I've just realised a colleague thinks you have to close all the programs,
including those minimised, to open a new webpage. This is despite there already being 3(three) seperate IE windows open.
This makes me unhappy.

Regale me with your tales of computards.
(TheColonel, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:02, 86 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It makes me really angry when people highlight the words that they want to type over
and press delete or backspace to get rid of the text before typing in the new text.

I don't know why it annoys me, but it really really does!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:04, Reply)

My Word spazzed out recently
So that highlighting and typing did not actually get rid of the highlighted words, meaning I then had to delete them. Very irritating.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Your face is very irritating
HIIIIIII-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:07, Reply)

someone in my office freaked out because they accidentally put tracking on word
they rang me panicking with "all the letters have gone red and crossed out! What's happened? Is it a virus?!"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Mine keeps doing that, very easy to fix
Tools - Options - Edit - Typing Replaces Selection
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:12, Reply)

I worked it out in the end
I think a coworker changed it for me. I'll randomly fuck with people's computers until I think I've got the culprit.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:13, Reply)

I think it's Alt +T that turns it off and on, or Alt+Shift+T

(PsychoChomp, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Ahhh
I probably accidentally did it (Command + T on an Apple keyboard is a shortcut I use in a program). I'll still fuck with other people's computers though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:16, Reply)

New tab
New tab!
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:20, Reply)

In Safari and Firefox, yes :p
I use it in something else as well.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:21, Reply)

No, I think it's definitely alt + shift + print screen
*sits and waits*
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Reminds me of back in the Quake days
Of convincing noobs that typing "bind mouse1 kill" into the console would make all their weapons a one-shot kill.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I knew it'd be something stupid, but I thought I'd give it a try anyway
Whoops.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:46, Reply)

actually it's ALT+ T+O+T
so if you're typing "total" or something with the alt key pressed that'll cause it.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Worse are people who aren't advanced enough to highlight and tap backspace
O.N.E.L.E.T.T.E.R.A.T.A.T.I.M.E
(TheColonel, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Also people who call backspace delete and carriage return enter

(TheColonel, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:12, Reply)

who calls it carriage return?!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:22, Reply)

People who know it's not called 'enter'

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:23, Reply)

BING

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:24, Reply)

Fair enough but saying to people "press carriage return"
is going to make me sound like a total douchebag so I'll stick with enter
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:27, Reply)

I say "press return"
When that's what I want them to do.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I don't call it carriage return everytime, hardly ever in fact.
Return will do. But it's not, not has it ever been "Enter". Just because it often performs the same function.
(TheColonel, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:35, Reply)

you would have loved the people at my IT drop in thing
there was one guy who EVERY week asked how to make a 'capicul' letter.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Excellent. He should be rewarded with a treat every time he got it right.
Speaking wurds is dificulp
(TheColonel, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:14, Reply)

i had sympathy to start with
after all these people had barely switched on computers before. But a year and a half later, you think you'd have cracked it
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Makes you wonder if people are actually trying and just monumentally thick.

(TheColonel, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:19, Reply)

I blame low confidence
it's the only way I can stop from killing
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Grr
I hated it when I worked in Dixons and people would ask for "digickul" TV.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:14, Reply)

My friend worked in currys
and said after phone jacker everyone would ask for a doovda player thinking they were original and hillarious.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:16, Reply)

I wanted to stab such people

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:18, Reply)

What about people who don't even highlight?
They put the cursor there and backspace backspace backspace backspace
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:47, Reply)

People who claim that
"A virus must've downloaded all those illegal images".
Sure, I'm guessing the virus then copied them to CD and wrote "Porn" on that CD in pen, hmm?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:05, Reply)

I claim a virus downloaded 500gb of music on to my computer

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:06, Reply)

I claim that you're a liar
And that you don't have 500GB purely of music.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:08, Reply)

That would be a pretty huge amount of music
Possibly enough to go for the best part of a year.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:10, Reply)

It would be a stupidly huge amount of music
At home I have about 80GB of music, and don't listen to a good chunk of it (stuff I downloaded to play when I DJ).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:11, Reply)

I meant 50gb
I have about 500gb of TV and films
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:14, Reply)

That's more like it
I accept this.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Good because it's a trufact
I need to find what file extention it's all in though. Then I need to convert o either .divx .xvid or .avi

Any non computards know if this is easy before I waste 30 seconds googling?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Movie file conversion?
I use Handbrake on my Mac (they do a PC one too).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:19, Reply)

cool I shall check it out
I thought most of them were already in avi stylee but on second thought maybe just season 4 of BSG which I downloaded in mega HD format
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Like an .mkv file?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:24, Reply)

I dunno I don't pay attention

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Clearly

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:25, Reply)

.mkv files are shit to convert

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Do you need to play it on your computer
or on something else?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:30, Reply)

On my new dvd player with a ubs port
but it will only play the above stated extensions
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:42, Reply)

UBS ports?
Really?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:45, Reply)

fuck off I'm ill and in a job i fucking hate
because they won't fucking pay me fucking sick pay and I am a woman on the fucking edge at the fucking moment
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I've got a naughty converter at home, but it's the best one I've dealt with
I can send you it later if you want?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Naughty?
That would be nice thanks :)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 12:06, Reply)

I shall sort it out, and GAZ you later

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 12:09, Reply)

thanks :)

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 12:10, Reply)

My mum (bless her)
When we first got the internet asked
"Does it cost more to send emails abroad?"
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:05, Reply)

It makes me want to belm when people ask if an email address is lower case or upper case
I informed the last guy who said it that it didn't matter and he wouldn't believe me.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:07, Reply)

This is an annoyance.

(TheColonel, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:09, Reply)

What's even more annoying is when people teling you their email as
capital A capital M little o-r-o-n then that swirly a symbol capital I little d-i-o-t-s full stop com
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Ha!
reminded me of this,

bash.org/?142934
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:10, Reply)

ha
brilliant
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:15, Reply)

I haven't been on bash.org for ages
bash.org/?835030
(PsychoChomp, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Nor me
Found all the content very old last time I checked it
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:36, Reply)

I don't know exactly how they're related but
I find this one gets updated more often

qdb.us/
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:44, Reply)

When my mum regales me with tales of her boss being a computard
Then asks me how to do basic things like copy files off a memory stick, or burn a CD, or install an update to the same thing she's been shown about 100 TIMES BEFORE.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:09, Reply)

I have to help my mum with this sort of stuff.
I'm torn between mild amusement and pity when I have to help her with word documents.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I have a few as I used to help people learn
very very basic computers

But to be fair, compared to proper computer people I am a computard
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Our contracts manager doesn't know how to reply to emails.
The M.D doesn't understand how to use windows and views everything full screen and closes each program to view the next item.
The secretary doesn't understand how to drag and drop.

This is just the tip of the iceberg and they drive me to distraction on a regular basis with stupid questions.
( M o D, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:15, Reply)

bloody hell
I have lots of time and patience for people who are new to computers - they are not as obvious as we think and all that. But people who's JOB it is to know things - gah!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Yesterday our foreman asked me "if I want to install firefox
do I need a disc?"
( M o D, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:22, Reply)

I work with them every day
We have one woman who kept referring to a printer as jpeg, it was getting very confusing.
A raft of users who think that if anything goes wrong with their PC, it's our fault. My recent response of "Well, why did you kick your tower?" was greeted with "It wasn't working properly". Upon offering to kick them next time they wasted my fucking time, I was told off for bad language. Users are retards. (Turns out they'd turned the pc off, and knocked the on/off switch electrics out. Had to open the tower, and repin them)

I've told them all ways to fix their every day problems, but I still get called over everyday. I've now started referring to them as PEBKAC errors, it makes the day go a little easier.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:19, Reply)

People are confused by my computer
as my start bar autohides. This is so no one could see how many IE windows I had before I eventually managed to get the IT guy to upgrade me to tabbed browsing
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:20, Reply)

PC + Mac conflict
I'm strictly a Windows PC kind of guy. My girlfriend has a Macbook Air - of which she is very proud.

When I'm at her place trying to use it, I feel like a complete spaz, as despite working in IT, I struggle to get to grips with the bloody thing. The lady is always taking the piss that I'm an IT bod who can't even operate a fecking laptop.

Honestly, the fun never ends.

Anyway, last night I was surfing using Safari. I wanted to open a 2nd Safari session so I just went to File/Open New Tab - just as you would in Internet Explorer. The lady was sat next to me at the time and was completely gob-smacked by my skilz. Apparently she didn't know about that function, and had previously always just opened a completely new Safari window.

Just for a brief flickering moment my IT bod credentials had been restored - until I spaz out next time.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:22, Reply)

I have this problem
one of the colleges I teach photography in has macs, and I'm only there for 2 hours a week. It is proper embarrassing asking students how to do something easy on the computer
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Indeedy
That 'Finder' thing on the Mac is complete pish compared to Windows Explorer.

What the Mac needs is a big icon in the middle of the screen labelled 'Just operate like a fucking normal PC'.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:29, Reply)

this this this!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:30, Reply)

They could call it iPC
but it would be made of platinum, cost 40 gazillion pounds, and have folk queueing round the block for it.

Oh aye - and it wouldn't work.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Or you need to just learn
They're dead easy to pick up, and Finder is perfectly fine. Spotlight is infinitely superior to the Windows search function.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Yes it is dead easy to pick up....
...as my girlfriend continues to remind me, it's cast from a single piece of aluminium, hence very light. ;-)

However, it makes me feel like a mong when I'm using it.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:35, Reply)

It is frustrating at first
but you get used to it. I have found that I use keyboard shortcuts way more when using Mac than I did when I used Windows based PCs. Also, remember that you can 'right-click' on things by doing ctrl-click.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Ah!
Didn't know the right click thing. Cheers!
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:57, Reply)

You can also use
A two button mouse
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 12:00, Reply)

It's the lady's Mac and she doesn't appear to possess a mouse.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 4 Aug 2010, 12:01, Reply)

I cannot for the life of me figure out how to stop word opening every single fucking file
in final bloody showing bastard markup.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Oh man, I hate people

( broadsword, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:43, Reply)

we have just had new time recording software
as one of the very best things about my job is having to record my day in 6 minute slots. lawyers and computers do not mix. i thought the trainer was going to slaughter us all. i was easily the clown who picked it up the most quickly in the whole circus, and that is saying something. people were doing things like clicking on days to enter time and then saying in bewilderment "why has this day gone red?"

it was tortuous.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Can't you just lie?
Being honest takes far more effort. But it sounds like an awful requirement.

Though... is there a drop down box for 'pooing'? If so, all is forgiven.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 13:09, Reply)

what I hate the most
is the expectation pwople have that anything to do with a computer is our problem, sww also mixing up "problem" with "ignorance".

I am there to fix problems. I am not there to shoe you how to format a dicument, nor am I there to show you what function to use in Excel. Bewildered responses of "but you're IT" do not amuse me when I say that I'm not in the training department, that operating Office isn't my job, it's yours; that there are plenty of guides of the intranet, the internet and even Office itself if you want me to show you one; that even if I wanted to show you how to use the software that you no doubt said you were proficient with when ou joined the company, I couldn't because I rarely use it myself and I'm not fucking omnipotent.
( Kroney, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 12:18, Reply)