So when you're writing on B3ta
what are you being paid to actually do?

Alt Q: Gym after work or nine holes after work? (golf not rape)
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:04, 107 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Depends on the time of day.
Either work, or I post in my own time.

Alt Q: Pub.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:09, Reply)

Pub bad!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)

You could always play pub golf
Then everyone's a winner

Apart from perhaps your liver...
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

Is that like Club Med?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:22, Reply)

I'm designing refineries
Or gas storages or, right now, simulating on my PC a new plant to obtain a purified car refrigerant. All very exciting stuff.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:10, Reply)

But sometimes, just like right now
when I'm starting to get good results, the program crashes and just switches itself off without even saving. Grrrrrrrrr
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)

How is it all going now apart from technical issues?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:13, Reply)

Very well
The client is back from holidays and he's told me a couple of times he's impressed with my work and that he only knows a handful of people able to use this program as I do :)))

I was this close to ask him to tell my boss.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)

do it don't be shy
Just be professional. Ask him for a commendation upon completion.Well done you! although it's a shame you're not on here as often.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:18, Reply)

I try to be here as much as possible
Sometimes the simulation takes 10 min to work, and then I come and say hello.

So, how are you doing?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Yeah good thanks, but have just finished my working day so I am out of here. Keep up the good work senorita.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

own & run a brand strategy & advertising agency
Alt: golf then pub
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)

I build and run hydraulic computer models
figuring out where flooding will go, how big waves will be, that sort of thing.

I occasionally design bits of things like lifeboat stations or flood defences.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)

this sounds much more interesting than what I do

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)

it really isn't
I spend most of my time moving data about in Excel and drawing lines and points using GIS (geographical information systems)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:15, Reply)

Sit around in my room listening to music and doing fuck all.
Alt: rape.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:13, Reply)

Sometimes, I hate you students.
Mostly, I envy you :(
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)

I won't be a student forever.
And then you can just laugh at me.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

HAHA you'll be a washed up spinster with no prospects unable to rely on your looks to get you everything

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

Like you?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

I'm already a spinster with no looks
So yeah, probably
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Do you ever stop fishing for compliments?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I am not fishing for compliments.
Its true.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

I disagree

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:06, Reply)

I'm not fishing for compliments!

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:09, Reply)

No, I'm not agreeing with that bit
I just think you're selling yourself short with your 'no looks' ethic.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:20, Reply)

Don't you have to be over 50 to be a spinster?

(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:05, Reply)

I'm actually 67.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:05, Reply)

Brings whole new meaning to the term 'mature student'

(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:07, Reply)

One of my 'friends' was terrified of real life
She finished Uni last summer, still hasn't had a job, and still goes out drinking every night.

I hate her.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

I have friends who have only just finished travelling and they're all "OMG I have to get a job!"

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

sounds eeriely similar :p

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)

We are the same person
AICMFP
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:18, Reply)

Boring stuff
I do Data manipulation and testing. I check every data job to come through the company, requiring print outs, sign offs, check sheets, etc. At the same time, I'm responsible for my companies purchasing, from stationary to computer hardware.

Alt Q: Pub
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:13, Reply)

And the invoicing, don't forget the invoicing for fuck's sake.
Saved your job for you there, AA.
(Cave Duck, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)

Haha, cheers
Invoicing was last week, horrific time!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

I am being paid very little.
To update holiday offers, namely the same fucking 150 offers, 3 times a fucking week, every fucking week. Easily the worst job i have ever had.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:15, Reply)

Normally nothing
Since work has blocked the site. However, today I am working from home and appraising two business proposals, so best of both worlds. Apart from the working bit; that's not so fun.

Alt: neither. I'm allergic to structured exercise, and golf is for cunts.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

I like hitting things with sticks and I'm competitive. What's not too like!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

I'm generalising
but my experience of golf players is that they are monumentally insufferable twats with a barely disguised superiority complex and a taste in trousers that even Rupert the Bear would think twice about.

You may be the exception to the rule; the game, however, is still possibly the wankiest sport ever invented and all golf courses should be concreted over with out of town shopping and park and ride developments.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

He's not the exception to the rule
you just described him perfectly.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

I only dress smart when playing my old man as he is a little posh
my local course I can wear anything apart from jeans so happy days.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)

For 'wankiest sport ever'
It's surely got to be polo. Poshos hitting a small ball with sticks, while on horses, has got to beat poshos hitting a small ball with sticks
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Currently trying to write a thesis
Though at the moment it just looks like a massive pile of theses.

Alt Q: I hate golf and I refuse to pay money to use a bike that doesn't go anywhere. Rape it will have to be.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)

I'm already on a list.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:18, Reply)

A list ?
Oh, well, you'd better get yourself down to Clapham Common then, young man. That clearing amongst the trees by the North edge, near the main road.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

how much for a cold hard shag?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

I'll ask my Mum

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

I'll bum you silly for a tenner

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

I am paid to sit on my fat arse and do as I please.
Alt Q. Of the two, Gym.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Financial Director of "Slim Jims Quim Trim"
You grow it, we'll mow it
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

I see. You work for the council.
Trimming back overgrown bushes to see what the cunts are up to.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)

I'm a full-time spy for the mods.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

Which would explain why you are allowed to be a MASSIVE CUNT!

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

I'm now a legal secretary once again
but I type at 4 times the speed of the other secretaries, so I can afford to spend a lot of time on here and still get the amount of work done in a day that they would consider normal.

I'm the best one they have here, what does that tell you?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

That your sleeping with your boss.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

Your?
Good god man.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

nah, he's Jewish (lol jk)
and the other one lives with lots of cats.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I used to be an audiotypist.
I could do more than my expected day's work in two hours. I used to rock up at about 10am, have breakfast, read the paper, do a bit of work, go out for a long lunch, come back and do a bit more work and go home early. Everyone there loved me too cos I was so good.

They must've had a load of shit temps.
( CowJam, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

exactly
I'm surprised how many typists still look at the keys. And my spelling and grammar is pretty good, whereas the rest seem to be at primary school level so my work doesn't need checking or retyping.

I have the most uncool skills ever.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

are you a temp or permanent?
I got offered a temp position as a secretary and ended up finding my niche in patient safety/risk management. Nobody ever chooses to go in to risk management, it just happens by accident to everyone.
( CowJam, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Right I finish in 3 minutes
As you all hate golf - I'm going to the gym.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

I'm into murders and executions, mostly.
Alt - golf is shit and gyms smell of peasants.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

Well said that man.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

Seconded.
Although I believe my derision of golf was more descriptive, but also possibly over-wordy. Shit will do.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

But if i were to say that Hootie & The Blowfish love golf and therefore it is shit.
That would be more definitive.
(Cave Duck, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

Alice Cooper likes golf.
Is he now in Hootie and the Blowfish?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Yes, also Lloyd Cole now plays drums for them and Ronnie Corbet features on vibes.

(Cave Duck, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Second Lloyd Cole reference of the day.
Weeeee-uuuuurdddd.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

The Commotions' original bass player is now golf correspondent for the either The Independent or The Gaurdian.
What is the B3ta record for "most Lloyd Cole references in a day?
(Cave Duck, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

I bet it is loads. (Probably two)
I'm going to listen to Rattlesnakes tonight.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Lloyd Cole is of course now better known these days
by his stage name 'Jimmy Carr'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

It used to be 'Captain Scarlet' (pre pop fame).

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

What a rich and varied life he's led.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:05, Reply)

How about 'golf is for shitty cunts'.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

See above.

(Cave Duck, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

No.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Awww, go on.

(Cave Duck, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

It's not a trick is it?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Mergers and acquisitions

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Did you know that Ted Bundy's first dog, a collie, was named Lassie?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul's apartment overlooks the park...
and is obviously more expensive than mine.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Right.
That's my evening planned. Go to gym, massive drugs, watch American Psycho, listen to Lloyd Cole and then go on 'the rape'.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Sounds like a good Thursday night to me

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

A nice easy warm-up for the weekend.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

Alt: CURRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

HOT MEAT STUFFING

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

*does Frank Drebin baseball dance*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

"Cigarette?"
"yes I know"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:38, Reply)

Thanks, I just had it stuffed

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

"When I see five weirdo's dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in full view of a hundred people, I shoot the bastards, that's my policy. "
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)

genius
I love police squad and naked gun
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Selling big gay sex toys
Bike, gyms are too full of grunting men.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

Nowt. I don't b3ta at work.
Alt: Collapse on the sofa. I've just put resident evil blu-ray on which arrived today.
( CowJam, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

Working is for losers, but more importantly than that
I HAVE SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. HUZZAH!
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

Technically, I'm supposed to be calling broadband customers to warn them they've went over the Fair Use Policy
But, as I'm finishing tomorrow, I'm really just surfing the web and taking at least one ciggy break an hour
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

we had a new secretary start here at the beginning of the week
and she's just accidentally left a client in the waiting room for half an hour because she forgot to tell the solicitor. Now in my eyes it's not the end of the world, she's only been here a week, so she made a mistake, so what? The solicitor involved slammed the phone down on her and complained to the office manager that it wasn't good enough. I think that's a tad unfair, she's really worried she's going to be bollocked now, I think she's learned her lesson.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

solicitors are mostly moody cunts
my dad certainly was
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

yeah they really are. This guy is usually pretty easy going, but he was proper stropping about it
we have to put up with so many of their angry clients who they can't be bothered to call back. On Tuesday this girl had to take a call from a client who said that this solicitor was the most ignorant man he had ever encountered because he hadn't returned any of 5 phone calls.

Also, don't let Rachel see that.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:00, Reply)

The get out clause there is the "mostly"

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:00, Reply)

that was the only reason I included it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:03, Reply)

Where the bagder-bumming fuck is INTERNETLAWYERMAN when you need him?

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:06, Reply)

half an hour isn't too bad.
The solicitor is right, it isn't good enough, but there's no point in shouting at the woman. Her line manager should have a word and check she's ok with the workload and that she's managing ok. Forgetting something like that means she was likely too busy with something else, perhaps she needs help managing her workload.
( CowJam, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

He should have punched her in the fucking tits.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:03, Reply)

I run my own company, designyourperfect-evil-lair.com
I find a lot of my customers know roughly what they want, plenty of space for parking, light and airy open space minion offices and normally a couple of tennis courts, however they can never decide on location.

I'm jetting off to New Guinea soon to scope out volcanoes
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

This would be really good
Dragon's Den it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:00, Reply)

IT Techie

( Peej, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)