What I'm saying, right, is that if you're a fully functioning adult and you wear sneakers with velcro instead of laces, you shouldn't be allowed to use the word "fuck".
It completely loses all of it's power when you look like a mong.

What other rules should we implement into society?
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:38, 157 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Anyone involved in the property industry has to know something about the law.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:39, Reply)

More House-y shite?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:41, Reply)

yeah second repossetion order from Natwest on the house.
Although as they're legitimate they seem to be doing things properly.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Have you been able to get at your stuff
or live out your contract there?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:54, Reply)

not yet but they're suddenly being very nice about everything
so I've got a full days access tomorrow for free, they were trying to charge £250ish
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:11, Reply)

They were trying to CHARGE you to get your own stuff?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:18, Reply)

THIS
what the ever lovin' hee haw
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Sometimes I forget this is an internationally known site
and then I occasionally get brutally reminded. Hello, my colonial friend!
( Kroney, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:26, Reply)

Yep... and they were shocked when I laughed in their face.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:40, Reply)

The working classes should be forbidden from speaking or looking directly at their superiors
on pain of flogging. Bring back hanging, the birch and school bullies.

Never did me any harm. But then, I was one of the bullies.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:42, Reply)

ssh Flashman

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:47, Reply)

people who tell lies about other people really make me cross
I would cut off their bums and make them sit in vinegar
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:43, Reply)

My dad's in the SAS.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:43, Reply)

I bet this was a favorite punishment by the Spanish Inquisition.
Where is Asun, she would know.
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:45, Reply)

Roota has got Martin Scorcese hands
There, I said it
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:02, Reply)

What does that mean?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:17, Reply)

People who cannot be trusted to find a correctly fitting pair of jeans so that they don't hang down their arse should not be able to choose their own clothing in the future.
This includes women who wear low risers so low that you can see their apendectomy scars.
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:43, Reply)

hahahaha

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Surely a more appropriate punishment is the summary stapling of the offending garment to their kidneys to hold it up?
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:46, Reply)

What! and make our National Health bills shoot up due to the rise in replacement kidney ops.
No!
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Oh yeh,
cos they'll totally be allowed new kidneys.
( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Those Liberal do-gooders might get their way.
We have to be careful.
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:53, Reply)

FUCKING HIPPIES

( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:55, Reply)

I blame the immigrants
coming over here with their low-rise jeans and bikinis for children
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:56, Reply)

Tattooing a big belming face on their ass and lower back then? And yes, if you lose your kidneys to the Stupid, you can't have more under Labmonkey Rule.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:51, Reply)

I told the kid that if she ever brings a boy home whose trousers are hanging around his arse
I'm going to give him a fucking massive wedgie.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:49, Reply)

My sis caught my nephew tucking his trackie bottoms into his socks once.
She read him the riot act. She told him that if he ever did that again she would make him wear a skirt to school.
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Now he justs tucks them in when he gets to school.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:54, Reply)

They have a school uniform.

( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:55, Reply)

I wasn't talking about his trousers.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:46, Reply)

I've always got my hand in my jeans 'cus they're always falling down.
I'm always between sizes, never an actual size.

Sad Times.

Yeah', sure, belts, but I always forget to buy them or put them on.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:54, Reply)

Best excuse for dick-fiddling ever.

( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:55, Reply)

I'm constantly holding my crotch because it feels so loanly all the time.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:00, Reply)

I always forget my belt so I've taken to using zip ties
just loop it between two belt loops and tighten it
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:58, Reply)

You're pure class you are, Swizzler.

( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:59, Reply)

haha right, to be fair, I work in a car garage, can't be having my pants falling down, and you can't see it under my shirt

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:01, Reply)

that is genius

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:04, Reply)

My sister does that
She's skinny, so can sort of get away with wearing stuff like that, but I still think it looks daft.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:55, Reply)

a friend of mine had jeans like this
so another friend pulled them down. Unfortunately they were walking towards a woman and her young kids and instead of just pulling trousers down, he pulled is pants down too
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:11, Reply)

Every mirror should come with a sticker that says "are you really leaving the house like that?"

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:49, Reply)

I read that as minor rather than mirror. Still works.
/middleageddad
(Cave Duck, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:53, Reply)

to be fair, they're probably thinking the same thing about you

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:03, Reply)

Not just thinking, expressing loudly.

(Cave Duck, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:08, Reply)

haha
gawwwwd daaaaaaaad
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:12, Reply)

Refusal to use indicators when turning or overtaking
Should be punishable by having a fat, smelly person constantly walking into you while you go about your daily business.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

cyclists to obey actual rules

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Two problems at once could be solves with a law that says "If you persist on cycling at top speed down pavements and jumping red lights, you are to be thrown through the back window of the fuckwits who can't understand that a car is not a funny-looking bike and doesn't belong in a bike lane."
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:54, Reply)

I like this
killing two people with one stone
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:55, Reply)

I agree with both these sentiments
As a cyclist and a driver.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Duck suits to be made compuslory for anyone over the age over 1.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:53, Reply)

you should be
prime minister

I want my duck suit
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:12, Reply)

excellent choice of name change

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:35, Reply)

When a group of people coming one way takes up the whole pavement
none of them should be allowed to express any surprise or annoyance at being barged out of the way, even if it's into the path of a car.
( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:53, Reply)

A-fucking-MEN!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:55, Reply)

^This
In some parts of Tod there are very narrow pavements. If there are two of you walking together and someone approaches then one of you moves to walk behind the other. Is this not sensible? Some people seem unable to grasp this.
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:57, Reply)

yeah because they think you're a fucking hologram
Cunts
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:57, Reply)

they're solipsists
you only exist to them if they think about it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:03, Reply)

I'll exist when I batter them

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:16, Reply)

Oh, this, a lot

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:57, Reply)

anyone on a segway should be kicked

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:57, Reply)

and then hammered to death with said instrument of mongery.

( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Tourists here do that a lot
The adults will move, but the hordes of Spanish and French kids never bother. The lady's told me off for, upon approaching a pack of tourists, dropping my shoulder slightly, head down (mo' up) and picking up my pace.

Note, she didn't tell me off for barging through, more that in my bloodlust I went past the shop she wanted to go into.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Spacial Awareness Courses for people in supermarkets.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:59, Reply)

God THIS!
I hate cunts who just charge out of aisles with their trolleys without even looking.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:02, Reply)

I don't get how they manage to negiotiate the carpark, and even drive there.
Yet think it's OK to suddenly stand still in the middle of the asle, drop their trolly off in front of stuff and walk away, cut people off, ram into you... and all without a please, sorry or thank you.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:08, Reply)

luckily I have a naturally looking mean face, so as I hate the store, I basically jet through with a "fuck off" look on my face, getting what I need
I say excuse me and thank you, etc
but with a "getouttathewaybitch" look

I think your problem is that you spend too much time in the grocery store trying to make decisions about what you want
"prawns? no. yes. no. maybe. YES. no."
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:10, Reply)

I have one of those faces too
In a box under my bed.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:13, Reply)

i am that person who cannot make a decision
then I get all flustered and buy things I don't really want
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:15, Reply)

I'm probably just wondering around humming some Colin Hay to myself.
I go into my own little bubble world at the supermarket, it's quite nice there, sometimes. Spend a good couple of hours pondering what to get for dinner, what to make and all that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:17, Reply)

Do they have 30 hour days in England?
Because here we only have 24 hours and I cannot imagine pissing 2 hours away in the grocery store thinking about what I want for dinner
It wouldn't take me 2 hours to get a cart full of stuff, pay for it, bag it and take it home.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Heh, sometimes I spend two or more hours, and still walk out with nothing.
I just go for a bit of a wonder, think a bit, get out the house, that sort of thing. I find the supermarket fasinating, all sorts of strange and wonderful stuff, esspesh if it's supermarket I don't go to often.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:23, Reply)

A bit like taking a dog out for a walk, but I'm taking myself out for a walk.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:24, Reply)

that's the sweetest thing I've ever read I think

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:25, Reply)

=)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:45, Reply)

I'm like a ninja SAS squad when food shopping
In, grab the stuff, pay and get out ASAP.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:24, Reply)

^This
Shopping lists FTW!
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:26, Reply)

This is generally my thought process.
*Sitting down at my computer at home*
"Oh god, I've written this function five times now, and I can't see why it's failing. It shouldn't fail, fuck it, I gotta blow this hell hole".
*Walking down the street*
"I forgot to load up my iPod with the latest Eminem music, oh, Colin Hay? I ain't listened to this in yonks"
*Walking through the door to ASDA*
"Dah dah, dadada, dah dah da daaaa do do do, Did someone call my name? like a distant drum that's beating... oh man, I love this track"
*Making my way, walking through the different asles, snaking them until I get to the end, like a cue at a theme park*
"Oh, fruit and veg, I could do some pastery thing, that'll be good, I'll pick up this/that/other, lovely... Hmm, meat, I could get some duck legs, that'll be good, saussages ! posh hot dogs ! Oh man, haven't had that in yonks, well fancy that over the next couple of days. Well, while I'm getting the saussages, might as well get some fry-up bits. It's a shame this place doesn't do Duck Eggs, they're so hard to find these days. Wow, I love this track. No, no crisps for me, last time you bought a packet of packets you polished off the whole lot in a two days. Those clothes look nice, I could get a nice new shirt, I'm going out in a few days, need to look good for my public. Pizza ! [flatmate] had a pizza the other day and I had a slice. No need for this veg now I ain't gonna do a pasta thing, [puts it back]. Wow, chocolate popcorn, lush, g'wan then. OH BOY ! I USED TO HAVE THAT CERIAL AS A KID ! I CANT BELIEVE THEY'VE BOUGHT IT OUT AGAIN ! Damn, this milk is heavy. Hollyoaks is on in 25. Yeah', nice lump of cheese, I'll go for that. Might as well get some bread and sandwich-meats to go with it. The fry-up is a lot of washing up, I can't really be fucked with that, I'll put that stuff back. I can't decide what to have, I'll call my.... oh wait, he ain't here anymore. Shit, is that [school friend]? Fuck, really ain't in the mood for speaking to anyone, I'll skip this asle and go to another one. I could do some sort of fish thing, donno what, I got XYZ in my cupboard, all I need to pick up is the salmon and spring onion. What the hell? 5000 calories per bite in this cerial? fuck that. Why the hell has this person put their trolly like that ? They managed to drive here. Fuck, it's 18:15, hollyoaks starts in 15, and I missed yesterday so I gotta watch today. Sweet, Martina Cole has a new book, Digital Download or Real Book? I'll pick it up, mum can read it next, I wonder what she's up too. Wait a sec, I've got like £80 worth of stuff here and only 3 days worth of food, I could get fillet steak from a resturant for that kind of cash, fuck it, I know I should cook though, that's what normal people do, cook for themselves, I'll cook. Fucking hell, look at this queue, that bloke has like a billion penny sweets with barcodes on, that'll take yonks. Ok, it's my turn now.... Beeep..... beep.... these self service tills are shit. That lady [member of staff] is just standing there, can't she see I need the code thing? It's one person for 12 tills, and she still manages to do fuck all. Fuck this shit"
*Walks out leaving everything*
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:45, Reply)

You bag your own groceries? How queer

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 15:04, Reply)

I love you.

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:02, Reply)

=D

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:09, Reply)

OMG
I was in the supermarket the other day and a woman had parked her trolley at a 45 degree angle across the main central aisle whilst she spoke to her child whilst she was a good foot away from it, completely oblivious to the traffic jam she was creating whilst everybody tried to get past.
( Kroney, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:12, Reply)

Such people should be suspended by their toenails and have golden syrup* poured into their nostrils.
* or vinegar, depends which aisle you're in really.
(Cave Duck, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:19, Reply)

Chin up big fella, it's not the end of the world, even though you may think that at the time.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Every time I go to ASDA, I see two of the big crate trolly things (what they use to stock the shelves) blocking entire asles.
I always think to myself "If they pushed them a little bit together, you could completely block it, which is what I presume is what you're trying to do", or a simple "For pete's Sake". Once or twice I say it out loud instead of in my head, once someone shouted at me because of it, she goes "What did you say? WHAT DID YOU SAY?", and I'm all like "Nuffin'", 'cus I'm passive aggressive.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:20, Reply)

I'm like this
a bloke in a van drove across a zebra crossing as I was about to step out so I said "dickhead" but he had his window down and he stopped and shouted at me so I ran off in fright
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:37, Reply)

you should have called his pint a poof and chinned him in the tits

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:38, Reply)

I think that would have confused rather than damaged him

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:58, Reply)

I hope every descendent of hers is raped senseless
and her DNA is eradicated from earth
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:26, Reply)

It should be made illegal to not move left on the motorway.
I do a lot of driving on the M25. I frequently see lines of traffic in the outer two lanes stretching for a mile or more, whilst the inner two are almost empty. It's nearly always because some prick up front has decided that it's his right to never be overtaken, regardless of how slowly he wishes to drive.

This prick will nearly always mouth off if he subsequently gets undertaken. I really fail to see why people can't understand that if they get undertaken it's because they're in the wrong fucking lane. If there's enough space for a car to pull in, drive past you in the wrong lane and pull back out in front of you without causing an accident it's because you're going too fucking slowly in a lane you clearly shouldn't be in.

Rant, rant, grumble, gripe.
( Kroney, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Or, some people undertake even if the fast lane is doing 80-90
These people are cunts (or ambulance drivers).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:12, Reply)

Well, yeah, that's a little excessive
but the point remains that whoever's in the outside lane is driving along with nothing on the inside of them. Regardless of how fast they're going, they are supposed to move over.
( Kroney, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:15, Reply)

I completely agree
And often point and glare at fast/middle-lane hoggers until they move over (if I'm not driving, of course).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:17, Reply)

I'll often come up fast on the nearside of them
pull right across behind them into the outside, give them a flash of the lights as I cross behind them, then pull right back over onto the inside again. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Most of them time, though, I'll just undertake. Or pull alongside and glare at them through their passenger-side window.
( Kroney, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:20, Reply)

So, quite the aggressive driver then?
If someone drives up behind me flashing their lights, I slow down by about 2 mph for every flash. There's no need for it.

But then I don't hog lanes, I always move over.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:22, Reply)

I can be, yeah
only in retaliation to total stupidity, however. I won't charge up behind somebody in the outside lane flashing my lights and hanging off their bumper or anything. I'll give them space and plenty of time to move over. If they refuse to, and it's easy to see when somebody looks in their rear view mirror to see I'm there, then they've started being a cock first.
( Kroney, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:29, Reply)

I hate that when you're in the fast lane
and you're going as fast as the traffic in front will let you but an angry BMW driver comes up behind and starts driving right up your arse before getting all stroppy and undertaking, it's so infuriating.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Yeah, that is prickish
Where does he expect you to go?

I run into a lot of that on country roads. Somebody slow in front of me, no room to overtake and some buttmonkey of a white van man trying to drive straight up my exhaust.
( Kroney, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:43, Reply)

This!
It's usually a BMW or Audi driver, the complete cock-munches.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:44, Reply)

you should do that thing where you see how many laps you can do of their car
before they start swearing at you
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:24, Reply)

I do that, if the traffic's light
My max has been three though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:25, Reply)

I try to piroutte when I come
so I get white streaks on all of my furniture, so it looks like it's going really fast like in cartoons
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:29, Reply)

I don't have a car right now
but when I'm on my pushbike I sometimes like to rev my handlebars and go 'brrrruuuuuum' like Tetsuo from Akira
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:20, Reply)

If someone is hogging the middle lane and the motorway is empty
I like to drive up quite close to them in the left hand lane, then make a big show of crossing the two lanes to overtake them before swerving back into the lefthand lane. Every single one I've done this to always sheepishly moves back in again pretty quickly
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:38, Reply)

I try doing that
but only get a 50% success rate. People in Surrey must be stubborn.
( Kroney, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:46, Reply)

or they haven't noticed you at all
I was in a carpark once behind this old fool and he just stopped in the middle and sat there chatting to his wife. I didn't want to be rude so I flashed my lights at him a few times, but he didn't see so eventually I had to beep my horn. He jumped out of his skin and looked really surprised to see me there, he obviously wasn't using his mirror at all.

Same goes for old people on country roads driving at sight seeing speeds and not taking any consideration to the people stuck behind them who are trying to get to work
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 15:00, Reply)

Some doddering old bastard in a Chrysler
cut me up on three separate occasions on the same strip of road the other night, purely from being utterly unaware that I was even there.

As far I'm concerned, they're by far the most dangerous people on the road. At least lane-weavers are aware of where other cars are, even if they don't give a shit about road manners.
( Kroney, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 15:04, Reply)

yeah I overtook someone on a country road on a corner when I could see it was empty
but because he didn't see know I was there, as I got nearly alongside him he started to seriously cut the corner and only swerved back into his side when I beeped at him. He looked so scared to see another car alongside him that he speeded up, leaving me seconds to really put my foot down to get back in to the left before an oncoming car ploughed into me. I was so close to stopping the car in front of him to get out and shout at him for being a cunt, it scared the bejesus out of me.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 15:21, Reply)

More beer to be served from dead squirrels
Found this after being directed from Monty's exquisite article on English Heritage Dogsex:
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/picturesoftheday/7906254/Pictures-of-the-day-23-July-2010.html?image=8
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:18, Reply)

I am impressed
and yet repelled
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:19, Reply)

WANT
I wonder if Brew Dog would give me a discount if I shot the squirrel for them?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Additional:
Anyone who says "Akse" when they mean "Ask" to receive an "Akse" to the face.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:19, Reply)

uuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I fucking hate that.
I literally got into an argument with an acquaintence about that.
"Can I akse you a question?"
"Aske me a question? No. You as ASK me a question"
"That's what I said"
"No, you said akse."
"Yeah, I said can I akse you a question"
"Yeah, and I said you can ASK me a question. A. S. K. Not aske."
"whatever"
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:24, Reply)

aks is harder to say
crazy mongs
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Ms Foxtrot and I had a disagreement the other night
I am of the opinion that Wellgroomedwookiee's awesome term "mong-wrangler" can be applied to anyone who deals with the general public on a daily basis, eg high street store employees, etc. She thinks this is "offensive". Fucking vegetarians
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Yeah', I suppose you are.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Only one
To date
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Is this you?
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/picturesoftheday/7906254/Pictures-of-the-day-23-July-2010.html?image=10
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:23, Reply)

Oh my dear Lord

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:25, Reply)

It's the "Real Donkey Gums"

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:28, Reply)

that does kind of look like him
find out where he was and see if his story checks out
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Now there is a man who KNOWS how to hold an air guitar.

( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:29, Reply)

I like his trousers
where could I get a pair of those?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Darth's wardrobe

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:32, Reply)

I'm guessing nothing I own will fit Bert
and if I did have a pair of trousers like that, he'd probably sniff them rather than wear them
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Why?
Are you a fat bastard?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:35, Reply)

Not any more, thanks to all the fucking jogging
But I have a lot of 34" waist jeans that I can't yet afford to replace. That's what belts are for
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:38, Reply)

well then stop being a dick
I'm a 32" waist, you 32yo waste
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:40, Reply)

So I'm right about my stuff not fitting you, in short
Also, whilst that was a very clever bit of wordplay, it won't be accurate for another 41 days, THICKO
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:43, Reply)

fuck you, old timer
your nana wants her trousers back
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:44, Reply)

MY NANA'S DEAD, YOU HORRIBLE CUNT
BOTH OF THEM

Hence, the trousers are mine now
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Oh man, you called a 31 year old 32 years old, TOOOOLD.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:56, Reply)

I'd really like it if someone turned up to one of those things and did the whole taking the air guitar out of its air flight case
putting on the air strap, tuning up and then sitting on an air stool and playing in the studious manner of Robert Fripp.
(Cave Duck, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Air stool?
How does one sit on a fart?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:48, Reply)

Stool stool?
How does on sit on a shit?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:49, Reply)

You could cut a slit in the shit and spit in it.

(Cave Duck, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Very carefully.

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:52, Reply)

The central line is cunted westbound. I realise you have no reason to care, but this has irritated since I now have to use buses to get back to the northern line
I'm dreading moving next week as I'll be on the met line and it smells.

I wear velcro trainers sometimes, they're a little small though as a dog sicked on them, so I washed them and they shrunk. This makes me say fuck a lot.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:59, Reply)

Moving away from The Hamptons of North London to be even further away from The Beverly Hills of North London?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 15:04, Reply)

I'll still be north london

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 15:12, Reply)

Yeah', but _The Hamptons_ of north london.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 15:21, Reply)

is the Met the stripey one?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Nah, purple one

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 15:13, Reply)

Oh great, the bus is full, people are standing upstairs
And still the woman in front of me won't move her bag off the seat next to her. Cunt
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 15:14, Reply)

Chuck it on the floor
Then stare at her.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 15:15, Reply)

No chance. I've got a seat, just seems a bit cuntish

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 15:21, Reply)