reply)