The cat's talking.
I hate this hour of the day.
I think I went to bed at about half past ten. Too early, but then I was drunk.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 5:15, 105 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm about to stagger into work
Where I suspect I shall have to answer questions about my facial injuries.

Quick, everyone, I need an explanation that doesn't make me sound like a massive alkie.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 8:08, Reply)

Tell them you fell asleep in the garden with bacon on your face
and a possum came and ate it, carelessly injuring you in the process.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 8:21, Reply)

it could happen
and "possum" sounds cuter than "rat".
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 8:25, Reply)

A fox did it.

(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Mon 28 Jun 2010, 8:35, Reply)

I got that Saxon DVD at long last.
It's actually brilliant, as well as the documentary itself you get a full length show from '81, another one from '08 and loads of other stuff.

Do you like the way I am feebly trying to make spending £28 on a DVD and then having to wait 4 months for delivery seem like a sound purchase?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 8:37, Reply)

Saxon? Really?
The variety of your musical tastes never ceases to amaze me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 8:42, Reply)

As long as you can justify it to yourself after that long
I would probably have given up, forgotten about it, then broken down in uncontrollable tears when it finally arrived.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 8:43, Reply)

Saxon?
Good lord.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:09, Reply)

It's fucking hilarious.
The stories of the Bomber tour with Motorhead are really, really entertaining. Their horror at Motorhead's antics is palpable. They were wide-eyed, clean-living tea drinkers from Barnsley and they really had no idea what they were in for.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:19, Reply)

I find pictures of Biff from the early 80s hilarious,
he's got a massive head and a tiny scrawny body and arms.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:20, Reply)

They wore some truly appalling outfits back then, too.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Tell them you got drunk on expensive red wine
Before falling off (and breaking) the chair you were sat on, going face first into the floor?

Hang on...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 8:55, Reply)

That fails the "massive alkie" part
but it's good to know what happened...
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:08, Reply)

i think you should stress the expensive wine part
it makes you sound like a better class of massive alkie
( plentyofants more ghee, vicar?, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:27, Reply)

I am dying, I can't feel my left foot and my hands are shaking so much I spilt my tea,
help me please
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 8:51, Reply)

How was it? Pretty good by the sounds of it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:21, Reply)

Sooooo many strippers, woop!
It was awesome, everyone got on there were no disastsers, I wore a mankini and all was good with the world.

Today I'm shaking like Micheal J Fox.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:48, Reply)

Sounds truly horrific.
Excellent work.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:54, Reply)

I went to bed early last night too
Was shattered after the bash. Great weekend though, I avoided hangovers both mornings and have no obvious injuries!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 8:59, Reply)

alright Vipros, give Lab his login back
ye smug cont, ye.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:22, Reply)

*munches on croissant*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:28, Reply)

I'm not sleeping in that room anymore
Gives me weird dreams about Norwich.
I'm going back in the spare room.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:16, Reply)

What's wrong with dreaming about Norwich?
...what am I saying?!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Honestly Darth, it was cack
I was in a lift and lost in a hospital and was waiting for market day which I'd missed. And I was wearing horrible clothes.
Then my bf turned up at the end of a corridor and saved me.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:43, Reply)

It is entirely possible to get lost in the University Hospital here
and it would be a shame to miss market day. Just the other day I marched my geese down there only to find that the foie gras makers had left their stuffing equipment at home
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Is there a market day
or are you mocking me?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:52, Reply)

This is Norfolk, of course there is a market day
Not that I've ever ACTUALLY been. I'm only 31, and not actually a farmer
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Do they say oers
for 'hours' where you live?
I met this family on the train and the dad's name was Father.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:55, Reply)

I call my dad father sometimes
I've deeply disappointed him this weekend though for having the audacity to want to try and relax the night before my wedding with a couple of friends in the pub rather than having dinner with my ENTIRE extended family. I'm such a selfish cunt.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Can't he compromise and have a small close family dinner then let you go the boozer?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:59, Reply)

It's actually my Mum who's kicking up a fuss about it
on my dads behalf. Apparently all my family have put in such an effort to get there. But nothing like the effort I've put in to organising the fucking wedding and paying for all of their dinners the following day.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:08, Reply)

Who is going to win?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:10, Reply)

For the sake of avoiding a fight
I am having dinner with them and then leaving to go to the pub. But she still said I had a bad attitude about my acquiescence.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:15, Reply)

But on the bright side
you have a mum who knows what acquiescence means
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:16, Reply)

I'm sure she probably does, but those were my words, not hers

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Well she should be glad you're going

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I call my father 'father' or 'old boy'.
EDIT you fucking selfish cunt. I think you should be uninvited to your own wedding for that grotesque display of self-indulgence.

I am ashamed to know you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:00, Reply)

No, but this was as though his name was Father
Mother of family to son: "Susan's asked Father to go as carer. She don't need a carer but if she nominates one, Father can get an extra place you see."

Very subtle difference, but the fact that she omitted the word 'your' before Father made me piss myself.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:04, Reply)

I've seen husband and wife refer to each other as Mother and Father
Itls not uncommon amongst the hoi-polloi.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:18, Reply)

I didn't think it still went on
And they said it in oo-arr voices.
How come Norfolk speak oo-arr, when they're miiiles away from Somerset and Devon and that?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:19, Reply)

It's a different kind of oo-arr
The Norfolk patois also does this irritating thing where every sentence ends in a slightly higher tone of voice than that which preceded it. Makes it very hard to tell when someone's actually asking a question
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:22, Reply)

I do like the way they say 'oers'

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:24, Reply)

I can't stand the way they pronounce my first name though
Somehow they add an "E". And not the good kind of E. Makes me sound Dutch
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Or a doctor...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Er, yeah
How do you know my secret identity?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:37, Reply)

It's the only one I could think of
And I think someone mentioned your name once, but I could be imagining that
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Al did
Although he got it wrong at first. It's not much of a secret, several B3tans are FB friends with me.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Nope, not seen you on that

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Look me up
All you have to do is guess my surname
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Haha
Rumpelstiltskin for the 21st Century
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:46, Reply)

With a significantly less satisfying payoff
I could leave you a trail of clues if you like
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:52, Reply)

There are many curious speech mannerisms
which I have taken great care to avoid obtaining
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Not that
ever ACTUALLY
only
not actually a an incredibly ugly inbred
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Oh you
*winks coyly*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:00, Reply)

I visited Norwich once
and there was a fucking huge market on, some great army surplus stalls and a couple of good records and bootleg tape* sellers, too.

*shows how long ago this was.

I liked the town.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:56, Reply)

I can explain what happened there
Some time in the early 80s, you took some massive drugs, accidentally appeared as a contestant on Sale of the Century, and the above mentioned bric-a-brac is what you won.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Ah, I see.
Thanks for clearing that up for me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:07, Reply)

It's not quite like that any more but it remains, essentially, a charming large market town
Unfortunately due to having a couple of Cathedrals and being the largest place for about a hundred miles in any direction it has aspirations to being a city
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Ooh how was the birthday bash?
Tell me everything.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:20, Reply)

It was amazing
there were burlesque dancers and whipped cream and more erect cock than you could shake a stick at. Roota was going for it for all she was worth.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:24, Reply)

ZOMG!
I shall take the bait here, and state clearly that I was not even there.
I did spend yesterday evening swanning about beer gardens with my parasol, revelling in the fact that schadenfreude is a German word, and touching dental students' boobs.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:27, Reply)

Schadenfreude is my favouritist thing/word/concept in the world evah

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:29, Reply)

It's not generally my thing
But I like seeing morons look forlorn.
We foolishly went into the middle of Town. Seemed ok but there were so many police and burnt twats.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:31, Reply)

A friend of mine said she saw some drunken 'ooligans kick down a fence
Then sit on the kerb, head in hands, weeping like 6 year old girls with grazed knees.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:32, Reply)

Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa
People are dumb.
They should stick watching X Factor.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:34, Reply)

I've just sent this link around work to further mock the England fans
Daily Mash
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:36, Reply)

*sends to dad*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:43, Reply)

That is just perfect!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:53, Reply)

I wish I'd written that. A lot.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:57, Reply)

That's my opinion of a lot of the Daily Mash articles

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Whilst I ought to be outraged on behalf of our astonishingly pathetic national football team
that is obviously hilarious. And The Daily Mash is consistently brilliant. Their baiting of Rafa Benitez was so awesome it made me want him to stay in England
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Let's be honest
By the time the fourth one had gone in, the whole thing had basically become a farce which should have had the drone of vuvuzelas replaced with the most corpulent-sounding Bavarian Oom-Pah band they could find, and Germany's team captain replaced with Mr Blobby, just to really hammer home the fact that we had arsed it up in truly spectacular fashion.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Haha you fucking wizard.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:30, Reply)

:D

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:32, Reply)

Dental students often have the best boobs
I knew a girl at Uni doing dentistry, her name was amy and she had boobs.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Have you been talking to my bf?
Or are you psychic?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:32, Reply)

OMG Did you meet the girl I used to know called Amy?
I would have hoped she was actually a dentist by now since she was a student 11 years ago.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:35, Reply)

OMG I know a girl called Amy with massive norks
She's not a dentist, but has perfect teeth.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Nah, this one's are small but perfectly formed norks

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:42, Reply)

NAh, this one's got a year to go

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Oh, I missed that bit
Must have been when we went to buy the non-alcoholic beer.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:28, Reply)

Drunken and amusing

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:27, Reply)

And you own the brightest tshirt and shorts I've ever seen
They made Noel sunburnt.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Worth it.
Any sign of Beekers yet, or is he still recovering from his 'special' Becks?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:32, Reply)

I know he got back ok
Not seen 'im on 'ere today though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:36, Reply)

I'm glad everyone had fun
I want pictures with b3ta names, I spent ages trying to guess from Facebook pictures with real names.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:44, Reply)

I think I can remember most of them
The Light in Chains is the facially-wounded cock neck.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:48, Reply)

I think i got lucky
and hid from the camera, although if there is an extreme close up of someone's face with scrunched up eyes and a roll-up hanging out the side of its mouth


thats me
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Davros' Grandad is the one with his hand up Burt's arse all evening
Aberracion is the one with her finger in my mouth.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Oh, yeah, that's me
I can't believe you were so deeply asleep! You didn't feel a thing, did you?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:10, Reply)

I can't remember :)
I rather overdid it.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:12, Reply)

And you fall asleep so early!
You missed half or the party. But at least you watched Doctor Who. What a great chapter and end of season!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Aree the pics of Flickr?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Aree you speak Goblin?:

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:15, Reply)

I'm rather shaky from an epic weekend :(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:16, Reply)

I'm the one in the incredibly bright clothes

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:23, Reply)

I'm the one who apparently talked about cock all evening

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Hahaha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Better than having cock drawn on you all evening

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:51, Reply)

This is very true
But just like LiC I can't remember the cock....
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:53, Reply)

And at least you were conscious for it
You could say they took advantage of LiC while he slept lay there helplessly in an alcohol-induced stupor
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Hahaha!
And we shared a taxi back to our b&bs - the driver didn't say a word. I have a vague recollection of them (LiC and PJM) ranting about politics and then the next thing I remember is Sunday morning and being very, very poorly.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I started drinking too early and ate too little
I've learned my lesson there alright.

*has not learned lesson*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:33, Reply)

The cat sometimes 'talks' at an ungodly hour in the morning
when I'm round at my girlfriends. Thankfully the maid gets up and deals with it. Perhaps you should get yourself one of those.
( djtrialprice, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:19, Reply)

You ought to watch that maid
I've heard that she gets up, licks the cat's balls and then gets back into bed and snogs you with tongues.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 10:23, Reply)