SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND YOU'RE TO BLAME, YOU GIVE Luuuuuurve..... a bad name.
Good morning fabularati of the intertrons, what does the day have instore for you? Looking forward to a good day?

Last night I jokingly said "I would just ban all air freight from Yemin, and Simarlia too, fuck 'em, if they can't play nice with the world then they'll have to use boats... it takes a lot stronger bomb to blow up a shipping boat than a plane.".... and today on the news, that's pretty much what has happened.

Woh', I'm totally a political suggester person, didn't realise they would do that... there is probably someone in a goverment office in Simarlia who's thinking "What the fuck? I didn't even do anything this time. Damn it, this is well out of order, I even tidied my room a few days ago".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 7:36, 220 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Hello, sweety!
I have bolonegse (light) waiting for me today. I think it should be a good day, although I hate this changing hour thingy, I feel all out of place.

I'm starting to get quite worried about the rapist in Manchester, who attacked another 2 girls on the night of the last Saturday; one managed to scape, but the other was raped, somewhere between the library and the town hall. It's very scary.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:04, Reply)

Hola!
I hate the clocks changing at this time of year, it feels like someone's snatched an hour of walking from me.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:15, Reply)

so is the time on the messageboard correct now?
it's 8:15 not 7:15?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:18, Reply)

Morning. Yes it is correct.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:21, Reply)

Morning!
how're you sweetie?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:23, Reply)

Absolutely splendid thank you. How about you?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:24, Reply)

I'm smashing.
Got my travel card today, got my script filled, had a practise pack (13 kgs when the limit is 20, GET IN!), did two practise papers, and watched an episode of Buffy.
What's on for today?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:29, Reply)

Sounds like you've been more productive in a day than I sometimes am in a week.
Today I am looking for someone inexpensive to help me with search engine optimisation for a couple of websites, arranging a meeting in Holland, spending some time talking to clients and prospective clients on the phone and of course buggering around on here.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:31, Reply)

A meeting in Holland? Blimey.
you make it sound so casual..
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:33, Reply)

It is only a 40 minute flight so not a big deal really - it takes longer from London to fly to Scotland.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:35, Reply)

are you serious??
Why would it take longer to fly fro london to scotland?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:55, Reply)

Because Scotland is further away on a direct route.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:59, Reply)

Because we like to keep the English out for as long as possible

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:19, Reply)

fair enough then.
we do the same with Kiwis...
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:21, Reply)

What about those of us who are part English and part Scottish?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:28, Reply)

Hey Poppet, check out the profile picture of one of my friends on Facebook
he's called Craig S, his Halloween costume was proper awesome.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:46, Reply)

ARGH! fuck he did one of the vamps from Buffy look!
LOVE IT!
*fangirls*
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:52, Reply)

he did, I was well impressed
When he came in I was all "Hi Craig...ARGH!"

(plus he's well fit)
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:56, Reply)

He looks a bit fit from the photo.
but the face definitely puts me off! :P
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:58, Reply)

yeah it was a bit scary to be sexy.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:08, Reply)

How did he do it, and did it look good?
I'm considering that sort of idea for next year
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:59, Reply)

it was from a website, it was just a latex mask
I'll see if I can find the site.

It looked really good, you'll be able to see it on my facebook as well AA, search for Craig S
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:08, Reply)

Ooh, 7kg of spare luggage allowance. Would you mind bringing some printer cartridges over for me?

(Cave Duck, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:59, Reply)

yeah sure, I'll just put them next to my bag of heroin.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:00, Reply)

Oh you're bringing something for Monty too? How very kind you are.

(Cave Duck, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:04, Reply)

just my way of giving back.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:06, Reply)

Yup, it changed a bit late on Sunday.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:21, Reply)

I hate both changes
Both are an awful jump for my system. This one feels like night has come too quickly and the day is gone too soon. The other feels like suddenly I have to get up in the middle of the night. Why won't they just let it be as it is? We're going to get exactly the same hours of light in anycase.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:21, Reply)

I know, it does my head in that the collective governments of the UK are so resistant to changing it.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:22, Reply)

There was someone on Radio 4 yesterday suggesting that Scotland should be one hour different to the rest of Britain.
I do not understand this.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:26, Reply)

Me neither
They're going to have the same light hours, regardless of the time on the clock.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:27, Reply)

I just don't see the point
I don't think anyone sees the point anymore. How does it save any money to the country the fact that now there's light at 6 and before was at 7am if now it's dark at 5 and before was at 6pm? Is there really a lot more of people awake between 6 to 7am than between 5 to 6pm?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:27, Reply)

Isn't it just so it's not dark at 2pm in winter?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:49, Reply)

It never gets dark at 2pm
But the change in winter makes the mornings lighter and the nights darker, so if it was going to be dark at 2pm, it'd happen quicker after the time change.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:51, Reply)

wasn't it something to do with farmers originally and they just haven't changed it?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:58, Reply)

Yes, because farmers need to start very early in the morning
I don't know why, though. I don't understand why during winter they can't start at 6am instead of at 5am; because, anyway, in 2 weeks it'll be dark until 7am.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:07, Reply)

You should be a government quango.
I am looking forward to a good day, as my cold is subsiding. Also, the M4 is fucked going into London, but I'm already at work, so I have a deffo feeling of smugness.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:06, Reply)

I like the way someone's gone "I know, lets ban printer cartridges from hand luggage"
like that's going to increase security.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:06, Reply)

Who carries printer cartridges in their hand luggage?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:09, Reply)

Suicide bombers.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:11, Reply)

+salesmen from HP, Oki, Brother and Canon
Other makes of printer are also available.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:15, Reply)

They will be easy to find then.
"Do you have a printer cartridge with you sir?"
"Yes, imperialist scum."
"You're fucking knicked, abdul."

Easy.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:17, Reply)

for some reason I read this in a John Cleese voice.
particularly the "You're fucking knicked, abdul" bit..
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:21, Reply)

New York Knicked?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:32, Reply)

I found it quite funny
Because, of course, they won't think of any other place to put 400g of explosive, will they?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:22, Reply)

You are a modern day Nostradamus gonz.
Today is going to be fucking superb. No idea why yet, it just is.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:14, Reply)

That happened with me recently Gonz
Couple of months ago I was saying child benefit should not go to everybody regardless and that people on decent money don't need it but just feel entitled to it.
They've done it wrong but I still felt a bit psychic or something.

How's the new job and how's the new flatmate?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:19, Reply)

gonz has a new flatmate?

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:20, Reply)

Yeah, TGB moved to London.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:23, Reply)

Oh TGB's living with Gonz?
that's cool.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:24, Reply)

And Sexface.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:24, Reply)

that bit's a little worrying..

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:25, Reply)

on the plus side
TGB and Gonz can sleep in shifts.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:36, Reply)

this is true...

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:53, Reply)

sleep in shifts take it in turns
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:59, Reply)

I've thought about that child benefit thing too a lot
You see? My salary is quite a bit under the £44,000 or wathever the limit is; but I think I earn enough to maintain a child if I had to. I'd have to stop buying some expensive things and traveling so much, but ey, everybody has to do sacrifices if they want something, so I wouldn't ask for child benefit.

About the house benefit, I don't understand it. Does it mean that the goverment gives people around £21,000 per year to spend in rent and that?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:25, Reply)

Rent, yes.
The Housing Benefit system just about works, but it does get abused like any system giving out free money. The decision to cap it at £400 per week is spot-on I reckon, and I'd be interested to hear an argument against it.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:29, Reply)

PER WEEK!
I'm going to go on the dole if I can get me a £400 a week house.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:32, Reply)

What would you get for £400 a week in Scouserland?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:34, Reply)

2 x Mondeos, a lockup full of moody Sergio Tachhini,
a sawn-off and two illegal pitbulls, last time I checked.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:36, Reply)

ha. Sergio Tachini - haven't seen any of that around for years.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:37, Reply)

Or that, yes.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:39, Reply)

Well, rent for a well-furnished-and-fancy-fittings-and-balcony-but-generic 2-bed flat is £750 per MONTH
That's what my mate pays
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:38, Reply)

If I rented out
my pokey 1928 red brick ex-council ground floor 1-bed unfurnished, I could get £1000 pcm for it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:40, Reply)

Really?
Where do you live, in front of Buckingham Palace?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:43, Reply)

It is stupidly expensive in London. In Kilburn (not a brilliant area to live) to buy a 2 bedroom flat would be around £425,000. A 3 bed with garden around £500,000
This sounds worringly like a Daily Heil comment. Sorry for that.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:49, Reply)

It's ok
I'm a MASSIVE RACIST, so I won't judge you. For the difference in price, I'd go for the 3bed+garden...

So, why do all these people have to live in London? And don't say it's because of work, because they don't work; and a lot of other people has to commute.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:54, Reply)

Because the begging opportunities are so good here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:56, Reply)

I am not sure.
Telling people where to live and forcing them out en mass smells of pogroms to me though. In the 60's Londoners were given financial incentives to move to what were called "overspill towns" such as Basingstoke, Newbury & Reading. It may be more of an option to look at that again.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:57, Reply)

Borehamwood and Farnborough too.
Hahaha unlucky!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:02, Reply)

Borehamwood. Eurgh. I have to go there once a month to see a client. It's a truly depressing place.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:03, Reply)

Well, it's not telling there where to live
It's telling them "we're giving you this money, which is quite reasonable, now, where would you like to live?"
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:09, Reply)

Agreed.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:12, Reply)

Really?
I am scared now. Maybe I am a MASSIVE RACIST after all.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:19, Reply)

Yeah, Boris Johnson was complaining that it'll mean an exodus from London
but christ, anyone who's living in a £1,600+ a month house should be able to sort a job out.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:35, Reply)

Exactly
Why am I going to have to commute for more than 1h to get to work every morning, while people on benefits can "afford" living right in the centre?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:44, Reply)

I think you're right. I know of single people in London getting more than that at the moment which is ridiculous.
One in particular is having benefit paid to live in Notting Hill. They should move him somewhere cheaper - nothing drastic but at least to zone 2 or 3.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:33, Reply)

Exactly.
Benefit should be to support the worse-off, not maintain people's opulent lifestyles.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:43, Reply)

Definitely. The cost differential between what he gets now and should have to pay in somewhere like Willsden Green would pay for 2 rough sleepers to be in a hostel.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:47, Reply)

eepers to be in a hostel appers to give me a week's shagging in a a Travelodge near Bracknell
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:58, Reply)

I wouldn't go to Bracknell for a shag. Bloody awful place.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:00, Reply)

How about for a cormorant?

(Cave Duck, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:22, Reply)

Each borough its duty bound to house applicants, isn't it?
Inc Kensington & Chelsea and Westminster.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:49, Reply)

Technically yes if you can prove you have a right to live in that borough. The bloke I'm talking about isn't British so he can't claim a right to have to live in Notting Hill.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:54, Reply)

To my mind
no-one has a 'right' to live in any borough apart from the right to do so BECAUSE YOU CAN AFFORD IT.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:01, Reply)

Agreed.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:04, Reply)

I read about a guy who has a family of 8 who's living in Notting Hill on benefits, it's pretty unfair

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:51, Reply)

That's what I thought
I think that's abusive. You pay around £800/month for a 3 bedroom detached house in Manchester; assume it's around £1200 in London; that's still a lot less than what they get!

I understand the Con-Lib saying that it's unfair that the working people can't afford a house in London, but the people on the dole can. I'm working, and I wouldn't dare spending that much money on my house! FFS!!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:42, Reply)

FOUR HUNDRED POUND A WEEK?!!
*fashions weaponry from discarded copies of the Daily Mail*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:13, Reply)

I know
that's almost twice as much what I'm paying at the moment!

However, everybody gets very upset with the benefits thing and all that, but I think where the country is really losing money is with tax dodgers, like Vodafone.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:18, Reply)

Yes, corporate tax dodgers are worse
My MD is guilty of using tax havens. He wasn't happy when I suggested the UK should invade Jersey, therefore abolishing it as a tax haven.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Your goverment should start giving good example
and stopping the tax haven in Gibraltar. It's not exactly a tax haven, though, it's more like No-one's land, with no law and no order.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:37, Reply)

There are families in London
who have 6+ kids, do no work and are being housed in million pound houses/flats. Admittedly there aren't that many of them, but it really is a fucking disgrace. Unfortunately these parasites tend to be from the immigrant communities and this horrendous exploitation of the generosity of our benefits culture invariably ends up splashed all over the Daily Mail and is thus grist to the BNP's mill.

The lily-livered, chickneshit BNP. They don't go nearly far enough, right Aber?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:34, Reply)

Right Monty
All inmigrants should be sent back to their countries or killed. No, wait a moment... that's not good for me either...

I don't think it's all inmigrants fault. All the massive families that I see on the street, with young parents and 4-6 kids running and screaming around, are white, British families.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:47, Reply)

Haha, Monty's plan is flawed.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:51, Reply)

That's because the swarthy foreign ones
are holed up in their massive free houses eating smelly food and making bombs. You don't get to see them.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:52, Reply)

I think there are just as many white chavvy families abusing the system as any other
the system shouldn't be able to be so easily abused though, that's what needs fixing.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:52, Reply)

They're all paddies and slavs.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:54, Reply)

Aye, begorrah.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:08, Reply)

You're right there
It doesn't matter who's doing it. The system shouldn't allow it to happen. I don't have any kids right now, not because I don't want, but because I couldn't afford them. If you can't afford them, don't have them. I can understand a couple having one or 2 mistakes, but 4? or 8?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:57, Reply)

It's a career path for many in the lower classes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:00, Reply)

I'm all for making people get a licence to have kids
you should have to take a competent parental test before you're allowed to have kids.

This will take place in my Orwellian future, it'll be double plus good.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:02, Reply)

Your plan,
coupled with my 'compulsory sterilisation of inferior racial groups and spackers' could turn this world around within two generations.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:07, Reply)

Don't forget gypsies. I suppose they count as an inferior racial group and spackers though.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:09, Reply)

wow you really hate those gypsies eh?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:14, Reply)

Damn right. My next holiday will be spent burning caravans.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:15, Reply)

They're cunts.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:23, Reply)

Does "small geek b3tan" count as an inferior racial group?
Please say yes, we can't afford to go private.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:09, Reply)

Oh he definitely qualifies for a 'mercy snip'
Midgets are 'front of the queue'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:14, Reply)

Let's get Applebite onside as well,
she has an excellent contingency plan for if a virus takes over. It involves not giving the vaccine to people with a low IQ.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:13, Reply)

A comedian I saw the other night said something similar
There are too many people in the world, Hitler had the right idea BUT was stupid in picking one group. Fuck creed, colour, nationality and faith, just kill the stupid people.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:16, Reply)

+cripples.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:17, Reply)

I subscribe to this idea.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:23, Reply)

and the fatties
maybe set it up like Running Man where you get hunted. The stupid, fat and crippled would be the first to go.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:36, Reply)

I don't like this
I'm a fatty.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Fuck right off!
You are most certainly not a fatty!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:39, Reply)

You see?
I used to think like you. Then I met one of the most wonderful girls in the world: sweet, helpful, clever, hard working, pretty... she's a fantastic friend and very good company. Her mother and father, on the other hand, are the type of people I would have forbbiden to have any kids. Alcoholics, waste of money, scum.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:11, Reply)

How dare you talk about my parents like that.

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:13, Reply)

:D
Your parents are not scum, dear; and I haven't even met them yet :)

However, I understand the misunderstanding, as you're lovely and all those other things I said.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:21, Reply)

it was a stroke of genius by the previous government
to change the system so that housing benefits were paid to the tenant instead of directly to the landlord. here, you've got no money. have a massive cheque, we trust you to cash it and pay it to your landlord, not spunk it on plasma screen televisions and designer clothes that you deserve when you don't work for them.

also to change the law again, as a consequence of low council-housing stock, so that there is a statutory formula that landlords can use to squeeze much more cash out of councils who are paying to house these families than they would get if they let their houses on the private market. eg foxtons valued my flat at £850 a week. allow for foxtons' wild exaggeration, and it's probably worth £750 a week on the private market. i then go to the statutory calculator and realise i can get £1,000 a week if the council put tenants in there at the tax-payers' expense.

ridiculous!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:24, Reply)

What? Really?
But, but, but...!!!

Oh, the day had started so well and I'm so upset now!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:29, Reply)

i know
that's why you now see stories about non-working families with hundreds of children living in 8 bedroom mansions at £3,000 per week. well done gordon/tony, that was a truly special piece of legislation.

the problem is, that sort of benefit relies on people being honest and hardworking, and only claiming when they need to/are genuinely disabled. but far too many people aren't like that and will rape and milk a system that should only be there for those in genuine need.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:39, Reply)

Child Benefit was introduced as money for the primary carer, usually the mother
as they were often in a position where they weren't earning money and may well have been in a relationship where all finance was controlled by their partner. Child Benefit was a way of addressing that - as a universal benefit it could well be of use across the board for people in need of cash (possibly to escape a relationship in which they were financially dependent).

Agreed, I won't need Child Benefit once I'm back at work, but right now it comes in very useful.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:53, Reply)

+ for buying gin

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:56, Reply)

You see, that's the difference
I understand some help to mothers or fathers, while their babies are too young, but then, the parents should go back to work. Right, there is a whole world out there with different cases, and single parents, and that; but child benefit shouldn't be used as a salary, as a reason to stop working. Having kids and bringing them up, is not a job that the goverment should be paying.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:59, Reply)

Child benefit is £20.30 a week
so not really a salary...
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:00, Reply)

But add it to housing benefit and income support or unemployment benefit (plus not having to pay council tax) and you're looking at a weekly amount that some people live very comfortably on.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:02, Reply)

Oh, I see
So, how come there is people saying they get around £42,000/year for having 5 kids, and that they prefer to have more kids rather than going back to work? Do they get more money for something else?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:02, Reply)

they will also be getting housing benefit
and things like income support. They would have to go for every benefit they possibly could to get that amount.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:04, Reply)

And on top of that
not paying taxes. It's a good bussiness, it is.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:12, Reply)

When my parents kicked us out, I had the child benefit transferered to me for my little sister.
I used to give her the money, and she went down the pub with it. She was 15 at the time.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:02, Reply)

Is your surname 'Twist', by any chance?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:04, Reply)

No, thank fuck, I have a proper name,
Not a dickensian one.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:14, Reply)

Ey. Richard Ensian is my real name!

(Cave Duck, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Today will at best be dull. Tedium is the highest I can hope for.
Saw my little'un last night for a great hour and a half - great, that is, until she shat in the bath. She'd been eating raisins, if you're interested. Lots of raisins. Like her father, she doesn't chew her food properly either...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:29, Reply)

Tell her to have some mushrooms and sweetcorn next time
They also come out the way they went in.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:31, Reply)

It looked like a Christmas cake had been chucked in the bath.
Strange how one doesn't actually mind at all when it's one's own child. I was genuinely lolling all over the place as I poked the nuggets down the plughole.

Bit early for this, perhaps?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:35, Reply)

Nah, I was similarly unperturbed as I pulled a big rubbery bogey out of the baby's nose last week.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:40, Reply)

ewwww
we're not talking about this again.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:53, Reply)

I just skipped this bit of the thread
Since Monty started talking about poo and that.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:01, Reply)

Phew. I thought the mushroom thing was just me.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:36, Reply)

Also, tomato skin.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:37, Reply)

Yep. And lettuce.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:45, Reply)

And marbles.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:11, Reply)

I thought I was the only one!
I can always tell when I eat a big bag of salad.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:15, Reply)

Sesame seeds are another food for this.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:19, Reply)

This sounds like a dirty protest.
Does your daugther have republican leanings?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:46, Reply)

I sincerely hope so.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:52, Reply)

I find this far more amusing than I think I should.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:55, Reply)

That's what I was thinking at the time.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 8:59, Reply)

I snorted with laughter at it.
couldn't help it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:05, Reply)

Morning all
Not had the best of starts, one pc crashed over night, a tape restore is giving me odd error messages, and I spilt my coffee on the desk.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:10, Reply)

No wonder the pc crashed
if you spilt coffee all over it. Don't you know anything?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:12, Reply)

Very sensitive PC then
To have crashed in anticipation of coffee being spilt within 5 feet of it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:14, Reply)

I heard that
you only wark with the best equipment. You need to treat it with care.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:16, Reply)

Our supposed 'powerhouse' PCs are tempramental ladies
Blazingly fast when they want to be, but prone to random hissy fits.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:17, Reply)

What do you mean "tempremental ladies"?
You missogynist!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:22, Reply)

It would have been worse
If I merely said "ladies" and implied that they're all temperamental.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:24, Reply)

You wrote what you wrote
But we know what you meant.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:33, Reply)

hey man that's a scary thing for a PC...

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:17, Reply)

WAIT
You spilled your coffee? Have you got another one yet? THIS IS DEVASTATING.

Has anyone made you a cake?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:20, Reply)

It was only a little bit of coffee
My mum bought me a tiny Smarties birthday cake!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:21, Reply)

Mmmm... cake
I'm on the 7th day of my diet (I had to start from the beginning again, I'm rubish) and I want cake now.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:23, Reply)

My eating habits went weird over the weekend
But I was starving last night so gorged on take-out pizza. It was GOOD.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Shhhhh
Don't talk about pizza...

But I have bolognese today (only the sauce, without the pasta) which is good. I'm hungry.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:34, Reply)

i am spending most of the day
drinking and dining at langans with my favourite client celebrating a marvellous result that we got for them when they had a frankly shit case... glorious!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:18, Reply)

Langans is so 80's which is what makes it brilliant. It's worth going to the Dover St wine bar for a drink while you're in the area.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:20, Reply)

i love langans
it just hasn't bothered to change, it doesn't need to! and everyone likes it, the food is good, and the wine is brilliant.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:27, Reply)

It's great. Used to do a great chateaubriand - I expect they still do.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:30, Reply)

my colleague was raving about a £280 chateaubriand
that he had at hawksmoor the other night, said it was the best thing ever. at the moment everything is 50% off because it's new, so put that way, £70 each for chateaubriand in the city is actually pretty good value.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:40, Reply)

I drank a nice Frascati last night
£5.49 from Budgens
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:43, Reply)

now then
is budgens owned by waitrose? i was having this debate with a friend at the weekend, as i thought it was owned by the co-op?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:52, Reply)

It's owned by the Musgrave Group
We're talking to them at the moment about doing some work for them.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:53, Reply)

Wiki says it's the Musgrave group
and I lied...the wine was disgusting
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:56, Reply)

£70ph is about the most I would pay for one unless I was on expenses.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Need a plus 1?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:20, Reply)

i would
but my boss is coming too, sorry!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Need someone to hold your handbag?

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:21, Reply)

I asked first.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:22, Reply)

Now ladies, put your handbags away, no need for that.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:23, Reply)

There's free food and booze going, here.
Dignity can take a back seat.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:24, Reply)

if you were there i would be too nervous to eat
but i would have to drink a lot.

this is not good for my dignity either.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:28, Reply)

Yes but I look better in a dress.

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:23, Reply)

I'd like to see Monty in a dress

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:24, Reply)

No problem

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:26, Reply)

POTD is early today.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:31, Reply)

I cannot lie, I was pretty fucking pleased with it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:32, Reply)

I was going to PaintSmash you in a nice gingham dress
But this is much better.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:33, Reply)

Thinking about it, you'd look a bit like this...

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:38, Reply)

The worry though Battered
Is that one of them might be smiling under all that garb, thus rendering it a Monty-free-zone.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:34, Reply)

I suspect that dressing up like this is one of the few things that makes him smile.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:35, Reply)

True.
Monty 'laughing in Klans Klub since 1972'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:40, Reply)

Back in da hood

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:32, Reply)

Hahaha

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:34, Reply)

I just can't keep up with these niqab fashions. Is white the new black?

(Cave Duck, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Do you need someone to stop BGB and MB squabling over who should accompany you?

(Cave Duck, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Yeah but it's not just the terrorists you're pissing off is it?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:19, Reply)

The highlight of today
Is going to the doctors.

I think I need MASSIVE DRUGS to cure me.

I'm the runt of the litter.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:33, Reply)

Maybe the vets would be more appropriate
Depending of course on how you caught your ailment.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:34, Reply)

That'll be the next step if the proper-doc can't do anything
*Dusts off PetPlan insurance policy*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:38, Reply)

*sighs*
r c
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:34, Reply)

Saved me the bother, cheers.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Oddly
It saved me from doing it too.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Hang on...I thought they couldn't see you until Thursday
or was that someone else?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:34, Reply)

That was the doctors yesterday who said that couldn't see me
However I've been trying to get through since 8.30 this morning, managed to get a call in at just gone 9, and they said they had an appointment at twenty past eleven.

I'm guessing they don't allocate all of their appointments days in advance.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:37, Reply)

the 11.20am appointment probably carked it
which was nice of them
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:39, Reply)

That was my hope yesterday
Either way, I get to spread my germs amongst the unfirm of Bristol and I might take a few of them down with me.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:42, Reply)

Sounds like a good ideal*
*do you like my Bristolian inflection?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Proper job!
'Yer love, I is proper ill, innit'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:46, Reply)

They specifically have to keep a certain percentage free
for the day itself. It's quite a large percentage. It's a fucking stupid system but the theory is necessary - mostly, you don't know 3 weeks in advance you are going to be ill.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:43, Reply)

That's worth knowing.
Pleased as I am that I've got an appointment, I could have done with another hour in bed.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Well they certainly cured Monty.
But of what we're not sure.
( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:35, Reply)

I used to suffer from chronic empathy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:38, Reply)

^ Internet lies.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:39, Reply)

I'm sorry to hear that.

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:39, Reply)

It's fine - I've recovered fully.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Morning honey.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:39, Reply)

Morning sweetie.

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:40, Reply)

Have a nice sleep last night?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:43, Reply)

Not really. Took ages to get to sleep.

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 9:51, Reply)