Fresh start Monday
Finally, after 5 weeks of visitors, my house is back to just me, Catface and catfaceceilidhbaby. The in-laws have gone, the living room currently contains no people, and the glasses will at last be in the correct order in the cupboard.

I've had sleep and am now invigorated enough to tackle the clothes mountain and paperwork landslide in the spare room. What cleaning tips do you have for me?

Alt Q: robot arm or robot leg?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 8:51, 98 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

1. Pay a Pole
2. Obligatory robot arm wanking joke.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 8:53, Reply)

Fire cleanses everything, even sin.
Robot elbow.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 8:53, Reply)

Cleaning tips you say?
Go back to bed and get catface to do it all for you. If you've trained him that well, that is - sadly my other half still isn't housebroken in terms of tidying up and stuff.
Robot arm, definitely. With robot leg I just have visions of it carrying on walking when I want to stop like that scary-as Hans Christian Anderson story with the red shoes.
(berk, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 8:59, Reply)

He's at work. Damn.
If I had a robot arm it would sort the paperwork super-efficiently.

Robot abs would be good because then I would be able to fit into my clothes.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:01, Reply)

Depends on how good the robot arm is
I need to be able to play guitar.

For the entire 4 years I was at uni I regularly told my mate Seb that one day I was going to get a robot arm and use it to crush his skull.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:01, Reply)

Vipros get a volcano vapouriser...................... ace.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:02, Reply)

They're ludicrously expensive and look fucking stupid
but they are indeed a great item. I'd never buy one but if I was given one I'd be very happy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:41, Reply)

same but my friend gave me his old one
it's good for a novelty high. Not an alternative though.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Use plastic knives and paper plates for sandwiches
and eat mostly sandwiches.

altQ is a robot leg really an advantage? Could the meat leg keep up?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:05, Reply)

Your remark about a meat leg made me think of this fantastic short story
www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/TheyMade.shtml
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:44, Reply)

Don't bother cleaning too carefully
Having some dirt around is good for you. Builds up immunity!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:05, Reply)

^ this
leave all the crap lying about and say you're doing it to stimulate your daughter's immune system. It's for her own good.
(berk, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:09, Reply)

my big sister has raised three robustly healthy children while renovating her whole house.
They're so healthy it's obnoxious. No allergies or anything.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:12, Reply)

I believe children who grow up with a pet in the home are less likely to get allergies.
Also compulsary dirt eating for children would save the NHS millions on allergy treatments.
( girlinthehole, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:25, Reply)

I had a dog and a cat.
I have skin allergies but they're not life threatening, just a real annoyance!
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:27, Reply)

Yup
also older siblings, because they track in dirt and germs and stuff.
(berk, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:29, Reply)

It's true
My parents had 4 cats and I was fine, but then I moved out when I was 18 and suddenly I'm taking Piriteneze like it's crack.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:33, Reply)

I hate cleaning, so I break it down into lots of little tasks
like 'take out rubbish' and 'empty dishwasher'. Then I do one of the tasks followed by half an hour of videogames. Then another task.

It does take ages like this though and Wiggy usually comes in at some point and shouts at me for it, but it's only because he always comes in at the video gaming part and not at the tidying part.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:09, Reply)

That's because taking out the rubbish takes 2 minutes
so if you're "cleaning" for 4 hours, you've done about 10 minutes actually cleaning.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:10, Reply)

so?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:15, Reply)

"but it's only because he always comes in at the video gaming part"
the chances of him coming in any other time are very low, you shouldn't be suprised.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:26, Reply)

oh I see
probability lolz.

I cleaned well ard yesterday whilst Wiggy claimed to be working but was actually probably just on facebook. After I'd finished I thought "I could totally do minimalism" but then I remembered that I'd shoved everything that didn't have a home into one cupboard.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:31, Reply)

I agree with K2k6
don't worry about it if it's not hospital grade sterile. Just stick on some music you like, get out the vac, zoom around for a bit, and chuck all the clothes in the cupboard - then sort it properly when you have time!

Also - leg - I need to be able to draw.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:10, Reply)

Yup
So long as you follow sensible hygiene practices, like making sure your toilet's cleaned fairly often, and don't let raw meat and cooked meat come into contact, then you'll be fine. A few bacteria floating around will be better for you than a totally sterile environment.

This doesn't apply to people who are immuno-compromised, like after chemotherapy or something, but that's a special case.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:43, Reply)

you could have the arm from the robot in I Robot
he could draw really quickly
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:44, Reply)

this is true, but then I'd feel like it was the arm that was drawing, not me.
it'd be all perfect, there would be no flaws! I like my drawings with their little flaws that are hidden unless pointed out. I like having to redraw someones eye four or five times until I get it exactly I think it should look.

So in conclusion, I'm going to stick with the leg!
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:47, Reply)

If you're cleaning a mingin microwave, cut a lemon in half, and microwave it for 30 seconds. Then, the rest of the crap inside should be wipe clean
Alt Q: Left arm only
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:11, Reply)

you should send that to one of those real life stories magazines
and try and get yourself a tenner or whatever.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:52, Reply)

To be honest, that's probably where I got it from, can't fully remember
My stepmum has told me a few of them, several with lemons. Another one being having half a lemon in the fridge gets rid of most smells
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:57, Reply)

I got given a copy of Real Life or whatever on the train a week ago
so I stuck it in the bathroom to stop Wiggy stealing my Grand Designs to put in there. He got really angry that the headlines don't match the stories, namely one that said "My KFC bucket turned out to be a baby!" which meant "I thought I was fat, turned out I was pregnant", when he was expecting some kind of abandoned baby accidentally being shoved in a family bucket.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Start at the top of the house and work your way down.

( girlinthehole, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:11, Reply)

that's crazy talk, I can't reach the ceiling

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:16, Reply)

I have a duster on a long pole.
Use your initiative woman.
( girlinthehole, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:18, Reply)

ooh clevers
I just prefer not to look up and pretend that it's probably clean.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:22, Reply)

Which is tough when you spend so much time on your back.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:26, Reply)

haha Wiggy wishes

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:32, Reply)

He probably does
Preferential to you being on top, he'd need a robotic ribcage and pelvis to withstand the crushing.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:53, Reply)

*scowls*
That picture Bert posted of me isn't real you know! *sobs*
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:54, Reply)

I didn't even see the pics
I saw he'd posted a ton, knew most would be horrific, and decided I didn't need that on my weekend.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:56, Reply)

mine was pretty tame really
he just shopped my face onto a fat woman in a negligee.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:06, Reply)

Fairy muff

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:10, Reply)

tidy up
have a break, think about cleaning, pick a film to put on while cleaning, roll a joint, change film, watch first 15 mins of film before starting, smoke joint, repeat process, forget about cleaning.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:32, Reply)

Write a list
Include all the really tiny things that need to be done so your list is very, very long.
Do the tiny things first.
Cross them off.
Feel validated.
Drink coffee.
Do one big task.
Rest.

Repeat.

EDIT - Robot leg - it can do all the cycling for me while I rest.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Ahahaha
this is genius and I will definitely be using this method in future.
(berk, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:53, Reply)

It works for me
Sadly though I've not yet made my list and I have a shit load of things to do today.

/lazy
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:16, Reply)

The girlfriend occasionally whinges at me to tidy up
However, most of the mess is hers, she doesn't live at mine, and she rarely does any kind of tidying herself. On the odd occasion she does do the dishes (I think she's done them 3 times in 10 months), she milks it for all it's worth.

As for robotic limbs, I'd have robot legs please. My current knees aren't too great, plus it'd be awesome to be able to run faster, jump higher etc. Also, I want mine to have retractable rollerblades in the feet. Mind you, I'd have to have my spine roboticised too, else I'll concertina my frail human spine after one big jump.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:52, Reply)

I want those springy leg things that were on the Zurich ad a bit ago
they would just make my falls even more epic though I suppose
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:53, Reply)

Like Dr Eli Vance in Half Life 2?
Or for a less geeky example, that guy in the special olympics who runs real fast.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:55, Reply)

yeah him!
the second one. Loser geek, I don't even know what Half Life is. *whistles*
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Course you don't
I bought my ex (when we were together) a soft toy headcrab. She loved it!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:59, Reply)

If anyone put one of those on me while I was asleep I would scream, soil myself, then kill them
I hate the headcrabs.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Now I need to buy another one

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:04, Reply)

I hate you.
Actually, just thinking about it now, headcrabs are a mild annoyance, it's these fuckers that scare me
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:25, Reply)

That guy in the special Olympics runs faster than 'able' bodied runners!
Hasn't he been banned from running against normal runners because he's robotically enhanced?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Classes in the correct order? My goodness, that's some serious OCD'ing going on there.
I can't believe I've missed the window to come visit you, I've got that illness that's going around at the moment, woke up and was sick as a dog, OH WOE IS ME, they gave me some stuff to put under my lip to stop me from being ill, I've never had that before.

Anyway, if you could extend the offer for a few days, that'll be great, I'll jump on the train. You'll all have to wear facemasks though because I don't like covering my hand when I sneeze, it makes my hand mucky. Or you could get the man-flu off me intentionally so you don't get it later on when you don't expect it, that's something to do with anti-bodies or something, I read about it once on that BBC show that helps you with your SAT exams. I don't mind eaither way, to be honest.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 9:56, Reply)

When you pick me up from the station, can we go via a Costco or Makro, so I can pick up a box of strawberry Yop?
But you can't watch me buy it, because it'll be a supprise when I get there... everyone loves strawberry yop.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:00, Reply)

what if we dont like strawberry yop

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:01, Reply)

You'll be out of luck then.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:08, Reply)

raspberry

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:04, Reply)

I've never done a side-by-side test of the two, but I got a feeling I'll like the both of them.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:09, Reply)

there's your movie Gonz!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Wowzers, Peach flavour
www.yoplait.ca/yop/en/yogourt_a_boire_drinkable_yogourt.aspx

I've had not-yop yoghurt drink in peach, and blueberry too, it comes in a weird carton box where you pull the tab off and then stab it with a straw that extends, donno what it's called, but I bet that's nice.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:17, Reply)

it's got a lot to do to knock Raspberry off top spot
I am now going to buy Yop when I go out in a minute.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Good on you, it's nice to see you finally coming around to buying yop, shame it didn't happen years ago, but every step in the right direction is a good one.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Robot arm, please!
But it'd have to be the left arm, I'm right-handed and for all the piston-powered wanking that could be done, there'd be an awful lot of chafage.
( Kroney, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:00, Reply)

I find the best way to clean is to get someone else to do it
robot arm
( broadsword, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:16, Reply)

I would be an Adrienne Barbeaubot
with laser beam eyes and D-Cups Full of Justice.
( Peej, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:16, Reply)