Night on the town
I'm going to stagger into bed around 3am tonight. Shame it's 'cause I'll be looking after a baby and stone-cold sober. Maybe I should put her in the sling and take her down the pub - I'm sure she'd be a babe magnet especially if I pretend CHCB ran off and left me to raise my daughter alone.
( Captain V, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:11, 117 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Like this?
5secondfilms.com/watch/dude_magnet

Hope this parenting lark is going well.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:15, Reply)

It's going alright
She'll be 6 weeks on Monday ... SIX WEEKS! CHCB and I still stop every now and then to say "Fuck me we're parents ... lets get sterilised".
( Captain V, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:18, Reply)

you could put a brave face on it
'yeah, it's my daughter who gets me through these troubled times'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:17, Reply)

I'm looking after mine tomorrow night.
But being two she's a bit more 'interactive' and will be fast asleep by 8:30 latest, leaving me stuck on my own in my ex's flat watching her TV or reading.

It was terrible when she was tiny, because in visiting her, I was effectively just visiting my ex, and seeing as we hate each other, that was not fun.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:17, Reply)

any good books on the go?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Some book
on the Renaissance, assessing it from a commercial perspective.

It's actually rather good, 'reading' famous paintings of the period and showing what they tell us about attitudes to the huge trade & commerce boom of the time.

I like it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:23, Reply)

that sounds interesting
and far more worthy than my current book
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:25, Reply)

There's an unspoken arrangement in my block
whereby if you no longer have need of a book/CD/item of clothing or furniture/whatever, you leave it in the stairwell next to my door for a day or two to see if anyone wants it, before getting rid of it another way.
This is particularly good as someone upstairs works for a publishing house so there are books galore going begging. Mainly shit ones, but I have got some excellent reads that way.

What're you reading then?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

I'm reading some Horatio Hornblower today
and I read Tipping the Velvet and a collection of essays on gender in medieval Europe yesterday.

I may also reread I, Claudius today
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

I, Clavdivs

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:42, Reply)

I see dead people.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:42, Reply)

I am the god of hell fire.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:59, Reply)

I like breasts.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:01, Reply)

I am immortal, I have inside me blood of kings.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:01, Reply)

iphone

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:02, Reply)

I'm here! Kill me!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:03, Reply)

I was going to say
'from the sublime to the ridiculous in one step' then I remembered that Arthur Brown was in many ways considerably more ridiculous than Freddie Mercury.

So I didn't.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:06, Reply)

But did Arthur Brown ever have a party where (allegedly)
dwarves walked around with bowls of cocaine for the guests to help themselves.

I used to see Arthur Brown quite a lot in my old favourite pub. Then bizarrely I saw him in a pub in Croydon watching a Led Zep tribute band.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:13, Reply)

He was fantastic in his day.
I'd have approached him for chats about the 'good old days' before I was born and the world was thus ruined.

His first LP has no guitar on it, fact fans.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:16, Reply)

and his stuff with Kingdom Come is superb.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

what an outrage
with the purchase of my new guitar we will soon be taking 6 guitars and a banjo to gigs with us, for just two of us to use.

We need to find bigger venues.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:18, Reply)

What you need is a scale model of Stonehenge.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)

we played a gig the other day
and when a guy from another bandwas setting up the microphones he tested one saying "this is mike number 1, this is mike number 1, isn't this a lot of fun"

he got a bit of a laugh from the audience at the time, and I wanted to shout thief at him.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:29, Reply)

Why?
Do you normally do that?

I would have thought you would have just walked up to the mic and slowly and lovingly unwrapped a croissant before devouring it.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)

it's because he stole it straight from spinal tap
and hence the laughter was stolen.

I don't have anything to do with microphones, other than occasionally pointing one at my amp.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)

I watched a bit of Prog Rock Britannia the other day
Arthur Brown was interviewed. He was indeed crazy.

I also watched some of Jethro Tull live at the Isle of Wight. They were nuts as well.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Jethro Tull were the first band I saw live
At the tender age of 10. My dad got me into them, and took me to see them on the Rock Island tour as a treat.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:15, Reply)

My first gig
was Motorhead I think
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Good start!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Roger Glover from Deep Purple left to join Jethro Tull at one point
(at least I think it was him) and he soon left and rejoined purple when he realised that Ian Anderson hated everyone in his band and wouldn't even have dinner at the same table as them.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:16, Reply)

Ian Anderson is a strange chap
runs a fish farm.

Deep purple probably weren't much better for arguments. Ritchie Blackmore was/is a freak too.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

freak legendary cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:18, Reply)

that too

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:18, Reply)

so does Roger Daltrey.
What is it with our rock legends and fish farming?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:30, Reply)

who knows
lucrative and relatively stress free I imagine.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:35, Reply)

Probably because the rest of the band
Kept pushing him over every time he stood on one leg.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

You would though, wouldn't you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Damn right!
Then lob one of those massive balloons that they rolled into the crowd at him.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)

You want to check out
Arthur Brown at Glastonbury '71: truly unsettling and his band are fucking ACE.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:27, Reply)

t me blood my mouth spunk
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:13, Reply)

you should get it one of those t shirts that says
'failed abortion'
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Or, better yet, this one
www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts/now-that-im-safe-im-pro-choice/
( Captain V, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:21, Reply)

I got my nephew
www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts/they-shake-me/

My sister didn't appreciate it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:26, Reply)

=D

( Captain V, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Gutted.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:20, Reply)

oh man I want a night out so bad, totally on vacation soon maybe I'll be able to go then, wouldn't that be so nice
babies are awesome, my friend laura is going to have a baby, I'm well excited
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:21, Reply)

Next week will be the longest I've ever been away from Tigger
I'm not a parent but this is the closest I'm likely to be.
I hope he doesn't think I've abandoned him. He'll be like, on his own and sighing and that.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:36, Reply)

He's a cat.
You are just a provider of food and a warm lap for him to sleep on.

I'd do that and pay for the privelige. In fact, why don't you invoice the free loading bastard.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:42, Reply)

Because I have projected feelings onto him
I love him, in an abusive realtionship kind of way.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Are we talking about the cat?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:50, Reply)

No, djtiggerprice
Yeah, the cat.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:53, Reply)

Your cat is called Tigger?
Ace! Does he spelt it T..i..double grr..rr?

We might might be getting a dog, but I've no ideas for names...
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 15:13, Reply)

it is T..i..double g..rrrrrrrr
But I am also a Tigger, so it can be a little confusing when my dad comes round.
What kind of dog?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 15:16, Reply)

I think the folks are leaning towards a Maltese.
Something small and easy to manage. I'm not too bothered as long as it's not something lame like a poodle or chihuahua.
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 15:19, Reply)

tell her you've got a dodgy knee, Captain V

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

that was almost tolerable, mr horrible
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:38, Reply)

oh fuck off with that nonsense

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:40, Reply)

, clarence

(PsychoChomp, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:47, Reply)

out

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:00, Reply)

ha
I don't have no pesky kids. And as such I'll probably be in bed by 10 alone after drinking wine by myself *cries*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

'in bed by 10 alone'?
Excellent grammar there, 'Grammar Badger'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Awwww.
I have the house to myself this weekend, unfortunately I have to go outside to smoke so wandering around in my pants the whole time is actually more effort than just getting dressed :(
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:00, Reply)

hahaha

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:03, Reply)

get a dog, then you won't be alone
you'll just be angry all the time
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:03, Reply)

cats are better

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:05, Reply)

WRONG

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:07, Reply)

RIGHT

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Amberl is correct.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:32, Reply)

she is not

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:33, Reply)

I damn well am
I do not like dogs in the least. Cats on the other hand don't bother you and are very fluffy to look at
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:36, Reply)

dogs have far more personality and are generally more pleasant to be around
aside from small yappy type dogs.

I maintain my opinion that dogs are far cleverer than cats as well.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:39, Reply)

I've never met a dog I liked
they're messy and smelly and do not leave you alone.

And dogs are not clever
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:42, Reply)

like my roommate then
all "GET OFF ME GOD DAMNIT RAAAARRRRGHHHHHHHH"
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:43, Reply)

pretty much
I get annoyed with people who let their dogs jump up on others, and who even worse expect me to like it. Too many times grinning and bearing it as relatives praise their pets for annoying me
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:46, Reply)

wow I'm grumpy today

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:47, Reply)

today
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Maybe I'm the ghost of Monty past

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:51, Reply)

*rattles chains*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:53, Reply)

*leads to schoolroom*

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:56, Reply)

then you've only met people with shit dogs
my parents dogs aren't messy, smelly or annoying, and if someone's dog continuously jumps up at you then they are badly trained. A small amount of excitement is appropriate on arrival, which is one of the good bits about a nice dog. They are pleased to see you, whereas a cat couldn't give a fuck as long as someone feeds it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:48, Reply)

when I got home
the cat came immediately to greet me and twine around my legs.

It can't be that every dog I've ever met has been shit. Maybe I just find them a bit boring
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:50, Reply)

If the cat was the size of an elephant, it wouldn't think twice about killing you.
If a dog was the size of an elephant, humanity would be saved from salvation.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:54, Reply)

if dogs were the size of elephants
they'd never have been domesticated and would thus still probably rip our heads off
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:55, Reply)

Only reason dogs aren't size of elephants is because there is only so much love in the world.
And the bigger the animal, the bigger the love the animal needs. So, that's why only grumpy animals are big, because they don't take up to much love, like elephants and rhynos. But on the other end of the scale, you get ants, which are small, and contain a little bit of love, but because there is many of them, it's shared out agmonst them.

That's why dogs are the size they are, because if there are any bigger then..... I don't know where I'm going with this.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:58, Reply)

fucking elephants are full of love pp, your logic is flawed

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 15:00, Reply)

I love the way you have gone with this
and totally agree with you
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 15:15, Reply)

no wai
they'd be massive four legged friends full of fun
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:59, Reply)

They would eat us

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 15:03, Reply)

if they wanted to kill a human they can and would

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 15:05, Reply)

maybe a big dog
I reckon I could fight a small/edium dog and win
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 15:07, Reply)

my puppy is the size of a medium sized dog
she could rip your fucking face off
could being the magic word here
she's lovely, really
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 15:18, Reply)

I think it'd depend on how high she can jump
and how much I wanted to live
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 15:19, Reply)

DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG
Oh man, dogs are great, I'd rather have a dog than a kid or a cat any day of the week.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:53, Reply)

that's just because you don't have one

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:54, Reply)

One day I will !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:55, Reply)

I agree with Vipros.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:37, Reply)

I agree with Applebite and Vipros
Dogs are far better than cats.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:40, Reply)

I don't give a shit.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:43, Reply)

That doesn't change my opinion

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:45, Reply)

Dogs run over and bite you in the street when you're minding your business

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 15:19, Reply)

RODENTS

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)

I love my dog.
Once that bitch dies I'm totally getting a hairless pussy.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:07, Reply)

Pfffft

(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:08, Reply)

K Swizz has one of the most awesome dogs I've seen

(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:08, Reply)

you should see her in person
she's fucken crazy
♥
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Come to Bristol, drink wine with me
And CHCB
( Captain V, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:09, Reply)

What's that sig about, Cap'n?
Why would you need a fox when you've already got a cougar?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:11, Reply)

And WHAT a cougar.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:12, Reply)

It 's a reference to the girls that were mauled by a fox
Rosie wasn't sleeping very well at the time...
( Captain V, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:16, Reply)

You, you , HEARTLESS BASTARD!
How could you subject a poor innocent fox to an alien mauling such as the one your child is capable of.

I hope you liked my photo by the way, when I didn't get a response I was worried I had caused offence.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:18, Reply)

It was most excellent
My initial, bleary eyed, response was "why the fuck has Al just emailed me my own photo". Only later did I notice that you'd photoshopped my poor, innocent daughter!

I'm still dissappointed that CHCB won't let me buy Rosie clothes from t-shirt hell.
( Captain V, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:21, Reply)

What!?
I would have thought they would have been right up her alley, so to speak. Mind you, she said yesterday that she missed the bitterness and cynicism. I'm going to miss the old CHCB.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:25, Reply)

I'm not entirely sure why myself
Something about it being unfair on the baby but surely it's better than "I'm cute!" or "Sunshine, lolly-pops and rainbows" printed in vommit-pink on a lime green babygrow.
( Captain V, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Mine has a Jimi Hendrix babygro with 'Electric Baby' on it.
She's lucky she's not a boy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:35, Reply)

Well just buy the shirts anyway
And claim they were a gift from someone.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:37, Reply)

I just went and got the box set of 11 Land Before Time movies !
Muuuuu-ver ! Muuuuuu-vah ! Mother, where are you? MOTHER ! Mother? Please get up.... Yes you can.... get up ! I guess soo, but why do I have to know? You'll be with me ! What do you mean, I can't see, I can always see you, you'll be with me !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 14:48, Reply)

I'm sure she must be old enough to boogie
I'm out for the first time in a million years, tonight. I intend to dance like an idiot ALL night
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 15:08, Reply)