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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Operation successful.
Daughter now totally fine, now stuffing her face and drinking juice apparently.

Thank fuck for that.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:44, 167 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

face nose
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:44, Reply)
FUCK YOU I WANTED TO SAY THAT

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:45, Reply)
that makes it all the sweeter

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:47, Reply)

that makes it all the sweeter

Shut up, Chompy
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:48, Reply)
and relax.

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:45, Reply)
Glad to hear she's ok, monty
what was wrong with her?
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:45, Reply)
She's taking after her dad and stuffing stuff up her nose until she ends up in hospital.

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:49, Reply)
terrible business
has anyone notified the proper authorities?
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:51, Reply)
Don't you mean......
...

...
nose-tified?
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:56, Reply)
It's small wonder we're both alone

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:08, Reply)
puns should be illegal

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:13, Reply)
rape's illegal
but that's never stopped him
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:14, Reply)
it's not rape if you push back, bertie

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:15, Reply)
heehee
I used to work for the forces, and all the Navy guys used to say that to me

as they filled my puckered shithole
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:20, Reply)
what with, seamen?

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:26, Reply)
PUN
Where is INTERNETLAWERMAN when you need him? This calls for serious class action, I demand an injunctiona against any further pun posts from rachelswipe
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)
neeeeeeeeever gonna happen
i am puntastic.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:52, Reply)
Arrrrrrrrgh!

(, Sat 7 Aug 2010, 22:23, Reply)
people should be pun-ished

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:14, Reply)
*Roger Moore 'Ooof!*

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:21, Reply)
You've missed everything
She needed an operation and THEE ACTUAL EDMUND made a return and gave him advice
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:50, Reply)
seriously though
glad she's ok
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:47, Reply)
same here,

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:49, Reply)
copycat

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:50, Reply)

copy vampyre
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)

ampyre isa
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:22, Reply)
BULLY

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:23, Reply)
Well that's good news.
For you and your daughter.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:47, Reply)
My daughter
has to have an operation on her toes. I DO NOT LIKE THIS!

Nobody hurts my daughter, even if its to make her better!
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:47, Reply)
Glad to hear it.

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:48, Reply)
I fucking nailed aysha.
NAILED IT. Just the once though. I did it by accident and then couldn't remember what I did.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:55, Reply)
Sounds like the conversations I overhear chavs having on the bus.

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:57, Reply)
I thought you were too stuck up to get the bus

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:01, Reply)
That's because you're too self centered to notice anything about other people.

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:03, Reply)
that's nice dear.

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:12, Reply)
haha
fantastic mental image here of you reading a newspaper while Pyschochomp fumes
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)
She'll be reading the comics bit.

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:24, Reply)
Arghh! Nice one!
Well done.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:02, Reply)
cheers :D
She had us doing brass monkey with no legs on as well. I failed.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:13, Reply)
That sounds terrfiying.
I'm glad I wasn't there.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:13, Reply)
It would have been if I had even been able to attempt it but my brass monkey is retarded so I couldn't even get up there

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:55, Reply)
Excellent
Did she get to keep the raisin?
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:48, Reply)
I bet Monty's ex ate it
edit: I don't know why I said that
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:49, Reply)
Because it's funny?

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:51, Reply)
Good news

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:50, Reply)
what did Cruella have to say for herself? and how did the anaesthesia go?

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:50, Reply)
She was machine gunned, along with the rest of the Romanovs
I don't care what any of the conspiracy theorists say.

What?
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:51, Reply)
ummmmmmmmmmmmm ?

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:54, Reply)
Anaesthesia...
...apologies, I've had a lot of caffiene today and my sense of humour is really very odd.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:01, Reply)
no it's fine
I was pretty sure I'd got that wrong but I was expecting a spelling Nazi not a spelling mental.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:04, Reply)
The spelling was perfect
My addled humour less so.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:05, Reply)
I've only just got it.
Damn you, 3hrs' kip brain...
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:07, Reply)
My mind goes off at tangents all the time
Especially if I've had more than four cups of coffee.

*fidgets*
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:10, Reply)
I still don't get it you smart bastards

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:33, Reply)
Anastasia Romanov

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)
I will read

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:38, Reply)
Here you go
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anastasia_Romanov
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)
Embarrassed actually knew this.

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:39, Reply)
Glad she's fine :)

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:51, Reply)
Fantastic news
Give the ex a boot to the cunt.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:53, Reply)
Yay and good for her, and you.
Until next time at least.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:53, Reply)
Sweet
I'm glad.

Does that mean you're in a better mood and I can mention things that I like without you wanting to spit in my hair?
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:56, Reply)
All you have to do now is get through her first serious burn and her falling down the stairs.
It will happen.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:02, Reply)
I didn't get my first serious burn until I was nine
But I did it in style by one leg being totally ablaze
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:04, Reply)
I put my hand on a hot cooker ring.

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:05, Reply)
Pussy
Walking into a blowtorch is where it's at
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:06, Reply)
I'm still young.
I'll give it a go.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:07, Reply)
leg against a heater
branded :(
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:10, Reply)
leg and foot against a motorcycle exhaust pipe when I was 3
I'm well 'ard innit
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:14, Reply)
It's ace
No judo for months
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:10, Reply)
Ow!
How?
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:06, Reply)
See above

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:06, Reply)
Argh!
No long term damage done I hope?

The same sentiment applies to BGB and her unfortunate cooker ring incident.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:09, Reply)
I was about to have skin grafts, when they noticed it had started healing really well
They left it a bit longer, a bit longer, and woops! 23 years later, there's very little trace.
I must be super-resilient.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:12, Reply)
Skin grafts...
...I've got a couple, on my left hand and behind my ears. Trufax.

Better off without them IMHO.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:14, Reply)
Well it became apparent that they weren't needed
I don't know what would happen if someone needed them and didn't get them
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)
There on the stair!

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:07, Reply)
Ha!

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:12, Reply)
Blim burn from someone next to me tokeing on a bifta at a party when I was 19
About the size of a pea on my right wrist.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:11, Reply)
Okay, it's not what you'd call serious...
...but it hurt like heck.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:22, Reply)
^ does anyone else find this post a bit menacing?

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:04, Reply)
The Hand That Rocks the Cradle?

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:05, Reply)
The Turning of the Screw

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:10, Reply)
Sorry! it does sound a bit creepy.
Just trying to put across the fact that no matter how careful you are, shit happens.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:07, Reply)
It sounds like a threat.

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:08, Reply)
Well it would sound like a threat if it was coming from a six foot peadophile and not me.

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:09, Reply)
where IS that Crow boy?

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:10, Reply)
Aw! be nice to him.
He's split with the mrs.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:11, Reply)
No way?
He's a lovely chap.

Am saddened to hear this.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:12, Reply)
I'm not
He's a younger version of dj and is now available.
My lonely weekends just gained potential.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:13, Reply)
Get off!
He's mine.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:16, Reply)
*tuts*
Alright thennnnn
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)
You should be happy to hand him to me.
You have one already. In perfect working order and everything.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:22, Reply)
He's perfect, but he's 200 miles away
Roota has neeeeeds
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:25, Reply)
God I really don't myself, these days.
I associate it with emotional trauma: not the world's finest aphrodisiac....
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:28, Reply)
I actually only want sex when I'm actually 'with' someone
Whereas I have a friend who will ring men up simply because she's in ze mood
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)
^This
I can't do one night stands anymore.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:35, Reply)
I only ever had them because of booze and bad judgement
What does someone really get out of making a booty call?
I'm perfectly capable of having an orgasm on my own, innit?
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:38, Reply)
^^^THISSSSSSSSS

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:39, Reply)
I guess the post-sex awkward and guilty feeling is addictive?

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:39, Reply)
Possibly
She doesn't seem to feel guilty or bothered at all.
She says she's turning the tables.
I don't see it as empowering for anyone involved.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:41, Reply)
Turning the tables by putting herself out there to be used?
I don't see how... Serious denial going on IMHO.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:42, Reply)
She has a nack of picking men who get besotted and want her to be their girlfriend
So she's not being used as such, but I still don't think she's doing herself any favours.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:47, Reply)
Not at all
Sooner or later, the offers dry up and she'll be full of regret.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:51, Reply)
She needs to get better at wanking
And at judging men
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:52, Reply)
far too obvious strikethrough

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:52, Reply)
Brilliant work!
I like your style...
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:56, Reply)
To be honest I had a female friend who was sex mad and put herself about.
She had a whale of a time. She eventually found 'the one' and got married.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:47, Reply)
It works for some, but not for others
I think I'd like to have not wasted an opportunity or two from my past, but it's all with the benefit of hindsight.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:49, Reply)
Sweet!
When did Lampito get married?
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 15:35, Reply)
it's not being used
if you both want it. It's not something I'd do myself, but if she's happy with it, it's not 'being used'
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:51, Reply)
I agree
But it leads to more hassle than a good shuffle on your own
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:54, Reply)
I agree absolutely
which is why I wouldn't do what she does.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:57, Reply)
Invariably though...
...some people read more into the situation than others. If men end up infatuated with Roota's mate then she's hinting at offering goods under false pretences.

Ergo, someone gets used.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:58, Reply)
It sure is
*winks*
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:42, Reply)
Same here.
Booze fuelled pickups. It was more about the adventure than the sex.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:40, Reply)
I just didn't know what I was doing
I was naive. The couple of times I've done that I've been steaming, not cared about matching underwear or shaved legs, yet still used a condom.
The subconscious is ace.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:43, Reply)
I never even managed that
it was quite frustrating when I'd see fucking ugly morons managing to pick up women and yet never manage it myself.

I'm sure I didn't miss much, but at the time it would've been nice to lose my V plates earlier or to bump the grand total up.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:42, Reply)
Nope.
You've missed nowt.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:43, Reply)
^this

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:45, Reply)
It's just numbers...
...it becomes meaningless when you're in a secure relationship.

[edit]

Sorry, I didn't mean to come across as a sanctimonious cunt.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:44, Reply)
it's true though
I've had a mere 3 partners, two of which were in long-term things, and as a result the sex has generally been great. Can't imagine it would be even close during a drunken fumble.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:46, Reply)
Drunken fumble sex is 95% rubbish in my humble experience

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:47, Reply)
I often think like this
But then I remember that I've had some absolutely stellar wanks.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:44, Reply)
What, like in orbit or something?
*runs*
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:45, Reply)
you're on form
you should drink too much coffee more often
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:46, Reply)
I approve of this.
Hang on, does this mean I'm a dullard cunt when not under the influence of stimulants?

*awaits barrage of insults*
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:48, Reply)
yes, yes it does

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:48, Reply)
I kind of asked for that

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:49, Reply)
indeed you did :-D
not the case, but it's the speed and frequency that I've been impressed with this afternoon.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:51, Reply)
Some days I can't keep up with OT
But today makes up for it.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:53, Reply)
You're on FIRE today, old boy.

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:57, Reply)
You have all the time in the world.
I'll be all dried up soon.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:30, Reply)
I'm like an Action Man 'down there' now.

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)
You're better off.
I had a period of happy celibacy and it was much less stressful.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:38, Reply)
It is a cast-iron fact
that most of the pain in my life has been caused by my relationships. I miss the company and having someone to cook for, more than anything, really.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:40, Reply)
Ha, your only problem is that you're far too good for the majority of chaps out there

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:32, Reply)
Awwwwwwwww!
*blushes*

fanks!
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:33, Reply)
Isn't Crow
even further away than that, though?
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:37, Reply)
Yeah but if they could alternate their visits up North
I'd never be lonely on a Saturday night ;)
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:39, Reply)
This is why I hate the weekends.

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:40, Reply)
I jest
I fucking love my weekends.
I hate it when it's a birthday or something and I have to haul my arse off the couch, leave my Tigger and go out.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:44, Reply)
Don't say that publicly, lampito will be knocking down his door in 20

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:12, Reply)
She found out about the paedophilia, then?

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:13, Reply)
Kids she didn't mind
it was the rampant bumdering that bothered her.*

*I have entirely made this up
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:36, Reply)
True that
my little girl's a bit of a daredevil on her scooter, and has so far ended up having her chin and her hand glued back together after seperate accidents
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:11, Reply)
Nugget 1 had an unfortunate altercation with some barbed wire whilst biking the other week.
A&E glued up the wounds but his scars are still quite angry looking.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:25, Reply)
I thin k I saw that on facebook
sounds absolutely mental
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:30, Reply)
Ha, every time I take him out on a bike he falls off and hurts himself
That's what I tell The Social Services anyways.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:30, Reply)
...
I understood what she meant.
(, Sat 7 Aug 2010, 22:25, Reply)
I didn't get mine until 2 years ago
when I put my arm through kettle steam trying to reach toast *belm*. They had to put a sign up at work and change the kettle and everything, it was well embarrassing.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:14, Reply)
i was 20
stupid landlord and his dodgy boiler. luckily it was a steam/boiling water burn so it hurt like fuck but didn't scar my ankle at all.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:18, Reply)
I've never had a serious burn or fallen down the stairs.
I did once cough a chillum all over myself whilst topless, covering my torso in little red-hot nuggets of hashish. That was painful but far from serious.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:23, Reply)
Ouch
Those little blims carry on burning for ages.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:27, Reply)
Tell me about it.
Some went in my belly button, on my nipples, everywhere...
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:28, Reply)
jesus
I've had the odd couple of blims on the chest from smoking a bed-reefer, but that sounds bloody dreadful
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:39, Reply)
Like a hot meteor shower with added munchies
*fears*
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:41, Reply)
It was fucking awful.

(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:41, Reply)
I can imagine
in fact, I can't. Getting a blim on the nipple or caught deep in the belly button must be excruciating
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:43, Reply)
Trying to sort yourself out
when totally battered from chillums is not easy either. I think I just half-heartedly patted myself down and waiting for the little localised spots of agony to help me locate the blims.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:46, Reply)
I saw a dude in Christiania smoking the most enormous chillum
I swear it was 2 feet tall, 6 inches across at the top and he had at least a half on there.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:47, Reply)
My brother had a 6 foot water pipe
One night we wasted over an ounce of hash in it, it was rubbish, really, loads of it simply burned up in the air...
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:52, Reply)
what a pain
I've been hankering for a nice bong recently. I also remembered my idea for a revolver bong the other day. I need to develop the mechanism a bit and it'll be a winner.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:54, Reply)
Bongs are great
provided you know for absolute certain that you don't have anything to do for a while and have all the necessary supplies in.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:57, Reply)
very true
trouble is, we don't smoke in the house at my place, which means it's no good for bonging.

Not until I've sorted out my conservatory and put armchairs in it.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:58, Reply)
My little sister when she was about 4, fell down from the top of some wooden stairs in the hall.
We all stood around with bated breath waiting for the inevitable screaming. She got up without a sound and waddled off to the kitchen as though she'd just fallen off the bottom stair.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:21, Reply)
I got a dice stuck up my nose once
I was old enough to know better.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)
I won't do that strikethrough
But I giggled anyway
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)
Oh, I got something else
stuck up *that*.
(, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:42, Reply)

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