Victorian swearing
I've just had a bloke on the phone tell me I was talking "cock of the poppiest order" and that the figures I'd supplied him with were "preposterous gymcrack". I've never been so lost for a comeback in my life.

Q: Have you ever been sworn at in a Victorian manner?

alt-Q: Have you ever been completely lost for a comeback?
(R. Jimlad twitter.com/sirmarkymark, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 18:20, 149 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Q: Probably, by Monty. But otherwise I normally swear at other people in a Victorian manner
Alt-Q: Yes. Frequently. Frustrating, isn't it?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 18:24, Reply)

I enjoy it when you curse at people.
I don;t think two drunken louts who'd stolen bar equipment were quite expecting that.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 18:41, Reply)

Why am I so quick to blame Monty for this?
Alt q: most days.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 5 Oct 2010, 18:37, Reply)

gimcrack.
just saying. were you on the phone to russell brand?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 18:38, Reply)

Not unless
he's aged 40 years.
(R. Jimlad twitter.com/sirmarkymark, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 18:54, Reply)

I must have been, by Mr Boyce, that most unctuous, and dare I say, niggardly, of fellows
Alt Q- frequently.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 18:39, Reply)

I usually gt told to fuck off a lot.
And I generally just say "arse" a lot. I've sworn at people in Latin though.

Alt: I'm shit at comebacks.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 18:42, Reply)

'Normal' swearing
I can deal with. It was the arcane nature of said insults that left me in such a frightful chutney.
(R. Jimlad twitter.com/sirmarkymark, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 18:53, Reply)

if you want my comeback
you'd better start by looking in your mother's mouth.

BAM
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 18:52, Reply)

*makes a note of this to use repeatedly in future*

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:34, Reply)

I had no comeback at a job interview today
They told me I was too short. Mental eh.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:14, Reply)

I recently invented the phrase "on it like a bonnet"
and put in on my facebook status. My friends' reply was to create some very old school rap. More 18th century than 19th, though
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:17, Reply)

I'm using "pon dat" at the moment.
As in "He's really hot, I'm gonna get pon dat"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:22, Reply)

I think I'm too old to get away with that one

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:28, Reply)

I used it in an apology text.
It's a brilliant phrase.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:29, Reply)

here it is in full
"On it like a bonnett in the time of halley's comet,
god saw the face of the waters, and then he moved upon it.
My rhymes be real like the Fire of London,
dysentry, cholera, that's all hum-drum.
Like plague I'm bubonic,
like polio I'm chronic,
show me a beat and I'll get right on it.
You never heard rhymes like this in your life,
my beats are all played on the piccolo and fife.
Piccolo and fife! Piccolo and fife! BOOM BOOM, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Now we're getting on well like Charlie and Cromwell,
if you want to keep your head you'd better keep it on well.
dancing round the bonfire for the gunpowder plot,
Guido Fawkes wants you to drop it like it's hot
I’m digging on property, propriety and piety
lets pull this shit together and found the royal society.
Newton, Stevenson, Kingdom Brunel,
here comes my little train better ring my little bell.
If you got a problem, yo we'll solve it-
check out Robert Hooke while my DJ revolves him."
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:23, Reply)

Now that, RCRI, is some next level ill shit.
And I should know, I am very, very street indeed, as anyone who experienced my rant about people referring to Hip Hop as 'Rap' will appreciate.

Nothin' physical, jus' buggin.

Cold chillin'.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:29, Reply)

well it was written on facebook
by two philosophy graduates. There are few people less street
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:32, Reply)

I just rediscovered MC Pitman.
He takes 'underground hip hop' to a whole new level.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:33, Reply)

is he a mole?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:34, Reply)

He is a miner.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 21:01, Reply)

the rhythm is the bass
is the bass is the treble
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:42, Reply)

not that I know of, I'd like the ability though please
alt: only if I'm intimidated by the person, if they're my friend I can fire right back at them
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:20, Reply)

Someone once insulted me by saying "I hope your left ear falls off into your right pocket".
That ghasted my flabber and no mistake, squire.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:30, Reply)

I bet that hurt.

( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:32, Reply)

Alright chicken-breath?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:34, Reply)

More like Haloumi breath at the moment : )
How's it hanging homeboy?
( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:39, Reply)

Word to your sister, your mother and any remaining female grandparents you may have.
I'm full of potato waffles, fish fingers and spaghetti hoops. Daughter had a friend over for dinner. Are you a chicken re-convert again?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:40, Reply)

My nephew's favorite dinner when he was little.
He has a more adventurous palate nowadays.
( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:43, Reply)

Get some of that Jamayacan chicken down ya.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:45, Reply)

Hopefully at the weekend.
AFTER I GET MY NEW TATTOO!!!!!!!!!
( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:48, Reply)

Details plz.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:52, Reply)

Gaz me your email address and I forward the pic.
I found a tibetan calligraphy artist who designs tattoos.
( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:54, Reply)

Ooh excitng!
Where are you getting it?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:03, Reply)

Ball of my arm at the top.
It's Tibetan calligraphy that tied in with the buddha on my back.
( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:19, Reply)

That is the most blatant innuendo I've ever heard.
You are a trollop of the lowest order.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:46, Reply)

The first part no. The second part yes.
Edit - Actually no on both counts dammit.

Edit 2 - You will be glad to know that I finally got round to making my own muesli too.
( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:49, Reply)

Good keep it up.
I'm just happy to have my internet back on at home.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:53, Reply)

I donno
I spent the first night with my new girlfriend last night.We got into bed, I pulled my knickers down and she gave it a stroke, she then smiled at me and said "That's the biggest willy I've ever tugged", so I turned to her and said "Nah'....You're pulling my leg".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:31, Reply)

Not recently
I have called someone a whoreson though, it just confused them as they thought I'd called them a horse.

Alt Q: Nope, 'so's your face/ma' is always at the ready.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:45, Reply)

As in "Mork calling whoreson"
Shazbut.

Nanu nanu.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:55, Reply)

hahahaha

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:22, Reply)

I either say "shut your mouth or I will fuck it"
or "get out of my face and bother someone less awesome"
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:55, Reply)

nice
I have been schooled.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:21, Reply)

thread jack
having a ladies party in a couple weeks, does anyone have any special drink or snack recipes they can throw at me?
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:55, Reply)

Custard tarts.
How dirty you wanna get?
( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:56, Reply)

well you've caught my attention

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:02, Reply)

I was being silly : )

( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:21, Reply)

well there'll be loads of tarts
just need the custard....

you should totally come by
Oct 23rd, 6:30
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:28, Reply)

Try my best : )

( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:36, Reply)

totally having champagne
in your honor
so you must be there
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:39, Reply)

Orange squash and cheese straws used to be very popular at my parties.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:57, Reply)

I said recipes not random food suggestions
sheesh
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:01, Reply)

Well, I was truly taking the piss
but now you mention it: www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/cheesestrawswithonio_77887
The recipe for orange squash is usually on the back of the bottle.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:02, Reply)

of what bottle?

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:05, Reply)

Think liquid koolaid.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:08, Reply)

you're clearly talking about something I can't get
thanks for being helpful
xx
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:16, Reply)

Just a couple of bottles of gin should be all you need.
If they are class ladies, then Baileys.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 19:57, Reply)

Urgh, Bailey;s.
My first alcoholic drink. Blurgh.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:00, Reply)

Yes, but it wasn't your last, was it?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:02, Reply)

My last drink was what I termed "ginto"
You guessed it, gin and fizzy Vimto.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:04, Reply)

This makes me pleased I don't drink (much) any more.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:05, Reply)

It's very nice, Mr Noel.
I'll have you know.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:07, Reply)

Heeee the chaps at work call me Mr Noel.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:10, Reply)

Really?
Also, I had a weird counseling technique tried out on me today. I failed miserably. It was almost entertaining if I wasn't panicking.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:11, Reply)

I'm intrigued.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:15, Reply)

He made me tap my hand on the table in a rhythmical manner
and speak without sentence structure or whatever, just freely, and he'd see what I said and what it meant.

As I said, it's interesting, but impossible :/
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:18, Reply)

Isn't that CBT?

( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:20, Reply)

Most likely

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:20, Reply)

In a sort of Basil Brush way?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:13, Reply)

Nah, in a traditional Pakistani way.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:14, Reply)

Ah, the "It aint half hot mum" situation.
Just respond by moving your head in a mysterious way.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:20, Reply)

I actually do that.
I've spent the past three years in an office with these guys, you pick up stuff. I generally get the gist of what they're talking about when they're speaking Urdu, and I know some key phrases without having learned any.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:28, Reply)

Alcohol is a sin.
And very boring.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:09, Reply)

Whereas massive drugs just make you boring to other people.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:10, Reply)

He was told to take the pledge.
Instead he drinks Pledge.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:12, Reply)

Give me having a class and/or surreal lengthy conversation with someone else also off their tits than staggering round like a drunk twat anyway.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:18, Reply)

Don't get me wrong
I'll happily puff away and talk codshit with like-minded puffers. It's the chewing, glassy-eyed class-a bores who won't remember a fucking thing the next day I can't stand.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:32, Reply)

I see your point.
I hate drunk people when I'm sober. But then again I'm a dreadful drunk.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:12, Reply)

i'm an awesome drunk
probably
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:21, Reply)

Will you be bashing at some point?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:22, Reply)

CHCB's one in Bristol, probably
assuming I can get the next day off work

(current likelyhood is I can, but not get paid for it)
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:24, Reply)

I'm most likely not doing that one.
Do London at some point, you can teach me to crochet and I'll get drunk and punchy.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:31, Reply)

perhaps if there is one in school holidays
and I can find somewhere to stay, then maybe. I'm guessing the alternative - that I declare a bash in Swansea - is unlikely to go well
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:48, Reply)

I've just been hassling her on the very subject.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:28, Reply)

Pure class you are lassie.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:07, Reply)

What's the difference between that and, say, lemonade?
They're both fizzy and come in bottles from cornershops.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:07, Reply)

I rest my case.
The mixer is to enhance the flavour of the spirit, not mask it.

This sounds very condescending, and it is. Stick to what you like.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:10, Reply)

Mhm.
But often I drink not-very-nice gin. So sometimes I really need to mask it as much as possible.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:13, Reply)

Sorry to hear that.
I used to drink teachers and coke, so I'm just trying to help.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:18, Reply)

Haha.
Maybe I should move onto BEER
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:20, Reply)

Provided you don't chug them down at a man's speed OK
Otherwise it is too fattening.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:22, Reply)

Seeing as I'm hammered after 4 pints of cider*
I doubt I'll be having that much.



*and black
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:23, Reply)

gin bluergh

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:04, Reply)

Well, what sort of stuff do you want?
Is it a sit down, or nibble and circulate?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:05, Reply)

it's a toy party
in the eve
so the set up will be to have shit in the kitchen to nibble on and drink before/during/after
the typical thing here is veggie platters/chicken salad/pasta salad/crisps

I'd like to do something different. Think this is the first party I've ever hosted as an omgadult.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:18, Reply)

Give me a few minutes and I'll have a think.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:23, Reply)

Is a ladies toy party what I think it is?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:25, Reply)

what do you think it is?

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:26, Reply)

dollies and prams

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:27, Reply)

I hate dolls :(
uless it's Barbie...
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:28, Reply)

A party. For ladies. With toys.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:28, Reply)

it's a..........drum roll please.........
sex toy party
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:29, Reply)

With a scat theme?
I see you'll be having 'shit on the table for people to nibble on.'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:30, Reply)

well, they've got anal-eze
it only seemed to fit
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:35, Reply)

So as host, is it your job to sell the toys?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:36, Reply)

nah, that's the consultants job
check it, just for having a party, I get a $50 gift certificate

wiggie wiggie wuhhh
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:38, Reply)

They sound like fun. My friends are all prudes, though.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:39, Reply)

mine are all lesbians
the dirty bitches

it actually is fun, and very private
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:40, Reply)

I'm getting some good vibes about this

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:42, Reply)

giggity

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:43, Reply)

I wonder what sales patter the consultant will use?
'So, bloke leaving you wanting more? Stick this up your clunge. You'll be shaking like a shitting-dog within minutes'

I can't see how that would fail.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:41, Reply)

You missed your calling

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:42, Reply)

*Beams*
Cheers!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:44, Reply)

a l
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:50, Reply)

What have I done now?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:51, Reply)

Nothing
I just thought belms was better than beams. I don't like staying in bored already
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:53, Reply)

Start a new thread.
Once that doesn't see me trying to work out the sales pitch of sex-toy consultant.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:54, Reply)

done

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:57, Reply)

me either!
they don't just sell dildos
they sell stuff for men too, sleeves and creams and stuff
all in all, it's generally mild, until they get into the creams and demonstrations........
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:42, Reply)

sleeves?
Does the consultant double as a tailor?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:43, Reply)

oh bother

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:45, Reply)

Sorry.
Is it a popular with men, these parties?

I can't say I've ever been to one. Generally speaking, wanking habits are only discussed in the pub after many, many pints.

Creams are usually dispensed by a chemist following a note from the doctor.*

*Ahem, not me you understand, both someone else. Yes, that's right. Someone else needed the magic cream.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:48, Reply)

men aren't allowed
they make stuff for men but they're not allowed at the parties

and this is speshul cream, makes you feel...very nice...
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:54, Reply)

Icecream?
Always cheers me up.
( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:58, Reply)

You Tutti-Fruity you.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 21:00, Reply)

; )

( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 21:01, Reply)

Who's this with?
We have Ann Summer's over here. Dunno if they're American or not.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:54, Reply)

Betty Bummers maybe?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:55, Reply)

Betty Bumder.
Crow's last tranny boyfriend.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 21:01, Reply)

I don't think they are.
These are called Slumber Parties.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:55, Reply)

dildo's an shit yo!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:30, Reply)

Buy a load of melons
cut a hole in the top of a melon, scoop out the seedy middle and fill it with some alco-punch. Garnish with a crazy-straw and a cocktail umbrella and, wallop, the bearer will look like a tool, but it's a good leveler and novelty talking point. Plus, they can eat the booze sodden fruit as a snack.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:41, Reply)

cut a hole in the top of a melon, scoop out the seedy middle and fill it with some alco-punch. Garnish with a crazy-straw and a cocktail umbrella and, wallop, the bearer will look like a tool, but it's a good leveler and novelty talking point. Plus, they can eat the booze sodden fruit as a snack.

warm for 30 seconds in the microwave and insert penis before removing it and re-inserting. Repeat as required.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:43, Reply)

30 seconds 750W
20 seconds 850W

Get those mixed up and it's straight to the burns unit and all you'll be left with is a QOTW story that no one will believe.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:50, Reply)

I am sure that Cunty-Hanky has a story like this in his collection

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:52, Reply)

No doubt

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:56, Reply)

A story where his 'friend' did this and then
began-to-scream-in-an-overly-laboured-and-painfully-predictable-wankertastic-metaphorical-manner-with-too-many-hyphens.

And then something to do with the writer being an utter knobend.

But if you don't like it don't read it!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 21:03, Reply)

ha ha POTD

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 21:07, Reply)

Well, if you think it's shit, I get A LOT of gazzes telling me how great my stories are.
Even though they are badly written, cack-handed attempts at smug self congratulatory 'comedy'.

So if you don't like it, DON'T READ IT.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 21:09, Reply)

The most worrying thing is that he trying to breed apparently. I fear for the future of the human race.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 21:39, Reply)

So I heard
The mind boggles.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 21:43, Reply)

Sheer bullypup, rodomontade and piffle!

( Wanderer, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:48, Reply)

to retaliate in Victorian format get some back copies of Viz and read Raffles the Gentleman Thug

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:50, Reply)

Such gems as:
(To King Edward VII) 'Is sir perchance passing by the infirmary on his way home? If so perhaps he'd like to stitch this fucker.'

'Is sir addressing me or is he masticating on a house brick? Because either way sir loses his fucking teeth.'

(While assaulting the ambassador to Moldavia) 'Have you had enough? Have you had enough you fucking Moldavian bastard, your Excellency.'
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:53, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:56, Reply)

Have you had enough you fucking Moldavian bastard, your Excellency
hahahaha
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:58, Reply)

Raffles reminds me of Monty.
That is if Monty were hard, and not soft girl.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:58, Reply)

#2 is a particular favourite of mine
as is "any more from you, Sir and there will be a considerable quantity of pugilism heading your way forthwith"
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:58, Reply)